"A rainy day without you"
Other day…the weather couldn't match my mood any more. I was feeling hopeless with my aching heart, it's being a long time since I have been truly happy and I haven´t put a fake smile on my face. All the days are the same, waking up in a zombie-like stage and crying myself to sleep. I'm depressed because, he took my heart with him. I am sitting in the same spot where we used to watch the rain fall and dream about a happy ever after, but now he isn't here anymore. I'm watching the rain fall the same way my own tears start to spill from my eyes and make my vision blur, wishing he was here holding me by my waist making me feel safe and warm in his arms, just the way it used to be when my heart beat for him. My mind is visiting all those happy memories we spent together that now seem to be so impossible to achieve. I am looking for someone to blame, someone that I could hit until they screamed in pain begging for forgiveness, but my list is empty. They all died and took the love of my life with them. Why can life be so unfair? That is the same question I repeat to myself every day. I need to be strong so I can continue with my life and be successful just the way he would have wanted, but he was my source of strength and now that he is gone I felt useless. I wish, I could make the time go back and tell him how much I cared and loved him more than my own life, I think that now I realize that he was my heart, my life, the reason why I lived. It's hard to say it…but I feel lost without him like if I had lost a piece of a puzzle of my own selfish puzzle. Every time I think I'm out of tears they just seem to come along, my sadness never goes away. Sometimes I just think what would have happened if those dumb daddy's little boys haven't being drunk driving a car? It seems to me that I can't even say his name a loud because I feel how my heart breaks by the simple use of it, I close my eyes and see his face and that only makes my life a harder torture. I want to die; I will thank anyone that dared to kill me so I could join him in heaven, and I am a step away from a suicide attempt. But something inside tells me that God kept me alive for a reason and that I was going to make it out of this mess that was once my life. I will remember him in my dearest memories and hopefully my heart will heal as the time pass by. Life is a mystery you only need to be a life to be death, and as long as I am here waiting for my time to come … I will just try to do my best.