Cosima needed coffee more than she needed air. She peeled her sun glasses off her face as she stumbled into the gas station at 8am on a Tuesday morning. She was never up this early, but the fact she hadn't been to sleep made up for that. 8am was practically still the night before. The light of the gas station made her eyes sting for a second and she was a little disorientated. The alcohol was still in her system, but mixed with the killer hangover she knew was coming. Dez, the gas station attendant was at the checkout, in his overly tight black t-shirt that wasn't meant for such a large Hawaiian man. Today was not the day to analyze his fashion choices, Cosima needed coffee and she needed it right in that second. Heading across the store to the coffee machine, Cosima vaguely heard the entrance door open and close as someone entered. Today was also not the day to make friends, she needed that coffee and she needed to get home to bed. It was also not the time she was going to rethink her life choices to be a drifter and never amount to something, that was definitely for a different time. When she got to the machine, her hands mechanically grabbed a brown cardboard cup and placed it under the nozzle, her hand lazily selected the Americano and she collapsed against the side in exhaustion. Her forehead pressed against the machine's front as her eyes watched the black liquid squirt at first before it poured into her cup. Her glasses fogged up but she literally did not care even a little. The person that entered earlier walked passed her but she didn't look up, the machine seemed extra slow today. But there was a buzz in the air, like something was going to happen in this gas station. Cosima let the feeling pass over her, it was probably just the come down.
Delphine needed energy drinks more than she had ever needed anything before in her life. Pulling up to the gas station she got out of the new Mercedes in a tired daze, barely walking, existing on fumes. She was so far away from home it was impossible to sleep, and so she had to keep going. That was the problem with out of city living, a constant commute into work and back. That was also the problem of having the job that she did, constant meetings, with crisis every day. The doors to the modern gas station opened automatically, she looked around to locate the drinks chillers, and headed straight there. But not before giving the gas station attendant a weak and tired smile. It felt like her suit was making it hard to walk. But that's what she got from not having changed out of them in what seemed two days. It felt hard and stiff. She unbuttoned a few of her blouse buttons just to get some air to her skin, and feel more alive. Then she noticed a glisten on her skin of sweat, it had been an exceptionally long night. Delphine noticed a smaller women pressing herself up against the coffee machine. A second of sympathy passed over her, before she realised they were in the same state. Pursing her lips, she moved past the women, feeling a tingly sensation for only a second before it melted away through her body. Her eyes wanted to move on to locate the drinks, but were captured by the girl's dark messy dreadlocks and blue spiral tattoo on her arm. But even that strange beauty could not keep her too long, her brain was in survival mode. The cool of the chiller met with her chest as she pressed against the door, feeling the cool against her cheek, she savoured it for a moment by closing her eyes. The fear of actually falling asleep shocked her awake, her hand reached out for the handle to the chiller, opened it up and pulled out a drink. Without thinking twice, she unscrewed the lid of the drink and started to drink in large gulps, staring at nothing in particular, just focussing on staying awake.
The coffee machine slowed to a stop, Cosima's hand grabbed a plastic lid and fit it onto the cup before dragging herself away from the warmth of the machine towards the checkout. Cosima realised that she was wearing what she wore the night before, baggy overly patterned trousers she used to meditate and get high in, a red tank top with someone else's black overly sized hoody and some tired looking vans. She didn't even care though, at this point she didn't even care whether the president walked in, she would just get her coffee and then consider saying 'hey'. She placed the coffee onto the counter and shook it, as if motioning that that was all she was getting. The Hawaiian guy didn't look impressed, he just stared at Cosima, taking the cup checking its size and then pushing buttons on his checkout.
"That'll be $4." He said in a west coast accent born and bred. Cosima just nodded slowly and put her hands in either pocket of the hoody. Her eyes woke up a little when she realised she couldn't feel her purse.
"Urr…" Cosima groaned, as she ran her hands over her body. Her purse obviously wasn't in her tank top and these pants didn't have pockets. Oh fuck. "Dude, I forgot my purse." Cosima was still tired as hell and ready to crash, but her panic woke her up.
"No cash, no coffee." The Hawaiian said, he didn't seem phased either way, and he certainly got paid either way. But this was no ordinary coffee this was Cosima's life blood, she needed it more than anything and he was not letting her have it. She needed it so bad.
