I fell in love when I was five years old and when I was nine years old he died. Ten years have passed since that day and whilst my family has ceased to grieve and the world has moved on barely noticing his passing, my heart remains irrevocably broken and the pain refuses to die. What was I to do but turn to a doctor?
I was known in my family as Little Lucie to distinguish me from my mother but there was really little need. I couldn't be any more different from mother than if I was a boy like my little brother Sydney. Sydney, named after my parents long standing friend Sydney Carton, and the love of my life.
I cannot recall a moment in my childhood when he was not there. He was there right at the beginning of my existence at the very start of my memories with my parents. I thought of him as the same, my third parent. Even now I can recall Miss Pross' much repeated phrase in her prim annoyed voice "The child will not sleep until you kiss her goodnight". She was right, I would not and he would always come. Whenever I went into a room I would look for him and if he was there it would be like a bright light suddenly radiated from the corner he had usually exiled himself to. I would run to him and he would envelope me in his arms and the rest of the world would cease to exist. There was only us. At the time of course I wouldn't have defined it as love, at least not as I do now, to my young mind he was just simply my most favourite person in the world. My best friend. The one person who truly understood me.
The years have passed since his sacrifice and every waking hour my thoughts are filled with him. I tried to forget and carry on with my life but the white hot hollow pain in my chest refused to die and if anything over the years it expanded. As I grew into a woman my heart finally revealed to me why the pain would not leave me. I was in love. I was in love and I was sure that I would never be able to love another in this lifetime. There is only one person you can truly love like that and I was born too late for mine. My life died the day the blade took Sydney Carton. So why was I still here?