"Lost Love"
by
Dorisann Anderson
Fifteen year old Rosea looked once again at the picture which she held in her hands: that of a young Hispanic Motor Officer standing by his motorcycle with a very pretty young lady, her hand entwined with his.
Rosea knew the woman was her mom at a younger age.
She looked at the man in the picture and then at the mirror which she stood in front of, noticing the strong resemblance. Rosea put the picture down and once again started to sort through in the shoe box she had found hidden in her Mother's closet.
There in the bottom of the box, were more pictures of the handsome Hispanic man and her mom. She also discovered a rose...dried and pressed between the pages of a small diary.
As she reached for the little book, her hand brushed against a set of folded papers.
Taking them out, she carefully opened the forms...and drew in a sharp breath. She could feel her heart begin to race.
In her now trembling hands she now held...her own adoption papers.
'I knew it! I WAS adopted!'
Rosea had always known she was different from her Mom and Dad...having long, thick black hair, darker skin and dark brown eyes. Where as her parents were both blondes, blue eyed and lighter skinned.
Feeling as though she had been adopted for years, she could never understand why her Mom would never tell her about the adoption.
Without any reason awareness of it, her right hand groped inside the shoebox. She yanked out another handful of forms, hurriedly reading each, tossing one after another aside until she finally came to the object of her search...her birth certificate.
She slowly to read it.
Child's name: Rosea Lynn Rush,
Birth Mother: Lisa Ann Rush.
Birth Father: Francis Llewellyn Poncherello.
Picking up a one of the pictures of the man whose name she had just learned, she looked closely once again, thinking to herself, 'Why didn't Mom marry you? Did you die? Did you not want me?'
Her discovery had only made for more questions.
Turning her attention back to the adoption papers, she had hope of getting some answers from them, but the legal forms told her little else than that the man she had called dad all her life, had adopted her. Steve Anderson had filled out the adoption papers one week after Rosea was born.
Deeply engrossed in her jumbled thoughts and feelings, Rosea never heard her Mother enter the room.
Lisa Anderson stopped short at the discovery of her daughter seated on the floor just at the closet's rim, an all too familiar shoebox in hand. A sense of alarm and then anger surged forth.
"Rosea what are you doing? Why are you going though my things!"
Handing the picture of the young handsome man to her Mother, Rosea asked, "He's my real father, isn't he?"
Lisa looked at the picture. As tears begin to fill her eyes, she ran her hand over the face of the man she had loved so deeply. "Yes, Dear, he is your real father," she said as the tears ran down her face.
"What happened, Mom? Did he get killed? Didn't he want me?"
"No, Dear...he never knew you were born. I never told him I was pregnant."
Lisa knew one day she would have to tell Rosea the truth but had hoped it would be later. Looking at the picture of Ponch, she whispered, "Oh, god, I haven't seen these in so long!"
With tears streaming down her checks, Lisa ran out of their beach home.
Rosea found her mother sitting at the edge of the water, still in tears, with her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around her legs.
Sitting on the beach, Lisa watched the waves come and go, wishing she could turn back the hands of time...back to a time when things were easier, back to the time she was with the love of her life.
"Mom..." Rosea said, as she set beside her mom, with the shoebox of pictures still in her hand. "It's okay. I just wanted to know who my father really was. I didn't mean to upset you like this."
Wiping the tears away, Lisa began to tell her only child the story of her father. "I loved him with all my heart...but I hated his job. I was young, too young. I didn't think I could be the wife of a cop. Never knowing when I kissed him good-bye in the morning as he left for work, if he would come back to me that night. Always watching for Jon, his partner, to come to my door to tell me that Ponch had been hurt or... that he had been killed."
"So...why didn't you just ask him to get a different kind of job?" Rosea questioned.
"Ponch was born to be a cop...he could never be happy as anything else. He could never have given that up, and I couldn't ask him to knowing how he felt. Being a Police Office wasn't just what he did, it was who he was...WHO HE IS."
