Work Before Play
An Edge Fanfic
Including jobs in the:
Super-R-Us, the well-known market shop
Pizza Place, the fast pizza delivery place
The Pump Café, the nice quiet diner
Edge stared at the counter sign dubiously.
Super-R-Us
Staff Wanted - must be over eighteen, responsible, and willing to work long hours. Pay rate £4.75 plus £10.00 overtime.
Why am I doing this?
It wasn't actually applying for the work that was bothering him. Oh no, in fact, he had already got the job - or rather, Daigo had got it for him. It was the fact that he was actually going to have to toil in this seedy place for five hours. And for a mere £4.75 too. Even the cinema had better rates than this. He was also rather peeved at being forced into doing something he didn't want to. But Daigo said it was an important part of growing up and becoming a man. An aspect of life, he said, on which Edge was long overdue.
What the hell is that supposed to mean, anyway?
"Can I help you, young man?"
Edge snapped out of his trance to see a teen girl in a "Super-R-Us" shirt staring at him, a bit nervous at having a bleached blonde punk gazing at the coughing pills for five minutes.
"Uh, yeah. I'm Edge Yamada."
"Riiight…."
"I applied for a job."
"Oh, hold on…… Yeah, that's right. DOREEEN! THE NEW STAFF HAS ARRIVED!"
A fat middle aged suddenly popped up, seemingly from nowhere, and bustled over to Edge, looking him up and down critically.
Yes? Do you have a problem?
"Are you over eighteen?"
"Of course."
If you count my time in the womb.
"You don't look… like what I was expecting."
"I sound different on the phone."
She stared at him, obviously alarmed by his appearance.
"You'll need a uniform." She said conclusively. Obviously, she had decided this was a surefire way to overcome the problem clothewise.
What the -- Daigo said nothing about a uniform. No way am I--
A startled yelp escaped his throat as a blue shirt was stuffed into his hands, and he was pushed roughly into the stock cupboard.
"Come out when you're done." came a muffled voice from the other side of the door.
Cursing loudly, Edge pulled the blue uniform over his shirt, shedding his Gedo jacket into a bag of "Primroses Finest Organic Potatoes", and stepping meekly out into the shop. Doreen's face loomed into his vision.
"Arrgh!" he shrieked almost falling backwards.
"Good, you're dressed", she barked, "We need you to stock some shelves. We're almost out of baked beans. It's Tuesday and Mrs Tachyron will be coming round later to pick up her usual. Mad as a hatter, bless her. Only thing she knows how to make is beans on toast. Mind, sometimes she pops in to say hello. Terribly lonely, so they say. I suppose she hasn't got anyone at home has she? Living in a retirement centre and all. Well, there are the other old ladies, but they're not much company are they really? A bit crazy if you ask me. Well, off you go then."
Edge jerked blearily out of his trance, having been absent since "It's Tuesday" . What did she say? Baked beans. Right.
He grabbed a few tins from the cupboard and took them over to the shelves, putting them into place.
Hey, this isn't too hard.
Casually, he walked back, picking up a few more and stacking them neatly when he got to the Bean Section.
Not too hard at all.
He grabbed some more tins from the cupboard and added them to the shelves.
I could do this all day.
---------------------------------------------------------
I fckin' hate this job! I must've been stacking beans all day! Who the hell wants to stack bens all day?
Several trips later, and the restlessness had begun to set in. He was only able to fetch two or three cans a time, and he had a lot of space to fill.
Isn't there some kind of bag or something I can use?
He looked around quickly, but didn't spot anything that would help.
This is stupid! How the hell am I supposed to carry the tins???
Deciding to improvise, he stomped into the stock cupboard and stuffed the cans anywhere they would fit. In his pockets, up his sleeves, in his shirt. He even made a hammock shape with the front of his uniform to carry them in.
Clanking and clattering, he dragged himself to the tinned section and began unloading the cans.
Ah ha! Smarter than the average Joe!
"Excuse me, dear." He turned around to see an old woman wheeling her trolley down the aisle. Edge clanked respectfully out of the way.
"Thank you." She then proceeded to load no less than twenty-five tins of baked beans into the cart.
Edge watched her wide eyed.
"Oh, it's a party at the retirement home." she smiled, catching his look, "It's all we can manage with our teeth."
Edge watched her go in shell-shocked silence.
A few seconds later, his fist began to shake.
His beans! His beautiful fckin' beans that he'd spent twenty fckin' minutes piling up. He almost got one of those cans and chucked it at the woman's head! Serve her right, destroying his work! Destroying his career! Destroying his life!
"Life ruiner!!!" He yelled after her. The grandma looked around puzzled, then checked her hearing aid.
Seething, he stomped back to the counter. Seeing no-one there, he began tapping on it absent-mindedly.
