Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kreuz! I don't own Harry Potter! Gummi Beers were on the Simpsons, making them property of Duff Brewery, Matt Groening, and Fox.

Summary: Weiss heads to the movies one day to see Omi's favourite movie. What is it? And why does it irritate Aya and Ken so?

Note: My first attempt at writing Schwarz, and only my second at Weiss, so expect OOC-ness.

Warnings: Implied slash, minor language. Schwarz-bashing abounds, because I hate them.



~A Day at the Cinema~




Ken lifted his soccer magazine off his knees as Omi plopped down in his lap.

I'm bored.

What do you want me to do about it?

Omi smiled and licked Ken's ear suggestively.

Ken murmured, finally putting down the magazine.

I want........ to go to the movies, Omi whispered in his ear.

Ken frowned. Surely, he must have heard that wrong. Omi must have said, I want you NOW, and Ken had simply misunderstood.

The movies? he asked, hoping to confirm this.

Omi turned his enormous blue eyes on Ken. Dang! The puppy-dog pout! It was so hard to resist!

Yes, the movies, Omi said sweetly. I wanna go see Harry Potter.

You've seen Harry Potter thirteen times, Ken sighed in exasperation.

Unlucky thirteen! I need to see it again! The genki high-schooler slid off his lover's lap and began to bounce around irritatingly. Har-ry! Har-ry! Har-ry!

Have you been watching Jerry Springer on the American Channel again?! Ken demanded.

Is it that obvious? Omi asked, his arm raised in mid-cheer.

Ken nodded.

Omi shrugged. Oh well! He began to jump around again. Har-ry! Jer-ry! Har-ry! Jer-ry!


Ken buried his face in his magazine and moaned. At the same time, Youji came wandering out into the living room, bleary-eyed and tousle-haired, having just gotten up. It was two in the afternoon.

Youji mumbled, sitting down beside Ken and lighting a cigarette.



I said, What's with chibi?'.

He wants to go see Harry Potter.



You've been flirting with the girls too much!

Just because I said

Only high-school girls say


Youji shrugged and got up to browse through the fridge. Is this anybody's? he asked, holding a half-empty iced coffee aloft.

Ken shrugged, going back to his article. Youji shrugged and started drinking the coffee anyway. Omi bounced over to him.



What is it, chibi?

I want to go see Harry Potter! Make Ken-kun take me!

Youji paused in his sipping. Didn't you already see that movie?



Well, there was no arguing with logic like that. Youji smiled.

C'mon, Kenken, we're going to see Harry Potter.

Omi squealed. Youji-kun! You're coming too?

Of course, chibi. Wouldn't want bad old Lord Voldemort leaping off the screen to attack you, Youji replied sweetly, kissing Omi's cheek.


Ken leapt to his feet and threw his magazine across the room, I am NOT, repeat NOT, going to see Harry Potter!

Yes you are! Omi and Youji overruled him, and seized his arms. Ken struggled fruitlessly.

Sometimes I hate you both! he panted, and at that moment the apartment door opened and Aya walked in. Ken brightened at once. If there was one way to escape, Aya was it.

he yelled. Make them unhand me!

A Death Glare was flashed in the direction of the trio. Put him down.

Thank you, Aya! Ken said happily as Youji and Omi squeaked in fear and released him. He took refuge behind the swordsman. They're trying to make me take them to see Harry Potter!

That thing again? Aya groused.

It's my favourite movie, Omi gurgled happily. He seized Youji's hand and the pair began to do a kind of war dance around the room, chanting, Har-ry! Har-ry! Har-ry!

Aya mumbled incoherently to himself and stuck his fingers in his ears. Ken stuck his head into the nearest cupboard available. But they could still hear the annoying chant!

Ken pulled his head out of the cupboard. ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! he sobbed. We'll all go see Harry Potter if you JUST STOP SINGING!!!

Omi yelled, bouncing up and down. We're going to see Harry Potter!

~*~*~*~*~

Twenty minutes later, the four florists were standing in front of the cinema, looking up at the marquee: Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets. Heaving reluctant sighs, Aya and Ken were hauled inside and forced to pay for tickets.

Trying to pry the money from Aya's hand took all the strength of Omi, Youji, and the ticket seller combined, and he actually sniffled when it had been taken away. For a moment, all Japan fell silent and froze in disbelief over the fact that the usually stoic Aya had revealed a trace of human emotion. But surely they had imagined it, because in the next second Aya was as surly as always, mumbling to himself as he slouched over to the snack counter.

