"So remember, our promise to God to remain pure until marriage doesn't just mean we shouldn't have sex, it means we should abstain from all intimate contact until we are legally wedded in the house of the Lord. God gave us our bodies as temples, and we shouldn't trash those temples with teenage lust like so many other students in this school do."

Everyone clapped as Luke finished his speech and the bell rang to end lunch. I stood up and collected my things in a hurry; I couldn't wait to get out of there.

"Clare," Luke called just as I was about to walk out the door. Not wanting to be rude I turned around and forced a smile.

"Hi Luke, what's up?"

"Are you okay?" He asked, staring into my eyes intently and I felt like he was reading my mind, "you seemed a little off today, you barely spoke at all."

He's right; I didn't speak up today for a reason.

"I just…don't have much to say about the topic." Don't have much to say that the rest of you will agree with, anyway.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded and turned to walk away but he caught my shoulder and turned me back around.

"Is that creepy boyfriend of yours pressuring you to do things you shouldn't?"

"He's not creepy, Luke, and he respects my boundaries." I said, maybe a little more forcefully then I intended but I don't like it when people insult the ones I love. "And besides, what I do with him is none of your business." I turned on my heel and walked away from Friendship Club as Luke shouted after me "Remember your promise!"

I rolled my eyes and turned the corner to get to my locker.

Eli was waiting there for me, of course…

"Hi." I said wearily as I saw him. I was hoping for one moment of peace after I got out of Friendship Club but that's a little hard to do when Eli's around. Not that I mind really, it's just...

"Hey beautiful," He said, and kissed me on the cheek. "I missed you at lunch."

Of course you did, you miss me every second I'm not with you. "You knew I had Friendship Club." I reminded him.

"I know, I know. I'm just glad I can be with you now." He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me close to his body. I love Eli, and I usually love it when he hugs me…but right now I feel like he's squeezing the life out of me.

-x-x-x-

"Here, I'll get that." Eli said, slinging my backpack over his shoulder.

"Actually I'm gonna walk home with Alli today."

I tried to not let the crestfallen expression that took over his face get to me.

"Really? But I was hoping we could spend some alone time together…"

"Eli, we've gone out to dinner and back to your house every night this week. We've had plenty of alone time together." I said, trying to keep my tone light and joking but some of the stress may have worked its way into my voice.

"I guess I can just never get enough of you." He said, and leaned in to kiss me.

I let the kiss take over and wash all of the negative emotions away; loving the way Eli's tongue grazed my lip ever so slightly. But then the moment was over and all of my anxiety came back as he pulled away.

"Can I pick you up after Alli leaves?" He whispered in my ear, still holding me to him.

I sighed. "Sure. That sounds great."

He leaned back a little to smile at me and I forced a smile back.

I noticed Alli standing by the entrance to the school and she waved at me to come and join her.

"Well there's Alli. I'll call you after she goes home." I told Eli, smiling at him in goodbye.

"Okay." He said, but made no move to let go of me.

"Eli, let go." I said gently.

"Oh, sorry." He threw his hands up in the air and blinked a couple of times like he'd just come out of a daze.

"It's fine." I murmured.

I walked toward Alli and away from the source of so much of my happiness, but at the same time so much of my stress.

And a little voice in the back of my head whispered: "No it's not."

-x-x-x-

"I love him, alright? I really do, but…"

I paced around my room and ran my fingers through my hair agitatedly as Alli sat on my bed and stared at me like I was losing my mind. Who knows, maybe she's right.

"But what Clare?" She asked, looking a little concerned. But that makes sense; after all, Saint Clare has never been in love with a boy before.

"It's just…I feel like spending time with him is becoming an everyday task, a chore even. He's amazing and wonderful and sweet but…too much of a good thing can be too much, you know?"

Alli nodded. "So talk to him about it."

I sighed and sat down in my computer chair, burying my face in my hands. "I don't wanna upset him."