"Are you done?!" Doreen piped, popping up from behind the counter where she had been restocking cigarettes, and lunging her face towards Edge.
"What the fu--!!"
Doreen had clamped her thick fingers over the shocked Edge's mouth.
"Now now, I will not have any foul language in this establishment. Have you finished the beans?"
Lie lie lie lie lie lie lie lie
He nodded slowly. Yes.
Satisfied, she removed her hand.
"Okay, good. I see you aren't completely useless, then!" She gave a loud, brusque laugh.
Creepy old hag.
"Right. We need you to take down the granulated sugar. We've got some new stock, and we need to replace it. It's got too old, and we don't want the customers complaining , now, do we? It's in the stockroom."
He ducked obediently into the small cupboard and grabbed the sugar, holding it in his shirt, then clattered his way to the desecrated aisle, angrily kicking display stands and baskets as he passed.
Display stands and…… baskets?
Looking down as though not quite believing his eyes, he took in the sight of a small pile of shopping baskets. Cautiously, he loaded the sugar into the top one, and stood back to admire his handiwork. Why hadn't he seen those before? Jauntily, he lifted out the basket and trundled down the aisle with it, as good as radiating a sense of self satisfaction.
However, things took a turn when he reached his destination.
What the -- Look at the height of those shelves! How the hell am I meant to get up there? Fly? This is fckin' impossible!
He looked around desperately for something to stand on. The action was shortly followed by a frustrated sigh. Currently, he was getting much more exercise than he had been expecting.
Okay. Sht. I'm gonna have to climb. Sht sht sht!
Rolling up his sleeves builder style, he began to scale the wall.
Sht, it's wobbling! Aren't they nailed down or something?
He tried to distract himself by cursing under his breath to the beat of "There's No Limit". The last thing he wanted was to be forced to focus on the questionable sturdiness of the shelf. Or his imminent doom. Buried by a bag of sugar. What a way to go. No doubt it would make a humorous gravestone.
Okay, I've reached the top. Now what? Restock. Okay………. Okay.
…
….
….
SHT!!! I'VE FIN' FORGOT THE FCKIN SUGAR!!!
It took a few moments and all of his self control to regain his composure.
Slowly, he looked down.
Then up.
Then down.
Then at the sugar.
A plan was forming in his mind.
If he could hook the basket handles with his foot…… Maybe he could hoist it up, and restock the product.
Very carefully, he stretched his leg out towards the ground. He could almost reach…… Almost…… He leaned a little more towards the centre of the aisle. The shelf moaned unsteadily. This was taking too long!
Edge's patience snapped.
THAT'S IT! Come here you bstard!
Throwing his weight from the shelf, he lunged at the plastic bag.
A long groan announced the shelf's retirement.
"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" Edge shrieked, holding on for dear life as the giant shelf crashed to the ground. A colossal explosion of flour, sugar, and various salts were thrown into the air, creating a heavy fogg for at least two sections around.
"What is going on!?" huffed Doreen, materialising from behind a nearby fruit display. A small crowd of customers were gathering at the scene of the 'Great Sugar Eruption' like stunned sheep.
A muffled screaming was coming from beneath the shelf.
"Ah! I can't breathe! I've been crushed! Death by sugar! Noooooo!!!"
Doreen was quick to suss the story.
"Yamadaaaaa!" She hollered, wading into the salty sea.
The screams continued.
"I'm deeead! OhMiGod, I'm deeead! It's killed me! I've been killed! I'M FCKIN KILLED!!!"
"Yamada, you are not dead!"
"…God?"
Doreen sighed, and gave the pile of rubble a few sharp kicks.
"OW!!!"
"Yamada, get your purple butt out here. NOW!"
There was shuffling from within the pile, and the shelf was pushed away. Slowly, a white head pushed out of the sugar. This was followed by a white body.
"Brush yourself down, boy, you look like a ghost."
"Wha -- WHERE!?!" he shrieked, looking around wide-eyed.
"I said, BRUSH YOURSELF DOWN!!!"
Edge quickly patted the flour out of his clothes and hair, staring around as though disbelieving of the fact that he was still alive after having 2 tonnes of sugar and a shelf land on his head. The crowd dispersed, seeing the drama over, leaving Edge alone to face the furious Doreen.
"This isn't working, Yamada. I've just had Mrs. Tachyron come and tell me you've been shouting obscenities at her."
"WHAT!?"
"And you didn't restock the beans did you?"
"I did! Someone must've stolen them."
"And look at this mess!"
"I was pushed."
"You're more trouble than you're worth, boy. I think you've come to the end of the road."
"No I haven't! I need another chance!"
"Give me one good reason."
Think, Edge. Thiiiink…… Put that brain into action……
"I need the money to get into college."
Smooth.
"And my mother's dead" he added as an afterthought.
