The rating is to be safe. As are the warnings. I'm not sure how graphic it will get...but I get squeamish writing things that are too intense lol, so it probably won't be anything too bad?

Here goes nothing...

1989:

The horns were playing in the background. Shawn could barely hear them over the cacophony of sobbing that seemed to surround him. Self consciously he wiped his hand across his nose. His father was standing next to him, his arm in a sling, staring at the coffin in front of them. But his father wasn't crying. So he wouldn't either.

The sea of black moved around him in unison, almost like everyone was dancing. He felt his throat tighten and he was unable to stop the small sniffle that made its way past his lips. His father's free hand came down and calmly rested on his shoulder. Shawn glanced up at his dad, watching the way his father took in all the details in front of him even though he wasn't moving. He was just…staring at the coffin.

It had been lunchtime when the school had heard about the shooting across town. Shawn had overheard some teachers talking about it. His face darkened at the memory. It had been a full hour before anyone had come to get him. Another twenty minutes of explanation before they'd finally told him the only information he'd cared about-yes, his father had been involved and yes he was ok.

The shooting had taken two victims though. One bystander had been caught in the crossfire.

And a fellow police officer had fallen.

Henry's former partner Stevie. They'd been with their new partners and had responded to the 911 call.

The coffin started its descent to burial and Henry's hand tightened around Shawn's small shoulder to the point that it was almost painful.

Shawn bit back a wince and decided not to say anything. His dad was there to squeeze his arm too tightly. He glanced past the coffin, Stevie's wife, Linda, and daughter Rachel were sobbing openly as they clung to each other. Shawn felt the lump return to his throat again.

The ceremony was coming to a close and people started to drift away aimlessly.

Shawn felt his father pat his arm reassuringly. "I'll be back soon kid," his father muttered stiffly, moving towards Linda.

Unable to fight the large wave of black that pushed him backwards Shawn watched the exchange quietly from across the cemetery. His father hugged Linda tightly before squatting down to Rachel. He said something that brought the faintest quiver of a smile to the girl's lips.

Shawn cocked his head slightly as he watched. His father's back was ridged, a sure sign that he was in pain. Whether it was from the gunshot wound he'd taken in the arm or from the funeral and grief he wasn't sure. Despite it, his father moved through the crowd to those he knew, seeming to know the right thing to say to everyone. He smiled, used his left hand to shake some hands, nodded, gave and received supportive slaps on the back.

Shawn felt his lip quiver. He'd liked Stevie. Stevie was flippant and liked to laugh loudly. And now he was dead. And his dad had been shot. He shivered, wrapping his arms around himself tightly. Making sure he was safely tucked behind a tree where no one would see him, Shawn allowed himself to sink against the trunk of a large oak tree. He ran his hand under his nose again.

It could have been his dad.

He buried his head against his arms, feeling his whole body ache as he held back sobs.

"Shawn?" his father's voice startled him and Shawn bounced to his feet quickly wiping his hand across his face.

Shawn stared up at his father silently. His father quirked an eyebrow as he appraised his sons appearance. Slowly the elder Spencer squatted down so he was eyelevel with his son.

"It…it coulda been you dad," Shawn whimpered, unable to hold back the fear as he crumbled against his father's chest.

Henry sighed, bringing his free hand up to cup his son's trembling body. "I know kid," he murmured. He pulled back from his son suddenly, holding Shawn's arm firmly as he stared him in the eye. "And one day…it might be," Henry said seriously, feeling a knot grow in his chest. He refused to sugarcoat anything for his son; although he'd been damned if he went anywhere before his son knew everything he needed to be a good man. But the truth was there and Henry had never been one to shy away from the truth; he couldn't let Shawn shy away from it either. "One day kid everyone has to die," he hesitated, his throat tightened, "Even you Shawn," he said quietly.

Shawn waited for a reassuring comment. For some joke-like he'd told Rachel-that would make him smile. Shawn desperately wanted to be able to smile. His father nodded stiffly and stood back up, his knees cracking loudly. "Let's go kid," he said softly, walking back towards the car slowly.

Shawn stayed still for a long moment before jogging to catch up with his dad. He knew he was supposed to feel better. But he didn't.

June. 2015.

Red covers the floors. It sinks into the wood until the wood just overflows, unable to hold anymore. Shawn slips, and is covered in it. It's sticky.

Everything around him starts to shake and rumble.

His hands are covered by the substance. It's finger paint! Shawn giggles. He wishes it were yellow-he'd paint a pineapple, just like he did in pre-school. He thinks on it for a moment. What the hell? He's obviously dreaming, he might as well make a red pineapple. It would be like a grapple only better. A mix of the sweet deliciousness of apples with the tangy tropic heaven that was pineapple. Hm. How to combine the names. Apple…Pine. Pine…apple? Pineapple!

It was brilliant. He stood up slowly, blown by his mind bending discovery. Apples were already in pineapples! He had to tell Gus. Slipping in the paint he pitches forward and the world stops shaking. It's not paint.

Shawn screams and kicks out as he wakes up.

"Sir?" the flight attendant stared down at him in concern.

His eyes snap open and quickly skim over the cabin. No one else is there.

"Sir, we've touched down in Santa Barbara," the flight attendant stated slowly, still able to see the slight hint of madness in Shawn's eyes.

Shawn nodded politely and moved his hand up to his head to smooth out his hair. Instead his hand skimed over a prickly buzz cut. His grimaced. That was still new-and taking some getting used to. Though it had been necessary.