The look in Aya's eyes made it plain that the first person to ask him for snack money would soon find himself with a katana in a place it shouldn't be; so Ken was stuck buying the popcorn and candy. Which took forever, since Omi and Youji were undecided. Ken had gotten himself his usual strawberry pocky; Aya wanted nothing; but the high-schooler and the playboy were fretting over their decisions. The fat, pimply snack-counter-guy was getting impatient.

Are you going to buy some snacks or back up the line all day?! he finally shouted, making Omi and Youji jump. Ken looked back and saw that there was a line behind them reaching all the way back to the ticket seller.

Never mind, we'll share my pocky, he said desperately, pulling on his friends' sleeves.

That's no fun! Omi protested.

Yeah, pocky-hog! Youji yelled. I'll do it this way! Eenie-meenie-miney-MOE!

His finger was pointing somewhere in between a pile of paper bags and a vat of Skittles. He looked confused, but the pimply counter-guy merely shook open one of the paper bags and filled it with Skittles.

Youji cheered, seizing his bag of approximately six million Skittles. Ken sighed, forking over the cash. He prayed Youji wouldn't finish all those Skittles. Youji on a sugar high was scary.

Somebody give me a letter! Omi shouted to the line behind them.

SHUT THE HELL UP AND MOVE, KID! one guy yelled.

Shut up starts with S. I'll take every candy you have that begins with S!


When Weiss finally staggered into the actual theater, Omi was carrying a cardboard tray overflowing with Snickers, S'mores, Skittles, Starburst, and many other delightful treats that started with the letter S. Youji was contentedly munching on his Jupiter-sized bag of Skittles. Ken chanced a glance at Aya as they filed into four seats about halfway up the aisle. The redhead was fuming.


~*~*~*~*~

Harry Potter hurts God. Therefore, I like Harry Potter.

Farfarello skipped happily beside the other three members of Schwarz, giggling madly. Nagi raised an eyebrow and whispered up to Crawford, D'you think we should tell him the Pope approves of Harry Potter?

Hell, NO! Brad and Schuldich muttered together. Brad rolled his eyes up at the sky.

Why are we taking Farfarello to see Harry Potter?

So ol' Farfie doesn't do something horrid to us in our sleep, Schuldich mumbled.

Oh. Right. Uh - I knew that. I - uh - foresaw it. Yeah, that's it.

Sure you did.

We're here! Nagi cut in, unwilling to get an argument started in public, in case things got violent.

Farfie giggled insanely. This movie has Alan Rickman in it! Alan Rickman hurts God!!

Several passerby stopped and stared. Grinding his teeth, Brad seized Farfie by the arm and dragged him inside and up to the ticket-seller. He paid for the four tickets without complaint, and even bought Farfie and Nagi Twinkies at the snack counter. He flat-out refused to buy Schuldich a pack of Gummi-Beers, instead using his free hand to drag the redhead away from the snack counter. Nagi followed sedately, happily licking the creme out of the middle of his Twinkie.

They had gone three steps into the theater when Brad stopped dead and flung out his arm, so that Schuldich crashed into him and both Nagi and Farfie fell to the floor, narrowly missing smushing their Twinkies.

What is it? Schuldich asked, craning his neck to see around Brad.

Brad growled through clenched teeth.

The other three looked wildly around until they saw four familiar people sitting in the middle of the theater.

Nagi gasped, suddenly going scarlet and squeezing his Twinkie hard enough to splatter creme all over his front.

Schuldich scowled. Mr. My-Hair-Is-Oh-So-Better-Than-Yours!

Brad growled.

Soccer hurts God! Hidaka is cool! Farfie shouted.

More stares were cast Schwarz's way. Someone hissed, Brad growled, slapped a hand over Farfie's mouth, and dragged him to a row of empty seats. Schuldich and Nagi followed; Schuldich was mumbling a foul-sounding stream of German profanities to himself under his breath while Nagi scrubbed at the creme splattered on his shirt with a fistful of tissues. But Twinkie creme is a mysterious substance, and sticks like glue. Idly, Nagi wondered if he could develop a way to use Twinkie creme in Schwarz's plans of world domination.