"Dude I need this coffee, I need it so I can get my life together man, I just need to wake up ok. I live two blocks from here, I can totally come back and give the money to you." Cosima was pleading now, she picked up the coffee but thought better than to take it and run, she would get put in jail with all the priors she had for possession.
"This is not a charity, you can go home and get money, then come back and get your coffee. No cash, no coffee." The man was unyielding. Cosima was a strong individual, she had got through a lot of shit. Hell her life was a total mess and she still managed to get up every morning (evening) and carry on. But this, this was killing her. All sorts of feelings were going through her, like was she honestly going to risk jail for this coffee, was this coffee really going to help her. She thought back to her days in AA, 'if you're going to pick up a drink, pick up the phone instead'. Was this one of those situations?
Delphine sipped the last drop of the energy drink and felt a lot better, she still felt like her body had been torn out and stuffed back in all wrong, but she felt better than she did. Her eyes lazily watched the drama unfolding by the checkouts. The desperate young women with the dreadlocks and tattoo pleading the cashier to give her free coffee. For all she knew that women did that every day. For all she knew this women was some homeless hustler who tried to get coffee from every gas station on the outskirts of the city. But something told her otherwise. The man seemed completely straight faced, so her theory didn't feel totally unsupported. Her hand fumbled on her blouse buttons, it seemed the first couple weren't enough. She pushed her self off of the chiller, and began to slowly attempt a stroll to the checkout, she needed to pay at some point too. As she walked she felt the energy drinks finally getting into her veins and knew she would start shaking in a second, so much sugar was not good to her. But maybe it wasn't the sugar, as soon as she turned the corner of the last aisle and saw the women for all her beauty, she was breathless. Mon dieu. Her hand clasped onto the finished bottle of sugar drink as she approached the scene, her heart beat fast, and she was sure she had not felt this way in a very long time. 35 and addicted to her work had not left much opportunity to see women like that. Exactly her taste. Oh my.
"Dude you are going to waste a perfectly good cup of coffee because I don't have any money?!" The woman was against the checkouts side now, her hand holding onto it, probably holding back her anger. The women let go briefly to put her sun glasses on her face just as the sun came into view above some buildings.
"Yeah, that's exactly what I am going to do." The man went to grab the coffee but the women lent forward and grabbed it from him stepping back from the counter with it in her hand, she seemed a little crazed and it made Delphine even hotter under the collar than before. "Oh you're going to steal coffee now? Really well done. If you do, I swear I will call the police." This was getting a little out of hand, even for a cup of coffee. Delphine some kind of protective instinct come over her and she half stepped a little closer to the women before thinking better. Even if there was some primal attraction in her to this women, in those pants that really showed that ass well, and the nape of her neck under the dreads all tied up in a loose bun, and the… 'calm down, Delphine.'
Cosima was really irate now, she knew the idea of that delicious life brew in front of her was getting further and further from her reach without money. She had only one way to secure it, she would have to run. She grabbed the coffee and went to move back.
"You know what, fuck you! I have had the worst night of my life and all I want is a fuc—"
"Excusez-moi, can I pay for that coffee?" A little French voice popped up out of now where, Cosima was definitely sure she needed that coffee now that there were voices in her head. Then she felt someone at her side and looked up, taking her sunglasses off with her one free hand she saw the face of some kind of angel.
"What?..." Was all Cosima could get out, she was in such a daze that it didn't really seem real that there was some out of the blue French lady at her side willing to pay for a coffee from some psycho, unsympathetic, egomaniac gas station attendant that was refusing her a human right.
"I need to pay for my drink. I do not mind, at all really." This women's voice was so sweet and angelic, Cosima was now 100% sure she was still having a trip from the night before. She didn't know how to react, did she just back down from her conquest for coffee and let this woman pay or did she still run anyway, may as well end a wild night on a wild police run at 8am.
