The graveyard was silent when I walked up to the stone block that marked his life. Below my loafers and underneath the six feet of earth stood what was left of him. Something told me that I should feel some type of joy because I was right. Everytime I opened my mouth, I was right, but this wasn't how it was suppose to go. I proved them all wrong, but this still wasn't accurate. I had to make this right. Somehow.
I ran my calloused fingertips through my rough, black hair and cleared my throat. I was unsure of what to say, so I opened up my mouth and started with the first thing on my mind.
"I got you some nicotine patches."
I reached into my trouser pocket and searched around for them, but I couldn't exactly find it. I opened up my suit to look in there, and they weren't there either. Once again, I cleared my throat hoping that I could also clear the tension. I guess even death could part our relationship's awkwardness.
"I must've dropped them on the way here."
My mind went blank on what to say next. Another throat clear while the wind started to blow harder.
"I guess you want me to face the other way now."
Clarity soon went out the door and I became overwhelmed with emotion. All the times we scowled at each other, all the times he outed my affairs with Sally, and all the times I've joined in on a surprise drug bust; it could have been spent doing something together. Working together. Being brilliant together. Somewhere deep down inside me, I was dying and striving to be just as smart as him, with him. John had it lucky. He had the privilege and my jealousy was shown by the tears streaming down my face. I felt the cold embrace rush down my flushed cheeks as I said the only thing that I could now.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so very sorry."
The more I said it, the louder it got, and the more I felt it even more. Maybe if I say it loud enough, he could hear it somewhere in the heavens. I leaned against his grave and slid down. I let my head lob back. I decided that it was exhausting to give an apology.
It finally occurred to me why he never took the time to apologise to me.
FIN.