~*~*~*~*~

A few rows away, Weiss were eyeing Schwarz. Aya's angry purple eyes were fixed on Brad; Omi was pretending to look at Farfie like Ken and Youji, but was really watching Nagi. Aya cracked his knuckles and wished he had a katana with him to throw - oh, well. He never had one when he needed one.

The lights dimmed slightly and the movie screen began showing things like Fun Movie Fact: Marilyn Monroe once went to Hollywood and Let's go to the lobby for some delicious snacks!, that kind of thing. But what Weiss found the most interesting were the Scramblers' - actors' names or movie titles, scrambled up so you had to guess who it was.

They did pretty good, getting things like Robert Redford' and Rodan'. Then a new scramble popped up:

MOT SKANH

Oh, that's easy! Omi cried. Tom Hanks!

The Scramble unscrambled itself to reveal the answer:

OTM SHANK

Otm Shank?! Omi yelled. Who's that?!

Otm Shank is cool! Otm Shank hurts God!!! Farfie shrieked.

several people hissed.

Confused, Omi put his head close to Ken's. Kenken, who's Otm Shank?

The soccer player shrugged. Dunno. Youji?

Beats me. Aya?

Famous Indian actor, Aya mumbled. Wears a turban.

Oh. How did you learn that?

Unlike you, Kudou, I read.

Hey! I do too read!

Articles in Hentai Weekly don't count!

Youji opened his mouth to protest, but Ken and Omi elbowed him in the ribs and he decided he'd be better off silent. Sulking, he fished a handful of Skittles out of his bag and chewed on them thoughtfully.


The previews started. Squealing in anticipation, Omi snuggled deeper into his cushiony seat and crammed his mouth full of Smarties. (Fitting, ne?)

Just when you thought it was safe to leave your home..... safe to walk the streets.... safe to bring your grandmother to her hemorrhoid surgery..... beware the terror of.... CUTE CUDDLY PUPPIES!!!

Youji trumpeted, flicking Skittles at the screen, which featured a cute little anime movie about puppies. Aya leaned over Ken to punch Youji in the arm. Youji took one look at the angry swordsman and decided it was better to endure the puppies in silence.

Coming soon to a theater near you...... In January 2005.... Jurassic Park 4: We Never Learn Our Lesson!

 Nagi slumped down in his seat. Damn previews!

Previews hurt God! Farfie said happily. Someone threw a candy bar at him, but it just bounced off his head without him feeling it and got stuck in Schuldich's hair.

Remember, folks.... this is a non-smoking theater....

Just like Aya's car, Youji smirked.



And now... our feature presentation...

Omi said aloud.

.... If that's a phrase you like to hear, then dial 1-800-Movie-Phone!

Omi shrieked. He grabbed a handful of Smarties from his tray and hurled them at the screen. PLAY HARRY POTTER!

Well, throwing Smarties was not a good idea. They got stuck in Schuldich's hair along with the candy bar, just as Schuldich raised a hand to make sure his perfect hair was - well, perfect.

Squish.

Schuldich cried, leaping to his feet. Gott en Himel! Candies in my HAIR!!!!!!

Shut up, moron! Brad yelled.

YOU shut up, Crawford! Aya yelled from behind them.

Make me, Fujimiya!

You jerk!



If I had my katana here I'd..

What, throw it at me?! You loser, I predicted that you'd say that!

Predict my ass! Aya bellowed, jumping over several rows of small, frightened children clad in Hogwarts robes to grab Brad by the collar. Ready to fight, Schuldich and Farfie stood as well; Ken and Youji followed Aya. Nagi and Omi looked at each other, squealed, and ran off to find the nearest secluded location.

But before they could do anything, music blasted out from the speakers around the theater: DO DO DODODO DO DO, DO, DO DO DO DO DOOOOOO.....

Harry Potter had started!

I can't let you out, Hedwig! Harry said to his owl.

I won't let you escape this time! Brad hissed to Aya.

We want your sister back! Schuldich muttered.

I'll be in my room, pretending that I don't exist, Harry offered.

You're NEVER getting your filthy hands on Aya-chan, ever again! Aya snarled.

I'm Dobby, sir. Dobby the house-elf! a bizarre, brown thing on the screen said.

WILL SOMEONE SHUT THAT OFF?! Ken bellowed.

AHEM!!! GENTLEMEN!!

The remaining members of Weiss and Schwarz jumped. Standing in the aisle, frowning at them, was a pimply-faced kid in a red blazer.

