AN: This is really an . . . experiment, I guess. I wanted to try out writing a Facebook parody fan fic. There are a lot of them. TheGreekGoddessAthena wrote a fan fic called "Godbook", which inspired me to write this. Don't worry, I'm not going to stop working on "Argumentative, Much?". I hope you liked this. Please review, fave, and alert.
BTW, Facebook was Mark Zuckerberg's idea, not mine. I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does.
Hermione Granger
Works at: Still in school :)
Birthday: September 19
Schools: Hogwarts (not counting pre-school and elementary)
Birthplace: Great Britain
March 24, 1995
Okay, I really don't get it! Why doesn't anyone but me pay attention in History of Magic?
Comments: 33
Ron Weasley: Because he is SO boring! XD
Hermione Granger: He is not boring! History of Magic is a very interesting subject.
Ginny Weasley: No it's not.
Fred Weasley: It really isn't. Every time I hear his voice I want to die. I am so glad I'm not in his class anymore.
Hermione Granger: That's really harsh, Fred.
George Weasley: It's the truth :/ Speaking of HOM, PM Fred or me in the next ten minutes and you'll get a free Skiving Snackbox!
Hermione Granger: Fred, George, you're STILL selling Skiving Snackboxes?
George Weasley : . . .
Fred Weasley: . . .
Hermione Granger: Answer me!_
Fred Weasley: Hermione, you really shouldn't post angry emoticons, it's a huge turn-off.
Hermione Granger: ANSWER ME!
George Weasley: Maybe if you changed your tone. . .and used that extra special magic word. . .
Hermione: *sigh* Fred, George, would you please tell me if you've been selling Skiving Snackboxes?
Fred Weasley: Sure, Hermione, the answer to that is. . .
George Weasley: HELL YEAH!
Ginny Weasley: LOL, Hermione's going to explode
Hermione Granger: HOW COULD YOU KEEP SELLING SKIVING SNACKBOXES AFTER I, A PREFECT, TOLD YOU TO STOP?
Fred Weasley: Well, Hermione, when have we ever followed orders? Besides, we're older than you. Respect your elders.
Hermione Granger: How can I respect you when you guys are so immature?
George Weasley: Because we're awesome.
Fred Weasley: And we love you, Hermione.
Ron Weasley: WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU JUST SAY?
George Weasley: We love Hermione.
Ron Weasley: AS A FRIEND, RIGHT?
Fred Weasley: Yep. ^_^
Ron Weasley: Good, because if you meant it in a different way I would've chopped you guys' balls off, buried them, burned the grave, and danced on the ashes while laughing manically.
Fred Weasley: O.o
George Weasley: O.o
Ginny Weasley: Um. . .
Ron Weasley: That's right. Don't f*ck with me.
Harry Potter: Wow, Ron, I guess this tells us a lot.
Hermione Granger: Wow. . .
January 4, 1996
I love Hogwarts! I can't tell you how happy I was when I got the acceptance letter! ^_^
Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, and 56 others like this.
Comments: 17
Fleur Delacour: Beauxbatons is better :)
Ginny Weasley: Yeah, right.
Fleur Delacour: Right. It is WAY better than Hogwarts. The food at Beauxbatons is delicious, and not as heavy as the Hogwarts food. We are serenaded by wood nymphs as we eat. The girls are all gorgeous (Gabrielle and I are the prettiest, though) and the boys are all handsome. We sit our exams after six years of study, not five. Our Christmas decorations look WAY better than Hogwarts's. There is not a single boring class. We have much more fun at Beauxbatons.
Ginny Weasley: NO ONE CARES, PHLEGM!
Fleur Delacour: It's Fleur. F-L-E-U-R, Fleur, it means flower. It's lovely, isn't it?
Ginny Weasley: No.
Ron Weasley: Hogwarts is awesome. Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are WHACK!
Viktor Krum: Durmstrang is not 'whack'!
Fleur Delacour: Neither is Beauxbatons!
Hermione Granger: Oh my gosh, I just wanted to say how much I love Hogwarts. Why are you guys arguing about it?
Ginny Weasley: Phlegm started it!
Fleur Delacour: It's FLEUR! And Beauxbatons is the best school of witchcraft and wizardry in the world. It, how you say, PWNS!
Ginny Weasley: Not.
Hermione Granger: Can you guys stop arguing?
Ginny Weasley: Only when Phlegm stops being a b*tch
Bill Weasley: Ginny!
Ginny Weasley: Sorry, Bill, but your fiancée is a b*tch.