Shawn stood up shakily and pulled his duffle bag down from the overhead compartment. Slinging it over his shoulder he made his way out into the bustle of the Santa Barbara Airport.

He almost smiled as he glanced around; it looked exactly the same. Well, they'd added another Starbucks in the Northeast corner, but that was hardly a noteworthy change.

Making his way to the exit Shawn grinned. Gus would have been easy to pick out in the crowd, even if he hadn't been carrying a full pineapple with him-although it was a nice touch. They hugged silently.

Skipping all greetings, Gus instead cut to-what was to him-the most important issue, "What died on your face?" Gus frowned.

Shawn's hand went to his full-but impeccably groomed-facial hair. Well, it was more of a short beard now. He pursed his lips, "Gus, if Patrick Dempsey could grow facial hair it wouldn't look this good," he sounded offended. "It's chiseled. And manly," he added bopping his head.

Gus raised an eyebrow, "You have more hair on your face than on your head Shawn," Gus handed Shawn the pineapple and took Shawn's bag off his shoulder and started carrying it for him. Shawn bit back a grin.

Old habits.

"Gus I live in Canada. It gets cold," Shawn defended, casually checking his reflection on the metallic lid of a garbage can as they passed it. It looked fine-better than fine really.

"You're going to haveta shave it," Gus shrugged as he threw Shawn's bag into the trunk of the familiar blue Echo.

"The company still has you driving this huh?" Shawn smiled then frowned, "Wait What? Why on earth would I possibly agree to shave it?"

"There is no way Lauren will let you in the party photos with it," Gus paused as he started the car, "She has a really weird phobia about bearded men in photographs," Shawn cocked his head and opened his mouth to retort, "She made me promise not to ask her about it," Gus shrugged.

"Well you've got a little scruff going," Shawn pouted.

Gus grinned suavely, "This is a players look Shawn," he shrugged again," Lauren likes it."

"Ah," Shawn nodded, again biting back a grin. He shifted in his seat, "And how is the future Mrs. Burton Guster doing?"

Gus beamed, "She's ok. She has Lassiter running scared putting everything together so she isn't too stressed," Gus glanced at his best friend, "And in a few days well," he grinned excitedly. "We'll be relaxing in style in Jamaica."

Shawn smiled happily at his best friend. He'd been gone a while but he knew he'd never seen that glint in his best friends eye before. This really was for real. Not a crazy mistake like Mira. Shawn's smile widened. Speaking of which… "Does Lauren know about your ex-wife?"

Gus growled, "It's come up," he said stiffly, readjusting his eyes to the road.

"And?"

"Shawn," Gus said warningly, shooting his best friend a sharp glare.

Shawn laughed, "Gus don't worry, I would never bring up your first marriage. In fact, I like to pretend it never happened," Shawn kicked his chair back to give himself more leg room, "Because if it did happen then my best man speech would be completely ruined-which obviously can't happen," he grinned. "I leave you alone for a 5 minutes and you get married," Shawn shook his head ruthfully.

"It was a little more than five minutes Shawn," Gus said quietly, not meeting his friends eyes.

Shawn's smile froze. He licked his lips and turned back towards the window. "Yeah," he muttered quietly, "I…Gus I'm sorry about that…that it's been this long I just…" he shrugged helplessly. "I got busy," he finished lamely. He made a mental note to come up with a list of less lame excuses. Perhaps he could say he'd gotten stuck combing his hair? Or that he'd had the world's longest appendectomy? Both of those would be equally satisfying. Shawn rolled his eyes. He'd had the whole flight to think of something to say-hell, he'd had years to think of something. He ran his hand over his face, feeling hollow. There really weren't any words or excuses. He'd run. It was that simple.

Gus shifted uncomfortably next to him, his eyes darting over to his best friend. "Did you tell Juliet you were coming back?"

He watched Shawn's back stiffen.

"No ah…" Shawn searched for an explanation. "No." He sighed.

Gus swallowed hard. Sometimes Shawn really needed to be slapped upside the head. "You're going to haveta talk to her Shawn," Gus scolded.

"That's entirely untrue Gus," Shawn said flippantly, plastering an oversized smile onto his face. It didn't meet his eyes, and even if it had, neither of them would have bought it anyway, "I'll see her at the reception-maybe- and that'll be it," Shawn shrugged.

Gus shifted uncomfortably, "That's…not exactly accurate Shawn," he saw his friends face-and what was most likely a carefully thought out avoidance plan-crumble. "Juliet's the maid of honor," Gus explained quietly.

Shawn pursed his lips, "Well I definitely didn't see that one coming," he crossed his arms defensively.

Gus chuckled, "Well, when Lauren came back into town promoting her documentary we really hit it off," he glanced at Shawn and smirked, "And without you there to 'vet' everyone I tried to date I finally managed to keep a girl around. And well, since Juliet didn't have to act all...camera shy and weird…she and Lauren clicked. They've become pretty tight," Gus shrugged.

Shawn sucked in a breath, "Oh," he managed weakly.

Gus's knuckles tightened on the steering wheel, "Look, she's…you're going to have to face her eventually. You might as well do it on your own terms."

A sound came out of Shawn's throat that sounded vaguely like a growl. Out of his peripheral he saw Shawn nod his head in agreement. "I'll talk to her," he promised quietly.

Writing this made me realize I have a serious addiction to writing Shawn dream sequences. It's disturbingly addicting. But I promise, this dream sequence isn't a result of consitent drugging on Yin's part. Promise.

Anyways, I hope this first chapter at least intrigues you.

Enjoy and Review!