Sacrifice and Temptation

Brianna Cousland made her way down the stairs to the first floor of Redcliffe Castle. She couldn't sleep. Images of the past months tumbled inside her mind, including those of a certain intimate event happening above. She leaned her head against the door jamb, trying to still her thoughts. Wearily she pushed her body away from the wall and gazed down at her attire. How silly she must look. Before she and Alistair spoke to Riordan, she had sought out Isolde and asked for her assistance. Brianna had thought this might be her and Alistair's last night together and she wanted to make it memorable for them both. Isolde had smiled knowingly at her and let her borrow a black silk negligee. But after her discussion with Riordan, Morrigan and Alistair, she didn't need the negligee after all. Brianna had returned to her room after Alistair had agreed, no, after she persuaded, him to participate in Morrigan's blood-magic sex ritual and saw the piece of clothing lying on the bed, mocking her. She reached out and fingered the material. It was soft and would feel good against her skin, unlike the linen undergarments she wore beneath her armor. Well, if she was to die tomorrow, she could at least sleep in comfort and luxury tonight. Brianna washed her body with the now cold water from the basin, rubbed the rose oil Isolde had given her into her skin and donned the negligee. She had intended to crawl into bed and sleep as she knew she needed it. But her mind was too active for her to rest. She had quietly made her way to the first floor and planned on sitting in front of the fireplace in the Great Hall. It finally dawned on her to look around and see if any of the Arl's guards were standing in the hallway watching her. There was no one. With a heavy sigh, she walked into the Great Hall and towards what was left of the roaring fire. The cold stone beneath her bare feet felt good. She had always hated the feeling back home, but now treasured the sensation of the polished rock against her soles. Brianna placed a hand on the wall next to the fireplace and allowed her shoulders to slump. She was so tired, so very tired and, for the first time in months, alone. Brianna closed her eyes, thinking that would stop the tears that threatened to flow. She was wrong; the tears trailed down her cheeks slowly, like raindrops off a leaf.

Bann Teagan was in his brother's study signing the last of the papers that would be enacted in the event of his or Eamon's death. He glanced up and caught sight of a black figure flitting from the staircase to the Great Hall. At first he assumed it was a shadow, but then he thought, a shadow from what? Silently he pushed himself from the chair and walked into the Great Hall. He then saw the shadow leaning against the fireplace and realized, with a start, it was Brianna. He didn't recognize her without her armor. Her jet black hair, normally in braids, was flowing freely. The last of the flames danced across her face, casting it in a soft glow. Upon closer inspection, he saw the occasional jerking of her shoulders and was unsure of the cause until he heard a small sob escape her lips. It was so quiet and choked back that had he not been paying attention, he would never have heard it. On stealthy feet, he approached her and laid a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"My Lady, are you alright?"

At his voice and touch, Brianna stiffened and squared her shoulders, bringing up a hand to wipe at her cheeks. Teagan dropped his hand and she turned to face him.

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you, Bann Teagan. I thought I was alone." Her voice held the strength that he had always known from her. It did not betray any distress.

"You did not disturb me. But, you seem…troubled. Is there something I can do to help?" His voice was soft and gentle. For a moment he saw her brow furrow and then her face was smooth, the confident mask she always wore back in place.

"I could not sleep, that is all."

"That is perfectly understandable, considering the events of tomorrow."

"Yes," she replied, nodding her head slowly.

They stood there in an awkward silence before Teagan broke it. "Well, my lady, my apologies for intruding on your thoughts. I actually did not recognize you and just saw a shadow move down the hall. I came to investigate."

She gazed at him, then looked down at her attire and let out a chuckle. "Yes, I suppose I look ridiculous."

Teagan paused for a moment, and then replied, "If I may be so bold, when gazing at you, that is not a word which leaps to mind, my lady."

"I had thought I would be engaged in…other activities tonight. But there were more…pressing…matters..." She shook her head as if to clear her mind, her hair falling around her face.

