A Fired Heart
Firstly I'd like to thank you for taking the time to read this fic. I know it's been a while since I've wrote for camp rock, but I sorta botched up the ending of my last story XD so, now that I'm a little more experienced, I hope you enjoy this fic ^.^ thanks for listening to my ramblings and enjoy the chapter, please review if you have a little time, just a few words would be greatly appreciated, and maybe a few words also if you'd be interested in me continuing, ok, I'll let you read now XD
Sasha XxxX
Disclaimer: I don't own camp rock, or any of the characters. All goes to Disney.
Warning: There is a lot of background in this first chapter, so if you aren't comfortable with that kind of stuff I don't actually describe anything, so you're safe for that. But I do mention things like abuse and self-harm, I don't dwell on it though, I know not everyone likes that stuff, in the probable future chapters I'll do a warning like this if there is anything that could upset people, and if you ever feel like you don't want to chance a read I will happily PM you anything you'll need to know for the rest of the story without all the gritty details =) just here to help, enjoy!
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Even when life tries to knock you down, you can scramble your way back up. Mitchie was living proof of that.
"Damn it!" I muttered as my fist came into contact with the dashboard of the car,
"This is ridiculous"
"Slow down, you crazy child-"
I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and looked at Caitlyn's name flashing at me,
"Mitchie! Mitchie! Mitchie!" She repeated down the phone with the excitement similar to a hyperactive puppy,
"Hey, calm down. What's up?"
"Ooooh you're in a bad mood? Jake said so. What did they do this time?" I grumbled under my breath in reply,
"I can be there in 10?" I smiled; I had the bestest best friend ever. And yes, I know that's not a word but Caity deserves a word made in her honour,
"That would be really great, and then you can tell me what has you so excited" Caitlyn squealed with happiness, ushered a hurried goodbye with a promise to see me in a matter of minutes and hung up. Caity was always happy, me on the other hand, It was hard to see me without a sullen look on my face, or a scowl, or glare, or…well, you get the idea.
I hit my head on the dashboard a few times in frustration,
"This place is insane"
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Not long after our conversation Caitlyn was tapping at my car window bouncing on the balls of her feet, I reached over a pulled up the lock so all the doors opened. My best friend bounced round to the passenger side and jumped in, crouched on the seat and began to continue her excited jig. Despite my mood I had to laugh,
"You look high, what have you been up to?" Caitlyn ignored my jibe and just launched into her story.
"Well, Jake called up and said that he didn't think you were alright-"
Ok I'll have to explain a little here. Jake was my best friend, he and Caitlyn were like my siblings. Recently though, Jake had been getting really protective, he says it's because he gets precognition but Caitlyn swears up and down –literally- that he had 'hidden' feelings for me. Which it utterly absurd as no guy would ever look twice at me, no, scratch that, they wouldn't even look once. I was the poster child for troubled teenagers.
Anyway, back to Jake. Well, this precognition he gets (as he calls it) is more like a danger alert. He knows when I'm upset, or something bad has happened, and sometimes he can even tell something bad is about to happen.
It's more than a little unnerving but I love him all the same, he's like my little protector…well, I can't really call him little. For one, he's 6'2", a whole foot taller than me. And he's older by a year, so he's a senior and me and Caitlyn are both juniors.
Jake was an awesome person, he was kind and sensitive and open. Not many people saw it, he had a hard exterior, I usually felt bad because I knew he kept it up to protect me and Caitlyn. He looked a lot like Jesse McCartney to be honest, his eyes though, were a piercing green, and they would startle people often. You see, Jake usually kept his head down unless he was openly glaring at someone so you didn't see his eyes.
I thought it was a shame, he had beautiful eyes. His hair was a mix between blond and brown, much like Caitlyn's, I suppose it was a chestnut. He was well built, and I seriously don't know how but he was completely muscled up, and he spent most of his time with me and Caitlyn so I don't know when he works out.
"Mitchie! Are you listening?" she raised an eyebrow; I nodded slowly half expecting her to hit me on the shoulder for zoning out. Right, back to listening to Caitlyn,
"I was saying-" Caitlyn gave me a pointed look, I had to behave now that look could mean certain death,
"-that Jake was getting really stressed out because he said that something was wrong. He would've been here but you know he's at that big meeting with the parent child happy family person-" Yeah and that lady was a right bitch, she convinced Jake's parents that he was a bad kid and that he was rebelling, they kept him at home for three months! Only school then straight home! So me and Caitlyn snuck into see him or stayed late at school so he could 'study' with our company.
"Mitchie!"
"Sorry!" I said bringing my hands up in defence,
"And so I heard his parents and that nasty lady shouting at him in the background. I told him to move the phone away from his ear and shouted at them to shut up because Jake was an awesome person they just didn't see it" I smiled proudly at her and latched my arms around her,
"You, are the greatest best friend in the whole entire world you know that?" Caitlyn flicked her hair over her should with the arm I hadn't pinned down with my hug,
"I know" She joked and then hugged back. I let go of her so she could breathe.
