Authors Note: Hello Everyone. this is my very first attempt ever at a fanfiction of any sort so any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. This is an idea I've been trying to get on paper for a while so let me know what you think and if you'd like to read more. I have an outline for possible later chapters which would take place during her school years.

Some starting info about the story: This is my take on the character Pansy Parkinson during the Harry Potter series. It is a completely different point of view and Pansy is very OOC from how her character was written in the book. I don't wish to write this as an excuse or explanation for her cruel behavior, but rather as a completely different version of what possibly could have happened in her life. The first several chapters will be more or less going along with the general plot line of the first few books, but I may take quite a few liberties later on that will make this a bit more AU.

Enjoy! Please R&R

Disclaimer: Any Harry Potter characters/material/plot lines/etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

Prologue

Fatalis Decisionem

I pressed my ear against the crack of the great, reddish maple, doors to the sitting room. I was so proud to have made it all the way downstairs from my room without so much as a single house elf having noticed me, and now I was going to take advantage of it.

Every kid knows that the things adults discuss behind closed doors are the most interesting in the world; even though they only manage anything along the lines of completely boring if you're in the same room. So Draco and I made it a game when we were four years old. We would see who could listen to our parent's 'private talks' the longest without being noticed and report back to the other when we were next allowed to play because our parents were visiting each other.

Of course, that was three years ago, and we were just kids then and not very good at not getting caught. But as I was proving today, that had changed.

We're both seven whole years old now, and had gotten a lot better at hiding.

I heard voices drift through the door, but though I could hear my parents, I couldn't figure out what the things they're saying meant, which was really annoying!

My dad's voice said, "…decided to remain loyal, at least as a façade. The Lestrange's have been pressuring them. And of course we all know that he'll be back eventually, and the first thing he'll do is punish any defectors."

Before I had a chance to even wonder what a 'defectors' was, my mother's gentle voice cut in, right as my father seemed to falter.

"So they're keeping everything the same; hiding in plain sight, I suppose, so that they don't have to go in hiding, for Draco's sake"

Wait what? Hiding? I was hiding right now, why did they want to hide? And what did Draco have to do with this 'defectors' thing? What did draco have to do with any of it at all? Did he get in trouble with his aunt Bella? She's scary, I hope he didn't. Or wait, dad said he so maybe they meant Draco's Uncle Rodolphus. But wasn't his uncle Rodolphus on that long business trip to that island place, Azaka? Azbakan? Whatever it was called. Mum said that Draco's aunt Bella was supposed to be at the island whatchamacallit with his uncle Rodolphus, but Mrs. Bella still managed to visit Draco at the manor a lot.

"…the same for Pansy."

My name coming up in the conversation startled me back from my thoughts, and my heart momentarily jumped to my throat because I thought they'd found me. But apparently, I'd just missed some of what dad had said in response to mum.

"So what do you think?"

Mum again, then silence. I strained to hear in case they were whispering, but for some time, I couldn't hear anything except for the faint sound of the crackling of flames from the fireplace inside the sitting room. Couldn't they hurry up? I didn't even know who they were talking too, though hopefully it would become clear soon since mum just asked whoever it is something.

"I'm sorry Katherine, Gareth…I can't do it. I'm done with that life. I won't go back to it."

Oh! It was Aunt Abigail, mum's sister. But what did she mean?

"I'll pack up my things and go into hiding. I'll be gone by the morning, before that death eater meeting tomorrow that all of you will have to attend to prove your continued loyalty to Voldemort to some of the more eccentric death eaters like Bella or Greyback…I really don't envy you that."

Mum and dad made odd shushing noised when Aunt Abigail mentioned Voldemort, and I couldn't believe my ears. Mum had told me 2 years ago when someone else said that name never to repeat it because it was very bad. Why was Aunt Abigail saying it? But Aunt Abigail was talking again, though so quietly that I had to press my ear even harder against the door so that it nearly hurt to hear anything.

"Don't try to enter my property up in Scotland anytime in these next few…well, however long it takes. I'll be putting up some cautionary spells, and undetectability charms will be the least harmful of them. I'll visit every once in a while but I can't make any promises about-" CRACK

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I heard the familiar noise of a house elf apparating from inside the room, cutting off the rest of what Aunt Abigail had been saying.

"Here's the tea you requested, Mistress"

Oh, well really now, that wasn't interesting! I wanted to hear the rest of the conversation!

