DA Snippets - Life is fleeting
The enormous silhouette of Skyhold was a very welcome view against the horizon. Lady Trevelyan sped up her horse. She couldn't wait to be back, and in particular, she couldn't wait to see Cassandra again.
Her role as Inquisitor had taken her away on official business for a few days, and frankly she was more than happy to be finally rid of all the posing and scheming and fake pleasantries and back stabbing that invariably happened whenever she was amongst the Orlesian aristocracy. It usually drained her energies fast, and her patience even faster.
As she crossed the long bridge and passed through the huge, solid entrance gate, her only thought was to freshen up quickly and find the Seeker. She had been literally dreaming of her beautiful face, of her kind smile and of her warm and charmingly harsh voice. She was having a hard time containing the storm of butterflies in her stomach by now.
She had come to her private room right away, without paying any attention to anyone, trying to be as stealthy as possible in order to avoid anything that could delay her. Being a rogue was incredibly useful at times. The Herald checked herself in the mirror one last time, her casual clothes seemed fresh enough, her short hair was not too shabby, her face was clean... all right. She ran down the stairs and out of her quarters, and when she reached the main hall, she tried to be polite enough in her replies to the various greetings thrown at her by this or that guest of the castle and by the people who worked there.
As she stepped out into the courtyard, her heart was hammering in her chest. She made a bee line for the small area beside the Armoury where she knew she could always find Cassandra, either training or reading.
It was empty.
She looked around and noticed that Iron Bull was apparently missing too. She opened the door to the forge, but no one, apart from the blacksmiths, seemed to be there either.
As she came back outside, she noticed Lady Montilyet walking briskly towards her, a serious look on her usually more relaxed features. "Inquisitor! I've been looking for you for the past hour!"
She was a bit out of breath and looked distressed. The Herald did not like this at all."Lady Ambassador, are you all right? What's going on?"
Josephine didn't even wait to catch her breath. "We have received news from Scout Harding, her team was following up on some anonymous tip about the presence of Venatori in the Hissing Wastes. When Leliana and I called a small meeting to tell the other members of your inner circle, Lady Pentaghast decided that this was too urgent a situation to delay any action. She geared up and left three days ago, Lord Pavus and the Iron Bull volunteered to go with her."
The Herald cursed under her breath. Then she took a quick decision. "Lady Montilyet, please have a small detail ready to go within the hour. No soldiers, just a few of Leliana's scouts, and of course some supplies. I want to be able to move fast, in order to reach the others as soon as possible."
"Of course, Your Worship. Right away."
Lady Trevelyan had been to the Hissing Wastes before, just to assess the situation and to set up a few camps, with the intention of concentrating her efforts there at a later time. It was a stunningly beautiful and mercilessly deadly place. She knew of course that the Seeker was perfectly able to take care not only of herself, but of whomever was accompanying her, if the need arose, but the thought of her roaming that endless desert, where the goal of almost every form of life was to kill every -other- form of life, was unsettling to say the least.
Lost in her unpleasant musings, she noticed someone approaching her only at the last moment, but as soon as they spoke, she recognised the young voice even before turning to see their face.
"You are worried, there is a haze of rush and concern covering your thoughts, you care deeply for her, you -need- to be with her, every second spent away is a sweet agony, the only urge that fills you is the wish, the hope, the desire to be near her again, your heart flutters when you smell her next to you, when your eyes meet your head spins, and it feels good. With her, you feel whole, you feel light, you feel strong, you feel alive."
She couldn't help a small smile at the freaky accuracy of his description. Nevertheless. "Cole? Please get out of my head, this is not the best of times..."
He didn't let her finish. "I'm coming with you. To help. Help will be needed."
She tried to dissuade him, gently. "It's not necessary, I can assure you. I can travel faster the less people that are with me, and..."
His eyes sparkled under the wide brim of his hat as he stared at her, unwavering. His tone had a note of finality to it that she rarely heard. "I will help."
They were making good time, travelling at a good pace. If all went according to plan, they should be in sight of the next camp in this sea of sand and rocks, the one where Cassandra was supposed to be, by the following evening.
The Inquisitor was tossing and turning in her tent, trying to get some sleep. In her heart dwelled a mixture of excitement and worry. This long trip couldn't be over one moment too soon. She was sick and tired of this dreadful feeling that had been seeping into her bones since she had left Skyhold. A small voice in the back of her head kept wanting her to believe that something was wrong, that something bad had happened, and every night she had gone to rest with visions of pain and hurt and suffering haunting her. Sometimes she hated her over imaginative mind. She tried to ignore it all as she turned over, again, and hoped she would fall asleep soon, if anything because of exhaustion alone.