"You do not owe me an explanation, my lady." He paused, and then pushed the strands of hair away from her cheek. "Are you sure there is nothing I can do for you?" His touch was tender against her flesh.

Brianna looked into his blue eyes and saw genuine concern. "I…I made a decision that…I'm unsure if…it was correct. I am questioning myself and…Maker's Breath, I'm exhausted." The last words came out as a whisper; her shoulders finally falling from their stoic position.

Bann Teagan's heart went out to her. "My lady, please allow me to offer you my assistance. If you need a shoulder to lean on…"

She smiled weakly at him. "We've shed blood together. I think you can call me Brianna."

"If you will call me Teagan. And the offer of that shoulder still stands."

Brianna gazed at him and made her decision. "Is there some place private we can go? What I have to say is not for general consumption."

"My rooms are private, unless…"

"Bring several bottles of wine. I just might get drunk before this night is over."

Teagan watched her walk away, startled at the tone of command in her voice. But it shouldn't have surprised him; she had been leading a band of mercenaries for months now and expected her demands to be met. He rushed to join her, and then escorted her upstairs. They paused at a locked room. Teagan opened it and disappeared inside. He reappeared with three bottles of very old wine and ushered her to his rooms which, she was glad to see, were at the opposite end of the castle from Alistair and Morrigan. He opened the door and waited for her to pass then joined her. He placed the wine on the table, retrieved two glasses from a sideboard and stoked the remnants of the fire until it was again blazing. Brianna watched him with interest. He was wearing a dressing gown made of fine broadcloth that belted at his waist with a sash. She allowed her eyes to roam over him and remembered their first meeting. Although the situation was dire, she was emboldened to flirt with him. She had actually sized-up the situation as he explained the events at Redcliffe. Teagan was barely holding on and was relieved at their arrival. She needed to break the tension and she succeeded through her flirtatious manner. He had relaxed a bit and when they left to prepare for battle, his faltering confidence was partly restored; all from a few words of playful banter with a pretty woman.

When Teagan turned, he saw Brianna's eyes on him. She smiled warmly and he returned the gesture. He then poured each of them a glass of wine and took the chair across from her. He handed her the goblet and raised it in a toast.

"To victory," he said.

She gave a weak smile and repeated his gesture, "To victory," then they each took a drink. Brianna replaced her goblet on the table while Teagan held his. He waited for her to speak. He watched her fingers caress the stem of the glass. Several moments passed before she found her voice.

"Did you know my Father?" she asked, concentrating on the motions her fingers made on the glass.

He nodded. "I was fortunate enough to consider him a friend. He was a good man."

"Yes; yes he was. Some of his final words to me were about duty. That, as a Cousland, we always did our duty; to our country; to our king and that duty sometimes came with sacrifice." She stopped playing with the goblet and gazed at him. "I fear I have made some decisions that would have disappointed him."

"The love he had for you was clear when he spoke about you. I doubt anything you do could disappoint him," he reassured her.

"Do you know why a Grey Warden is needed to strike the killing blow against the Archdemon?" she asked him point-blank, abruptly changing the subject.

"No."

"The essence of the taint resides in the Archdemon. If anyone other than a Grey Warden delivers the killing blow, the essence will seek out the closest darkspawn and thus the Blight continues. But if a Grey Warden does the killing, the essence flows into the Grey Warden due to the taint in our blood. The Archdemon dies…and so does the Grey Warden," she stated quietly. "There are only three Grey Wardens in all of Ferelden; Riordan, Alistair and myself. Riordan has declared he will kill the Archdemon when the time comes, but…" she paused, fearing to put her thoughts into words, "but that might not be possible. Alistair can't deliver the blow. He is the King of Ferelden. He must live. So then there is only one Grey Warden left." She looked Teagan straight in the eye and saw the horror in his eyes that she felt in the pit of her stomach when Riordan told them the truth about the link between the Archdemon and the Grey Wardens. She bowed her head.

"This may sound like cowardice, but I don't want to die. However, it is my duty to…sacrifice…myself…for King and country."