"I don't care, as long as someone pays." The Hawaiian that was threatening Cosima with an old Nokia, retreated from his stance and was a little more forgiving. Cosima was not willing to back down that easily, she gave him a dirty look and then looked back to this wonderful woman. It was then she realised how hot she was. This women, was literally stood there in a corporate power suit at 8am clutching a finished energy drink with bags under her eyes, probably from lack of sleep. Suddenly she didn't feel alone in this war for coffee. But that suit clung so tightly so the Frenchies body that Cosima couldn't look away. She literally couldn't, it was like she was so tired that all her inhibitions had gone and she wasn't even afraid of getting caught checking her out. Her eyes trailed up from those killer stiletto heels, up her tight black pants. Her eyes hovered a little on the tight crease where her legs met, and she was so damn tempted to lick her lips but even that was too far. Her eyes moved to the woman's tailored blazer and that white silk blouse which had its buttons undone to the chest. 'Fuck, me' was all Cosima could think. If she really didn't think of hitting a joint, she definitely did now. Hell she needed it, she didn't expect this much excitement so early.
Delphine loved to be checked out, but this whole drama was about an unpaid for coffee and it still wasn't getting paid for. She felt the woman's eyes all over her and she was getting a little too excited at the attention. She felt her chest tighten. Delphine moved forward to pay, but in doing so her arm brushed the side of the woman's body. She had to suppress a moan, it was like nothing she had felt before, like just brushing past someone should not send shudders of pleasure. Especially, when they are half asleep at 8am! But it did and it was undeniable, half of her was sure the woman had to have felt it too. It was like some kind of electricity. She felt like slapping that coffee out of the woman's hand, pushing her up against the confectionary aisle and having her way with her right there and then. But that moment passed when the girl spoke.
"Cigarettes as well?" The girl suggested, in a commanding way. Delphine did not mind, she was happy that the girl managed to distract her. That fleeting moment of passion was about to take over. Whilst she would not regret the act in itself, she would be no good on this little sleep and this much sugar. Plus the gas attendant would get more than his money's worth and she wasn't that charitable. Delphine looked the girl in those big brown eyes (lined with perfect eye liner, which also made Delphine's heart flutter), and smiled sweetly. She just gave her a smile that she knew would send anyone over the edge if they were into her. She looked forward to the row of cigarettes behind the attendant, the woman said a brand and so the man grabbed it. He gave her a new total after she added the energy drink, and out of her back pocket she grabbed her company credit card.
Cosima was pretty sure she was going to collapse from sexual frustration. The blonde woman had reached her hand behind her and into her tight ass pocket in those power pants. Oh my god, it was like her weakness, when women were like, she didn't even know, just women man. Women were Cosima's weakness. She let the woman pay for her coffee and her cigarettes and watched her ass the whole time. It was 8am, who cares if she was staring at some French woman's ass, it probably was all a dream anyway. When she saw the gold credit card come out and pay for her things she knew this woman's suit wasn't just for show and she was some top dog somewhere. This lady was even more attractive, hot as hell and powerful. Cosima felt dizzy. She took a sip of that damn coffee when the women had paid.
"Urg, it's not even good coffee." Cosima spat as the women turned around with her cigarettes and they both started to walk out of the shop. "I know your whole family, I don't get why you didn't trust me, Dez!" Cosima shouted as she left the gas station shop, then she became overly aware of the women behind her and tried to remain cool.
"Let us just go." The women said politely and she put a hand on the Cosima's shoulder to motion her to go out of the door. When her hand touched her Cosima swore her heart stopped and her vagina had just taken control of her whole body, there was no going back, she needed to bang this woman more than this damn coffee. The coffee was drunk in literally five seconds after getting out into the court area. Her hand clutched the empty paper cup and she started to pray in her head. 'Please let this woman ask to bang me, pleaaaase let her jump me right now'. Cosima was normally the type to scoot over to some girl on a sofa at a party and in 5 seconds be making out with her, 5 minutes later be upstairs in the house banging. But this time, she was nervous and that felt unnatural. They got to the edge of the pathway, and Cosima caught sight of the expensive looking Mercedes and she was even more regretful at not making a move.
There was a moment where the two of them stood still next to each other, a moment where Cosima's mind was racing about all of the possibilities the two of them had. A moment where Cosima just wanted to take her hand and show her the city, show her the damn beach and then bang her in that fancy car. But Cosima did nothing at all.