Rosea looked at the pictures of her Mom and birth father. 'They looked so happy together,' she thought,
"Mom tell me about him...please."
Lisa smiled, reaching for the picture in her daughter's hand.
"It was love at first sight. He had stopped me for speeding...I was late for class. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. I just set there watching him while he wrote the ticket, completely ignoring his partner who was sitting on his motorcycle behind the car."
The memories were so vivid that Lisa actually began reliving the events of sixteen years ago...
Running out of her apartment Lisa knew she was going to be late for class, again...which meant she would be getting another speech form the professor, about the importance of being on time.
Lisa could still remember the last time Professor Cross gave her 'the speech': "An RN can't be late for work... too much depends on her being there...you must be on time, someone's life may depend on you being there..."
Pulling out onto the interstate, Lisa flew by the two CHP officers. Looking back she a few moments later, saw the lights flashing and could hear the sirens going.
Shaking her head, Lisa said, as if hoping the officers could hear her; "I don't have time guys! Please go chase someone else!"
Reluctantly, she pulled over.
Ponch walked over to the driver side of the car. "Ma'am, do you know just how fast you were going? I need to see your driver's license and registration, please."
Lisa looked at the officer. "I can explain, Officer..."
"The reason for the speeding can be told in court...unless it is a life or death situation...then yes, I want to hear it. Is it a life or death situation?" Ponch asked, a smile on his face.
"I'm late for class, Officer. That's why I was speeding," Lisa began.
"That hardly qualifies as a life or death matter..." Ponch responded.
"Well if you had to listen to Professor Sarah Cross give her 'don't be late speech', you would think it was a life or death situation," Lisa groaned.
Ponch laughed as he started to write the ticket.
Lisa looked the Officer over. 'He is so cute...and what a body!' she thought. She quickly looked at his hand...finding no wedding ring. she smiled.
"What's your name?" Lisa asked.
"Frank Poncharello, Ma'am."
"Well, Frank, how would you like a nice home cooked meal for your dinner tonight?"
With a frown, Ponch asked, "Are you trying to bribe me, ma'am?"
"NO, Officer! I would never do that!" Lisa said, as she signed the ticket.
"Well then...sure. How about seven...and I'll bring some wine."
Lisa handed Ponch a small piece of paper. "This is my phone number and address. I'll see you at seven."
Sitting inside her car, watching the Officers leave, Lisa was sure her face was as red as a beet.
'What have I done? I have never asked a man out before! What's gotten into me? But...he is so handsome! I swear this is love at first sight...'
Suddenly her thoughts turned back to her classes and she pulled back out onto the interstate.
Later that same day, Jon and Ponch joined Grossie and Bear at the Taco Bell for lunch.
"So when are you going to tell us why you're in such a happy mood, Ponch?" Grossman asked.
Taking out a small piece of paper from his pocket, Ponch smiled. "This is why. A very pretty lady is going to fix me a nice home cooked meal for dinner tonight."
Jon laughed as he shook his head at Grossman. "You had to ask?"
"I don't know, Ponch...you really should be careful...how you ask out all the ladies you give a ticket to. It doesn't look good for the rest of us, ya know. I mean all the female drivers are going to think: 'get a ticket and win a date with CHP cop,'" Bear teased.
"Hey man, I didn't ask her out... she asked me." Ponch grinned as he saw the pained look on Bear's face.
"Hey, Bear, who was the red head I saw you with at the movies the other night? Seems to me she said that you had given her a ticket for speeding," Jon asked, winking at Ponch.
Grossman watched as the guys laughed, then barked, "Well, personally, I don't think it's right."
"That's because you're married!" Jon, Ponch, and Bear, all said at the same time.
Ponch arrived at Lisa's apartment at exactly seven.
Hearing the knock, Lisa slowly opened the door. Seeing Ponch stand there with his tight jeans on and a red silk shirt only buttoned so far up; a bottle of wine and a dozen red roses in his hands; Lisa gazed at the sight he made. After a few seconds, she smiled, embarrassed, realizing she has kept him standing outside.