People are trying to watch the movie! the pimply-faced kid hissed. Either settle down or get out!

Wanna take this outside, wussies? Schuldich smirked.

Bring it on, Pretty Boy, Ken snarled.

Thanks for noticing!

Shut up, Candy-Head! Youji retaliated as they hurried out into the lobby. Once the door had swung shut behind them, Schuldich started cracking his knuckles.

Okay! Where's the little one?! He got candies in my hair! HE WILL PAY!

I don't know, why don't we have Crawford predict where he is, Aya said sarcastically.

I predict the future, not the present, dumb-ass, Brad said through gritted teeth.

Oh. Excuse me.

Farfie giggled insanely and pulled out his retractable sword. Look what I can do! He stabbed it through a door, and loud squeals came from within.

Farfie shouted, a maniacal gleam in his eyes. Rats hurt God! He wrenched open the door, revealing not rats, but Omi and Nagi - both shirtless and blushing.

Oh - you - I thought - I thought you were TOT! Nagi spluttered at Omi, feigning surprise.

You - you told me - you were KEN! Omi cried, pulling on his shirt and hurrying to hide behind his bugnuk-wielding lover. Ken growled softly - he was not taken in by their ruse.

What's more important to you, Schwarz, or sex? Brad hissed in an undertone to Nagi. First Tot, now Tsukiyono -

The l'il squirt's a nymphomaniac, Schuldich cackled, but stopped when a handful of Skittles pelted him and cracked his sunglasses.

he shrieked at Youji, who was smirking, another handful of candy at the ready.

And you thought I could only fight with wires!

I'll teach you! Schuldich grabbed Farfie's Twinkie and squished it. The creme splurted out and splattered over Youji's hair, making him shriek like a woman and drop his bag of Skittles. The colourful little candies rolled everywhere, and soon everyone in the lobby was slipping on them.



The pimply-faced usher was back. This time, he had three equally pimply friends with him, and all four of them were clutching what looked like gigantic Kit-Kat bars.

You've asked for it! People who make a disturbance in this theater are to be severely dealt with! Now you must face.... the KIT KAT BRIGADE!!!

The four ushers tore off their uniforms, revealing suits of mecha-like battle armour underneath. Neon visors lowered over their eyes, and the words Give Me A Break' were emblazoned across their chests.

they yelled, springing forward, giant Kit-Kats held high. Weiss and Schwarz screamed like a group of schoolgirls and fled, pursued by the Kit-Kat Brigade.

these supposedly brave and fearless men wailed, fleeing the theater as people waiting in line for other movies stopped and stared. Nagi narrowly missed getting crunched in the revolving doors; Ken dropped his pocky; but finally, they were outside!

FLASH! A bright light blinded them. Rubbing their eyes, they heard the leader of the Kit-Kat Brigade yelling, Don't come back! You're banned from this theater!

And as they gained their sight back, all eight men realized the flash had been a camera - now a huge poster of their faces was tacked to the wall next to the ticket sellers, with the heading, Do Not Sell To These Men!

~*~*~*~*~

~Three Months Later~

Youji entered the apartment, scowling. He had just returned from a date; but it hadn't gone very well. The girl had wanted to go to the movies... and sadly enough, Youji had discovered that his ban from the theater was lifelong. The girl had been offended and had stalked off, refusing to even let Youji drive her home. And here he was.

He headed for the mission room, thinking vaguely of watching the Playboy channel on the widescreen TV. However, when he got downstairs, the TV was already on. Aya, Ken, and Omi were watching a documentary on cheese.

Sighing, Youji flopped down on the sofa and lit a cigarette (Aya glared, but Youji pretended not to notice).

After the break.... the advent of Limburger.... the cheese announcer droned, and the commercials started.

What you've all been waiting for..... Ron, look out! .....The DVD of all DVDs..... There's a basilisk in the school! .....Now available at Blockbuster.... HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!!!

Youji froze. Omi squealed and jumped up from his seat. KENKEN!!! I MUST - RENT - HARRY - POTTER!

Ken moaned unhappily. All right... all right.... let's go get it...

Omi cried, jumping up and down.

Coming, Aya? Ken asked.



I'll take that as a yes.... Youji?

Why not.... rent a few adult films....


But when they reached Blockbuster....

BRAD! LOOK! It's the WEENIES!


It looked like they were heading for another lifelong ban.....


The End