Real Life Trek
By jwhennig
We've all wondered it. And I decided to write it. What WOULD happen if we found ourselves in a fantastic universe full of starships, aliens and danger?
N.B. STAR TREK, and all related material are probably the property of people who can afford expensive lawyers. Please don't sue me, I have no money.
P.S. Re-uploaded with some minor changes.
STAR TREK STAR TREK STAR TREK STAR TREK STAR TREK STAR TREK STAR TREK
When I woke from my nap, something definitely was afoot. Of course, I barely realized this as I had hit my head on something and promptly was out again. I clued in the second time I awoke with a headache as someone shook me by the shoulders. I tried to open my eyes but I felt nauseous. Probably a concussion. I thought.
"Hey are you awake?"
I thought I said, "I hit my head." They told me later I said something like "I thit eye dun."
I blacked out again.
I came to later with a light shining in my eyes. I couldn't see past it. "Too bright."
"He seems to be fine now," a deep and clinical voice said. The voice sounded not quite right. Almost like it had come from a really high quality speaker, but not a person. I opened my eyes all the way and regretted it. My eyes weren't used to the light yet. So I closed them again. I tend to do so when they hurt. I wear glasses most of the time, and feel like I'm blind without them. Thus, when they aren't on my face, I close my eyes. "I feel better now," I said. The nausea didn't seem to be wrenching my stomach anymore. "What happened?" I asked. I was at work when I had fallen asleep at my desk, hiding from my boss. IT support bored me so.
The voice responded, "You hit your head on a piece of machinery in engineering. You concussed and knocked yourself out. Two people carried you here."
"Engineering?"
I opened my eyes and promptly decided I was still asleep. I found myself sitting on a biobed in the starship Voyager's sickbay, staring at the Emergency Medical Holographic program. "Robert Picardo?"
"Is that your name?" He asked me.
"Um... no. You're the doctor from Voyager. He was played by Robert Picardo. And this is a TV set."
"Voyager? I'm an Emergency Holographic Doctor Mark I. Please vacate the bed, you're fine and I don't know if I will be receiving further injured personnel."
Wow, my friends went all out for a prank. Where could I be? All the Star Trek sets were auctioned off and dismantled for that one auction. Vegas? I heard they had a ride or something out there. "No seriously, what's going on, because I hate pranks and surprises."
"You had a concussion, I healed it. Please move. I need to reset the biobed." For a program, the EMH was pushy, and seemed quite focused on getting the bed back.
"Um... okay." I got off the biobed and took in my surroundings. Other than the EMH, I was alone and still had everything on me from work. Boots, jeans, t-shirt, collared shirt, hoodie, belt, knife, lighter, keys, wallet, cell phone. I checked my phone, it had power but no signal. Dammit. I always get signal, except for that basement bar my friends insist on frequenting.
"Don't forget this," the EMH said, handing me my hat. My plain, crappy, black baseball cap. No logo, just black. Made so poorly the plastic stitching poked through the not 100 cotton. "Yeah, thanks." I wandered to the door. Of course, it opened to a corridor beyond. Wow. Suddenly, this wasn't so funny anymore. This was crazy, or maybe a cool dream. I'd always suspected I had schizophrenia. I wandered down the corridor, taking in the sights. Hey, black and grey wall, black and grey wall, ooh a door!
"038 Engineering Access 16-2944" I said to the empty corridor. I continued walking. The corridor had to end somewhere, and the ruse would be up. It didn't end. It curved left and I kept seeing more doors. Mostly engineering labels. I eventually came to a much larger corridor with a long fence-like structure in the center of it. Again, metallic grey permeated the design. I started to feel very odd. It was the truth creeping up on me. I began to get the hint that this was no TV set. Uncertainty came back to me when I met my rescuers. They were sitting opposite each other in the corridor, bouncing a superball back and forth and all over the long hallway.
"Hey, look he's up!" One said. He was a kid, probably eighteen wearing sneakers and a t-shirt that read: "There are 10 types of people in the world, those that can read binary and those that can't." He was thin, thinner than even me and my nickname had been 'huge Joe' in high school for the irony. The kid was spry, too. He hopped up to grab the superball, moving his six foot frame speedily past me. The other man was clearly related. But instead of being rail thin, his black concert t-shirt covered a beer gut. A stubble ridden face framed by long black hair stared at me from behind thick glasses. These were clearly my kind of people. "So you're feeling better?"
"Yeah, the doc fixed me right up, then kicked me out. Where are we?"
"Star Trek."
"Yeah, got that part. Know any more?"
"Not really, except that none of the other doors seem to work and none of the technology works either." He grabbed the fence-thing and hauled himself up.
"So... no replicators?" I asked, trying to be funny and ironic. Like I said, the truth was creeping up to me, it wasn't there yet.
"Nope. And the computer doesn't respond to voice commands, either."
"You think we're actually on a starship, don't you?" Incredulous defined my expression.
"Think? I know. The doctor cinched it for me. Only voice command that works so far." He started walking after the other guy, and I followed. Like I had anything better to do. "Jim!" he called.