"I'm sorry, Frank. Please come in."
'I can't believe it! I don't even know how to act when he's around!' Lisa thought as she closed the door.
Ponch handed Lisa the chilled bottle of wine and the roses. "Here, Love, these are for you."
"Ohhhhh, thanks, Frank. No one has ever given me roses before! These are so beautiful, Frank."
"Well, I think every beautiful woman deserves red roses, and please call me Ponch. All my friends do."
"I'll just put these in a vase with some water and put them on the table."
Smiling as she walked past Ponch, Lisa wondered, '...can he hear my heart beat? Can it beat this fast without popping out of my chest?'
Ponch watched as she placed the roses on the table, noticing how she smelled them and the smile on her face as she looked at them.
"You really like roses, don't you?"
"Oh, yes! They're my favorite flower."
At the table Ponch talked of his CHP stories.
"I hope I'm not boring you," Ponch said as he finished his last story.
Lisa smiled at Ponch. She noticed how his smile could make a person want to smile, how his laugh could make you laugh. "No Ponch, I've enjoyed listening to your stories, how brave you are to do the job you do."
"Tell me, did the professor yell at you very much for being late this morning?" Ponch asked.
"No...that was the funny thing...it seems that the professor fell and broke her foot. At first she kept saying she didn't need to go to the hospital, at least not until the end of class. But then the Paramedics came, and she took one look at the one dark haired guy and all of a sudden she was in great pain and needed lots of help."
Lisa couldn't help but laugh as she remembered the look on Professor Cross' face as she was carried out by the handsome Paramedic.
Ponch laughed. "Well, like your professor, my Sarge is as bad about yelling when you're late." Looking at his watch he added, "I'm sorry, Lisa, but I need to go. We have a special meeting in the morning and I can't be late. I doubt I will be as lucky as you were today."
Lisa walked Ponch to the door. "I had a great time, Ponch. I hope we can do it again sometime."
Ponch took Lisa by the hands. "I would love to, Honey. Maybe we could go out dancing next weekend?"
"Sure, Ponch. I'm not very good at dancing, but I would love to be with you."
Lisa gazed into Ponch's eyes slowly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a long kiss good-bye.
The next morning, Lisa woke to the phone ringing. Picking up the phone, said sleepily, "Hello?"
Lisa smiled as she realized who was calling.
"Ponch!"
"Hi, Love. You know you have class today, you need to wake up and get ready so you can get there on time."
Lisa laughed. "Oh, Ponch...please just let me sleep ten more minutes."
"NO, Love! I don't want to have to give my girl another speeding ticket. Now get up and have fun at class. I'll call you later tonight. Okay?"
"Yeah...okay, Ponch...I'm up and I'll wait for your call tonight. Bye."
Most of that week, Ponch called every morning to make sure Lisa was up in time to get ready for class, and at night they talked for hours before hanging up.
That weekend Lisa was nervous, waiting for Ponch to arrive. She bought a new, tight, black sexy outfit for just this occasion.
The doorbell rang.
'I hope he likes the dress. Maybe it's too sexy? I knew I should have gotten the red one...that wasn't as tight. Well it's too late now!' Lisa thought as she answered the door
"WOW!" Ponch said, when he looked at Lisa. "You look wonderful!"
He handed Lisa a single perfect red rose.
"A perfect rose for a perfect lady."
Ponch kissed Lisa passionately.
"I made a reservation at Benihanna's for seven. It's a nice Japanese restaurant where they fix the food in front of you... so we need to get going to be there on time.
There is a disco just down the street from it."
In the car, Lisa sat nervously.
"Ponch I've never eaten in a Japanese restaurant. What do they have? Would you order for me please?"
"Sure, Dear. Their best dinner is the Benihanna Delight...it's chicken and shrimp and veggies. They also have sushi if you want that." Ponch looked at the face Lisa made at that thought. Laughing, he said, "I take it you wouldn't like that."