The wind was howling a bit louder inside the canyon, and together with some small falling rocks, it was the only noise in the clear night.
Cassandra lifted her head and looked at the stars up above. They seemed to be shining so much brighter out here, in the middle of nowhere. She took a moment to appreciate the beauty of this wild place before heading for the supposed site of a tomb that the Venatori seemed to be very interested in.
Not many paces ahead, her eyes noticed a movement in the dim light, just behind a boulder. She unsheathed her weapon and raised her shield, warning her companions in a low breath. "Dorian, Bull, watch out. There's something or someone ahead."
In his typical brashness and carelessness, the Iron Bull closed his grip around the shaft of his huge axe and charged. "Last one into battle is a stinking old nug!"
Lady Pentaghast yelled at him. "Wait! Don't...!" It was too late.
The shadow that had moved became two, then four, then more. She looked in horror as she realised it was a nest of giant spiders. With an angry grunt she started running after the Qunari, hoping to be able to drag him out of the overwhelming number of monsters that were easily swarming him. She heard Dorian's voice behind her. "Cassandra! No! There are too many!"
Seeing that she had no intention of stopping, he mustered his will and started raining fire and lightning on the creatures, hoping to make enough of a difference.
Hacking and slashing with all of her might, the Seeker was making good progress when she saw out of the corner of her eye that Iron Bull was visibly getting tired. A particularly hairy spider launched at him and knocked him out of balance for a second. She got rid of the one that was attacking her and swiftly moved to where he was barely standing. They leaned against each other, back to back, and regrouped to face the next wave. The Seeker crouched and raised her blade, a focused look in her eyes.
There was a faint movement on the ground next to her. One of the spiders, that she thought dead, had one last spark in it and with incredible speed plunged his fangs in Cassandra's thigh. She cried out loud at the excruciating pain before collapsing. Her vision got blurred and she felt herself fainting. She knew it was the venom. In her mind, the last thing she saw was a loving smile opening slowly on the lips of Lady Trevelyan. Her favourite sight in the world.
A few yards away, Dorian immediately realised the gravity of the situation. He aimed at the oncoming group of monsters and unleashed all of his power in one strong lightning cage. He yelled at the Qunari in unmistakable terms. "Pick her up and get her out of there now! Run to the camp! I'll hold them back as long as I can."
Finally realising the idiocy of his actions, Iron Bull quickly put his axe on his back and did just as the mage had told him to. The dead weight of the Seeker was nothing his huge arms couldn't handle, and he turned immediately and started running with all the energy he had left.
He only slowed down when the dim fires of the camp were finally in sight. He called for help and two scouts were at their side in the blink of an eye.
He gave them the limp body of Lady Pentaghast, quickly explaining what had happened.
As he was squaring his shoulders and getting ready to make his way back to help Dorian, he saw the mage slowly coming up behind a small dune, his body leaning heavily on his staff, his face agonizingly pale, his legs trembling underneath him.
Bull ran to him and helped him walk the remaining distance. He asked him right away, in a low, concerned breath. "Did you get bitten too?" he was almost afraid of the possible reply.
Dorian looked at him with weary eyes. "No. Just drained. Used all my lyrium potions. Made it out alive by nothing short of a miracle. Organise a watch and some defences. I'm not sure if those monsters decided to follow me to finish me off."
"Of course. I'll take first watch. It's the least I can do."
Dorian just nodded. "Where's Cassandra? Take me to her. I need to see what can be done to help her."
As they were approaching the camp, the Inquisitor noticed the tall, broad figure of the Iron Bull from quite a distance. He seemed to be standing as still as a statue at the edge of the small area that they had reclaimed from the desert. Lady Trevelyan spurred her horse, anxious to cover whatever small distance was left between her and being reunited with the woman she was so in love with. All the while, she couldn't help feeling like something was out of place, wrong, somehow. Why was the Bull standing watch? That wasn't his job, they had scouts and soldiers to handle that. She tried to ignore her gut feeling.
She hadn't even dismounted yet, that the big Qunari greeted her, an uncharacteristic meek tone in his voice. "Boss? What are you doing here? We didn't expect you."
