A/N: For Cuban Sombrero's Five Things challenge on the HPFC. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Officially disclaimed.
Love Him Back
I.
She's glorious. The way her thick, dark red hair floats around her shoulders as she swings on the swing set and the way the wind flushes her pale, smooth cheeks is just so . . . beautiful.
Well, of course it is, Severus Snape thinks as he peers at her through the bush he is currently crouching in, hidden from the world. Everything about her is beautiful.
What Severus wouldn't give to be the one swinging with her, the one playing a trivial game of truth or dare with her. To be the one she laughs with, the one she loves. He lets out a sigh of longing.
"I dare you to . . . kiss the dirt!" Lily cries with a giggle and Severus commits the magnificent sound to memory.
"Ew, that's gross, Lily!" the other girl, the blonde, snooty one responds. Severus knows she's Lily's sister, but he can never remember her name. It's something like . . . Petutey. "Plus, the dirt probably has loads of germs that will make me sick and kill me. That'd be like me daring you to . . . jump off the swing at the highest possible point!" She smirks, as if feeling highly triumphant for having spotted this.
Lily cocks her head, thoughtful. "Ok," she says suddenly and proceeds to kick out her legs, swinging higher and higher than her sister. Severus perks up, alert and expectant. This might be it. This might be the moment.
"What?" Petutey asks, confused. "What do you . . . Lily! I wasn't actually daring you to ---" but her scream cuts off her words, as her sister suddenly throws herself off the swing. Severus' eyes widen in delight as, instead of plummeting to her death, she floats airily to ground, her own eyes wide, too.
She's shocked of course, as her feet touch the ground. Severus has known she's a witch for some time, but she has yet to discover the strange occurrences she experiences from time to time are magic.
Petutey stumbles off her swing and runs to Lily, crying, "How'd you do that?"
"I . . . I don't know," Lily admits, bemused.
"Oh. Well . . . it was probably just a fluke anyway," Petutey continues and Severus scoffs to himself at the ignorance of Muggles. She shakes her head as if to clear it. "An accident."
"Right . . ." Lily agrees, but something in the tone of her voice suggests she thinks otherwise. "An accident."
Petutey turns back to the swing set, but Lily stays where she is. Her deep, emerald eyes scan the area and they unknowingly connect with Severus' for the briefest of moments.
He is suddenly overcome by the urge to jump up and shout, "I love you!" but quickly pushes it down, not wanting to scare her off. He reminds himself that there will be plenty of time for declarations of love later, when they're older and they know each other and she loves him back.
II.
His heart is heavy as he stands between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables, trying to prolong the moment when he will have to say goodbye. He notices the Slytherin prefects leading their house's first years away and he sighs dejectedly, knowing the moment has come.
"I'm really sorry, Sev," Lily says yet again, as if afraid he might be angry with her (like he could ever be angry with her). "I didn't have time to give my opinion or anything. It just said, 'Obvious,' and then shouted . . ." Her voice trails off because he knows what house the Sorting Hat shouted. They both do.
"It's alright, Lily," Severus says, even though his heart aches. He smiles slightly, attempting to make a joke, wanting to do anything to cheer her up somehow because her sadness hurts him. "It's not your fault you're so brave and chivalrous."
Lily smiles a small, sad smile and looks to the ground. "I'm not brave," she mutters. "In fact . . . I'm terrified." She moves her eyes back to his face, and he's shocked to see the genuine fear and worry in their cores. "What if I don't make friends, Sev? What if no one likes me?"
Severus openly gapes at her; the mere suggestion that anyone could not like her is ludicrous. "You'll make a ton of friends! And every one will like you! You're loads more likable than me."
Lily laughs and he smiles slightly as she shakes her head. "That's not true. I like you." The words have no hidden meaning, but he can't help feeling the slightest fluttering of butterflies in his stomach when she says them.
He swallows the words that rise in his throat, "I love you," because there's no need to make her feel any guiltier than she already does. This is not goodbye, he reminds himself. There will be plenty of time for declarations of love later when they're both happy and content and she loves him back.
III.
Severus bounces on the balls of his feet, already clad in robes, as he scans the crowd eagerly, looking for Lily so they can embark on their fourth year of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She went away to Paris with her family over the summer, not being able to keep in touch with him, and he has frankly never been more excited to see her.
He notices the tall, bony girl first and his heart leaps. Then he notices Lily's parents, and lastly he notices the redhead hugging them goodbye. His jaw drops as Lily turns and heads toward the train.
Perhaps it was the wonder of Paris, or simply being outdoors all the time was good for her, but Lily has changed. Sure, she was always pretty, but now . . . she's stunning. She wears a long-sleeved t-shirt, jeans, no make up, and her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail yet a glow seems to hang around her, dimming everyone else in comparison. Boys and girls alike turn their heads as she walks through their wake.