"You take it right!...but the chicken and shrimp sounds great."
At the disco, Lisa watched as the other ladies watched Ponch dance across the floor.
'Go ahead and look, ladies...'cause that's all you can do. I'm the one he's with...the one he's taking home!' Lisa thought to herself as she walked over to Ponch when a slow song came on.
Her heart filled with love and pride as she took his arm and slowed danced once again with Ponch.
Lisa whispered to Ponch as he slowed danced with her. "Ponch, let's go back to my place...okay?"
"Sure, Honey...if you want." Ponch was worried Lisa wasn't having a good time.
While driving home, it was Ponch's turn to be nervous. He had wanted only to show Lisa a great time.
"Love, did you have a good time?"
"Yes, Ponch, I did...thank-you. The restaurant was great. I did love the disco...we'll have to do that again. I just wanted to be alone with you for a while. I...I wanted to..."
Suddenly Lisa felt shy. 'What's wrong with me?' She wondered. 'I have never had these feelings before.'
Looking over at Ponch, Lisa put her hand on his leg and smiled.
Ponch smiled back. "I understand," he whispered.
At the apartment, Lisa and Ponch held each other close.
Lisa whispered as he carried her to the bedroom. "In your arms I feel so safe...so warm. You make the world go away for me...you make me feel special. I love you, Ponch."
Ponch kissed Lisa passionately. "I love you too, Lisa," he whispered in her ear.
That morning, Jon waited for Ponch at the underpass as usual. To his surprise, Ponch pulled up on time.
"Hey, Partner, ready for a great day?"
"Let me guess...you spent the night with Lisa," Jon said, as he tried to find out just how serious Ponch was about Lisa.
"Yeah I did...but it's not what you think, Jon. I really do love her. I think she's the one I want to be with...for always...you know?"
Jon looked over at Ponch, seeing the look on his face which clearly told him Ponch was deeply in love with Lisa.
"Well, I think you need to slow down some, Ponch. I mean you two just met. Take it slow...get to know each other better."
Knowing Jon was just getting over a broken heart with Lorna, Ponch gave him a tolerant smile, remembering his own words spoken to Jon not less then a year ago: "Forever is a long time..."
"I know...Jon, I know. It'll be okay...you'll see! Come on...lets ride!"
Jon followed behind Ponch as his partner pulled onto the 405 freeway.
Three months later, Lisa put the book she was studying down as the phone began to ring.
"Hello. Ponch, I would love to go to the disco this weekend...but I've got a test to study for. I've just got to pass this test. I'm sorry, Ponch. Maybe you could come over and help me study for this test?
Lisa said hoping Ponch would say yes.
"Okay, Love...I'll bring a pizza and we'll study for that test, and you'll do great... so don't worry. You'll make a great RN."
"I'll see you about six then Friday night," Lisa responded happily.
As Ponch started to the door, Lisa opened it.
"Hi, I was waiting for you, my handsome pizza boy!" Lisa laughed.
Ponch noticed the papers and books all strung out in the living room, as he enter the room. "Lisa, love, you really have been studying too much. I think you're trying too hard. You need to relax." Putting the pizza down on the coffee table and setting down on the couch, "Come here, Love...show me what you are studying for this week."
Lisa set beside Ponch, handing him the paper she held in her hands. "We're taking a test on common abbreviations."
Ponch looked at the paper Lisa handed him. "Well, this doesn't look so hard. Here, honey..." Putting his arm around Lisa, "...you just relax. I'll read these and you tell me what it means. Okay?"
Lisa gave an eager nod.
"What's A...B...D?
"Abdomen."
"What's ante?"
"Before."
"What does B...I...D stand for?"
"Two times a day."
Ponch smiled at her. "See you know these. You just need to take it easy. You're trying too hard."
Lisa started to unbutton Ponch's shirt.
