Breaking Your Own Heart
Hey guys- I'm in the middle of a Kelly Clarkson and Bruno Mars kick… and I came across this song and thought I could make it into a Beca scene, after she works things out with the Bellas, the girls come over and here Beca singing this song… making them go find Jesse… I don't want to give it all away, since this is my first angsty one-shot… hope you like it…
Practice was great. Being back with the Bellas was great. Even working with Aubrey could now be considered great (even though her neurotic moments came out once or twice making her twitch.
But Beca still didn't feel great. It wasn't great that she lost her best friend. It wasn't great that she didn't realize what he meant when he said 'the endings are the best part' till spring break, but then he shut the door in her face. It wasn't great to feel everything in reverse. It wasn't great feeling as if she lost him; that the Bellas knew not to say anything about him because the walls she finally had down around them would shoot right back up. It wasn't great that when Chloe asked how she was, with what was going on with her and Jesse, tears started to build up and Beca ended up crying in front of all the Bellas.
Throwing her bag and phone on her bed, she decided that she was going to play her keyboard for once, not to work on a mix, but to let it all out. Having to listen to Ashley and Stacie sing every song on Kelly Clarkson's new cd during rehearsal, made Beca download the one song that really stuck with her. The one song that described her and how she essentially screwed up everything; she began to play with the tears already brimming her eyes…
Shaking your head like it's all wrong
Before you're here you're already gone
And even with the light all around you
You're all alone in the dark
Shaking her head as she plays, letting it all come out she doesn't hear her phone going off- Amy calling her to come hang out with the rest of the Bellas. She knew they knew how much she was hurting without Jesse, and it was all left unsaid. You're breaking your own heart
taking it too far down a lonely road
you say you just wanna love but when it's close enough
you just let it go
In too deep in the song, Beca doesn't hear her door open with all of the Bellas in the doorway stock still. The girls look at each other and look at their new leader, the one that brought them all back together; the one that was putting their own happiness before her own. Knowing that she didn't hear them, the girls shuffled into the room and sat all around listening to her play… unshed tears in all of their eyes.
Of everything you've been the most afraid of you've been doing from the start
breaking your own heart
Getting choked up already, Beca takes a deep breath to push through the song… she felt someone, or someone's, come into the room and figured it was the Bellas…it was only a matter of time. She just kept going as the tears fell down her cheeks. Too many tears, too many fools
it's easier here behind these walls
but you don't have to walk in the shadows
All of the unshed tears were steadily flowing down the girls' cheeks. They finally saw how hurt Beca was and how upset she was at herself. They all have seen Jesse at least once around campus, and he too was not the same. He barely looked at any of the girls and barely responded to Amy's jokes when he saw her in class. The Bellas knew they had to do something; finals were coming up quicker than they expected and that the set that Beca came up with was amazing and they were all in sync with the moves, but the light in her eyes was gone. The light she had whenever Jesse was around or even after she had spent some time with him, was no longer there- no longer showing the true Beca anymore. Whispering to Chloe that she would be right back, Aubrey tip-toed out of the room to make a phone call to the one person that could get Beca back; she was just praying it would work- Jesse.
When life is so hard
you're breaking your own heart
taking it too far down a lonely road
you say you just wanna love but when it's close enough
Staying close enough to the door where she could still here Beca and not be heard talking to Jesse, she dialed his number.
Two rings later he picks up. "What do you want Aubrey?" he asks gruffly not wanting to talk to the girl that set Beca off.
"Listen, I know you don't like me and I know you would be fine never talking to me again, but Beca came back to the Bellas…" Aubrey took the sudden silence as a means to continue, "She came back and we have everything perfect, but she's not…" Aubrey left the statement hanging hoping he picks up whatever she was leaving out.
"What do you mean she's not? She's not what Aubrey, not a Bella? She wouldn't have come back if she didn't miss you all and singing… what's going on Aubrey?"
Aubrey takes a deep breath, "Listen Jesse… listen to her play… this is what we came to her room and heard…" Gently pushing the door open, she sticks her phone into the room so he could hear her sing and play. All the girls turn with questions on their faces till Amy mouths "Jesse?" and Aubrey just nods in return. "Do you hear that Jesse… she knows she messed up, and she knows she hurt you. We can't say your name around her without her getting upset…"
All she heard was silence on the other end and had to check the phone to make sure he didn't hang up; "Hello, Jesse?"
Clearing his throat, "Yeah I'm here… What do you… What do you want me to do Aubrey, she made her point quite clear at Semi's…"
You just let it go
of everything you've been the most afraid of you've been doing from the start
Breaking your own heart
you're breaking your own heart
Before she could continue, she heard Beca belt out one part of the song with so much emotion that even she caught herself crying.
