Song Fic: We Are The Fallen – "I Am Only One"
I typically write about love and humor, but sometimes the boys tell me to do something different. Sometimes they want me to show the serious side of their complicated relationship. Even the sad parts.
Contrary to what is shown in the movie by Oliver Stone, Alexander was not with Hephaestion when he died. Hephaestion had improved from his fever, and Alexander felt it safe to go to the games. He was summoned when Hephaestion took a turn for the worse, but did not make it back in time to say goodbye to his friend and lover.
How Hephaestion felt as he lay dying can only be imagined, but I would say it is safe to say that he desperately wanted to see Alexander. I can only imagine his sadness, his grief, and the overwhelming loneliness he had to feel.
This is my take on what he may have been thinking, based around the lyrics of the song "I Am Only One" by We Are The Fallen. The words in bold are the song lyrics.
(All the usual stuff…I don't own any of the characters, the song, the movie…none of it. I have a deep love of Hephaestion and Alexander both. I'd keep them both if I could. Especially if they look like Jared Leto and Colin Farrell. )
Rating: K
I am dying. I can feel it. I know it won't be long. Where are you, Alexander? You should be beside me, but you are not.
What happened to us? What about all the dreams we had, the things you said we would do…together?
Memories fade into the silence
Haunting me tonight
I remember it all. You said we would be together, always. Yes, my memories haunt me. You haunt me.
My gut hurts, my head hurts. It hurts to breath. I know it is getting closer. Where are you, Alexander?
With hope's last breath I take this moment in
I had so many hopes for us. Those hopes die with me tonight.
It will be the last
That morning breaks
And sunlight takes the pain away
I will not see another morning, this I know. Yes, the sunlight will take away my pain, my life. I will not miss the pain. I will, however, miss you. I miss you now.
You promised me so much. You said we would be happy. Was it a dream?
Ever after never came
And I'm still waiting for a life that never was
I gave up my dreams long ago, when you left me behind. They shall be buried with me.
And all the dreams I lay to rest
Are ghosts that keep me
Your dreams all included me, at least that is what you said. Reality proved different. And you don't even realize what you've done.
My dreams never came true, at least not most of them. There were moments….and they were wonderful. But I changed, you changed, everything changed.
After all that I've become
I am only one
I am dying. And I am alone.
I close my eyes and bleed this empty heart
Of all that longs to die
Part of me died a long time ago. My heart aches, though it has nothing to do with the sickness that courses through my veins. My heart aches because I lost you. I lost you to Bagoas, to Roxanne, to the world you want so badly.
When faces lie and love will falter
I'm left with only time
Time, something I have little of. You promised me forever. Where is that forever now?
And time will break
The dreams that take the pain away
I want the pain to be gone. Not just the physical pain, but the pain that sears my soul. I am empty. Where are you, Alexander?
Ever after never came
And I'm still waiting for a love I'll never have
I thought I would have your love forever. Oh, I know you love me, but you love many things. Of those things, I am only one.
And all the dreams I lay to rest
Are ghosts that keep me
My dreams haunt me. You were my dream. Your dreams were my dreams. I became whatever you needed me to be. I was always beside you…but you left me behind.
After all that I've become
I am only one
I lost myself to you. I lost you. I am alone. Where are you, Alexander?
I'm on my own here
Some days you barely remembered I was there.
And no one's left to be the hero of
This fairy tale gone wrong
You were my Achilles. I was supposed to be your Patroclus. Where are the heroes now? Fitting, I guess, that Patroclus dies first. Will you avenge me, my Achilles? Or will you even notice that I am gone? The tales of heroes are a myth. Our dream was a myth. But it was a myth I so wanted to believe.
As night will fall my heart will die alone
Where are you, Alexander? I don't want to die alone. I feel like part of my soul is missing. I wish my last sight would be your face. I have rarely been afraid. Tonight, I am afraid. And you are not here.
Ever after never came
And I'm still waiting for my heart to beat again
But I know after tonight, that will never be. My dream dies with me. My heart will cease to beat, but my love for you will never die. I will love you, even after I am gone. Somehow.
And all the dreams I've laid to rest
Are ghosts that keep me
Yes, I've put aside my dreams. Just as you have put me aside. Will it haunt you someday? Will you miss me?
I wonder.
Where are you, Alexander?
After all that I've become
I am only one
I miss you. I am alone. I love you. Where are you?