"Ok, well I am going to go home now. Don't worry about the coffee, really." The woman gave Cosima a weak smile but it was so meaningful that Cosima couldn't put it into words. It was a small smile, but those lips curled in such a way it made her think about a whole life with those lips kissing her every morning. Cosima went to speak, but she didn't say anything, she just looked up into the blonde's eyes and smiled. Her smile was characteristic, it was cheeky and sultry, her fangy teeth on show. She even did her head tilt that made all the women smile, but she stopped it quickly. Shut herself down before she even really began. The women nodded her head, there were definitely words between them unsaid and Cosima's head was screaming for the woman to say them. 'Hey let's get drinks later', or 'Hey, can I have your number?', even 'So, lets go somewhere'. But none of that happened. Cosima just looked to the smooth asphalt and kicked a loose rock onto the road. Her hand holding her sunglasses swung in the cool breeze and she started to smile at the floor. So much regret was in her head as the women reached her car. She guessed if it was meant to be then fate would intervene and make it happen. And that didn't happen so just maybe-
"I really can pay you back, I just need to get home to get my purse. I live literally two blocks from here." Cosima's shouted.
Delphine's heart dropped. They reached the edge of the gas station and neither of them said anything. Delphine was too old to make the first move now, attraction was young, youthful, and it wasn't something she had time to engage in anymore. But there was a definitive pull towards the small woman that she could not shake and it refused to let her go without a word. But no words came to her, she just said nothing and looked out over the San Francisco scenery, the light of the rising sun hitting everything in a blissful dull blue light. She watched a couple of birds lift themselves from a tree without effort and fly away. Her attention was brought back to the girl standing a little too close to her. Her hand twitched a little, she really just wanted to reach out and take that hand, she wanted to just take this woman into her car and drive somewhere, anywhere. There was an unrisen urge in her to drive away and not come back, go on some adventure and become a new person. The cool morning breeze hit her chest and she felt this overwhelming sense of new beginnings.
"Ok, well I am going to go home now. Don't worry about the coffee, really." Delphine said it but she did not mean it. Her head screamed for her to stop, to take the girl, to ask her for drinks, to ask her to come with her, to just know the girls name. But she just smiled and began to walk away, her hand pushing her hair behind her shoulder, and her eyes focussing on her car. When she turned fully away she closed her eyes and took a sharp breath. She really was too old for whatever was happening between them in that moment. There was a moment when she was sure that her feet were starting to turn back. But they didn't. There was another moment where she swore she started to say something but stopped. As much as she regretted it, when she reached her car, she knew she had to leave and not come back. Her mind raced over her 'youth' and all the flings she had, and another part of her scolded her for thinking she was that old. How old was 35 these days? Distractions like this were what kept her from being the best-
"I really can pay you back, I just need to get home to get my purse. I live literally two blocks from here." The women shouted to her, Delphine took a sharp breath and sighed in relief, Turning immediately to face the woman.
"Yes." She said before she could overthink it anymore and ruin this. Who cares. What's the risk? Why doesn't she venture out of her comfort zone once and a while, why doesn't she talk to strangers and just forget herself for a day. Even then in that moment, Delphine had the thought that she was 35 and venturing out with strangers who refuse to pay for coffee was not advisable. But there was something different with this one. Delphine leant back against her car, her hands behind her back. She inadvertently pushed her chest out in the action, but it couldn't hurt to flirt. The women beamed up at her, and that fangy smile sent thrills over Delphine. Who cares if she was 35, this was probably the most exciting thing she had done in years.
"Great." Was all the women said. There was a pause between the two of them, where only the distance sounds of engines on the free way and birds in the morning sky could break the silence. It was enough though, they just looked at each other for a moment or two. Each of them had words caught on the edges of their mouths just itching to be spoken, but both at a loss. Their eyes connected and it felt like Delphine really was looking into that woman's soul, as if in some foreign way, she could hear what the woman was thinking. Beckoning her to come closer. Delphine knew it was her place to say something.
"I'm Delphine." She said, quietly, just audible to the women across from her. The women smiled even harder, but her head was bowed sweetly at the ground. The women twisted to face her as well, and her legs crossed over and her hands held each other, probably in nerves. Delphine couldn't help but melt.
