"Hey Babe."

Alex Danvers has to consciously remove her hand from where her DEO pistol is holstered at the sudden statement. She isn't sure if she'll ever get used to coming home and seeing the lights on in her apartment but god does she want to.

"You're here!"

Warmth settles in her chest as her eyes land on Maggie. Her detective is sprawled across the couch wearing gray sweats and a faded NCPD shirt. Out of the corner of her eye, Alex notes that seven o'clock news is highlighting Supergirl's heroics earlier in the day.

"Where else would I be Danvers?"

As the agent settles onto the couch a realization washes over her I'm home. Maggie leans down letting her head rest on Alex's lap while Alex brings her left arm down to wrap around Maggie's stomach.

"I don't know Detective Sawyer but I'm glad you're here."

She loves the small wrinkles that deepen at the edge of Maggie's mouth when she smiles, she's beautiful. Alex is sure that her heart stops for a second. She glances at the window half expecting to see Kara crashing through to check on her before looking back into chocolate eyes.

Maggie's left eyebrow is raised as she poses the question and even if Alex couldn't see the smile, she'd hear it. After the week she's had, all she wants to do is fade into her couch with a bottle of whiskey. But, the prospect of doing anything with Maggie is infinitely more appealing.

"Yeah?"

Alex's response is immediate. She kisses Maggie's forehead tenderly before leaning her own forehead against it and whispering, "yeah."

Maggie smirks up at her before shifting up to place another kiss on Alex's lips, short and playful.

"Not for long Agent Danvers, I've got to head out for my shift in twenty minutes. I have just enough time to shower, but, you can join me."

Maggie throws a coy smile her way before disentangling their hands how did I not notice that we were holding hands.

"I-"

Alex hesitates. She wants to. God, she wants to, but her ribs are still a mass of bruises. In a flash, she's back on the asphalt with an intense ringing in her ears blocking all sound. Warmth brushes over her arm then there's pressure in her hand. She's back with Maggie. Squeezing the hand holding hers she tries to look up with a reassuring smile. Before she can say anything Maggie beats her to it.

"You don't have to babe, totally optional."

She hadn't disclosed her injuries. At this point, she's sure that if Maggie finds out it will lead to an uncomfortable discussion. It's not a question of trust, she trusts Maggie with her life. She trusts Maggie with Kara's life and that's…new.

"Hey, hey Alex. Are you okay?"

Maggie pulls her back and Alex tries to offer a convincing smile because she is okay. She got to come home to her wonderful girlfriend and Kara saved the day and Maggie lit her favorite candle which means that her apartment smells like Jasmine. It's more than she can ask for even with the slight ache every time she moves.

"Yeah. I'm good. Go shower"

Maggie, amazing, empathetic Maggie, doesn't budge from her side. Instead, her fingers brush Alex's hair back while her other arm rests against Alex's cheek.

"You sure?"

Alex leans into the warm hand, closing her eyes to gather herself for a moment before replying.

"I'm sure babe, but thanks."

Maggie picks up on her mood. She knows something's wrong. Alex can see it in the way that she cocks her head to the right. The detective is sharp, she doesn't miss much, and Alex knows wheels are turning in her beautiful mind.

"Because you're totally convincing me right now. What's up?"

Sighing Alex leans back against the couch taking Maggie sits on the table staring at her.

"Just a rough day."

That's not an explanation. Alex is still not sure what she can say about what happened. She's not sure how to explain her current emotions, there have been so many crashing around her. Sometimes it's panic sometimes it's overwhelming anguish but for the past few days, they've been coming in waves. She can't stop reliving it. She doesn't want to admit how much one mission is affecting her.

"J'onn still not letting you back in the field?"

That too. She knows it's the right call. She doesn't blame him. But if I could just get out there, I'd have something to focus on. I could start moving forward and putting this behind me. No, I can't just put what happened behind me. I have to remember.

"Alex?"

What? Maggie. What were we talking about? J'onn?

"Not yet, it was a week and a half ago. He's never kept me out this long. When I broke my arm I was back in four days."

Maggie frowns leaning over her and resting her hands on Alex's thighs.

"We're coming back to that later. But right now, is there anything that I can do to make you feel better?"

Alex leans forward and kisses Maggie's cheek before tugging slightly on her girlfriend's arms. Maggie relents and leans into her until they're a mess of tangled limbs on a couch that's too small for two people. Burying her head in Maggie's shoulder she mutters, "Just stay like this for a minute?"

