Ashfur – Anger
Squirrelflight. The name that once made my heart beat faster now stabbed my heart. She was the reason for my world, my whole existence, but now I hated her with every bit of me. How could she leave me? I wasn't the best looking cat in the world, but at least I was a loyal warrior. Brambleclaw was the son of a murderer for StarClan's sake! He was all brute, but nothing more. What Squirrelflight saw in him I'd never understand.
When she left me, I realized immediately that she had only pretended to love me. She used me to get to Brambleclaw; I hated her for that. I didn't even think about revenge, but instead, I took out the pain on myself. I ran into trees until I passed out to escape the memory of her. I sharpened my claws only to put gashes into myself. The physical pain capped the emotional pain. It was simpler…even better.
One night I was out by the lake staring into the water. I had already cut my legs, but as I stared I began to wonder, who would care if I drowned? Maybe Ferncloud…but then again, she had her kits and Dustpelt. Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw would rejoice at the thought of my disposal. My mother was dead and I never knew my father, so I realized that nobody would care. Tears began to run down from my eyes. All I had ever been was loyal, but for whom? My Clan would survive without me; my death would make no difference.
I walked into the water. It felt like ice, but I went further and further until the ground disappeared beneath my paws. My brain screamed at me to swim, but my empty heart caused me to sink. I let the water consume my lungs to the point where I couldn't breathe. Everything went black, and surprisingly, it felt good. This was the closest I had ever felt to StarClan. Dying was like defying gravity. I was numb and every pain from my life escaped my body.
When someone pulled me from the water, I was beyond mad. A cat pressed on my chest several times, causing me to throw up the water I had willingly swallowed. I opened my eyes and I saw a cloudy Brambleclaw standing over me with a smug look on his face. I lashed out and attempted to claw his face with what little strength I had, but he dodged it. Then, my blurred vision cleared and I saw that my rescuer wasn't Brambleclaw - it was his half-brother Hawkfrost.
"What are you doing on ThunderClan territory?" I coughed and shakily stood to my paws. I shook to dry my freezing cold wet fur.
"Saving you, obviously," he snorted. "You're welcome, by the way."
"I didn't need saving," I hissed. I felt a tingling pain and noticed that my front legs were bleeding from the earlier cutting. Hawkfrost noticed it too. His ice blue eyes narrowed.
"I know you, Ashfur. You're a loyal ThunderClan warrior. Why would you do this to yourself?" he questioned.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I growled. My emotions and problems were none of his business.
"It's because of that orange she-cat, isn't it? Squirrelflight?" he meowed,
The tears returned to my eyes at the sound of her name. Hawkfrost brushed his tail to my flank sympathetically. "What does Brambleclaw have that I don't?" I choked.
"A relationship with Firestar. Without him, his leader, he's nothing," Hawkfrost answered. "I know he's the deputy, but once you dispose of Firestar, Brambleclaw will be easy to take out."
I looked at Hawkfrost's icy eyes with horror. Dispose of? I had never killed another cat. Of all cats to choose, why Firestar? I could answer that question myself – he was her father. If we got rid of her father and lover, her depression would make everything better. She deserved to die, but striking her heart would be much, much more painful. I didn't hate Brambleclaw or Firestar, but my pure hate for Squirrelflight made me realize that they needed to be "disposed of".
"What's in it for you? Brambleclaw is your brother for StarClan's sake!" I questioned. Little did I know that his true intentions were not for my benefit.
"You don't deserve to die for a stupid she-cat, but I know you'll never get better unless you get revenge. Plus, Firestar isn't the world's best leader like he seems to be, and Brambleclaw is too ambitious. He wanted to get rid of Graystripe because he knew he'd become deputy. That plan worked great," Hawkfrost hissed the last sentence. This was a lie, but I didn't know it at the time.
"I have to go back to my Clan," I said. "Meet me back here in a quarter moon."
Hawkfrost nodded and padded away silently. We continued meeting for moons. We planned everything out so carefully that there was no way it would fail. Hawkfrost even convinced Brambleclaw to join in, but he was merely a pawn. I would lure Firestar away from the camp into a fox trap. Then, Hawkfrost would convince Brambleclaw to kill Firestar while I watched. I would report back to camp that Brambleclaw killed our precious leader, and he would hopefully be exiled.
The more Hawkfrost and I met, I began to notice something. He was the only cat in the world that seemed to actually care about me. He treated me like an individual, and not just a small part of a Clan. He respected my ideas and thoughts, which was something new. I stopped hurting myself because I knew he didn't like it. I never had suicidal thoughts anymore because I had something to look forward to. I never forgot about my hatred for Squirrelflight, but Hawkfrost filled the hole in my heart that she left.
Everything was going good on the day of Firestar's assassination until Brambleclaw stepped in. He refused to kill his leader and Hawkfrost attacked him. Before I could step in to end this, though, Brambleclaw killed Hawkfrost. My heart stopped beating as I watched in horror. My body froze, and it felt like ice was seeping through my veins. It was at that moment when I watched Hawkfrost's blood drain into the lake when I realized something; I was in love with him. I decided then to avenge his death; not only that, but also the death of my heart, soul, and sanity.
I do not own Warriors or these characters. Also, this is my opinion, so don't flame me for HawkxAsh love! It didn't really happen!