Okay peeps now I know this isn't my usual style since as a rule I love R/J but for this story Joey in the role of the male lead just wouldn't work. So for true R/Jshippers, R/Rshippers and M/Cshippers don't read.
"Rachel our sessions are going great. I want you to do a combined session with one of my other patients, which I know is a little unorthodox but I think it would be good for both of you. I want this to be regular thing, but if after the first session either of you have a problem we can stop and just be one on one again, obviously you have the right to refuse, but I would really like it if you would consider it."
"What's she like?"
"Actually it's a he. Now I can't tell you anything about him, for obvious reasons, just as I couldn't tell him anything when he asked the same question about you."
"He agreed?"
"Yes he did."
"Well then I guess it would be rude if I didn't."
"Rachel Green, this is Chandler Bing." The two stared at each other before eventually he stood and offered his hand to her, unwittingly she flinched and then felt a flash of anger at herself for doing so. She thought she was learning to deal with this, obviously she was mistaken. Chandler had felt uncomfortable the second he stepped in the room, her reaction to his hand shake made him feel worse, he returned to his seat and stared at his shoes.
"I'm sorry." She stood and offered her well manicured hand to him. He took the offered hand and they shook.
"Now um how about you two tell each other a little bit about yourselves. Chandler?" he looked at the therapist and cleared his throat.
"I'm Chandler, um I work in advertising, junior, I only started fairly recently. Career change. I'm engaged to, Monica and we are, well she is frantically planning the wedding. My best friends are Ross Geller, Monica's brother." He noticed her start at the name and made a mental note to ask her about them later. "And Joey Tribbiani from Days of Our Lives. I've been seeing Kath for about 6 months now."
"I'm Rachel Green, I'm in the process of getting a divorce, um I don't really have any friends, I guess Phoebe would now be classed as one, but that's all really I lost my friends when I got married." He heard the pain in her voice and he felt an ache inside him to comfort her. He had no clue why Kath had wanted them to have joint sessions but he assumed they shared a common link. "That's all really, I don't have a job, I don't have much in my life really."
"Can I ask you something?" She nodded hesitantly, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You seemed to recognise my friend's name." She looked up taken off guard by the question, she had prayed he hadn't noticed.
"I knew them in high school." Chandler nodded and wondered at the rest of the story.
"Well we can either stop now that you know each other or begin a little, brief telling of why you're here. Rachel?" she started to rock ever so slightly that Chandler only just noticed it, she had wrapped her arms tight around herself and fear invaded her blue eyes.
"Um I was married to my husband for 9 years. Um I should have left years ago, but I was stupid. At first all it was, was a kick or punch when he'd gone out after a bad day and got drunk. But he was always sorry after he'd woke up. Then it started being when he was sober too. He stopped being sorry, he stopped any pretence of love. But I was pregnant, and I had no where to go, so I stayed. One day he beat me so bad I lost the baby. And I just lost everything that day. I stopped caring. He began using drugs, around me, dealing to kids. And I just watched because I didn't have the strength to stop it. I didn't care. He invited his friends round one day, I was in the shower and they all came in the bathroom, they watched through the curtain. Disappeared before I got out. When I went into the living room, they were all shooting up and leering at me. They gone within half hour, no sense. He got them to pin me down." She lifted up the sleeve of her shirt and he saw the needle marks, he was disgusted that someone could do that to a person, to a person they had obviously declared love for. He could never imagine doing anything like that to Monica. "They left me then, on the floor, practically unconscious. But it got regular. Then it stopped, the drugs stopped, with me anyway. They'd found something better to do with me."
"Rachel I think now is a good place to take a break, have a drink and we'll come back and Chandler can tell a little bit about him okay?" Chandler stared horrified at the wreck of a woman in front of him. She stood and let herself be guided from the room by Kath.
