Coauthored by- wigglytoes
Once upon a time there was a beautiful freckled princess, desired by every man in the land. Suitors from far and wide came to call on her, but she chose only one.
One suitor was…well…different. His name was Scott, and he thought himself to be a…well, a ninja. This suitor was very unlike the one she had chosen, long and lean as opposed to the preferred slightly square and fuzzy model by the name of Wendell. She had come to know this one new suitor more intimately, largely while under the influence of pheromones and roller coasters, but that is a story for another time.
She was approached one day by the "ninja" Scott, who declared, in flowing language, his love for her and proposed a courtship. Under the influence of these same pheromones, she accepted his proposal and began an arduous affair. For a time, they were frightfully sickening to behold, holding hands and "being heart-shaped." Disgusting.
She was forced daily to undergo severe torture, being seen with him in public as she slowly became an object of ridicule in the eyes of the other royalty. Secretly, she still pined for the young knight Wendell, as he so pined for her along with all of the princes and knights of the land, even the high king of all, the frog prince of the sculptured eyebrows, Choblahblah.
One day, she decided to seek her revenge. When she was presented with a horrifying token of Scott's affection, she was put over the edge. She grabbed the harpoon from behind the armchair and repeatedly thrust it through the offending piece of, ahem, "jewelry." It lay in ruins on the parlor floor, but Scott was oblivious- blinded by love and the glisten of her poetry-inspiring hair.
Life went on and the prince thankfully left on a diplomatic trip to the far east, the princess hoped, to find a French bimbo to take his mind off her. The princess decided at this point, that now ould be a good time to start anew her courtship with sir Wendell. The princess had always secretly dreamed of power, the power to seduce another noble, and this particular knight did not take much seducing.
Their courtship began with her recounting a dream, with of course some editing, involving Sir Wendell, a dark cavern, the end of the world, and some hamsters. It need not be recounted in this context. Their love caused much pain to the fair maiden Coralie, who lied ill in bed for many moons. Her recovery was not aided by the onslaught of a particularly violent and tactless noble by the name of Kale. The princess's other companion, Megara, was much too busy with her lovely new pet mouse to take much notice. Thus, the princess was left alone with her consort while her lover pined away, feeling ill in his hotel room.
The ninja/prince was soon feeling so lonely that he decided to return home, at an, er, inconvenient moment. Suffice it to say that all was revealed quite blatantly to the ninja/prince/thing/dude, the knight Wendell ended up impaled on the harpoon from behind the armchair (just goes to show that one should never leave one's harpoons where they can be too easily accessed.), and the prince and princess had quite a row that night.
But, they….well, let's just say that they made up.
Nine months later, a large stork metaphorically arrived at the doorstep. Its cargo was a new baby boy, christened Scott II. This boy was, however, as he grew up, very different from the prince Scott. He was short of stature, with hair that glistened in the sunlight, a sprinkling of freckles, a slightly stocky figure, and a rather square head, with one dimple on his left cheek.
But that is a story for another time.