"I can't believe we're almost there." she said, biting her lip, a little nervous.
"It's gonna be the best day of our lives Addie, I promise. You already met my mother and sisters, I met your family, and we're getting married in less than twelve hours. Moving in our new house it's not big deal." he squeezed her hand softly, giving her his biggest smile. His lovely smile.
When she stepped in, holding her breath as she looked around, she felt it. Now she had her own family, her own place in the world. And there wasn't a better feeling at all.
-
He looks up at the ceiling, imagining her face. Her red hair, her warm hands... He closes his eyes and dreams of what could have been. He looks through old pictures, old memories of them. The Golden Couple of New York. He remembers how everyone envied them, before. Before she disappeared...
-
"I love you."
"I love you more." he answered with a smirk, pressing his fingers on her sweaty neck. They stayed that way, Addison on top of him, each of them memorizing every little detail of the other. Eventually, with a last 'I love you, baby', they fell asleep.
Addison stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes, smiling when she saw Derek sleeping peacefully. She kissed him softly on his cheek, then on his lips, and when he woke up she ran her fingers though his hair.
He knew what that look meant. He knew they were going to have sex. Only this time, it would be making love. God, he loved making love to her. He loved her.
*Beep*
His eyes widened when he heard the pager, trying to make her stay upon himself. Addison stood up sensually, watching him as she dressed up again, and leaving him disappointed when she went to answer her page.
-
During the day, he just tries to move on. He works a lot doing surgeries he doesn't have to do, having only a few bites of sandwich for lunch, staying long after his shift is over. But at night, at night he can't help himself. He misses her so much. He wishes hard he could hold her in his arms...
He takes a sip, then another one. The glass of scotch is quickly empty. He orders another one, then again. Because it's all he can do right now. He can only wait and drink. Drink and wait.
-
"Derek, I need to tell you something." she almost whispered, and he stopped kissing her neck.
"Oh. Don't worry, it's not a problem. We can take it slow." he told her.
"What? No, it's not that. I-I just thought I should tell you just in case, you know, I suddenly feel like it's all wrong. I don't really know what could happen, it's the first time..."
"Addison, it's okay. You've never done this before-"
"No. I..." she sighed, sitting up. "Give me a minute." she rubbed her temples slowly, biting her lower lip. "When I was eight years old... a man entered our house. It was late at night, and my Dad was drunk so he didn't wake up; my mother screamed but it was already too late. I was little, and I didn't even realized what was happening... I was raped Derek. I passed out and when I woke up I was bleeding and my mom and brother were looking at me in horror and it all hurt like hell. I-I never allowed a guy to touch me after that. It was hard even when my Dad or Archer hugged me. I didn't let anyone in. But with you... with you I want too. I just don't know how I will feel. If I'll feel petrified, or-or something else. Maybe it will be okay. It will be good. That's what I want. I don't know..."
"Hey." Derek took her hands, which were visibly trembling, and she looked up. He tried a little smile, but tears and pain were eating him.
"I'm glad you told me this, Addie. And... and I don't know what to say. What am I supposed to say. I can just tell you that I'll never hurt you Addison. Not if I can help it. I'll protect you for as long as you'll let me, and I'll never force you to-"
"I'm glad I talked to you too, Derek." she kissed him again, guiding his hand on her hip. They both hoped it went well.
-
"Dr. Shepherd speaking."
"Dr. Shepherd, this is Colin Sawyer, the officer from-"
"I know who you are." he interrupted rudely. "Any news about my wife?"
"We found her car, sir. It was... near to a river... destroyed."
"No... No, it's not her, her car..."
"I'm sorry, sir."
They were wrapped under a red cover, her favorite one, with a cup of hot coffee in front of them and their open school books forgotten all over the floor. They were whispering at each other in lovely blows of words, unable to do something different than look at the person they loved so much. Their friends were probably sleeping in their rooms, unaware of the snow that was softly falling outside and that they could see through the window. The fire they had earlier made in the fireplace was now burning out, but the room was warm as well as their bodies and hearts.
"Hi Mom." he entered his mother's house with a bright smile, his girlfriend's hand in his.
"Derek!" Carolyn Shepherd appeared from the kitchen and immediately took his son in her arms, kissing his forehead. "How are you, honey? You never call!" she scolded, hiding a smile of true happiness.
"I'm busy with med school." he replied sheepishly, glancing at Addison. "Mom, this is Addison Forbes Montgomery. I met her in med school and she's my girlfriend, I love her and one day I'm gonna marry her." she looked at the girl. "I love you Addie." he kissed her softly, and then returned his sight to his incredibly shocked mother.
"Your mom hates me." Addison told him frustrated that night, as she sat on the bed.
"My Mom loves you, Addie."
"She doesn't like me, Derek, really. But... I don't really care, okay? My parents will probably hate you as well, and I think all that matters is that we truly love each other."
"Yeah." he stepped closer to her. "I truly, madly, deeply love you, Addison Montgomery."
-
"Hello?"
"Bizzy Montgomery?" he asks, thinking that her voice is similar to Addison's, at least a little.
"Yes, who's that?"
"Derek Shepherd, ma'am. Your daughter's husband." his voice dies as he thinks of her, his eyes and throat suddenly hurt like hell in what had become a familiar feeling.
Bizzy knows. She knows his son-in-law wouldn't call her if something didn't happen to her girl. Addison is the one who makes the calls, when she wants to. Not Derek. Never Derek.
"What?" she asks weakly.
"Mrs. Montgomery... Bizzy... Addison's MIA."
"What? What do you mean she's missing?"
"We don't know where she is, ma'am. They found her car..." Derek's voice is once again trapped in his sore throat, and there's no word left. What could possibly make things better? They know. They know the chances are small, and that hope is all they're left with, now.
-
He gets up lazily from the couch; he hasn't had a shower in two days and he likes it because in his head he can hear her yelling at him. He goes to the attic, brings down a few boxes. He desperately needs more memories, if he can't have her. A coin, a photo of Addison as a baby, a diary of her teen years that she once allowed him to read. A pregnancy test. He stares at it it until it all gets fuzzy. She kept it even if it was negative.
There were a lot of lights in the room, so when he opened his eyes he felt dazzled. He closed and opened them repeatedly, until he got used to it. He looked around, recognizing his guest room – it was still too much painful to sleep in their old bedroom.
He yawned, and glanced at the clock on the white wall, seeing it was past ten in the morning. That explained the light. He felt a strange noise outside the room, as if someone was coming up the stairs. He stayed still, listening, until that someone appeared on the doorway...
"Addison?"
A/N: Wow, I finished it :) I listened to the song so many times that eventually the only thing I could do was writing (even though I stopped for a little while to write the one-shot I posted earlier). Obviously, the italic paragraphs are memories, and the others are about the present. The last scene... well, you can decide if it's a dream or not, I think it is but maybe Addison's really there :) If some parts confuse you go listen to the song 'Tonight' by FM Static, the fic follows the lyrics.