"Got it, sucker bounced all the way down to main engineering. Stop throwing it at corners, Phil," he replied while running back to us. I inquired to where they came from and they responded, surprising the hell out of me. We attended the same university but different schools in it. I was a history major, these two were science geeks. And we all had more than a passing interest in Star Trek. I identified myself. "My name's Joe. I'm a history major. And I always wanted to command a Sovereign."
"Jeez, who wouldn't." Jim was a fan of the new ship, too.
"Favorite was Reliant, though." I said. Getting sour looks from both. "What you didn't likeWrath of Khan?"
"First Contact was way better," Phil declared. He said it like a preacher speaks the Gospel. Yep, my kind of people. They explained they'd woken up before me, and seen me knock myself out. Not my finest hour, apparently. I'd gashed myself pretty badly and they took me down to sickbay to find anything to help. Phil had activated the EMH while attempting a feeble joke. I hadn't seen him activate, so the amazingness of what we were experiencing hadn't quite sunk it, though it would fast approach in the coming hours. We walked the corridors, and I noticed they'd been up and down them before. It was all old news to them.
"Okay, so I have three possible theories. One, I'm hallucinating. Two, practical joke. Three, we're actually in Star Trek. I've never met either of you before, so I don't think its one. Knowing my addled brain, my friends would be here instead of strangers." They shrugged and seemed to accept it. "Two, still a possibility, but its rather elaborate. And we can't prove three except for the fact the doctor appeared when you activated his program."
"I actually wasn't looking where he appeared when it happened," Phil said.
"So its still not proof. Some rich wierdo hires Robert Picardo or someone who looks like him and builds a set." They nodded. "I bet they didn't build two decks or jefferies tubes."
"We need to get off this deck." Jim declared. He declared a lot of things.
"Yep. To sickbay!"
"Wait, what?" Phil questioned me. I hate it when people question me. It either means they aren't thinking fast enough or weren't paying attention.
"First Contact, early in the film, on the redress of Voyager's sickbay set. There was an access point to a Jeffries tube in sickbay."
"Oh, right!"
I sighed. I predicted I wouldn't like Phil. We headed for sickbay, where the doctor dutifully cleaned and organized sickbay. I found the access panel I remembered from the movie, it had a keypad on it with twelve buttons. They were labeled with seemingly random numbers between 100 and 999. I pressed a few, and the trekkie in me elated at the responding beeps.
"What are you doing?" the EMH asked. He fast approached.
"Trying to get into the Jefferies tubes. The turbolifts and other doors on this deck are sealed," Phil explained, trying to distract the EMH.
"I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that. After all, only certified engineers are supposed to go into the maintenance access ways," the program responded.
Frustrated with the panel, and the EMH, I spoke clearly and loudly, "Computer, deactivate the EMH program." Robert Picardo blinked away. Wish I could do that to my boss, too. And that was impressive.
"Nice." Jim said.
"One more check for the 'actually in Star Trek' column," Phil said.
"Yep." The panel beeped at me again. I knew a lot of key sequences for Star Trek, but in the movie this one had already been open before it came on screen. I tried a different tactic. "Computer, respond."
It beeped its response beep. "Computer, why aren't voice commands working outside of sickbay?"
Majel Barrett-Roddenberry's voice responded, "Primary, secondary and tertiary systems offline throughout the ship. Emergency power online to vital areas only."
I stood and faced my compatriots. "Status of life support?" I asked.
"Functional across all decks."
"How do we restore functionality to turbolifts?" I really wanted off the deck, which I figured to be deck sixteen. Borg central in First Contact.
"Main power controls can be reconfigured from Main Engineering."
"Gentlemen, to main engineering."
We'd finally figured out that the ship we were on was indeed a Sovereign class ship, but strangely it had no name or registry number. Also, we couldn't communicate with anyone else on the ship, but the computer detected four hundred other life signs. I wondered to myself as we walked to engineering what exactly a life sign was and how sensors could tell what was alive and what wasn't. I pondered this when the corridor split into two. We headed right and with luck, we arrived at [01 Main Engineering 16-4873 in short order. I wonder what the last four numbers are for? The door didn't open. I turned to my new friends, who stared blankly at me. "Anyone remember how to override the door?"
"I do," Jim said, moving past me and opening a panel about shoulder height to the right of the door. He hit two keys and turned and pulled a handle. The door split an inch and stopped. Phil, Jim and I worked together, pulling as hard as we could until the double doors split about a foot wide. Jim and I slipped in, but we had to pull in Phil. What I saw then was awesome. No Borg in this Engine Room. The massive machinery of faster than light drive spread out before us, and we were awed. "Dude, its really a warp core." Jim said. I thought he'd pee his pants.
"Okay, rule number one from now on. Don't touch anything unless you know what it is." I said.
"Right," they replied in unison.
"Got it. Split up and check the panels for labels. We should be able to find main power and activate it," Phil ordered in an excited manner. He practically skipped to the nearest console. I checked the two nearest the wall with the door, wondering if I should refer to walls as bulkheads and doors as hatches. The first said something about tertiary plumbing control and the other, well, like I said, I'm a historian, not an engineer. Jim interrupted my confusion when he started calling for help. I ran to the warp core and found him almost on the opposite side of it. He'd found someone. I walked over, and clear as day, was a friend of a friend of mine. His name was John and I knew him to be one of the smartest guys I ever knew. Some company out in California had offered him six figures two years out of high school. Big guy, too. And hard; he taught martial arts as a hobby. I walked around to near his head and knelt down. "Hey John."
