A/N: Despite being a longtime Royai fan, I realized one day that I had never written an FMA miniskirt-related fic. Surprising eh? Anyway, long story short a plot bunny soon hopped to my rescue and here is the end result. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.
Operation Miniskirt
Riza Hawkeye silently swore a string of profanities. Roy Mustang was the biggest self-centered bastard in all of Amestris!
It was all because of him that she was out here on the street in the middle of the night dressed like a prostitute hoping to lure and catch a serial rapist and killer with a penchant for hookers who had been terrorizing Central. Personally, she didn't even know why they were working on this case. This was normally something the MP's dealt with.
Actually, scratch that.
She knew exactly why the Colonel took the mission. The police had more than proven their incompetence in catching this man even after several months and news of the man's heinous crimes had reached even the Fuhrer's ears. Therefore, catching him would most likely allow the Colonel to gain points with the higher ups. That and Roy finally had a reason to get her into a miniskirt.
A tiny miniskirt.
Riza glared at the dark alley across the street where she knew Roy and Havoc were hiding. He was probably standing there in the shadows with the biggest smirk on his face. He had been trying to get her in a miniskirt for years and when he first heard about this case not only did he immediately take it, he also enlisted the help of his "sisters" to make sure she bought the proper "attire" for the mission.
She tugged at the bottom of her skirt, trying in vain to cover up a little more skin. Why the hell would women want to dress like this anyway? The small swatch of fabric barely covered her ass and the stilettos were killing her feet. Even the halter-top she was wearing was showing far more cleavage than she would've liked. As she carefully shifted her weight to alleviate some of the stress on her feet, she mentally prayed that their culprit would show up tonight. She doubted she could tolerate another night in these heels.
God. If the Colonel makes any comment afterwards about how I should wear miniskirts more often I swear I will make him regret it.
Riza grinned while she fantasized about the different types of retribution she could inflict upon the Colonel later. While she entertained the idea of forcing Roy to wear a kilt all day (a miniskirt would have been far too disturbing) a fancy bright red sports car came around the corner.
Not the car we're looking for, she thought as the car slowed down as it approached her. Based on witness reports their suspect drove a black car. The vehicle came to a complete stop in front of her and the passenger side window was rolled down, revealing a middle-aged man who was grinning lecherously.
"Hey sweetheart. How much are you?"
"Too much for you," she answered bluntly.
The grin evaporated on his face. "Try me," he growled.
Riza reached into her purse and pulled out her handgun. Pointing it at the driver, she simply said, "I suggest you move along now." The man's face paled and he took off in an instant. Riza smirked at his response but the smirk quickly disappeared when she heard a phone ringing. She knew exactly who it was. Fuery had rigged a phone booth near her so the team could communicate without arousing suspicion.
Sighing slightly, she walked into the booth and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?"
"You know, Lieutenant, you need to start acting the part if we're going to catch him" said a voice on the other end. It was the Colonel.
"I didn't see the point in wasting my time if he wasn't the one we were looking for, Sir," she answered as calmly as she could.
"Can't argue with that logic, Chief," she heard Havoc say in the background.
She heard Roy sigh in frustration before muttering, "You could at least stop scaring them off like that."
"Like I said-"
"Sirs," interrupted Fuery 's voice, "Falman is reporting that there's a car with license plate matching the suspect's approaching us."
Thank God, thought Riza. She would get out of this demeaning outfit sooner than she anticipated.
"Alright, everyone take their places," ordered Roy.
Riza hung the phone and walked out of the booth. Sure enough, a black vehicle was slowly approaching her. She stood at the edge of the curb watching as the car stopped right in front of her. Riza couldn't help but smirk when she saw the driver. They've found their man.
"Hey there beautiful," he said, leaning over the passenger seat. "How much are you charging?"
"10,000 cenz," she answered while brushing a few strands of hair from her face.
"Rather pricey aren't you?"
"Maybe but I'm worth it," Riza replied as she approached the vehicle. She placed a hand on the roof of the car and tapped her fingers, signaling to the group that this was indeed the suspect they were looking for. Then she leaned over the open car window and added in a seductive tone, "However, I am willing to negotiate a lower price if that's too high for you."
The man's grin grew wider. "I was actually about to suggest the same thing," he said as he pulled out a gun from the inside of his jacket. He pointed the gun at her. "Get in the car. You and I are going to have a lot of fun tonight."
Riza quickly took two steps back and her hand instinctively went to her purse. From the corner of her eye, she noticed a glint from Havoc's gun as he carefully took aim at the car tires.