She felt numb, disjointed from the world, she hated the person she'd become, the person he'd made her, the person she'd let him make her. She saw the look on that guy's face in there, knew he was thinking she was stupid not to have left, but he didn't know. He didn't know what it felt like to lose everything, and need to just lose yourself. While it had been happening she had found a new world, one that she frequently locked herself away in, a world where she had the perfect life. She had the most wonderful loving husband, she had her family and her friends…and most importantly she had her baby. It had been a little girl she'd called Emma, and she had looked exactly like her, she loved her little girl so much. She had sat rocking her for hours, or sometimes just watching her. The touch on her shoulder jolted Rachel from her thoughts and she wordlessly followed Kath back into the room, she didn't look at him, she felt too ashamed, so sure of what he was thinking.
"I thought I was gay, for years. Since I was about 12 and I started having these fantasies about this man who I didn't know doing all these things to me. I didn't tell anyone, especially my mother. She'd just have blamed my father and it would be another argument. I didn't date, men or women. I didn't tell anyone, I tried to have a normal life and ignore the fantasies, then one night about 2 years ago, Monica and I were a little drunk and we kissed. We woke up together the next morning, our friendship was shattered but as we looked at each other it didn't seem to matter. It didn't take long for us to realise how it felt and that we loved each other. But the fantasies, I still had them almost every night. I woke up covered in sweat, sometimes screaming in pleasure so many times she asked me. And I described the fantasies, she held me and she asked one very important question. 'Why was I always a little boy in them?' that's when I came here. And um the fantasies weren't what I thought, it wasn't until I listening to them properly I realised I wasn't gay and the screams of pleasure weren't screams of pleasure but of fear. I was sexually abused by a man I don't know, I can't remember." Rachel just wanted to hold the man in front of her, his whole life had been ruined by this unknown man, at least she still had memories of a happier time.
Rachel walked outside of the grey building took a deep breath of the New York air. She'd never known New York could ever be seedy, back when the only thing in her life was shoes, hair, make-up, good clothes and finding a doctor to marry.
"Rachel?" She half turned to see Chandler. She gave him her friendliest smile, though she knew it left a lot to be desired. "Would you like to come to this party my friend is having, I think we could both use a little harmless fun."
"I take it Monica will be there." He nodded. "I'd rather not."
"It won't be just her, lots of showbiz people too, it's for the cast of Days Of Our Lives."
"I really can't."
"Why not, did you not get on in high school cos that was a million years ago, everything has changed now."
"It's not that, we were friends kind of in high school, but I was a little different then, I'd prefer to stay hidden, if people have to know what I am now, I'd rather they didn't know me then. I'm too ashamed of what I've become." He nodded at her, seeming to be processing what she'd said.
"Come it'll be fun and bring your friend Phoebe. I'll say she's the one from counselling and I told her to invite a friend. We can pretend. Soap opera stars, hot men, Joey will hit on you. Just so you know."
"I guess a soap opera party would be fun and I suppose I should try and repay Phoebe for what she did. Sure, um just go to my place first." He smiled at her before hailing a cab. He opened the door and let her climb in first.
Rachel hesitantly followed Phoebe and Chandler onto the roof of his apartment block. The lights and the people almost frightened her, since Phoebe had saved her she hadn't really been round a lot of people, she left her apartment got into the cab and went inside Kath's office block, Phoebe did her shopping for her and any clothes she might need she ordered through catalogues Phoebe gave her. Phoebe turned slightly back to her and clasped her hand. She was the friend Rachel knew she needed right now. She saw her then, Monica Geller. Chandler placed one hand on her arm and kissed her cheek.
"Mon, honey, this is Phoebe Buffay. My counselling buddy, and her friend Rachel Green."
"Hi Monica."
"Hi, oh my god Rachel." Rachel gave a slight wave to her. Monica moved forward and hugged her, Rachel felt herself tense, she hadn't prepared herself for human contact, something she had to do otherwise she froze.
Rachel let herself into the apartment and flung her keys down on the side. She breathed a sigh of relief at being home. Away from the lights and the people. She knew her old self would have delighted in a rooftop soap opera party, loved that Joey Tribbiani of Days of Our Lives had been flirting with her. But then the old Rachel wasn't afraid of her own shadow. She had watched them together, Chandler and Monica. She hadn't seen her in years, she'd lost weight, looked amazing. Looked happy. They seemed so right together, both so in love. She had once thought that's what her life would be like, happy and full of love. She'd never imagined what he'd do to her.