"So I rung you and yup, that brings us up to date" Caitlyn smiled, her eyes twinkling. That reminded me, something had her excited before.
"So…" I trailed off with a knowing smirk,
"SPILL!" I shouted when she smiled looking away,
"Alright! Pushy much" Caitlyn joked with an eye roll.
"Well, I was just taking out the rubbish when I saw this little cat on the drive, I go up to it thinking that it will be all sweet and everything but then it hisses at me!"
"I'm failing to see why this got you so ecstatic" she gave me a shove which I returned,
"Not that cat, it was who came running down the road not two second later Mitch!" I groaned,
"Caity!"
"Hey hey! let me finish!" I nodded, my lips pursing in disapproving manner.
You see, there were three brothers at school. They were part of the 'it' crowd, you know, the mandatory one filled with really horrible people. But Caity had a little infatuation with one of them. To be honest, I didn't know them, so I couldn't judge them. But really, if they're hanging around and joking with the likes of Tess Tyler what do you expect me to presume about them and their personalities? I mean, they have to have similar qualities just to spend time in her company and not run away with frustration…or physically harming her.
"But he was so nice! Mitch, c'mon you know your opinion matters to me, but I'm telling you! He isn't that bad!"
"He's Nate Grey, he probably doesn't know how to be nice" I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest,
"Just because you and Shane don't get on-"
"Hey, don't pull that card out of me, we get on just fine"
"Last time you had to be his lab partner you nearly smashed to glass slide in his face" She said with a straight you-know-I'm-right expression,
"Well he deserved it!" I tried to defend myself, unsuccessfully I might add.
Whereas Caity just seemed to see the good in that one Grey Brother I only saw the bad in another. But, to be honest, that was all anyone could see. I couldn't find one redeeming quality about him.
"Well, anyway-" Caity continued,
"He said that he was meant to be looking after this cat and he apologised! He! He apologised to me!" I rolled my eyes,
"Well, that's what any normal person would have done in that situation Caity, don't sound so surprised. I just don't want you falling head over heels and then have your heart crushed"
"Nah, I trust you to not let me do that" she said waving a dismissive hand,
"You aren't listening to me though! I can't stop you if you won't listen?" my own arms were flying round exasperatedly at this point, I let a sigh escape as we looked helplessly at each other, Caity couldn't help her infatuation any more than I could stop it.
We left it at that, it was no time to debate over Mr Grey when neither of us really knew him.
"You know, maybe Jake would talk to him, sus out his intentions…if he has any. It's probably a lot easier for a guy to talk to him than for me to saunter up in all my 5'2" glory" I said absently as Caity browsed through the songs I had, she probably knew them off my heart by now anyway. We spent a lot of time in my car, never driving; I didn't have a license but just sitting in it. Weird best friend ritual I guess you could call it.
"Yeah, probably but I'll never understand guys. Jake will probably say that it's not as easy as that"
"Or he'll say 'sure I can try, anything for you'" I said imitating his voice badly, Caity giggled,
"yeah, or that"
"So what had you in a mood anyway? I must say though, I'm pretty sure I've cleared that up in all my best friend awesomeness" I smiled at her, how did I land a best friend as awesome as her?
"You know what they're like Caity; it's just so full on. There's a house full of problem children and I'm stuck in the middle of it"
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I had been left outside a hospital when I was barely 3 months old; they had to take me to the nearest orphanage. It was apparent though that a usual orphanage wasn't going to work, but I didn't move until I was 14. I was a solitary person, I wouldn't seek out company, and I was essentially a loner. As I got older I was forced to interact with people and it got to me, I was told that I was an unwanted child that at least their parents waited until the got to that age of 3 before getting bored of them. Or something along those lines.
The old hag who ran the place beat us, and hard. I remember missing days of school at a time because I simply couldn't get up. I'd get beat harder for not going to school though, she said people would get suspicious; I'd always make a smart assed remark and get hit again with the meat tenderiser that was always in her filthy apron pocket.
I began to self-harm, I didn't realise I was doing it at first. It started with just accidentally scratching my arm as I took off a badge. Then I'd look at the scratch and realise, for once, that my pain wasn't inflicted by her. I thought that if I gave myself enough pain she wouldn't feel the need to give me more, but it didn't work like that.
But soon I got to attached, the cuts let out all my frustration and sadness. I was alone, so why not? I'd think. It got more serious as I got teased relentlessly; I doubt you can call it teasing though. In the playground, the girls would gang up and hit me with their hard lunchboxes, or the boys would hit my back with the balls as I walked passed, my head down and tears silently spilling. I was about 13 at the time.
Of course no teacher ever saw this, and if I told them they assumed I was just lonely and attention seeking.