Severus hears a low whistle from beside him and he turns his head quickly to see messy-haired, bespectacled James Potter leaning with his back against the scarlet steam engine, eyeing Lily in awe.
"Don't you dare, Potter," Severus says, not thinking of what the consequences of speaking might be.
Potter glances up and flashes a cocky grin before straightening and striding to Lily, blocking her way.
"Hello, Evans," he says suavely. "You look nice."
Lily glares at him, and this is one of the rare times Severus is grateful Potter picks on him so much. "What do you want, Potter?" Her words bite like ice.
"For you to sit with me on the ride to Hogwarts today. We could . . . get to know each other better?"
Something undeterminable flickers in her eyes and Severus feels his heart leap into his throat. After all Potter did . . . surely she couldn't be considering . . .
"In your dreams," she says snidely and walks around him, leaving him baffled.
Severus heaves a great sigh of relief. Of course Lily would never fancy a bloke like James Potter. He feels silly even entertaining that thought.
Lily looks around and she sees him. Her eyes brighten and she beams a smile that lights up her entire face.
Suddenly, Severus wants to call, "I love you!" for the entire world to hear because it's just so wondrous that a person as beautiful and kind as Lily Evans could enjoy the company of someone as ugly and horrible as Severus Snape, but he doesn't, not wanting to humiliate himself. There will be plenty of time for declarations of love later, when they are alone and she loves him back.
IV.
I'm such an idiot!
The same thought echoes in his head over and over again as he paces in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, waiting for someone --- anyone --- to come out. He hadn't meant to call Lily a Mudblood. He was embarrassed and angry and earlier that day his Slytherin friends had been teasing him about how she always fought his battles and it just slipped out.
Lily would understand. She had to. Because Severus doesn't know how he would cope if she didn't.
He hears footsteps suddenly and turns quickly to see a girl with honey blonde hair hanging in her face, rifling through her book bad. He recognizes her as Mary Macdonald, the girl Muliciber played that prank on back in third year.
She glances up from her bag and her brown eyes widen slightly at the sight of him. She comes to a halt.
"Why are you here?" she asks quietly.
"I need to talk to Lily."
Her eyes harden and her lips thin. "Go away, Snape. She doesn't want to talk to you."
Severus rolls his eyes. He doesn't have time for this. "I don't care. Just go in there and get her for me."
It's Macdonald's turn to roll her eyes. "Are you daft? She doesn't want to talk to you."
"Well, if she doesn't come out now, I'll wait until she does. I'll sleep here if that's what it takes."
A flicker of worry flashes across her face. "You'll make a fool of yourself."
"I don't care." I already have, he adds silently to himself.
Macdonald scrutinizes his face and seems to come to the conclusion he is telling the truth. "Fine. I'll talk to her, but I can't guarantee she'll come out."
Severus continues pacing, not bothering to thank the girl, praying that Lily gives him a chance.
Ten minutes later, Lily steps out of the portrait whole and, at first, Severus is elated. He knew she would forgive him! But, after a quick look at her cold eyes and several apologies, his bliss is long gone.
He keeps at it though, refusing to believe she will not forgive him. She's cold and cruel, but he takes her offending accusations --- even when she calls him a Death Eater --- no matter how hurtful they are. This only seems to make her angrier.
"I can't pretend anymore," she finally says. "You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."
No. No, this isn't how the meeting was supposed to go. This can't happen!
"No ---." Severus says, in one last attempt to make her forgive him, "listen, I didn't mean ---"
"To call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"
He openly gapes at her. Surely, she knows by now. His adoration of her is about as obvious as Potter's, if not as boldly stated.
He wants to take her by the shoulders, and shake her, and shout, "I love you! Everybody sees it, why can't you?" He refrains, though, thinking the only thing that would possibly fix this is to allow her time to herself, so she can cool down. There will be plenty of time for declarations of love later when he's forgiven and this whole mess is behind them and she loves him back.
V.
A single tear runs down Severus' large, hooked nose as he gazes longingly at the photograph of the woman he's always loved, laughing with the man that should have been him while the child that should have been his zooms around their feet on a toy broomstick.
She's so happy in this single picture, happier than he had ever seen her, despite the prophecy or Severus or the war.
She's glorious. With her red hair and fair skin and emerald eyes. It makes Severus' blood curdle to think Potter would be the one she would forever share happiness with. He may have fallen for her near the end, but he only fancied her looks in the beginning. Severus, on the other hand, had always seen what an amazing person she was, seen it even more than her outer beauty.
Words rise in his throat, and he does not bother to push them down. He's alone in Black's old bedroom and even if he wasn't who would listen, anyway?
"I love you," he breathes.
But the words are lost to the stale, empty air. Because Lily Evans is dead and gone, nothing but a memory, and he's still here, horrid a person as ever, and she will never love him back.
The End
A/N: What did you think? Alas, Sev's story is so sad, but I still love it!
Please Review!
6