January 7, 1996
I am so sick and tired of seeing Lav-Lav and Won-Won snogging all over the f*cking place!
Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley like this.
Comments: 11
Ginny Weasley: Word to that!
Harry Potter: Me too.
Ron Weasley: You think I want her kissing me every hour of every day? My lips are tired!
Fred Weasley: Won-Won?
George Weasley: Lav-Lav?
Hermione Granger: That's what they call each other.
Ron Weasley: I don't call her Lav-Lav!
Fred Weasley: I think I know what I'll be teasing Ron about from now on.
George Weasley: Me too, Fred.
Lavender Brown: You're just jealous because Won-Won loves me!
Hermione Granger: Yeah, sure I am *sarcasm*.
January 12, 1996
Best friends: Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley
Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley like this.
Comments: 6
Ginny Weasley: 3 you, Hermione!
Hermione Granger: 3 you too, Ginny!
Ron Weasley: What about me?
Hermione Granger: How about we talk about this when you decide to stop have snog sessions with Lav-Lav.
Ginny Weasley. Pwned.
Ron Weasley: _
January 27, 1996
Why do I even bother with males?
Ginny Weasley and Fleur Delacour like this.
Comments: 20
Fleur Delacour: Looks I'm not the only one who's been pissed off by a male.
Bill Weasley: Fleur, I told you I'm sorry!
Fleur Delacour: I don't want to talk to anyone who thinks I'm fat.
Ginny Weasley: BILL,YOU CALLED HER FAT?
Molly Weasley: William Arthur Weasley, have I taught you nothing about being a gentleman?
Bill Weasley: I didn't call her fat! I just bought her a dress that was two sizes too big.
Fleur Delacour: That's right! Too sizes too big! He thinks I'm two sizes fatter than I actually am!
Bill Weasley: It was just a mistake. You're beautiful and skinny.
Fleur Delacour: If you thought I was beautiful and skinny you would've bought the right size, you idiot!
Ginny Weasley: This is actually kind of funny. :)
Bill Weasley: It's not funny, Ginny! Fleur, I don't think your fat. It was an honest mistake. It's just that I expected you to be that size!
Fleur Delacour: So I look THAT fat to you?
Bill Weasley: The dress wasn't even all that big. I didn't know you were slimmer.
Fleur Delacour: IT'S YOUR JOB TO KNOW!
Bill Weasley: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Calm down!
Fleur Delacour: I won't calm down until you apologize the proper way!
Bill Weasley: What's the proper way to apologize for this?
Fleur Delacour: Send me roses, a cheesy card, and the same dress you bought me, only buy it in the RIGHT side!
Bill Weasley: Yes, dear. I love you.
Charlie Weasley: Bill, you are SO pussy-whipped.
February 1, 1996
LMS if you've ever been brought down by someone.
Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, and 67 others like this.
Comments: 7
Neville Longbottom: People love bringing me down. :(
Ginny Weasley: Aww, Neville. :'(
Hermione Granger: It's only because you let them, Neville. Stand up for yourself!
Neville Longbottom: I'll try to, but I know they'll only insult me even more. I'm not brave enough to be a Gryffindor.
Hermione Granger: You're a really sweet person, Neville. The Sorting Hat wouldn't have put you in Gryffindor if you weren't brave.
Neville Longbottom: Thanks, Hermione. You're really nice. :)
Hermione Granger: ^_^
February 24, 1996
You can call me a Mudblood, but I really don't give a sh*t.
Ginny Weasley, Harry Potter, Luna Lovegood, and 26 others like this.
Comments: 4
Draco Malfoy: Mudblood! Mudblood! Mudblood!
Pansy Parkinson: LOL.
Hermione Granger: Aww, it's the ferret boy and the pug-faced b*tch trying to hate on me.
Ginny Weasley: Go Hermione!
February 29, 1996
When will this Lav-Lav Won-Won nightmare end?
Ginny Weasley and Ron Weasley like this.
Comments: 9
Lavender Brown: You're just jealous!
Hermione Granger: Of what?
Lavender Brown: You're jealous of my Won-Won and I. Won-Won loves me!
Hermione Granger: If Won-Won loves you so much, why did he like my status?
Ginny Weasley: Oh, Lavender, Hermione just TOLD you!
Lavender Brown: I'm going PM Won-Won about this!
Ron Weasley: Bloody hell! My inbox is already cluttered with messages from her already.
Ginny Weasley: Haha.
Ron Weasley: Whatever, Ginny.