As Teagan stared at Brianna, he became angry. Here was this beautiful, capable, caring woman who had sacrificed so much and yet she was being asked for one more…the ultimate sacrifice. It could not be allowed to happen. He set his goblet down and took her hands in his. She gazed at him.

"Make me a Grey Warden and allow me to make the sacrifice."

She stared at him, flabbergasted. "You do not know what you ask."

A look of determination came into Teagan's eyes. "Yes, I do."

Her heart skipped a beat at his words. Brianna's face softened and broke into a warm smile. "Those are probably the sweetest words any man has ever said to me. But it is not possible to make you a Grey Warden tonight."

"Then there must be some other answer."

Her face fell and she removed her hands from his. "There is." She rose and began to pace. "There is a ritual…a blood-magic ritual…that requires a Grey Warden to…lay with…and impregnate…a blood mage. My companion, Morrigan, knows this ritual and is willing to use it so that no Grey Warden need be sacrificed. She needed Alistair…for the rite. I convinced him to…" She turned away from Teagan, afraid of the look in his eyes. "I do not want to die. I do not want any Grey Warden to die. Because of my…cowardice…my selfishness I have set in motion events that…" She spun around to face him. "I know how difficult Alistair's life as a bastard was and here I've persuaded him…to create another…a child…that will absorb the taint from the Archdemon. This…child…whatever it will be will at least be an heir to the throne of Ferelden. An heir that I may not be able to give…" She turned away so Teagan could not see the tears of fear, anguish and pain falling down her cheeks. "What if he comes to hate me for it?" she whispered. "What if I have destroyed everything I hold so dear? I have lost so much. What if I have not only lost the man I love, but my country? What if, in my act of selfish preservation, I have doomed us all?"

Brianna hung her head, her silent tears running down her cheeks, not caring that Teagan was a witness to her emotions. Teagan sat there, stunned at her revelation about the use of blood-magic after she had borne witness to its effects first hand at Redcliffe. He stared at her back and saw her head bowed as if in defeat. As he absorbed her words, he felt the rising anger subside. Gazing at her he thought about all she had done in the name of Ferelden. All she had sacrificed. He remembered her compassion and her kindness. She could have easily walked away from Redcliffe; not even attempted to save Connor and Isolde; refused to search for the Urn of Sacred Ashes to save his brother. Yet she did not. Her other deeds with the elves and the dwarves had reached his ears. She did not abandon them. She solved their problems and gained their loyalty. She had earned the trust of the Circle of Magi and the Templars, not an easy feat. She had called Loghain on his actions and defeated him. And it was she, not Eamon, who had secured the throne for Alistair by gaining the trust and respect of the Landsmeet. She, who had lost her family so brutally; who had watched her King and brothers-in-arms betrayed from within; who had been thrust into the role of Ferelden's last hope and she had answered the call of her country. When her country needed her she did not abandon it and had never asked for anything in return, until now. Now she wanted only one thing; to live. If he was truthful with himself, he would admit that it would be in Ferelden's best interest to have her alive. And Teagan's anger turned to compassion and something else. She had bared her soul to him and trusted him enough to confess her deepest doubts. She was a remarkable woman and he knew if he had been thrust into the same situation he would not have been as successful as she. And he would want not want to die.

Brianna realized she had been crying in front of the Arl's brother and had confessed to the condoning of blood-magic. Teagan would be the last person in Ferelden to be sympathetic with this course of action. Realizing what she had done, Brianna pulled herself together. She brought herself to a rigid position, one she was used to carrying and cleared her throat.

"My apologies, Bann Teagan," she said in a formal manner, "I did not mean to worry you with my burdens. It was thoughtless of me. I thank you for the wine and your kindness. It will not go unappreciated." She did not turn to face him, but instead made to walk towards the door. She had reached out her hand to take the knob when she heard him call out.

"Brianna."