"Cosima." Cosima introduced herself and took a step forward. She looked up at Delphine. The sun that had just fully risen above the buildings behind the station hit Cosima's eye lashes and flooded light all over Delphine. Her eyes stung for a moment because of her impending hangover. She raised her hand to bring shade so she could actually see, the shadow cast and showed that Delphine had moved and was walking back over. Cosima's heart jumped, she bit her lip and looked down to the floor out of the sun. She didn't put her sun glasses back on, to be honest she had forgot about everything other than the look of that woman's smile.
"That's a unique name." Delphine stated warmly, as they stood next to each other.
"Yeah…" Cosima laughed, she was honestly so nervous she couldn't formulate words.
Delphine froze for a second. She had one life, she knew that but she really wasn't one for careless risks. She was essentially a business woman and that entailed careful calculated decisions based on evidence and theory, not to throw caution to the wind and go with the moment. Going with the moment lost research and years of work. But she didn't care about that now. She saw's the sun burst its banks and the rays of light fill the court yard, she took that distraction to push herself off of the car and move towards Cosima. She felt a rush, it may have been the energy drinks, she knew when she came down from the sugar high she would regret this, but she wanted that rush. She wanted to feel something for once.
"That's a unique name." Delphine said in a suddenly desperate voice, as if her body was reacting to her racing thoughts of longing. She collected herself and smiled, Cosima giggled, and it melted her heart. That name was nice; it was beautiful even. Even in it's uniqueness it suited the enigmatic woman perfectly. It seemed to fit. She couldn't say the same about her own name, she always pictured herself as a Rachel.
"Yeah…" Cosima said, the way she said it was dragged out and husky, a twang of strong west coast and smoking on her breath. Delphine literally let out a moan, but quickly distracted Cosima from noticing by moving her hand up to gesture movement.
"Shall I drive?" Delphine asked, her voice a little high pitched from restraining the literal moaning she wanted to do. If she was honest to herself, she didn't expect to have this sort of reaction to Cosima, or anyone, at her age. She motioned her hand back at her car, and stared into those big eyes and waited for a response. Cosima's eyes looked behind her to the car, and then back right up into Delphine's own. The way her eyes lost focus and regained it on the car, and the way they focused back on her own, sent shivers over Delphine. Even the finite moments, even the way her eyes moved were sending her crazy. Cosima chuckled and tilted her head to the ground and back up, she looked like a puppy.
"I only live a few blocks I promise. We can walk there and it will, like-" Cosima stuttered. For such a confident, down to earth person, she was up in the clouds. "-save the, environment, or whatever…" Cosima had to give a reason, the car really was a little much. Plus, it would take time away from the both of them. She did care about the environment, but she cared more about pleasure in life. She was hedonistic, sure, but she was also realistic. When you meet someone like this at 8am at a gas station, you cannot let yourself live if you let them go. At least that's how she justified taking a stranger back to her house. She could see Delphine's hesitation, there were thoughts racing in that blonde's head, and she just couldn't wait to pick her mind and find out what her story was. She knew exactly why she was there, she hadn't even been home yet, not really. But why Delphine? What lead this women, clearly some top dog, to come to energy drinks at this hour.
"Sounds good." After a sharp breath Delphine replied, and Cosima's heart flittered. She couldn't help but grin her fangy teeth and laugh a little more. Stupid nerves. Act cool. Cosima didn't really know what to say now, so she just added a little mystery by beginning to walk. She noticed Delphine hung back a little, she didn't quite take the step at the same time as Cosima. Cosima didn't look back, she figured if this was going to happen it would. She closed her eyes as she walked and prayed as long as hard as she could to make that woman start walking, and walk with her. She had never prayed before, but that woman elicited something in side of her that she needed, desperately needed to explore. "Wait." The woman finally said, Cosima stopped immediately and turned around to face the blonde. "I need my phone." Delphine said, she ran over to her car slipped inside for just a second and grabbed her phone. In bending over to get it, Cosima took the opportunity to stare one more time. She was suddenly not at all worried, even if this woman did not follow, that ass would stay with her forever. Delphine reappeared, smiling and slightly jogged over to Cosima on the other side of the court. "Sorry, it's for business…" Delphine's voice trailed off as she got closer, and her cheeks started to blush. Who had the upper hand now, Cosima thought as she saw the effects of their proximity. But then again, she thought, it could just be the small output of exercise that was jogging.
