Loss

AUTHOR: Angelhart
GENRE: romance/hurt
RATING: PG13
DISCLAIMER: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi / the television series are produced by Sunrise.

I found it really sad that Inuyasha was separated from Kagome for three whole years. It made me wonder how he spent those three years. The last episode showing not much of that time.

The anime and manga kind of showing that he gets easily depressed, though. Recalling the event that he would even let himself be killed by Kikyo, it made me think about how he spent his time dealing with the loss of Kagome. And I started writing.

This fic has spoilers if you have not seen the last episode of the Final Act, so be warned.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did in writing it. Of course I kept the characters authentic, like always. Enjoy!

(in a update 18/2 I fixed some type errors)

Interested to read my old stories? – check my old profile on the website: u/24612/Angelhart

I never thought... that someone liked me... not like a demon... not like a half-demon... not even like human... just like... just like me…

Kagome taught me how to smile, how to believe in people. Kagome was the reason I could make friends, and rely on those friends. To shed tears for others, to understand true strength and kindness…They're all things I learned from Kagome. Kagome was born to meet me, and I was born for her…

Born for her… And now it seemed my presence in this world lacked the purpose. She was gone…

I was staring down the well. The others had left two days ago. Miroku, Sango and Shippo. I was alone. I had remained. Waiting.

I recalled jumping the well the day the others had left. They had given up. But I wouldn't. I got angry. She could not just leave. She could not just leave me here! Alone…

I dug into the ground with my claws. Digging. Digging for...? I didn't know. My claws found the bones of demon skeletons, but not that luminous light that would engulf me to take me to her world.
"Kagome!" I yelled. "Kagome!" I dug harder not even caring that I was covering myself with more and more dirt. I would dig a hole all through the earth if I had to if it would allow me to reach her.
"Give her back," I growled to the earth and the wood of the well. "You have no right taking her from me!"
"KAGOME!" I cried out. "Don't you dare leaving me alone."
My claws were bleeding and I fell to my knees as I howled my sorrow to the night's sky.

Don't you dare leaving me alone, Kagome…

After two more days staying down in the well I jumped out of it. At the edge of the forest I looked down at the village below. Sensing a demon nearby I made my move to hunt for it. I could certainly use the distraction.

My human side was weak - grieving - and my demon half saw an opportunity. Leading me on to hunt more demons. Yet I returned to the well every day. Waiting until sun set before heading off slaying demons again.

Killing with my claws felt better than using Tessaiga and soon I forgot it was even there. I lost it in a fight as it fell from my body as I was being pummeled into the air. I did not even notice. I left the battlefield without it as I headed back to the well once more.
In the rainy day that followed I saw my brother holding the sword in its sheath. I was sitting with my back against the well. I growled at him. More demon than human…
"You come to slay me, brother?" I tauntingly asked.
He said nothing but threw the Tessaiga towards me. It fell close to me on the ground. Almost within my reach. I looked at it for a moment before turning my attention to Sesshomaru again.
"You take better care of our fathers in heritage or I will use it to nail you against that well you sit against."
I chuckled "Go ahead. Try." I bared my fangs and licked my lips taunting him even more. "I will take you on any day."
"You are weak. Pathetic. To kill you now would be without honor. I will not fight an opponent who already reeks of death."
He turned his back at me and I snarled. "Afraid I slay you, brother?"
"I will not grant your death wish. Little brother. And don't expect me to revive you with Tenseiga if you do find one who does. Even if your friends come to me crawling on their knees, father's sword will stay sheathed. I will, however, come collect his other fang to add to my collection." He turned his head and smirked at me. "Of course."
"Of course," I agreed with him giving him a smirk of my own. "But why wait. Brother." I cracked my knuckles showing him my claws that were still covered in demon blood. And my own…
He turned his head away.
"Pull yourself together, Inuyasha. Your despicable."
"Concerned for my welfare, brother?" I mocked at him but he just walked away.