"Come on, bitch. Don't make me shoot y-."
BLAM! BLAM!
"What the hell?" the man shouted as he turned around to find the source of the gunshots. Riza took advantage of the momentary distraction to grab her pistol from her purse and pointed it at him.
"Drop the gun and raise your hands in the air!"
The man slowly dropped his gun on the seat next to him and raised his hands. "Damn it! You're from the military?" he commented when he saw Roy, Havoc, and Breda approaching the vehicle.
"Get out of the car and keep your hands where we can see them," ordered Roy. The man turned towards him and laughed.
"Over my dead body," he sneered. The next thing Riza knew, the man had stepped on the gas pedal and the car took off erratically down the street.
Dammit! She aimed her gun at the car but before she could pull the trigger, she heard a familiar sound.
SNAP!
Riza covered her face as the explosion lifted the car and knocked it over onto its side. When she looked up Havoc and Breda were already running towards the overturned vehicle.
"You alright?" asked Roy. He was standing next to her.
"Better than him," she said, nodding towards the now unconscious suspect being dragged out of the car by Breda. Placing her gun back into her purse, she looked over and noticed the Colonel grinning at her, or rather, her body. She was just about to tell him to enjoy the view while he could when she noticed the sound of footsteps behind them. They both turned around and saw Falman and Fuery running up to them.
"Sirs," Falman wheezed when they approached them. "Is everything ok?"
"Everything's fine," answered Roy. "Fuery, did you call HQ?"
"Yes, sir. Major Armstrong and his men will be arriving shortly."
Roy nodded. "Good." He was about to say something else when the sound of sirens suddenly filled the air.
They're quick for once, Riza thought to herself. She shivered as a sudden breeze swept by them. Another reason I hate this outfit, she thought as she rubbed her arms to keep warm. Roy looked over at her before taking off his coat and wrapping it around her. She looked at him in surprise.
"I can't let one of my subordinates get sick," he told her.
"Thank you, sir," she replied, blushing slightly. It was warm and she could smell the faint scent of his aftershave on it. . She slid her arms into the sleeves and wrapped it around herself. A sigh escaped her lips as she felt her body stop shivering.
I can't wait to get home and take a hot shower. And maybe I'll make myself a nice hot chocolate afterwards. I definitely deserve it after this mission…
A sudden screeching noise broke her train of thought. Riza quickly turned around and saw two military cars round a corner and head towards them. They came to a halt slightly in front of them and a large man quickly stepped out.
"Colonel Mustang!" shouted Major Armstrong. "Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine, Major," replied Roy. "We were about to take our suspect back to HQ to be interrogated; however, we'll need your help securing the area and collecting evidence," he said, pointing to the overturned vehicle.
Armstrong nodded. "Understood, sir. We'll take over from here." He gave Roy a quick salute before walking off to order his men. As soon as he left, Havoc and Breda came up to them, dropping the handcuffed suspect at their feet. The man groaned but didn't wake up.
"Damn. This bastard could stand to lose a couple pounds," complained Breda while he rubbed his shoulder. The rest of the men snickered at the comment. "What?" he asked before realizing what he just said. "That's not funny!" he grumbled.
"Sergeant Fuery," Roy called. The young officer looked up at him. "Begin recovery. Make sure to unrig the phone booth and bring all the equipment back to the office."
"Yes, sir!" Fuery nodded before running off.
"Havoc, Breda," Roy continued. "Take our suspect to the Central prison and interrogate the man when he wakes up. Find out if there are other victims we aren't aware of. Don't let Douglas or any of the other MP's near the man until you're done. Falman, I want you to help them with the interrogations and give me a full report in the morning."
"Aye, sir!" They picked up the man and dragged him towards one of the cars. Roy turned back towards her and grinned. "So shall we call it a night, Lieutenant?"
Riza looked at him but said nothing. Instead, she simply turned and walked off towards the alley where she knew the car was parked while Roy followed after her. When she reached it, she yanked open the passenger side door and proceeded to get inside but lost her balance on the uneven cobblestone and almost landed face first into the car.
"Stupid heels," she muttered as she climbed into the passenger seat and kicked off her shoes. "I can't wait to get out of this skimpy outfit." Seeing the smirk on the Colonel's face, she quickly added, "And no you can't help." The smirk was quickly replaced with a pout.
"Do you need me to stop anywhere?" he asked as he turned on the ignition.