He moaned a moan that meant, "Six more minutes, ma, I don't wanna go to school today."
"Come on, man, wake up." I didn't touch him. I try not to touch people who can kill me with their bare hands.
"No."
"Aww, but you're missing out on the fun."
He opened an eye. "You're not funny, Joe. Where are we?"
I imagine my smile was as wide as a 1950's Buick. "Star Trek."
"What?" He stood and took in his surroundings. And then he freaked out. Not like I expected him to, either. Excited didn't begin to describe his reaction. Now, John ranks as one of the smartest people I know and he can write assembly code from his head, but I never, ever thought he was a fan of Star Trek. He was too cool to be THAT stereotypical. But then again, he routinely surprised me with the width and depth of his knowledge of all things from geekdom. He bounced around for a minute, and started rattling off questions as we brought him up to speed. "Main power, huh?" he asked no one in particular. Already I could see the problem solver working. And like that, he and Jim were off to what looked like a big important console and they started babbling off very trek-ish techno babble. Some of which I understood. I shrugged and turned around. Behind me were some dark consoles, a few walls that were probably protective covers over important machinery/technology and a ladder. A ladder up to the next level of engineering. Well that rules out the practical joke theory. I climbed up the ladder, and peeked around. The layout of the next level duplicated the level below. A long space to a door opposite the warp core with stations surrounding the warp core. Machinery and consoles were tucked into every nook and cranny up here, however. Definitely the important parts. The ladder actually stopped here, and I pulled myself onto the deck. I walked around, peering at consoles that were dark or total gibberish to me. I didn't find anything that screamed "main power" anywhere. From below I heard the other guys arguing about things I didn't understand as I returned to my ladder. A glint of steel out of the corner of my eye surprised me as it suddenly flashed its existence. I panicked and fell back against a rail, saving me from either death or at best another concussion. The flash was just a ladder in the dimly lit corner. The ladder that I remember engineers crawling up in First Contact. I climbed up, and peered down a Jefferies tube. Definitely not a prank. The tube went on into the darkness until I couldn't see anything anymore. I climbed back down to the main level, to find my compatriots huddled over a console labeled "Main Power."
"Huh," I intoned and joined them. I still didn't understand what was going on, but they ended up looking at me for some reason. "What?"
"Should we engage main power or not?" John asked me. I think that was what he was saying earlier, but clearly I hadn't been listening well enough.
"Is there any danger?"
"I don't think so."
"Do it." I ordered, feeling pretty cool to be asked to make a decision.
John hit a button, and then dragged his fingers across three red lines. As he moved down the lines, they changed from red to purple and a graph labeled "power levels" began growing. "Main power is online, but only at fifty percent. I don't think it'd be a good idea to go from almost nothing to full power so fast." I nodded, not understanding why. I went with it anyway. "Computer?" I asked, to receive the polite beep of acknowledgement. "Engineering to bridge, please respond." I called.
"Bridge here," an unfamiliar voice replied.
"We have main power available, and life support is fully functional across all decks."
"Roger that, can you try to restore power to the shields and sensor systems?"
I looked at the other three. They gave me the expected "how the hell should we know?" look.
"We can try, Engineering out." I looked at my crew, "So... shields."
"I saw it this way, but it will probably take more than half power to run them," Phil said. I nodded and followed him to the station, which had been dark when I passed it previously. It was lit and displayed an image of a Sovereign class starship with bright waves of energy expanding from it, but they were all red. Bright letters in each corner flashed, "OFFLINE." I tentatively pressed a blue key in the corner of the display. The flashing words were replaced by a status console detailing over four thousand emitters, relays and power conduits all servicing the shield system. I only knew what they were because of the very convenient legend in a corner of the screen. I felt John behind me, and I asked without looking, "Which key you suppose activates them all?"
"The bright blue one." Couldn't hurt. I hit the key and the red lines turned yellow, then green and then bright white-blue.
Jim called from across the room, "I've got sensors online. Whoo, that's pretty."
We all ran over. Jim's console displayed the interior of a nebula and the lightshow of particles bouncing off of our shields.
I smiled. "Good work, guys."
"Bridge, Engineering. Shields and sensors online. Main power available at your discretion. But we don't really know what we're doing down here." Phil reported.
"Roger that, same here." The same voice replied. "Send someone up here. Bridge out."
I shrugged. "I'll go, you guys seem like you actually know what you're doing down here."
They nodded and turned back to the sensor screen, now oblivious to me. I turned to the main doors, which had shut with main power restored. I exited engineering to a much better lit corridor and realized I had no idea where I was going. I smiled, "Computer, how do I get to the main bridge?"
"Left to turbolift one, turbolift to the main bridge."
I followed the directions to the turbolift and its doors swooshed open at my approach. I entered and said, "Main Bridge." The doors closed and the life started humming.
Definitely not a prank.