The Great Election
It was election season in Kingdom Hearts, and behind the Door all the Heartless were getting ready to listen to the great debate between the two candidates vying for the Emblem Party's nomination. The once large pool of candidates dwindled down to just two: Large Body and Trickster.
Large Body was a fat, gelatinous pile of animate lipids that—unlike most other Heartless of the same species—had an extra large head to go with its extra large body. The fat-headed Large Body took the stage with his third procreation mate cheering him from the crowd (he left his first two mates after they were both mortally wounded by the Keyblade master, though not before they actually died). Anyway, he took the stage and pounded against the podium with his morbidly obese fists.
"Trust me to say that I pledge all my loyalty and life to the Darkness and a future where we can have all the hearts we can eat!" he declared and the crowd went wild.
After that heartless-unfelt speech, Large Body hobbled off stage with each step shaking the place like an earthquake. It was Trickster's turn in the limelight.
Now, Trickster was a peculiar Heartless. Although he took a stance against the Pureblood Party's numerous pro-Shadow proclamations, many of his critics labeled him a flip-flopping panderer, citing the numerous times he passed legislation favoring Pureblood supporters in the past. However, Trickster denounced those claims, going so far as to state that his legislation was nothing as extreme as a true Pureblood agenda.
"My fellow Heartless! Do not equate my legislation with that of the current administration's! The Darkside administration would have all your Emblems ripped from your chests, leaving you dead to bleed out what hearts you've worked hard all your lives to earn! Why should the government pay the Shadows—who do nothing but live off government welfare hearts—when you, the hard workers of the Darkness are what make Kingdom Hearts so dark? A vote for me is a vote for all the hearts you can devour!"
The crowd went wild.
And then they stopped to realize that it was the same exact garbage spewed by the lard ball. The crowd booed both Large Body and Trickster off the stage until Sora came and killed them all. No elections that year, I guess.
The end.