"No. Just take me home,"
Riza stared out the window while Roy carefully pulled the car out of the alley and onto the street. While they drove down the street she saw Havoc and Breda tossing their suspect into the back of a military car while Fuery was running past them with his arms full of wires. Several meters away, a topless Major Armstrong was pushing the suspect's car back up while his men were cordoning off the area. She sighed and leaned back against the seat.
"Something wrong?" Roy asked.
"No. Just glad the mission is done," she replied.
"It's not exactly finished," he said, his eyes still focused on the road. "We still have to interrogate the suspect and file all the paperwork for the case. Just the fun part is over," Riza turned and glared at him.
"Fun for you, maybe. I hardly count dressing up as a prostitute and getting sexually harassed by strangers fun." Leaning back again, she crossed her arms and mumbled, "The next time you have a mission that requires someone to dress up as a hooker you can count me out. Go ask one of Madame Christmas's girls instead."
Roy chuckled. "What if it's an order?"
"I'll take a leave of absence till the assignment is over."
"You do know that if you're not in the office nothing gets done right?"
She laughed. "I'm sure you'll do your work even if I'm not there as long as you get the proper motivation."
"Oh? And what motivation would that be?" he asked, a slight smirk gracing his lips.
Riza frowned at the obvious innuendo. "The motivation will be not getting called 'useless' and seeing more than the four walls surrounding your desk for a week." She couldn't help but smirk when she saw Roy stiffen at being called 'useless'.
"Oh, and in case you're wondering," she added, "I will never wear a miniskirt to work just to motivate you to finish your paperwork so you can eliminate that thought right now."
"The thought never crossed my mind," murmured Roy in a hurt voice. Riza raised an eyebrow in disbelief.
"Oh? I find that hard to believe seeing that you all but told the girls to find the tiniest miniskirt in all of Central for me."
Roy grinned. "All I told them was to find an outfit that would fulfill every man's fantasy. It's not my fault they realized you had the legs to pull off wearing a miniskirt."
"Are you sure you said 'every man's' and not 'my?"
The grin got bigger. "Would it have made a difference if I had?"
"I suppose not," she answered before shifting into a more comfortable position. She could feel the skirt slowly riding up her thigh, which made her extremely grateful she had the Colonel's coat on. Skirts like these were definitely not made for sitting down.
They were silent for a few minutes before she heard Roy mumbled something under his breath, "I have to admit, they did too good a job based on all those cars that stopped."
"You say something?" she asked, her interest slightly piqued.
"No. Just talking to myself," he answered.
She looked over at him again. "You're not jealous aren't you?" she asked, a smirk starting to form on her face.
"Why would I be?"
"Because you always get protective when other men take more than a passing interest in me. I know you too well. You're jealous because all those other men tried to pick me up before our suspect finally showed up."
"Fine. I just don't like other men eyeing you like some kind of sex object."
Riza let out a small laugh. "Yet, you were looking at me the same way earlier."
"I was just appreciating the girls' handiwork. You know they're going to ask about it the next time I stop by at the bar."
"Do I even want to know what you'll say?"
Roy grinned. "I'll just tell them that they did a spectacular job and that we caught our suspect really quickly."
Riza raised an eyebrow. "That's it?"
"You were expecting more?"
"No," she answered quickly to hide her disappointment. Deep down she had secretly hoped for a bit more of a compliment. If she had to degrade herself by dressing like this it would have been nice to at least get some verbal praise on how pretty she looked.
Then, as if he could read her mind, Roy added, "By the way, while I think you look very attractive tonight I definitely don't think this a look you should wear more often. I prefer the way you normally dress."
She looked at him in surprise. "Oh? But didn't you just say earlier that this outfit was every man's fantasy?"
He grinned. "That doesn't mean I'd like you wearing it every day. There's such thing as too much of a good thing. Besides, you're beautiful just the way you are. You don't need to wear layers of makeup and the latest fashion to look attractive, especially to me."
Riza could feel herself blushing from his compliment. She had no idea that he thought that way. She had always just assumed that he wanted her to dress up more like the women he would pretend to go out of on dates with.
"That doesn't sound like something the skirt chasing playboy Colonel I know would say," she teased.
"You know that's just an act," he smirked as he parked the car in front of her apartment building and turned off the ignition. Turning towards her, he added in a more seductive tone, "However, now that you mentioned it, how much would it cost for the pleasure of your company tonight?" She couldn't help but smile as she reached up and brushed the dark hair from his eyes.
"For you, sir, it's free," she whispered before he leaned over and his lips met hers in a passionate kiss.