Caught With Your Pants Down
"Ah," Young Severus Snape sighed as he thought, 'There is no better place to finish a great novel than someplace quiet and solitary. And there is only ONE place like that in this school.'
With that thought Severus turned the doorknob and walked into the boys toilets. Slowly he walked up and down, surveying which stall would be best suited to be his home for the next hour.
"Too dark. Leaky pipes. Too... ICK!" he commented as he went down the line. "No, no, no. Perfect."
Severus settled himself into the perfect stall. It was clean, moderately lit, and big enough to be comfortable. He picked up his book and turned to page 347 and started reading. Oblivious to how long he had been in there, he muttered,
"That's enough for tonight."
He closed the book and reached for the paper.
"Oh, NO!"
To his chagrin, the little slice of Heaven he had found was turning into a big chunk of Hell. His perfect stall seemed to have a few downfalls which he had previously ignored. To begin with there was no toilet paper. The paper was the least of his troubles though. The door had a second lock, which he had overlooked, to replace the first which was faulty and left the door hanging wide open.
But suddenly he realized that his was someplace he wanted to get out of and quick. This realization hit him when he remembered that this was the stall that James Potter's crowd had claimed as their own. This stall was the Marauders' area to plan pranks and brew advanced potions to distract Filch while they made fools of their enemies. 'I've gotta get out of here. If I get caught in here, like this, I'll be laughed out of Hogwarts!' Severus thought hurriedly.
His head cleared when he heard the doorknob creak, signaling that someone was going to enter.
The door opened and Severus said, "Hey can I get a hand here? The dunny roll's out and I really..."
Severus never finished because at that moment a boy with messy black hair, round glasses, and blue eyes came into view. The sight that greeted James Potter made him smile.
As James crossed his arms, he said, "Well, well, well boys. What do we have here?"
He threw a sideways look at Sirius, who replied, "I don't know, James. Hey, Remus, got any idea what we've discovered?"
"It seems to ME," Remus began, "that we have stumbled upon a classmate in distress."
The panic that had gripped Severus quickly turned to anger.
"Potter, get me a dunny roll. NOW!"
"Dunny roll!?" James said amid gales of laughter from his cohorts. "You call it a dunny roll? It sounds like something my dead grandpa would say."
"I mean it! Get me some toilet paper!" shouted Snape. "Pettigrew? Pettigrew, I know you're out there. Get me the toilet paper or I swear I'll kill you!"
Severus continued to shout until he heard a terrified squeak.
"Peter, how about you wait outside?" Remus said to the terrified, mousy boy with beady eyes. Pettigrew ran out of the door leaving James, Sirius, and Remus to taunt Severus until he wished he could flush himself out of his misery, like Moaning Myrtle. Then a thought struck him, 'Severus, didn't you learn about something called a SUMMONING spell?'
"Accio toilet paper!!!" shouted Severus, brandishing his wand. The sound of a toilet paper roll flying filled the air. But the paper never reached it's summoner. Sirius deftly grabbed the roll in mid-flight.
"I don't think so," Sirius muttered with a smirk on his face. Remus, James, and Sirius continued to laugh as they held the toilet paper over their heads like a trophy. Their laughter was interrupted by Peeves snatching away the dunny roll and hovering just out of reach.
"GOT YOUR ROLL!!!" Peeves shrieked in his normal irritating manner.
"Peeves! Give that here," Severus shouted.
"No, Peeves, give it to us," James demanded.
"Hmmm? WHO to give it TO? Maybe little James-e-poo? Or 'Ickle Sevvy-kins?" Peeves mocked, "Who to choose, who to choose?"
"Peeves give it now!" screamed Snape. But no answer was given, because just at that moment a solemn-faced ghost, covered in silvery blood stains floated into the room.
"What is going on Peeves?" he hissed
"Nothing, your Bloodiness. Nothing at all," Peeves stuttered. James, Sirius and Remus didn't wait to hear anything else. The three of them ran from the ghost as quickly as they could. Peeves mumbled another apology and dropping the toilet paper into a puddle, flew off the other way. The Bloody Baron glided silently to Severus' stall, grabbing the roll as he went.
"Here," the Baron said.
"Uhhhh, Sir?" Severus said while holding the disintegrating roll, "Are there any DRIER rolls?"
"No," he said shortly and glided through the ceiling. And there sat Severus, cold and angry, holding a wet roll of toilet paper.