She tried to keep it as casual as she could, but she was getting more and more suspicious. "Have you even considered: 'Oh, hey! Welcome Boss! What a lovely surprise!'. I'm sure that together with a smile it would make for a much better greeting."
Her heart missed a beat when he didn't smile in return. This was not the usual Iron Bull. Something -must- have happened. She heard Cole's voice, stark in the silence of the night. "Uncertainty, shame, what should I say, what can I say, all my fault, all my fault, her heart will break, what can I do..."
The Qunari was towering over the young spirit in just two quick steps, his voice low and threatening. "Shut the fuck up! Shut up now!"
Cole didn't even blink, but he did stop speaking.
The Inquisitor shifted her head and stared directly into the huge warrior's eye. "What. The fuck. Happened. Tell me now, and make it quick."
Her heart was racing as she stormed into the tent where Bull had pointed her. Her eyes adapted quickly to the dim light and she caught sight of the scene in front of her.
Sprawled on some cushions on the ground was Dorian, his eyes closed, his face still very pale, he had probably just fallen asleep, completely spent.
Cassandra's body was lying on a thin mattress, naked except for some simple underwear and an undershirt, a pillow lifting her head slightly, her eyes closed tightly, a painful downward turn on her perfect lips. Her thigh had been wrapped in clean cloth, but there was a large purplish bruise peeking out of it, that was spreading towards her knee, her veins and capillaries raised and very visible beneath her skin.
The Herald's breath caught in her throat and she felt her eyes swell.
The noise she had made had been enough to wake up the mage. He looked at her with hazy eyes and it took him a couple of seconds to actually recognise her. "Maker's breath. Trevelyan! What are you doing here?"
She swallowed hard and her reply probably sounded a bit harsher than she meant. "Why does everybody keep asking me that? It's quite obvious you lot need a fucking nanny in order not to get each other killed."
She saw the hurt expression on her friend's face and mellowed down a notch. "I'm sorry Dorian. I know it's not your fault. I shouldn't lash out like this at you. But please, I need to know. How is she?"
The mage got up from the somewhat comfortable pillows and gently guided her out of the tent. He spoke to her in a low, heartfelt voice. "To be honest, I don't know. I applied whatever medicaments were at our disposal here at the camp, but I would need more than that to give her a fighting chance. These animals have developed an even harsher venom than usual in order to survive out here, they're not your typical giant spider, whose bite will keep you in bed with a high fever for a couple of nights. These things can kill, in more than one way."
The colour left the face of the Herald quickly, she was only able to speak a few, choice words at the moment, her throat felt so tight she was almost suffocating. She made it count. "What do you need?"
He took a good look at her. "What I need is someone who can tell the difference between blood lotus and spindleweed, and unfortunately the scouts here are busy keeping watch against a possible attack from the remaining spiders." He breathed deeply and added. "I'm not sure you're in the right state to go out there trying to find ingredients for a poultice or a potion."
The look in her eyes almost scorched him. "What do you suggest I do, sit around and wait for her to die?"
Dorian could see there would be no talking her out of this. "All right then. Find me Dragonthorn, Deathroot and Amrita Vein. They should be somewhat available out here in the desert."
She nodded briskly. "I'll get back as soon as I can."
The search had been slower than she had wanted it to, but with the help of Cole, who had turned out to be very good at spotting herbs by the moonlight, she had been able to find all that Dorian had requested. The young spirit had indeed helped, as promised.
Now she was pacing nervously just a few yards from the tent where the mage was working to help Cassandra as much as he could. As she saw him opening the flaps and exiting it with tired steps, she ran to him, a look of pure concern on her tense face. She stood in front of him and just stared, waiting for him to speak.
He shook his head, looking down. "I did all I could. I'm not going to lie to you, it's bad. But if there is one who is strong enough, and stubborn enough, to recuperate from this, it's Cassandra. It will likely be a long and difficult night. I can stay at her side, I'm sure you're even more tired than I am. Go and have some rest. I will come and wake you if anything happens."
The tone of her reply did not leave any room for further debate. "No. I need you at your best for any unforeseen complications. You go sleep. I will watch over her in the meantime."
He squeezed her arm tenderly, then he gave her a small smile and left. No more words were needed.
As she was about to enter the tent, she heard Iron Bull's voice requesting her attention. "Boss...? May I...?"
She turned around swiftly, walked up to him and fixed her stare on him mercilessly. She stopped him cold, her voice a low, angry hiss. "You cocky, reckless, inconsiderate idiot! What the fuck were you thinking? I've been briefed on what happened and why. So let me tell you this, and I will keep it very simple, so that even your thick brain can understand. If she dies, I will cut off your head with my own hands. Now get out of my face!"