"Uhmmmm...Love...you're studying..."
"Yes, Ponch...I' m studying." Lisa laughed as she began to run her hands over Ponch's chest.
"What ya studying, Love?"
"Anatomy."
Ponch threw the paper down and took Lisa in his arms.
"Ponch...stay with me tonight."
Four months later, Lisa stood before Professor Sarah Cross, as the professor handed her the hard-earned Nursing diploma.
Lisa looked in to the crowd, knowing somewhere Ponch sat, watching, making her day even more special.
That evening, Ponch took Lisa out on the town to celebrate...dinner, dancing and then...back to his place for the night.
Two weeks later, on a hot Saturday July morning, Lisa stood by the window with her phone still in her hand, still not able to believe what the doctor had told her.
"Say that again! I'M WHAT?!" Another pause and then, "Pregnant! Are you sure, Doctor? Okay, thanks for calling me."
Lisa stood looking at the phone; 'I need to call Ponch. I really need to call Ponch.'
As she was about to dial, the number the doorbell rang. Opening the door, to her surprise, there stood Jon.
"Oh, Jon, I'm glad you two are here. I need to talk with Ponch." Looking around Jon, Lisa asked, "Jon, where's Ponch?"
Jon took Lisa by the hands.
"Lisa, Ponch has been hurt. He was shot in the shoulder and has a broken arm."
Seeing her pale, he hurried to say, "He's going to be okay. He just needs to stay a few days in the hospital. If you want I'll take you to see him. Ponch asked me to bring you...he was worried you would be too upset to drive on your own."
"Ponch shot?" Lisa whispered. "No, Jon! Ponch...my Ponch shot!"
Tears fell down Lisa's face as she fell into Jon's arms.
"Lisa, Ponch is going to be all right. Come on...I'll take you to him."
At the hospital Lisa stood beside the bed holding Ponch's hand.
"Lisa, honey, please stop crying. I'll be okay. I'm just a little sore...but hey I got the world's best RN to care for me," Ponch said as he tried to ease the fear in Lisa's eyes.
That afternoon Lisa walked down the beach, thinking to herself, 'I can't be the wife of a cop...I'm not strong enough! How long will it be before I have to tell this child,
Daddy's not coming home again?'
Walking into the hospital room that night, Lisa stood beside a sleeping Ponch.
"Ponch, I love you. I always will!"
Giving Ponch a kiss on the cheek, she walked out of the room looking, back once again to say.
"I will always love you!"
Lisa looked at Rosea, picking up the rose that was in the box. She began to tell the story behind the rose.
"This is the last rose Ponch give me. After I went to him that night...I went home...called my Aunt in Florida and told her I needed a place to stay until I could get a job. That week I packed and sent my things to Florida. I stayed at a friend's apartment across from mine...I saw Ponch come that weekend, with his arm in a cast and holding a red rose in the other hand. He walked to the door...the apartment manger saw him and told him I had moved...that I had gotten a job offer in Florida. I was watching from the window...I saw the hurt look on his face as he left. Before he got into his car he...he threw the rose down...then got into his car and drove away. I walked over to the rose, picked it up and whispered, "I am sorry, Ponch! I do love you!"
Tears fell down Lisa's face, her voice was but a whisper.
"I have always regretted that decision to leave him. I know now...anytime we would have had together would have been worth the memories...even if it was for short time. The life we would have had, the love we would have given each other...the joy we would have shared watching our child grow...would have been worth it."
Looking down at the rose, Lisa shook her head.
"I can still see the hurt on his face."
Rosea set by her mom as Lisa was still crying, her heart broken once again by the memories of a love lost.
"Mom, don't cry anymore...please. One day I'll go to LA and find him, and when I do, I'll tell him how much you still love him and how you have lived your life regretting leaving him," Rosea said as she carefully put the rose back in the box.
Lisa pulled her daughter into a tight hug...touched by her child's heartfelt desire, but knowing it could never be a reality.
Continued in part II