"So…" Cosima began once they had started walking down the sidewalk. There were only a few cars at this hour, only a few with their slowly creeping engines crawling up on the road and then passing without hesitation. Cosima shoved her hands into the pockets of the hoody that was not hers, and looked at her feet smiling. "What brings you to a gas station at 8am?" Cosima started off casual, containing her excitement and want to just scream with sexual frustration. Delphine's heels clicked into the quiet air, her hands were in front of her body, clutching her phone. She even walked business, and oddly that still turned Cosima on.
"It's what I was leaving behind that ended in a gas station, rather than the gas station being my destination." Delphine politely coughed a laugh and looked ahead of her. "I have been up all night working, and the reason my team stayed up all night never went anywhere. So it was a waste really." Delphine's French accent was thicker now, Cosima noticed the tiredness in her voice. She suddenly felt bad, she had dragged this woman from the comfort of going home and was taking her to her flat to find what, a purse?
"Look if you want to go back-" Cosima began apologetically.
"No, non!" Delphine said a little took quickly, not defensively as such but she instinctively dispelled the notion. Her quickness made Cosima blush. "It's just…" The Frenchie began. "I'm 35-" Delphine paused quickly, probably to gauge a reaction from Cosima but there was none. "-And I feel like I have done nothing with my life." Again Delphine's voice trailed off. Their hands briefly touched, and both pulled away, but Cosima felt the warmth and craved it.
"I know the feeling." Cosima laughed nervously. She didn't know what to say to that. Cosima let the words hang in the cool air as they walked. She started a game of dodging the cracks in the sidewalk, it didn't work, but she tried.
Delphine felt a compulsion to let her heart pour, to let those racing thoughts surface and tell this stranger her story. But even that, at this early hour, was too long. So she just told her the facts, that she was up all night and had no direction in life.
"I know the feeling." Cosima said, and Delphine didn't doubt it. She noticed that Cosima did not reply and so she didn't speak up either. Strangely the silence between them wasn't awkward, they were just walking. Walking as if they knew each other for years. But Delphine couldn't deal with silence, where she worked silence did not pay, and it certainly got nothing done.
"I am intrigued." Delphine started to smirk at the thought and looked down to her companion. "Why does someone like yourself end up there at this hour." Delphine's accent came out in the word 'hour' and she tried to hold it back a little, her French was more American at work and in her free time and especially when she was tired, it became very native. Cosima looked up at her, and her eyes sparkled. Delphine bit her lip and had to look away down the sidewalk at the junction they were approaching. She watched the cars pulling out of the road and pulling in. But she never was that good at distractions, so she looked back down into those eyes and sighed.
"Some one like me? I'll let that pass!" Cosima giggled and bit her lip, she playfully nudged Delphine a little, and the blonde laughed. They shared a moment. When they contacted it felt so natural and warm. "Let's just say I was up a little late, around a friends and I needed to get home. I don't need a car when I have coffee." Cosima held the now empty paper cup in the air in front of them. Delphine admired this woman's charisma, she admired even after such little time, the way Cosima carried herself. How much of it was nerves, she would never know, but from what she had seen she wanted to see more. Just who this friend of Cosima's was, why they were up so late, and why they couldn't give her a lift back intrigued Delphine. With a hint of unfounded jealously Delphine dwindled on the idea of why they were up so late. In fact, the thought of it made her a little sad- "Well I pulled an all nighter at this party, I had wanted to crash but I had a fight with the girl who ran the party…" Cosima added, Delphine was relieved. At least Cosima wasn't up all night doing other things- "Don't worry, I am 28 with no life plans and a half finished degree in Evolutionary Developmental Biology." Cosima smirked, but Delphine sensed a sadness in her voice. It pained her. Delphine watched the cracks in the path pass under her feet in a blur with each step. They were walked a little faster now, and the sun was cracking. Delphine slyly checked her wrist watch, it was 8:30am.
"It's just down here." Cosima said and turned a corner, Delphine didn't quiet get the gesture to turn and so stepped a little in the other direction before turning to follow, they laughed together about it and then walked again in frustrated silence.