Doreen gave another sigh.
"Look. Work on the till for a while, you can take over from Michelle. But one more slip up, and you're out."
The till? Excellent!
Edge jogged eagerly to the front counter, where Michelle was working. Seeing her in front of the till, he butted her quickly out of the way, setting right to it. Enthusiastically, he began pushing the buttons and ignoring the warning signs. The teenage girl shuffled back over, leering at him. When she got no reaction, she tapped him on the shoulder.
"Hey!"
Edge looked up.
"What?"
"You pushed me!" She stated with an air of self righteousness.
He stared at her. What was her point?
"I'm working on the till now" he said dismissively, pressing a few more of the buttons and managing to open it.
"Well no need to be rude about it." she muttered.
Edge looked up again. She was being sniffy. He couldn't stand people who were sniffy.
"You were in the way" he muttered, glaring at her.
"Oh, I was in the way, was I? Well that's no excuse!"
"Seemed a good enough excuse for me."
"Yeah, well, boys can't do that to girls."
"What?"
"It's sexist." She turned away and stuck out her lip as if that settled the matter. There was a short silence. He should leave it. Let it go, as Gan often said when Edge got into an argument. It would annoy her more if he went back to fiddling with the till. But he couldn't just not say anything! That would be letting her win.
"That's crap" he announced.
"Don't swear!"
"CRAP, SHT, FCK, BSTARD, FRGGING, HELL, BLOODY!"
"Shut up!" she said, hitting him on the arm.
She hit me!
Edge stared at her like she was mad. Slowly, he extended his arm, then hit her back. She stumbled a bit then hit him harder, balling her hand into a fist. Looking offended, he hit her again, harder. She thwacked him back. Standing up fully, Edge squared up to her. He glanced swiftly around the shop, checking no one could see them, then cuffed her quickly in the face.
Eyes rolling, she fell onto the floor, unconscious.
Oh bugger. Not part of the plan. Sht.
He looked around, then blocked her body from view. As casually as he could, he kicked her into the stockroom and closed the door.
He then ambled back towards the till, trying to look innocent.
"I would like to purchase these, please"
What now?
A middle-aged man was looking at Edge hopefully, holding up a some crisps and a drink.
Edge looked at him questionably. Well, what did he expect him to do about it?
"Could you…… maybe put them through the till?"
Ohhhhh… That was what he wanted. Honestly, these people were weird. Why couldn't they just be normal like him or Gan? They were all so…. So monotone and robot like. Maybe they were all robots, trying to take over Earth or something. Edge had seen a movie about that once. Toying with the idea, he inspected the man's head for screws or melded joints of any kind while he unloaded his shopping.
Slowly, he inspected the items, entering the prices into the till, and randomly pressing the buttons.
"That's £1.25."
The man found the change and handed it to Edge, who opened the till and chucked the money erratically in.
What's he staring at?
The man made discreet hints at the "Super-R-Us" bags next to the counter.
Fck off! I'm not packing your Fcking shopping for you!
Making sure his facial expression stayed the same, Edge continued to stare at the customer blankly, until he began to helplessly pack up the shopping himself.
Feeling a lot more cheerful, Edge turned to the next customer in the line.
"Can I help you, lady?"
"Yes, just the pasta bake, please."
Carefully, Edge scanned it through the 'bleeper' and checked the display.
£5.00
Edge squinted. That can't be right…… He checked the label, which said £3.75.
I must have done something wrong…. I'll scan it in again.
But the wipe button wasn't working.
£5.00
He tapped a few other buttons to see if he could enter in any other numbers.
£5.00
Why the fck isn't it working? Work you stupid piece of crap! I must have pressed the numbers three times each by now. Dammit! Change!
£5.00
The woman was looking at him as politely as she could manage.
"Is there a problem?" she asked sympathetically.
"None whatsoever. That'll be £5.00, please."
"But the label--"
"Repricing."
"But the signs said--"
"Repricing."
"But--"
"RE-PRI-CING!"
She quickly handed over the money, staring at him fearfully.
"Would you like a bag?"
"Yes."
"There they are."
She stared at him awkwardly for a few moments, then grabbed a bag and hurried out.
Ahhhhh, the good life.
"Next," he called promptly.
A woman and her child stepped cheerfully up to the counter.
"We'd just like this packet of sweets, please", she smiled at her daughter, "Lucy's just some teeths out, haven't you Lucy. You deserve a treat, don't you?"
Lucy nodded enthusiastically.
"Show the nice man, darling."
Lucy grinned up at Edge, revealing a mouth full of gums.
Seeing them look at him expectantly, he gave the most enthusiastic smile he could manage at that particular moment. Which, to be fair, wasn't all that enthusiastic anyway.
Edge scanned the 'Frutey Chuw-Chuws' through the system.