At the call of her name, she froze and closed her eyes. Time to face the music, she thought. She braced herself for the hatred and loathing he would surely give her for her most recent decision. Perhaps he would tell Eamon who would convince Alistair she was no good for him and should be sent away. She opened her eyes and let out her breath slowly. Stiffening, she turned to face him. Teagan bolted out of his chair and crossed to her side in an instant. He took her in his arms and kissed her, deeply, passionately. Brianna was confused, but she gave in to his kiss. It transported her away from everything until all she could think of was his lips over hers; crushing; demanding. When they parted, he gently pulled her to his chest. She melted against him, partially out of sheer exhaustion and partially because she thought her legs were going to give out from underneath her. They stood together for an eternity it seemed. She knew she should leave. She also knew she shouldn't enjoy Teagan's arms around her as much as she did. When she pulled back, he did not release her.

Teagan looked into her soft, questioning blue eyes. He thought he could look into those eyes forever. "You are so brave, beautiful and wonderful," he said. Confusion replaced her questioning look.

"I thought…I thought…you would hate me…"

"So did I," he confessed, "but I don't. You have always had the best interests of Ferelden and its King at heart."

"If that were true, I would sacrifice myself tomorrow."

"And what purpose would that serve in the greater scheme of things? Ferelden would lose its greatest champion and Alistair, among others, would be heart-broken. The loss to all would be heavy indeed."

"Among others?"

"Yes. You have confessed to me and so I must now confess to you. You have been on my mind since that first day you arrived at Redcliffe; the memory of you walking into the Chantry; beautiful, capable, confident. You had captured my imagination and then with your bravery, kindness, wit and banter you captured my heart. If I had had the opportunity, I would have begun a courtship with you. But events out of our control took over. But here you are, for one night, at least, and I wish…I want you to stay the night with me."

Brianna was flabbergasted. Before she and Alistair had become serious, she would have considered Teagan as a possible suitor. He was charming, handsome and presented all the qualities of a good man. And she had to admit she had been attracted to him and, if she was honest with herself, still was.

"Teagan, I am honored, but there is Alistair…"

"I would never deny the King his love. But he is elsewhere this evening and there is the very real possibility I could…that I might not…" He paused and began again. "For tonight, let us forget about Alistair, the Blight, blood-magic, the entire world outside this room. Tonight, let it be just the two of us, for a few hours. Then I would be able to face whatever Fate the Maker has for me tomorrow with one less regret."

She still wasn't sure, but her heart ached at being pushed aside tonight, even if it was of her own making. Her confidence in herself as a leader and as a woman had been shaken this evening and here was an attractive man who didn't care about all that and wanted her. She hadn't said yes, but she didn't move from his embrace. Teagan read her conflicting emotions correctly and kissed her, then left a trail of kisses down her throat. She tossed her head back and whispered, "Yes." When Teagan heard her consent, he raised his face to meet hers. This time it was she who initiated the kiss. When they pulled away, there was desire in their eyes. They shrugged out of their clothing. Teagan reached out to caress Brianna's face, then moved his hand down her arm. She stepped towards him, her hands running over his muscular chest. He pulled her towards him, their nude bodies pressed against each other; the warmth from the fire caressing their skin. They stood wrapped in each other's arms, her head resting against his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. Without a word, Teagan swung Brianna into his arms and carried her the short distance to the bed, his gaze never leaving hers. He gently placed her in it and then sat beside her, leaning down to kiss her. Her hand went behind his head, combing through his chestnut-colored hair. His kiss was so tender, so gentle, but not timid. His lips moved down her body to her neck, the concave part of her throat. He moved to join her in bed, then continued his trail of kisses down her stomach and over her abdomen. Brianna thought she knew where he would move next, but he didn't. Instead, he moved to kiss her inner thigh. His mustache tickled her sensitive skin and she let out a small giggle. Teagan raised up and looked at her, the gentlest smile on his lips. He moved back towards her and kissed her again. Brianna realized this was a man experienced in love-making and had no desire to rush things. At that thought, she quivered with excitement. Every man she had been with previously had been a bit too eager in their sexual advances. Teagan, it seemed, wanted to make this last as long as possible.

