"Did this fanfic start yet? Did it?" a blonde woman fiddled with the microphone before turning her attention to you...Yes you!
She giggled nervously before waving at you, and led you to a seat among other fanfic lovers.
"I hope you will enjoy the show. I am sure you know already but my name is Cosmos, goddess of Harmony."
"And I am Chaos, god of Discord!" a booming voice echoed in the theatre as a large, red figure stepped up to the stage, holding a microphone and screamed at Cosmos to come and help him finish the presentation.
Cosmos sighed forlornly and apologised to you before scurrying to the large wooden deck on the stage.
"Welcome everyone to the show: Dates in Dissidia! In this show, you get to vote on two warriors to go on a date. If their date happens to be successful, then it is one point for the Harmony team."
At this point, Chaos kicked Cosmos' neat backside until she tumbled to the background. He grinned at the audience maliciously.
"And, if the date goes wrong, the Discord team wins a point, hee-hee!" he cackled. A flash of light surrounded the theatre. Chaos knelt to the floor and screamed how his eyes were blinded. Cosmos stepped back to the front, a divine glow escaping her body.
"This is how you get to vote. There are two slots...Slot One and Slot Two..."
A screen lit up in the dark background on the stage, displaying two blue rectangles.
"With your review devices, given beside you're seats, you may choose a warrior of your choice for each slot. For the next show, a random pairing from one of your suggestions will be picked. That pairing cannot date more than once."
"Stop taking all the glory here!" Chaos yelled, throwing a ball of flame in Cosmos' direction who ducked immediately. Emperor Mateus (Who was sitting behind you) was unfortunate enough to get his head set alight.
He jumped out of his seat, eyes bulging in shock and ran around in circles. Terra summoned a wave of water onto the blonde. Emperor rubbed his now bald head. He gasped and began to bawl.
"My hair! Oh my precious hair! What have you done!" he snarled.
"Silence fool!" Chaos bellowed. He ordered Garland to escort the Emperor out of the theatre. Terra took up the seat behind you and tipped your shoulder to get your attention.
"I apologise for all the disturbances you have to deal with and I regret to tell you that it's only the beginning," she whispered, smiling sympathetically.
"Why can you not be calm for once, Chaos? We still haven't introduced the new characters of Dissidia," Cosmos replied with a saddened expression.
"I'm the god of Discord for crying out loud! 'Being calm' doesn't exist in the 'Dummies guide to being a god of Discord'!" Chaos yelled, jogging in one spot to let out some steam. Cosmos turned to your direction and shook her head apologetically.
"Let us introduce the new characters entering Dissidia. More characters might be announced in the future. New characters introduce yourself."
A pair of spotlights illuminated the corner of the theatre. Red curtains were pulled apart to reveal five people.
"Greetings, I am the High Summoner Yuna. It is a pleasure to meet you," the first one smiled. Her smile quickly vanished and she dropped down to her knees and joined her hands. "Please do not pick me in any of the slots, especially not with a girl!"
"Shut the hell up! This is a great idea to determine a winning team!" Chaos shouted, throwing a fresh ball of fire at the summoner. Yuna's skirt caught on fire. She ran around in circles, screaming for help.
Once again, a swirling wave of water extinguished the fire and Garland had to escort her out to the Emergency Department for minor burns.
"Y-yo people! As you all know me from one the best games in final fantasy history, I'm Laguna. I take life easy so I don't really care if I get picked," Laguna winked at you. He rubbed the back of his hair. "Unless I'm paired with Squall. It's not nice to pair a dad with his son and-"
"Stop jabbering so much! Next!" Chaos demanded.
"The name's Lightning...For now, and if you dare pick me, I'll slice the shit out of you!" the strawberry-blonde muttered through gritted teeth. Her body suddenly vanished from the theatre and Cosmos' face reddened with anger and embarrassment.
"So sorry you had to hear that..." she murmured, "Next please?"
"I am Cain Highwind and I wouldn't care if I get picked. If I get picked with a person I don't like, then it'll get so cold, hell will freeze over," Cain said, spinning his lance between his fingers before holding it behind his back.
"I like the sound of that! I'd date you anytime but my name and stupid Cosmos' name are forbidden in the slots," Chaos grinned. Cain's lips drooped into an annoyed scowl.
"That was like, totally eew..." Cecil whispered to you.
"Next!" Chaos shrieked.
"Hi, I'm Tifa...Why am I here again?" the brunette wondered. Cosmos asked Tidus to take Tifa to the local Hypnotist.
"I forgot to mention that Tifa has some memory problems at the moment..." Cosmos stated, her face changing into a more scarlet tone.
"And I'm Vaan-" a boy said running through the theatre doors but before he could reach the stage, Chaos threw a ball of fire at him, setting Vaan on fire until he turned to ashes.
"Don't worry about him. Cosmos revives those that die or vanish," Bartz whispered at your left
"And that's all there is to it! Get voting already, you nerds! In case you weren't paying attention to Cosmos in the start- which is a good thing by the way, if you did pay attention to her then I'll force my way out of your loo tonight and throw my infamous fireball into your hair- I'll explain how to vote again!
Okay nerds, you have two slots: Slot One and Slot Two. Pick a warrior for each slot! An example would be...
Slot One: Chaos.
Slot Two: Cosmos.
Remember, we're forbidden from dating any of the warriors! Anyone dumb enough to write our names down will get a visit from me in their bathroom toilet!
A reviewer's choice will be picked randomly in the next show and we'll all watch how that date goes by. If the date is successful, then one point for stupid Cosmos and if the date is disastrous, that's a point for me! Make sure you pick a couple that will fight so that I may obtain a point. If you don't then I'll pay a visit tonight in your bathroom toilet from your bathroom loo and-"
Chaos was suddenly punched off the stage by Cosmos. A visible vein throbbed on the goddess' temples.
"Now my friends, you know the rules. Grab your reviewing devices and get voting! See you all in the next show. Tah-Tah!"
The curtains fell across the stage as everyone took their leave. Cecil and Bartz walked out with you.
"So who will you vote for?" Bartz asked turning to your direction.