His shoulders slumped and he looked utterly mortified. He only had the time to stutter quickly. "I am sorry. I'm -so- sorry."
"Not enough."
She turned on her heels and disappeared inside the tent.
A low, pained moan woke her up abruptly. She cursed herself for having fallen asleep and wondered how long she had been out. She checked quickly, her hand opening the flap slightly, and saw that it was the middle of the night. She went back to sit on the floor next to Cassandra, her eyes locked on her beautiful, suffering face. She saw beads of sweat on her forehead. She gathered a small cloth from the basin where it was lying, soaked it in the cool water and wiped the Seeker's face with it, softly.
Her heart clenched in her chest at the sight of the woman she loved fighting for her life, in so much pain and discomfort. She put the cloth back on the basin and took one of Cassandra's hands in her own, holding it gently. She watched intently as something was stirring on the Seeker's expression.
Lady Pentaghast slowly lifted her eyelids and looked at her with clouded eyes.
The Herald looked back at her, her hand coming up to the Seeker's cheek to caress it lightly.
Cassandra tried to speak, but her mouth was too dry for her words to be more than a whisper. "Is this a dream? I keep dreaming of you. You feel so real."
The Inquisitor was having a hard time speaking through the tight knot in her throat. "I am here. I am right here."
"Good. You're all I want." And like that, she closed her eyes again and fell unconscious.
Lady Trevelyan stayed perfectly still for the longest time, her heart threatening to jump right out of her ribs, barely breathing. Cassandra's words were playing over and over again in her mind. 'You're all I want. You're all I want. You're all I want.' She could swear she had never heard anything that had touched her more deeply in her entire life.
She tried to shake herself out of it, she pulled herself together and repositioned the pillow under the Seeker's head so she could be more comfortable. She reached for a book that was lying next to her, fallen from her grip when she had fallen asleep earlier, and she went back to reading, checking on Cassandra now and again with keen eyes.
Her eyes fluttered open almost in panic. She couldn't believe she had fallen asleep again! The sharp pain in her neck told her that her body was definitely uncomfortable. She noticed right away that it was still dark outside. The only noises were the quiet shuffling steps of the sentinels keeping watch and the random calls of animals. She considered that she mustn't have been unconscious for very long. Her eyes caught a slight, continuous motion just at the corner of her vision. She checked immediately and saw that Cassandra had curled up in a foetal position, she was trembling visibly, in perfect silence, her face a mask of pure pain. She reached for her forehead and her fingers felt how cold it was.
She picked up a light blanket that had been left in the tent by Dorian just in case, mentally thanking him, and she sprawled it on top of Cassandra, tucking her in with careful gestures. Moving quickly, she went to lay down behind her and draped her arms around her, pulling her close, making as much of their bodies connect as it was humanly possible. The Seeker was freezing. She hoped that her own body heat would seep through the blanket and help her get warmer. After what seemed like an eternity, the trembling subsided a little and Lady Trevelyan relaxed a bit. She tried desperately to stay awake, but her eyelids felt like lead and she was so incredibly tired.
The morning sun was finally beginning to dry up all the dew and humidity of the night as Dorian was making his way to check on the Inquisitor and Cassandra.
He entered the tent very quietly and his eyes were greeted by the sweetest view.
Both women were sleeping soundly, the Herald all but wrapped around Cassandra, her face buried in the Seeker's short hair, one arm under Cassandra's neck, the other loosely draped around her torso. The mage took the time to observe his patient's face and saw that the tension due to the pain of the previous hours seemed to be gone. He sighed a breath of relief. The back of his hand caressed her brow quickly and he could feel her temperature had gone back to normal. It looked like the worst had passed. And he had, of course, been right about her strength and her stubbornness.
He gently shook the Inquisitor by her shoulder, careful not to wake up the Seeker as well. As her eyes slowly opened and she focused on him, he motioned with his head for her to get up and follow him outside.
She turned back to look at Cassandra briefly, and was stunned by the beauty and gentleness of her usually hard features, as it always happened when she laid eyes on her. She was happy to see that she looked more rosy and less grey than the night before. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her neck, just behind her ear. The Seeker stirred and clutched the Herald's arm close to her chest for a moment, then she relaxed again, she let out a short sigh and went on sleeping blissfully.