"Thank You Betsy. Oh, before I forget, would you be so kind as to check on Pansy?"

Oh No!

I turned tail and ran, scampering down the hall, up the stairs, around the corner and down another hall before I could even hear the beginnings of Betsy's, "Of course, Mistress."

I can make it! I can make it! I kept repeating to myself as I ran as fast as I could down the hallway. No I can't. I slowed to a stop, trying to get my breathing under control as I stood next to the door to my room, out of sight.

"Miss Pansy" I heard the worried voice of my favorite house elf Betsy from inside the room.

What was I going to say? Ah-BATHROOM! The thought exploded in my head just as Betsy peeked out from my room.

"Miss Pansy, what are you doing here?" and noticing my still too quick breathing, asked, "Miss Pansy, are you alright? Should I fetch Mistress?"

Yawning, I said in my best 'tired-voice'. "I had to go to the bathroom." Well, that still didn't explain why I was out of breath, but at least Betsy seemed to accept the excuse for being out of bed.

"Well let's get you in bed, miss. You don't want to be tired tomorrow, do you?" Betsy chided lightly.

I shook my head compliantly, hoping Betsy wouldn't ask any more questions and made my way into my room and to my bed.

"Do you need anything else, miss?" Betsy asked.

I shook my head, fake-yawned again and said, "No, thank you, Betsy," crawling under my covers. Betsy straightened my covers and picked up a small pillow that had fallen that I had sewn myself once when I was bored. She placed it comfortable under my arm and said softly, "Goodnight, miss."

I lay wide awake for several more minutes, trying to make sense of what I'd heard, and frustrated that I couldn't. I mean really, they could have been a bit more considerate…even though they didn't know that I was listening.

With a sigh, I turned onto my side, and closed my eyes, deciding to maybe get some sleep after all. I was just drifting off, when I heard the door open.

"Pansy?"

That was Aunt Abigail again. I half wanted to turn over and sit up. But then I remembered what she had said. She was going to leave us, that much I had understood. Maybe she would stay longer if I wasn't awake so she'd be able to say goodbye to me. That thought brought a smile to my face, and as she sat on my bed, I snuggled further into the covers, eyes closed, my back to her, acting as asleep as possible, which was honestly getting easier with every minute that I grew more tired. She began talking softly.

"Hey Pansy…I know you won't remember this since you're sleeping…"

She trailed off, her breath shaky as though she were trying to hold back tears. I waited for her to continue, curious now.

"...but, since I can't say goodbye properly…Pansy, I have to leave for a while. I wish I could tell you why but it's better this way…maybe it's actually good that you're asleep…I won't have to make any bad excuses"

Oh. So she wasn't bothering to stay to say goodbye properly. Didn't she care at all? She was home usually nearly as much as mum and dad…sometimes more than dad when he was on business trips. She couldn't just up and leave like this! I grew angry, and that made me yet more determined to keep acting as though I were asleep. She didn't deserve my goodbye if she wasn't going to bother to do it properly.

"I'll see you again, I promise. It just might be a while. I'm so sorry Pansy…"

Well it didn't really seem like she was!

"…remember I love you…If I don't see you before school starts for you, then good luck. You'll be wonderful. And don't let anyone choose your house for you, ok?"

Alright, now she's gone loony. She has to be back before I go to Hogwarts: that's four years, otherwise!

"I'm sorry I couldn't do this properly, but it may actually be easier this way. Goodbye, Pansy, I'll miss you soo much"

I went stiff as a board when I felt her getting off the bed, and heard her moving towards the door. I heard a faintly whispered, "sleep well", and then footsteps down the hall. She actually means it! She's leaving!

The shock began to wear off as my anger also wears away. I jumped out of my bed and race to the door. I couldn't see her in the hallway. I ran along it in the direction of the front door, which was still a while away though. I arrived at the top of the stairwell leading down to the foyer in time to see Aunt Abigail hug my mother goodbye and disappear out the front door. I was too late. I trudged back to my room much more slowly, the walk seeming to take ages in comparison. Tears run down my face, and I don't bother to pick up the pillow that had yet again fallen on the floor when I'd jumped out of bed.

I got very little sleep that night, and I didn't see Aunt Abigail again for nearly four years, until the summer before my first year. But by then, I'd harbored bitter feelings towards her for too long, and refused to even be polite to her.