Back to the Firefly 01
Crossover between Red Dwarf and Firefly
Red Dwarf Series 6 between episode Rimmerworld and Out of Time
Firefly between episodes Trash and The Messages
Summary: Dave Lister last human in existence accidentally spills Vindaloo sauce in the wrong place causing him to fall through time and materialized on a Firefly class ship the Serenity. Please review
Chapter 01 Celebrations
Three million years out in deep space a little green transport ship vessel known as Starbug was on the trail of the Jupiter Mining Corporation cruiser, the Red Dwarf. The crew of the Starbug were made up of oddest assortment of individuals ever to grace deep space. The crew included the last human, a being that evolved from cats, a narcissist hologramatic life form and a Series 4000 mechanoid who had a head in the shape of an inflated condom.
The atmosphere inside the ship was one of celebration. The human, Dave Lister had escaped from a particular nasty peril involving a sharp knife and a Genetically Engineered LifeForm (GELF) with the intent of making sure the human race were all female.
So the crew was all celebrating with Lister's favourite dish, Beef Vindaloo. Kryten the mechanoid was serving out hot steaming dishes of Indian food to the Cat, Rimmer and Lister on Starbug's main table.
"Thank god I need this like a miner's needs his annual visit to a brothel" said Lister digging in to the curry
"Yeah and the last thing Starbug's toilets needs is having what remains of your curry clogging up the u-bend" commented Arnold Rimmer.
"Kry-ten lo-ves it".
Lister's reply was half obscured because of a mouthful of Vindaloo and as a result of speaking, Lister sprayed most of the contains of his mouth over all over the green table. In Lister's eagerness to stuff his face, he had forgotten to swallow.
Rimmer flared his Grand Canyon nostrils in disgust and flicked some half chewed Vindaloo off his side of the table.
"Of course Captain Bog Bot love's it. Kryten loves cleaning just as much as likes giving out pointless scientific facts" Rimmer responded.
The Cat looked up from his meal in disgust
"Yo gerbil face didn't your mother tell you not to speak with your mouth full. Sometimes you're really disgusting" growled the Cat.
"Me Mum may have mentioned once or twice but I think she was more concerned about my blowing my nose on the table cloth" retorted Lister, spraying more food over the table.
"Mr Lister watch what you're doing sir. I doubt the Teleporter can survive another wave of half chewed Vindaloo" Kryten warned.
He pointed to the chunky keyboard device that he'd left on a crate to the left of the main table.
Lister curiously picked up the Teleporter; a device the Crew had acquired it from the bowels of a wrecked Rogue Simulant ship. They had been lucky to escape with their lives and it hadn't been because of a crazed half alive Simulant. It was because Rimmer on seeing the Simulant had done a bunk in an escape pod causing the wrecked ships superstructure to collapse on top of Lister's, Cat's and Kryten's heads.
Arnold Judas Rimmer has a yellow streak longer than the Greenwich Meridian.
"Looks like you've made some modifications on it" Lister asked Kryten.
"Yes I thought I might be able to increase the polarity on it enough to teleport us to the Red Dwarf. But the devices transmitter is too small to teleport objects or people more than a few light years" Kryten explained.
Lister brushed a gob of Vindaloo sauce but ended up spread it across the control panel causing it to light up all of a sudden.
"Quickly drop it Mr Lister. The Vindaloo sauce has seeped into the transmission circuit it's going to teleport" warned Kryten.
But Lister was too slow, the Teleporter engaged and David Lister last human in the universe disappeared in a flash of orange light.
The Teleporter fell to the floor where Lister had been sitting a couple of seconds ago. The device was steaming and shot out blue sparks.
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Meanwhile three million years back in time, a Firefly class spaceship known as the Serenity sailed through space, like a silent leviathan. Like the Starbug, the crew of the Serenity were celebrating a great occasion.
But instead of escaping a GELF keen to turn them into eunuchs, they had just pulled off the biggest heist of their criminal careers. They had managed to steal the original handheld Lasiter one of only two known model of laser to still exist and it was as priceless as the Mona Lisa.
This crew was somewhat larger than the crew of the Red Dwarf and definitely less strange, just a group of people trying to make a living in a galaxy ruled by a ruthless tyrannical government. They were all celebrating in their kitchen/living area of the Serenity, feasting on protein bars and reminiscing on the events that had transpired.
So they were utterly shocked when a bright orange light invaded there party. The light faded revealing a man of African descent with short hair at the front with several lengthy dreadlocks at the back. He was wearing a frayed leather jacket which was covered in patches and badges.
Underneath he wore a boiler suit which had a mixture of grease and curry occupying most of its surface. Overall he looked rather like a space bum. On the first few seconds of arrival the man had only two things to say before he went white and fainted.
"Oh Smeg"!
*This chapter was edited on the 20/12/12