When they found me I was still sitting against the well. I had not eaten for weeks, had pushed my body far beyond its limits. Their scent caught my nose but it took too much effort – too much strength – to lift my head or even move my ears forward to the noise of the rustle of bushes and grass as they approached me.
They had expected to see a hurtful half-demon. Not a near-corpse.
She gasped for air and wanted to leap forward but the monk stopped her. His right hand in front of her.
"Sango wait!"
She stopped.
"Wait," he repeated again. Softer this time.
Yes, he must have seen it. The sparkle of red in my eyes as it glowed slightly. Survival instinct kicking in. As my human side was more dead than living the demon side was reluctant to give in. And Tessaiga was lying on the grass. Close but not in the proximity that even it could force the demon to stay at bay.
Friend, foe, it did not matter. Everything, everyone was a threat. I did not have the power to suppress it. I was at a point I did not even care…
I bared my fangs as the monk approached slowly. I was growling and the demon strength in me made me lift my head to look upon them. He halted holding his hand against the demon slayer to warn her of approaching any further. I knew why he was extra protective of her. It was the scent she gave off and the light swelling of her belly that gave it away.
He has been busy, I mused.
The moment that humorous thought was in my mind my humanity must have also surfaced for a moment for Sango pushed his hand away and ran towards my body. She fell onto her knees in front of me. Before I could even react she pulled me close in a tight embrace whispering my name over and over again. Forcing me to focus. Forcing me to remember who I was. Her scent and voice forcing me to remember who they were.
She must have known somehow I would not harm her or her unborn child, that I would be able to cage my darker side, that I would still have the strength left to do it if I would remember. But truthfully I didn't want to remember. Because with those memories also came pain. Loss…
I cried as she pressed my head against her chest. My human side, my demon side, we cried out our loss, our pain. She just held me close and stroked my hair. My distraught calling out to her newfound motherly instinct.
I was limp against her and she had to help me as a bottle of water was held against my lips by the monk who had squatted beside us. More spilled over me instead of going inside my mouth as I tried to drink.
Next they lifted me up and I felt the sheathed Tessaiga being pressed in my hands. My last bit of sanity…
"Come on, Inuyasha," Sango's voice said softly. "Let's get you home."

Home… Where was home?

They brought me to their house. Laying me down to rest and provided food and water. Nourishing me back to a much healthier state. One that would ensure my demon side would remain dormant. One that would ensure my survival. Well… the survival of my body. My mind and heart were not healing. They could never heal…

I was sitting outside somewhere close to their house. A fire had been made to warm me. I was sitting in front of it. My legs crossed and my arms folded into the wide sleeves of the fire rat robe. I heard footsteps behind me coming to a stop.
"Stay with us, Inuyasha." I heard the demon slayer say as I let my mind get lost staring in the flames in front of me. She meant it in every way possible. Stay alive. Stay with them.
I turned my head to look at her. Her belly was growing rapidly. I had been staying with them for months now.
"You will give birth soon," I said for I scented that on her. And I had been right.
She gave birth the next day. Her cries and the scent of blood and amniotic fluid filling the air as I sat upon the roof of their house. The priestess Kaede and Rin playing midwife as the monk was nervously pacing around the house.
Then a soft cry sounded and soon another. The old priestess came out of the house with Rin. Both of them were holding a baby girl.
"Two? Two?!"
And then he fainted. I couldn't help but laugh inwardly at that and, while I did, I realized I was home. After traveling with them they had all become my family. When I had lost Kagome I had distracted me from them. Trying to go back to the live I had once lived.
One of solitude. One of killing and hiding in the night of the new moon. I had not realized that she had altered me. Her love, her care, her innocence… I could not go back to such life again. Her impact on my life was one of great significance. I would not let it go to waste.

So I stayed. Around. In the forest that held my name. Sleeping in the tree that once held me prison for fifty years. There were times I longed for those vines to grow upon me once more while I slept. To hold me captive. Seal me, I called out to them once every night. Seal me for five hundred years.

Make me rest in a peaceful slumber so she can awaken me once again.

They did not react to my secret wish.

I helped out. Protecting the village and did what I did best. Slaying demons. Miroku finding them – and ripping off some other villages of course, while I removed the danger. More than once we left with bags of rice or vegetables or other stuff as payment. And as the months progressed it became even worse. The payments he asked of people almost ridiculous. Soon evidence was showing why he was doing so.
"Another one?" Shippo asked.
Sango was rubbing her swollen belly lovingly.
"So another tyke, huh," I said as the other two were rolling around over me. Using me as some kind of climbing tool. These kids were growing rapidly.