...…..

"I've got to go but," Maggie trails off and Alex can almost hear the second part of her sentence. The 'I don't want to leave you alone' that Maggie barely holds back.

"Do you want me to call Kara?"

The answer is an emphatic no. Alex knows she's not okay, and there's no way that she's going to be able to protect Kara from whatever nightmares the blond is having. She knows how hard Kara takes it when agents from the DEO are injured. Her little sister still hasn't accepted that she can't save everyone. Alex wants to be a steady calming influence for Kara, but right now she can't hold Kara and say that it's okay. It's not. It's not and she's not sure how much more lying she can do.

"No, I'm just going to crash. I can't wait until you're off nights."

Maggie smiles leaning down for a chaste kiss before grabbing her keys off the table.

"You and me both, see you for breakfast?"

Alex smiles because that's something she can look forward to.

"Wouldn't miss it."

"Bye babe, love you."

"Love you too, be safe."

"Always am."

The moment Maggie walks out of the apartment it feels empty. Alex stands, walking towards her kitchen, drifting towards the far left cupboard as she hears her front door lock. She pulls it open with more force than she means to and reaches for an amber colored bottle hidden on the top shelf. Forgoing mixers, ice, even a cup; she takes a heavy swig.

Smooth with a familiar burn.

Her hands are shaking as she lowers the bottle to rest on the counter. The sound the glass makes as it knocks against wood is familiar. Instantly she's back on Eighth street with two rookies, joking about how Jones actually named his dog Superpug after losing a bet with Vazquez.

She feels everything all at once. Anger, she wants the punk that killed Jones to burn. Helpless, she couldn't save a fellow agent. Pain, in her line of work she knew that nothing was guaranteed but...He was just a kid. She tries, she tries to swallow the guilt but it's eating away at her churning her stomach and a sob slips out.

Before she can break down she pulls the bottle to her lips and tries to make it stop. She drinks but she can still see the way that Carmichael's eyes widened. She can still hear the thud of a small metal ball hitting the ground behind world spins. Grabbing the counter she squeezes it and closes her eyes. She's home. She's safe. Nothing's behind her. God, she can almost still feel the impact. She didn't see Jones dive on the small alien weapon but Carmichael did. Jones was gone before she even got up off the ground.

…...

Alex lurches forward, unsteady. She turns away from the television and tries to focus on the lamp beside her, flinching as the light fixture spins worsening her nausea. She's going to throw up. Standing too fast she sways, falling hard. On hands and knees, she stills. Taking a deep breath Alex begins repeating an old mantra: don't throw up. After two tries she decides to give up on standing and melts into the ground resting her head on her forearm. Even with her eyes closed, she can feel the room moving.

Seconds later, she jolts up in an uncoordinated mass of arms and legs. I'm going to be sick. Her mouth is watering, her face feels hot, and she still can't stand up straight. Instead, she crashes against her wall and uses her left shoulder for support. She reaches over sloppily with her right hand creating a second point of contact as she guides herself to the bathroom. She doesn't have time to turn on the light, the second she opens the bathroom door she's miserably sick.

Catching her breath, Alex closes her eyes leaning her head against the wall next to her toilet. She's not ready to move from it yet. She still feels as if she's at sea. Bringing a hand to rest on her face, she's not prepared. The floor shakes underneath her as a thunderous boom cuts through the night.

"What now?"

Pushing against the toilet she's proud that at least she's still able to stand. Low light is pouring in from the living room at least the lamp isn't broken. Before she heads out a thought occurs to her. Whatever is out there, she doesn't want to face it with remnants of vomit on her face. Taking a slow deep breath she reaches for a towel to wipe her mouth. I haven't been this drunk since college. I can't feel my face Catching herself, her hand lands heavily on the metal rack and she feels it give under the force. The bar hits the ground the sound an echoing ache in her head. Kneeling she grabs her towel wipes her face before arming herself with the broken pole.

Her movements are slow and the corners of her vision blur away. She's not sure what she's expecting when she finally makes it into her living room. Whatever it was, it's not the new view of National City's skyline that greets her. The window by her living room is gone along with most of the wall that once surrounded it. She continues surveying the damage.

On top of the rubble is oh god, Kara!