Teagan looked into her eyes, caressing her cheek, her jaw line, her slender neck. Brianna took his hand in hers and took his index finger, kissing the tip, then putting it in her mouth, sucking on it, her eyes never leaving his. She kissed his fingertip again and proceeded to kiss & suck each finger on his right hand, her eyes staring into his. When she finished, she placed her hand on his chest and gently pushed him back. Now it was her turn to ply his body with kisses. She kissed his chest and moved to capture a nipple in her mouth, sucking and biting ever so gently. She heard Teagan's intake of breath at her actions. She then continued down his stomach and abdomen, her hair lightly caressing his flesh. She kissed his inner thigh, as he had done with her, but added a playful lick from her tongue. Her action caught him off-guard, as she intended. She looked into his smoldering eyes and they both realized playtime was over. She moved to kiss him and he took her in his arms, rolling her under him. They made love, Teagan's moves causing her to gasp and moan; a tingling feeling of excitement building within her that was then released in waves of pleasure, forcing her to call out. Teagan's own pleasure mirrored hers and when it was over he held her in his arms, stroking her hair and planting a kiss on her forehead. They laid there in the afterglow, neither of them wishing to speak; knowing they would never be the same, listening to the crackling of the dying fire.

Brianna awoke with a start, not remembering where she was. There were arms around her; a man's arms. She lay very still until memory flooded her brain. She had no idea what time it was, but she knew she couldn't be found in Teagan's rooms. She gently removed Teagan's arms from around her and crawled out of bed. She found her negligee and put it back on, then gazed at Teagan's sleeping form. She smiled and found it odd that she had no regrets about her actions of a few hours before. She leaned in and kissed him, then quietly left his room and silently made her way back to her own chambers.

Brianna still wasn't sure exactly what time it was, but the castle was quiet. No one was yet making preparations to move the army towards Denerim. Perhaps she could catch a few hours of sleep. Brianna had just settled into bed when there was a soft knock on her door. With a sigh, she climbed out of bed and opened the door. She was surprised to find Alistair standing there. She tried to keep the blush from creeping to her face.

"Alistair? Is everything alright? Did the ritual…"

"It went fine," he said cutting her off. "But the entire time all I could think of was you and how this might be our last night together. I didn't want to spend it with…I want to be with you. It's possible that the…ritual…might not even work and I would have wasted the chance…" He paused, then caressed her cheek. "I love you, Brianna. I don't want to waste any more of tonight being away from you. I want to spend whatever time we have left together. I want to make love to you, in case…"

Brianna smiled gently at him. "I agree," she replied and took his hand into hers. Grinning, Alistair followed her inside and closed the door behind them.

At the sound of his chamber door closing, Teagan stirred. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He turned and saw the empty spot next to him in bed, the crumpled sheet and scent of roses the only trace of her presence. He plopped back into the pillow. He might have cursed himself, he thought. Making love to Brianna had been more pleasurable than he had imagined. He thought if he could spend the night with her, he could get past his feelings about her and move on. He was sadly mistaken. The event had only made it worse and doubly so, considering it was a one-time thing. Perhaps if he went to her, he could change her mind about him. Teagan got out of bed, pulled on his robe and made for Brianna's room. He was thinking about what he'd say to her when he looked up and saw Alistair knocking on Brianna's door. He watched as she opened it. He couldn't hear their conversation, but he could see her face. She lit-up when she saw Alistair. Her face was that of a woman in love. He saw her smile at Alistair and take his hand, leading him into her room, the door closing gently behind them. Teagan smiled and knew Brianna and Alistair belonged together. They would make an excellent King and Queen. Teagan turned away and returned to his rooms. He would need at least a few hours sleep before the march to Denerim and the final battle with the darkspawn. And he knew in his heart that Brianna and Alistair would lead them to victory and all would be as the Maker intended.