Alli gave me a confused look and I realized I had to explain. "He's been really on edge lately, what with the Stalker/Angel story and Fitz coming back, he has even more on his plate than he usually does and I don't wanna stress him out by adding one more thing for him to worry about. I feel like I'm his…safe zone, his rock. Like I'm the only thing in his life that's steady."

Alli whistled lowly. "That's a lot of pressure you put on yourself Clare."

"I don't do it, he does. Every time he says he loves me I feel like he's trying to tell me something else too, something more serious."

"More serious than love?" Alli asked, quirking an eyebrow.

I shrugged. "He's broken down and cried before, and practically begged me not to leave him. I feel like he thinks he can't live without me or something. And while I love him, I just don't depend on him as much as he does me, and I feel so unbalanced."

Alli looked deep in thought. "Clare…he sounds like he's a little messed up. I mean, from what you've told me about him before…is he talking to anyone?"

I nodded. "Yeah, he sees a therapist but I'm not sure if he's really confiding in him about everything. I feel like he uses me for that."

"But he shouldn't Clare. You're not his therapist. Maybe you should talk to him about all of this, just tell him you just feel like he's leaning on you too much, and while you love him and you're there for him, you just need a little breathing room."

"I wish it was that simple…but with Eli, everything is so emotional. I feel like he'll overreact to whatever I tell him."

"You won't know until you try Clare." Alli reminded me.

I sighed and nodded; she was right. "Okay. I'll try to talk to him later today."

-x-x-x-

Eli's lips were on mine the second we got out of Morty.

He'd brought me to our little hideout where Adam had thrown his secret party, and he set me down on the front of Morty and slid on next to me, wrapping his arms around my waist as he kissed me.

I knew I had to talk to him, but the way Eli's lips moved over mine was just too tempting to pass up.

I sighed and that gave him the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth and caress mine with his.

I moaned slightly after he broke the kiss and he smirked.

"Damn, I love you Clare."

I blushed a little but smiled all the same. "I love you too."

He brought his legs up so he was sitting crisscross applesauce on the hood, and he took my hands in his.

He stared at me intently and I was thinking that his might be the right time to try and talk to him.

I slid off the car to stand in front of him so I could look into his eyes better when I spoke.

"Eli-…"

"Do you wanna spend the night with me?"

My eyes widened in shock and his question knocked the wind out of me.

"Excuse me?"

"I can rent a hotel room for the night of the dance, and you and I can be alone together…really be alone together."

I stared at him, too shocked to speak. Is he asking me what I think he's asking me?

He took my hands in his and drew circles on the back of hands with his thumbs.

"I love you Clare, so much, and I'd really like to take that next step with you. And I see the way you look at me and hear how your voice falters when we talk. You always look kinda nervous and I think I know why. It's because you're finally ready, but you just don't know how to say it. You let me take your shirt off, you let me see and touch your beautiful breasts," as if to emphasize his point he caressed the side of my breast with his thumb and I shivered a little "and now you're ready to take that next step."

He grinned shyly at me and a small blush crept onto his cheeks. I thought about how much that probably took for him to say that and how sure he is that that's what I want, and that made what I had to say next so much harder.

I let go of his hands and turned away from him. "Eli…I think you misunderstood."

His eyebrows furrowed. "Huh?"

"I'm not ready to have sex with you, not even close." I said, breathing heavily. The entire situation was overwhelming me and the changing expression on Eli's face didn't make things any better. "I mean, I have a purity ring Eli." I tried to explain.

"But I thought since you let me touch you it meant-…"

"It meant I was ready to let you touch me, it didn't mean I was ready for anything else, especially not that. Luke was right…"

Eli slid off the car and walked over to me, crossing his arms. "Luke, that obnoxious kid from Jesus Club? What does he have to do with this?"

"In Friendship Club today he was talking about how we should abstain from all intimate contact until marriage, and maybe he's onto something. I mean, I clearly led you on and now you think I'm ready to have sex and-…"

"Clare, hold on. I misunderstood that's all, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to pressure you; I won't bring up sex again." He said, and I could tell he seriously meant it.

I smiled in thanks but continued on. "But all of this could've been avoided if I hadn't let you touch me. It was wrong; we shouldn't have done that."