Lady Trevelyan disentangled herself from the embrace in one fluid motion and reluctantly got up.
She squinted when the low, strong light of the sun hit her eyes and she instinctively brought up a hand to shield them. Dorian offered her a cup of fresh water, which she grabbed and drank in fast gulps, grateful for the refreshment.
He asked her kindly. "So, how did the night go?"
"There were a couple of... difficult occasions. She even came to, just for a few instants. I didn't know whether that was a good sign or a bad sign." She paused for a moment, then decided to open up to him. "I was scared, Dorian. I have never been so scared."
He nodded his understanding. "Let's go sit on those rocks over there, then we can have some privacy and you can tell me everything."
She looked back at the tent with uneasy eyes and he reassured her immediately. "We won't be long and we will be within ear shot."
As soon as they sat down, Lady Trevelyan felt like the weight on her shoulders had become unbearable. She opened her mouth and the words just came pouring out.
"Yes, I am interested in Cassandra, even if that would be the understatement of our age. Yes, she might even reciprocate. At Skyhold, where we can be more relaxed around each other, people look at us and either find it a very entertaining subject of gossip, or frown upon it because they believe we should only concentrate on fighting demons and killing Corypheus. What no one sees, what no one can possibly know, is... Fuck, this is more complicated to explain than I thought. I'm usually good with words, yet somehow when I need them the most they fail me."
He put a hand on her knee and patted it sweetly. "It's all right. Take your time. There's nowhere I need to be but here." His smile was warm and sincere.
"Dorian... She had taken me prisoner. She thought I had killed the Divine: the one, most important, most beloved person in her life. In spite of that, she set my hands free, she gave me a chance to prove my innocence, she was willing to listen to me. To -me-. The possible destroyer of all that she held dear. Can you even begin to appreciate the kind of woman, the kind of person, you have to be to make a choice like that. As her hands were working to free me of my restraints, on that strange, fateful day not so long ago, I was staring at her face. Her burning eyes, her soft skin, the stern but flawless line of her lips, her deep scar, the way the sunshine was lighting up her cheekbones. I saw the determination, the courage, the strength, but also the hope. Hope that her own hope wouldn't turn out to be wrong. Hope that the hope she was putting in me would pay off. Hope that I could be the answer to the hope of the people, of all those who were suffering the most. She made me stand tall among the looks of those who instead would have been glad to see me hanging by my neck. She stood tall next to me. Regardless of her legitimate suspicions, she chose to be just, to be fair. I realised I had never met anyone like that. In my eyes, she suddenly revealed herself to be nothing short of the apex of the human potential. I felt my heart exploding in my chest. I was swept away. I fell in love right then and there. And ever since that day, she has been standing with me, and for me. Unfaltering, unwavering, unflinching. She has put her life to risk to save mine more times than I can count. She is my rock, she is my pillar, she is the backbone of my very soul. Her strength is my strength. Her resolve is my resolve. Dorian, if anything were to happen to her, I don't know if I could go on without her. I don't know if I would -want- to go on without her."
She stifled a bitter laugh. "And even as I say this, I can hear her strong voice in my mind scolding me: 'Of course you would. Or I will make you, even from beyond the grave if necessary.' Anyway, there it is. Now you know. It's not a crush. I'm not fooling around. She could have killed me, and instead she put her faith in me and she gave me back my life. So now I am giving my life to her. She is everything to me. And you are the only person who knows this, besides me. For now at least. I was planning on telling her soon, but you know how difficult it can be to find the right time..."
She stopped speaking then, aware that maybe she had gone a bit too far in sharing her feelings. She was looking down, her eyes fixed on the grains of sand that were curling around her boots, blown by a gentle, warm wind.
The mage reached out with his hand and pulled her up to stand. He gathered her in his arms and held her tight. She rested her forehead in the crook of his neck and tears of tension, of exhaustion, of fear, of keeping her feelings bottled up for too long started flowing from her tired eyes.
She heard his pleasant voice almost whispering in her ear, filled with compassion and a touch of humour. "Ain't love grand..."
She found that she couldn't help chuckling, her face opening in a grateful smile. This friend had a talent to always say the right thing at the right time. She hugged him back even tighter for a long moment. Then she got out of the embrace and dried her eyes with the sleeve of her tunic. "We better get back. I don't want to be away from her longer than necessary."
He smiled his bright confident smile at her. "Ah yes. Don't waste any time. Life is fleeting, after all. But while it lasts, what a life it can be."