Was this going to be my fate? To watch everyone I knew and love grow old and die? In the end, was I to be alone?

Another child was born within seven months. This time I was helping the monk out once more by slaying a demon in a village nearby. We left with three bags of rice that day. He had ripped those villagers off real good. He explained to me that he really had no other choice because of his expanding family. This time they had a baby boy.

I watched the stars every night. Every one of them looked like a Shikon Jewel in the sky. I needed only one to grant me my wish. To bring Kagome back to me.

I visited the well every three days. Sitting beside it and waiting. The only scent that emerged from it however was death. The smell of demon bones that had been thrown into it over all those years.
The wasteland that had surrounded it after the destruction of the jewel was now flourishing once again. The forest had grown back around it. Sometimes the little fox demon accompanied me in my visits. He missed her too. Both of us were leaning over the edge of the well one day looking down.
"Inuyasha," he asked, "will she ever come back?"

I honestly did not know.

I found myself talking to the old priestess as the sun was setting on another day without her.
"It was strange. One minute I was there in her world and feeling so relieved and the next-"
"-you found yourself alone on this side?" Kaede finished for me.
"Yeah right." I sighed. "Kagome's mother, brother and grandpa were all crying. I realized then I wasn't the only one who cared about Kagome." Somehow the well made a choice. Her family needed her more than I needed her.
"Inuyasha, when did you become such a person of understanding?"
"Yeah, weird, huh."
It was the voice of the kid demon who was spying on us in his floating form.
"Oh, Shippo, you were taking the Fox Demon Exam, right?"
Exams… Kagome had exams, I mused. Before our last battle against Naraku she had to study for them. And we almost kissed… I tasted her lips before we parted in the Shikon Jewel. I would have devoured her whole mouth if I had known we would not see each other again.
The kid demon transformed back happily showing off his paper "I was promoted."
Then he jumped on top of my head.
"Inuyasha, don't you go the well once every three days?"
"Once every three days?! What devotion," I heard the old priestess say.
Blabbermouth.
I snatched the kid from my head and kicked him in the air. Turning my head I saw the woman walking down the hill. I turned back to the sun setting in the distance. Tomorrow would be another third day.
I lowered my head and clenched my fists. "Kagome, where are you?" Come back to me…

I placed my hand flat on the Goshinboku. Do you feel me, Kagome? Do you sense my need? Tears pricked behind my eyes but I kept them trapped there. It had become easier to do so over time.
"Come back to me." I whispered to the trunk brushing my hand against it.

I need you with me, Kagome. Haven't you realized that yet?!

Within three years I had been reduced from ferocious half-demon to children's toy. Shippo's remark pointing it even out to me as the twin girls were clutched to my head and tugging on my ears, while I was sitting on the grass.
"Doggy…. Doggy…"
Even my self -control had its limits.
"Hey, do something about those twins," I called out to either Sango or Miroku. I didn't care which one would intervene as long as one of them did.
"Don't tug on his ears," The monk reprimanded the two children from a distance as he was helping his wife with hanging out the laundry.
"I'm sorry Inuyasha," Sango said.
A scent in the wind.
It reached my nose as if it had been purposely searching me.
It couldn't be... My ears twitched anxiously.
I grabbed the twins and dropped them on the kid demon.
"Go slay the fox," I said and I ran off towards the source of that familiar scent.

It couldn't be. But I was sure of it. There was no room for mistake. That scent…

I dashed forward to the well. I ran faster than I had ever done. Coming to stop in front of it my heart was pounding loudly against my chest. It was not from running. The scent of death of demons was replaced with that familiar flowery scent. Kagome…
I swallowed trying to calm my anxious nerves. I bend forward and held out my hand and waited.
A soft hand grabbed mine and I closed my hand around it and pulled up. I let her stand on the edge of the well as she looked at me. Tears were in her eyes.
"Inuyasha, I'm sorry. Were you waiting for me?"
"Kagome… You idiot." I pulled her in an embrace and held her tight. "What have you been doing?"
The others had all followed and were shouting her name in glee. She called out there names crying tears of joy.
I was holding her hand still. I would never let go.

Ever…

* * the end * *

I wrote this story today. Being ill has given me time to do so. I could sure use a liver potion right now, I guess.

Please be kind and review ;)

Arigato Gozaimashita