£5.00
"That's £5.00."
"What?" the woman looked at him as though she had heard wrong.
"£5.00."
"That can't be right! They're only fruity Chews!"
"Repricing."
"That's just ridiculous!"
"Not my problem. If I could change it, I would."
"I'm not paying that!"
"Look, the prices have gone up in all the shops, okay?," he lied, "but for you, I'll knock it down to £3.50. Okay? That's the best deal you're going to get anywhere."
Looking flummoxed, the woman handed over the money.
"Come again." Edge said cheerfully, giving her his best smile.
He'd finally found something he was good at.
But then disaster struck.
Edge was just explaining to a man how the 'Great Salsa Shortage' had resulted in an enormous rise in the prices of both the Spicy Chicken and Green Pepper flavours, when Doreen sniffed trouble, and appeared from within the freezer section, accompanied by a mother and her child, who was currently munching on some overpriced 'Frutey Chuw-Chuws'.
"I don't know what has caused this monstrosity", said the young woman who was talking to Doreen, "But I have talked to several other customers who have all also bought goods which they consider to be hugely overpriced. And let me tell you, none of them are satisfied."
"And you're sure the employee who sold you this item had long, spiked, bleach-blonde hair?"
"Of course I'm sure. You don't miss a thing like that. I considered him very rude."
"Well, leave it to me, Miss. I can assure you that it will NEVER happen again. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go talk to a particular member of staff."
Doreen waited until Edge had finished with the current customer, then stomped out from behind a chocolate bar display.
"Arrgh! Stop doing that!" Edge cried, staggering backwards.
"Yamada, we have things to discuss."
"oh."
"I've been getting complaints from customers of overpriced items."
"Look, it wasn't my fault! The till did it!"
"I'm sick of your excuses. You've been warned -- I cannot have things like this happening. Half these customers won't ever come back here. Because of you! So far, you've managed to insult one of our regulars, cause a shortage of baked beans, lose us one third of our sugar and flour stock, demolish a shelf, and overprice almost anything that has been bought!"
"I told you it was the till! It's jammed… or… or broken or something!"
"AND you've broken the till!"
"Give me another chance! What about my brothers and sisters! We're orphans!"
"No more, Yamada. You're fired."
"But--"
"Get out."
"………"
"NOW!!!"
"Okay, I'm going" mumbled Edge. Daigo was not going to be pleased. He was going to have to cook up another story, he couldn't say why he'd really been fired! That was suicide. He sighed, and set of towards the stock cupboard.
"Where do you think you're headed?" barked Doreen, stepping in front of him.
"I left my jacket in there."
"Oh no, I'm not letting you near anymore of our stock. I'll get it." Looking smug, she stomped over to the stockroom and wrenched the door open. There was a short silence, in which Edge remembered something rather important.
Oh sht.
A long, shrill scream of horror ripped out of the cupboard.
"OH MY GOOOOOD! MICHELLE!"
Edge took that as his cue to leave. He darted quickly into the stockroom, taking his jacket out of the stunned Doreen's hands, and making a dash for the exit.
"You!" Doreen roared, snapping out of her trance. "You did this! SECURITY! SECURITY! GET THAT BOY! HE'S KILLED MICHELLE!"
Edge shrieked as three burley security guards appeared from within the shop and took off after him. Putting on a burst of speed, he sprinted madly for the shop exit, skidding out the way he came in.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
A long wail filled the air, and red lights flashed on the security gates either side of the door. Edge almost tripped over in surprise.
The burgler alarm? What? But he hadn't stolen anything! Why the hell was it going off!
Then realisation dawned.
The baked beans! The fckin' baked beans!!! I put them in my trouser pockets to restock the shelves, but I never finished! I must still have them!
There were yells and protests from various pedestrians, as the teenager sped by, closely followed by three hollering security guards.
There were also yells and protests from the many groups of tourists, but these were closely followed by camera flashes, and bets on whether he would get caught or not.
Across the street, two familiar figures walked. One was an intimidatingly large and rounded teenager, and the other was a slim dark-haired girl in biking gear. Hearing commotion, they turned around to see a thin teenager pounding his way through wildly scattering hoards of the general public.
"Isn't that Edge?" Asked Akira, watching the blonde as he screamed by.
There was more hubbub as three large men in security uniforms fought their way through the crowds in hot pursuit.
"Yep," replied Gan, following the path of the men, "That's definitely Edge."
The two looked at each other for a few moments, then tagged onto the line, hurrying after the policemen.
"HEY! KID! STOP!" yelled one of the pursuing guards.
But Edge wasn't stopping, no way no how! He wan't about to be caught by some guards for stealing a can of baked beans! Especially not on the first and last day of his new job.
No fckin' chance!
No chance whatsoever!
The End…… For now.