So I moved to a new orphanage when I was 14, which is when I met Caity. I was wandering, not used to the kindness Mrs Hopple gave me after I had been whacked for merely asking how someone was (speaking out of turn was how she'd justify). So I stumbled on Caity who was shouting at the boy around our age, her exact words had been,
"You little piece of-" then she hit him, I had slowly approached the boy, a younger little girl and a heavily breathing Caitlyn.
"C'mon sweetie" Caitlyn had said, picking up the younger girl and placing her on her hip. Then she turned and saw me, I had looked at her dead in the eyes, my own eyes had lost their child light…the only thing that represented a person's childhood. I never had one really, so I had no light, just dull brown sad eyes.
She had noticed my eyes flickering to the boy on the ground; he was groaning and cradling his nose,
"The sicko was hitting on Rose" She had said plainly,
"Mind if I give him a swing?" I said bitterly, back at my old orphanage I had been touched and violated by most of the older men in the house, usually the nasty old hag would watch and cackle as I cried. It left me bitter towards most men and this boy made me sick; he was one of those men in the making,
"I only said she had a pretty dress!" the guy had moaned,
"And tried to grab at her!" Caitlyn had screamed; I had dragged the guy up by his arm sharply, making his squirm because it had dislocated.
"You get out of here, if I see you around Rose again, or any other clueless little girls I will beat the light out of you until you won't ever wake up again, are we clear?" he scoffed,
"You'd go to jail, you wouldn't touch me"
"I have nothing, it wouldn't make a difference. So don't push me kid" I was his age, but in my mind, he was younger. I was so mature I might as well have been 20. He had scampered off and I had sighed. I just felt uncomfortable and wanted to be alone again.
"I haven't seen you around before, just moved in?" I had nodded; I leant down so I was at eye level with Rose,
"Hey-" I gently wiped a tear from her face with my thumb pad,
"I'm not that scary, I'm your new house mate" I said with a smile. I had avoided Caitlyn's astonished face when returning to my full height,
"You're the psycho?" How pleasant, I had thought,
"Um…" Caitlyn had whacked her forehead with her palm,
"No, sorry, that's not what I meant, me and my big mouth, it's just what everyone has been saying" I had grimaced,
"No! Urgh, I don't mean it like that, the people at the orphanage just make up stories about their new house mates is all, and they said you'd be evil and have glowing red eyes. I didn't think you'd be cool or anything" I had smiled and our friendship had blossomed.
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I had bid Caity goodbye and had calmed down enough to re-enter the orphanage. The huge lemon Victorian imitating house looked lovely and peaceful from the outside, but inside, it was so full of tension and children with their own complexities that it was impossible to go one day without rubbing someone up the wrong way.
"Mitchie!" Rose ran up to me, despite the fact I had come in as quietly as humanly possible. I swear that she had superman hearing, or vampire hearing, whatever, you get the idea.
"Shhh Rose, I don't want them to know I'm back" Rose pretended to zip her mouth up,
"That-a girl" I said giving her a big hug,
"You know you come first ok? No other person in here is more important to me" Rose smiled gleefully,
"What if Jake and KittyCat came in? Then would I still be important?" I nearly cried; she was like a daughter to me. I know that sounds stupid, but she really was. She called Caity KittyCat after the two had had a kitkat and Rose had suddenly realised that it sounded slightly like Caitlyn,
"Of course, you are one of my bestest friends Rose, you may only be 6 but your just as important as the other special people in my life" she giggled quietly, covering her mouth and ducking her hair to hide her delight.
"C'mon, you want to eat some of the chocolate I have in my room? I have a kitkat'?" I smiled as her eyes widened with excitement, she should know by now I only kept the mountains of kitkat for her, I was still getting over eating usual meals. Extra food I was working towards.
I guess you could say I've tried dealing with my problems, mental and emotional strain in nearly every way. Mrs Hopple, or Helen, had been the first to pick up on the scars, the fresh cuts or my lack of appetite. She tried to help, she really did, but things took time, and I wasn't really in a place when I had enough motivation to drag myself up and fix myself yet. She never grasps that though and forced mountains of food on my plate and I had to eat it all, meaning I was so full I would be sick not an hour later. I didn't force myself to be sick, not anymore, but it happened naturally because she fed me too much. I could barely walk usually.
Rose and I ran upstairs as quick as we could and locked ourselves in my room. It was a rule that none of the younger children were meant to pester the older children or go into their rooms. But we never listened to rules, and if Rose was there, I knew I wouldn't do anything stupid, because I'd get maternal and want to shield her from the horrors I knew were out there. The horrors she could find out about me. I'd be far to conscious.
At least for now, she could be safe.
So what did you think? Like it? Does anyone else had one of those weird things only you and your best friends do? I can tell ya, me and my best friends (Sam, Charlie, Hannah and Lissy-you'll hear their names a lot cause they give me a huge amount of inspiration) always hang upside down in trees ^.^ we tried to drink upside down once too…you can guess how that turned out XD anyway I'll stop rambling about my awesome friends and let you decide whether you're going to take the time to give me your thought,
Happy reading!
Sasha XxxX