"I want, no we all… and I mean all of the Bellas, want Beca back. We want that snarky, passionate, caring Beca back… I'm going to let you go now… just think about it Jesse…"
Aubrey hangs up and wipes her eyes- she knows as much as Beca has driven her crazy, she has come to adore the girl and her ear spike.
She walks back into the room and sees the Bellas all crying and now hovering around Beca as she tries not to break completely down. It's not too late, I'm still right here
If only you'd let go of your fears
All the girls join in with her on the last chorus, singing with Beca and holding her up to her keyboard. Chloe sings the echo as they continue the last part together as Beca leans into the girls, tears freely falling.
Feeling the girls all around her, supporting her in such a hard time… knowing that Aubrey probably called Jesse out of caring for Beca, not telling him off, touched her more than something her parents' could have ever done. You're breaking your own heart
Taking your own heart down a lonely road (down a lonely road)
You say you just wanna love but when it's close enough
You just let it go (you just let it go)
Of everything you've been the most afraid of you've been doing from the start
Breaking your own heart
The girls fade out at the end to let Beca sing the last line of the song..
Breaking your own heart…
When she finishes, she just sits with her hands at the keys biting her lip to keep from sobbing. Cynthia Rose and Stacie pull her hands up off the key board and Ashley spins her around in her chair to face the girls, but her head is still down. When she is finally facing the girls, she slowly raises her head up with tears in her eyes still biting her lip. They can tell that she is trying so hard not to sob it out, but as soon as they are around her, embracing her in a group hug, she just lets go. She lets go all the pain that she has put the Bellas, Jesse, and herself go through. She just lets it all go and her body is racked with sobs till she could barely breathe. All of the girls are holding on to each other in tears; supporting each other but most of all supporting Beca.
Once they feel Beca calm down, they all take a step watching her. Wiping her eyes with the back of hands, sniffling, she looks up at all the girls and smiles.
"Thank you…" was all she could say.
Chloe comes to her side and kneels down to be eye to eye with her, "Are you okay Bec, really, we all know you're not… just let us in,"
Beca shakes her head, "I know… I'm not… I thought that being back with you guys and focusing on school and the Bellas that it would hurt less, but just seeing him walk by me like I'm not even there," she begins to get choked up again and Jessica comes up to grab her other hand, "It hurts so much. I know I f'ed up, trust me I know it. I don't know what to do anymore… I think I love him," a sob goes through her body as she finishes, "And I lost him…"
Aubrey kneels down in front of Beca, "I know you know I called him, and before you get mad at me, just hear me out…" She looks up at Beca who nods for her to continue, "I made him listen to you play Bec- I told him that you came back and the set is amazing, you aren't fully back with us…. I told him how when we try to bring him up you shut down and it takes forever to get you back again… I told him to think about all of that, to think about how he isn't the only one hurting anymore…" Aubrey takes a deep breath to continue, feeling her own self getting choked up, "As much as you can be a royal pain in my ass Beca, you and the rest of the Bellas are like my sisters and I would do anything to get you back to your normal self…"
Beca gives her a small smile, "Thank you Aubrey, seriously… but what can I do? He slammed the door in my face… After everything I have put him through this year I wouldn't blame him if he never spoke to me again."
Amy steps up and pulls Aubrey away from Beca, for her only to get in her face. "Listen to me flat-butt right now. You are going to be my roommate and you are already one of my best, but I will not have you sitting here in self-pity. You just showed us all how you really feel through that song, and even Cynthia Rose was crying… do the same for Jesse, mix that song you have been humming every practice for these past few weeks, and put it into the set…"
All the girls nod in agreement to Amy's idea, Chloe was the one to speak up first, "Bec, he knows how you are, he may be pissed at you and he may be upset with everything right now, but I feel, no we all feel," as she looks around at all of the girls nodding their heads adamantly, "if you put that song into the set, take the solo and give it everything you got, keeping in contact with him… he may understand."
Cynthia Rose continued on saying "And if that boy truly loves you like we all, including the Trebles, have seen, then he will get what you're saying through the music…got me?"
Beca snorts, "Yeah I got you all…" Looking around at the puffy eyed, smiling Bellas who have become more of her family than the one she grew up with and realizing that they are right and what does she have to lose; she's putting it all out there, "Let's remix this business…"
Okay, I should have warned you all that you may need a tissue for this one. I am undecided to continue this- turning it into a two-shot where Beca is playing on the piano in the rehearsal room singing another Kelly Clarkson song (of course) and Jesse walks in on her playing… This would be from his POV… What do you all think? XoKate