"Clare, that doesn't make any sense. You liked it when I touched you and I promise it doesn't have to lead to anything else. We can just do that from now on."

I shook my head. "No. I don't want to anymore."

Eli rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something but then closed it.

"What?" I asked accusingly. "I thought you respected my boundaries."

"But you already let me cross that boundary Clare and now you're taking it away from me again all because of something stupid that you're Jesus freak friend said. You're not thinking for yourself. When you let me touch you, that was the real you. Now you're just doing what a 3,000 year old book says you should do."

I put my hands on my hips, taken aback by his little speech.

"I thought you respected my beliefs!" I said loudly.

"I try to Clare, I really try." Eli muttered, putting his head in his hands and looking frustrated.

"Well you need to try harder."

I didn't mean for it to come out sounding as mean as it did but the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them and that set Eli off.

"Why do you even believe in God, Clare? Why do you even waste your time on all that crap?"

"It's not crap!" I yelled back.

"It is too! If God existed, there wouldn't be world hunger. If God existed, there wouldn't be AIDS; if God existed there wouldn't be child abuse…"

He went down the list looking more upset with every word he spoke.

"Eli, calm do-…"

"And if God existed, fifteen year old girls wouldn't get hit by cars and die all because of some mean things their douche bag boyfriend said!" He screamed.

He stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists and breathing heavily until finally he just burst into tears.

He collapsed onto the ground and sobbed with his head in his knees and I sat down next to him, putting my arm around him and rubbing his shoulder gently as he cried.

"I'm sorry Eli." I whispered quietly.

He looked up at me then, his face red and wet. "No, I'm sorry Clare. I'm sorry for being such an asshole; I won't pressure you again, not for anything."

"I just felt a little offended." I explained. "But I think I overreacted."

He shook his head. "No you didn't, don't blame yourself for any of this Clare. It's all my fault. It's just…it's almost the 22nd, and…you know…" He trailed off and his lip quivered.

"I know Eli, I know." I said, pulling him into a hug.

He held me in a binding grip and I could barely breathe.

"I love you so much Clare. You're my everything. I have no idea what I'd do without you." He whispered.

I wanted to tell him that he was hurting me and to loosen his grip but he buried his face in my shoulder and started to cry again.

"Don't leave me Clare, I need you so much. And I don't care if we don't get farther than first base for the next ten years; all I want is to be with you. Just be with YOU Clare, all the time." He murmured, his voice quivering with emotion.

The weight of his words came crashing down on me and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

-x-x-x-

"Hey Alli, call me when you get this message okay? I really need to talk to you." I hung up and put my phone back in my bag.

I looked around idly as I set on that bench, that same bench from my public embarrassment. Back when I felt so free with Eli…now I just feel trapped.

I just feel…

"Boo!"

I screamed almost as loud as I had the last time I was on this bench and turned to look at Eli who had somehow materialized next to me on the bench.

He laughed when I jumped up in the air out of shock and he stood up, putting his arm around me and leading me back to the bench.

"So, I've got an idea for today. Let's lock ourselves in a room, just you and me. We can do whatever you want for the whole day."

"Eli, we have things to do, we can't just hide from the world all day." I said as he sat us back down on the bench, his arm still around me.

"You ARE my world Clare." He said, but the way he said it wasn't sweet and romantic, it was serious and desperate and it gave me an anxious feeling in my chest.

"C'mon, let's just do it." He coaxed.

"Eli…I thought you had a therapy session today."

"I can cancel it."

"Don't do that Eli, you've got things to deal with. I think you should go to your therapy session, we can spend time together tomorrow okay?"

The look on his face got increasingly more horrified as I spoke and he shook his head adamantly.

"No! We need time alone together, just the two of us…"

"Stop it!" I yelled, and stood up off the bench.

I can't take it anymore. All of these anxious feelings, all of this pressure, all of this constant non-stop Eli…it's too much, I can't even breathe. I feel like he's…

"You're suffocating me!" I exclaimed.