Childish Hope

24th January -2010

8 months after Sam said 'Yes'

Charlotte Winchester stared at the flickering flames, anger burning in her veins. None of this was supposed to happen. She'd promised Dean a happy future, promised him that everything would be okay. Wood crackled and she ground down on her teeth harshly and curled her hands into fists. This wasn't supposed to happen, at all. She wanted to cry, wanted to spend the entire day curled up in bed crying and yelling, breaking stuff until she was done.

She wanted to give up now. Fuck the world, fuck saving people. They'd tried that and this was what they'd gotten in return. This was their reward for trying to save the world.

"I'm sorry," Chuck mumbled from her side.

She didn't bother looking at him but she heard Dean make a noise close to a hum of, "Yeah."

It had been eight months since Sam had said "Yes" to Lucifer, hoping that he could control him long enough to jump into the pit. Only he hadn't been able to. Lucifer had turned round, shown them that he was in control and almost killed them. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself, trying to ground herself in the here and now. Dean and Cas. That's all that were left, that's what she had to worry about.

Charlotte flicked her eyes open and stared at the burning fires a little more before she felt her strength fall. She couldn't stand this, couldn't pretend that this hadn't cut deep for her, for Dean. For everyone. Bobby had been the one with the most knowledge about anything old and ancient, never afraid to speak his mind. And Nat. Charlotte let out a strangled noise at the very idea she'd never see her face again. Nat kept them sane. Kept them human. She was the voice of reason.

Gone.

Killed by a group of hunters who wanted to kill them for starting this. Tears started to slide down Charlotte's face and she felt the warmth of the embers tease her skin. Croats would be swarming this area soon, the smoke from the funerals a sign of human life. But Charlotte really couldn't find it in herself to move. Others had left long ago, and the sound of a car thrumming into life let her know that Chuck was leaving with the last bunch that cared enough to mourn and to carry on living.

"We should leave soon," Cas muttered.

Charlotte barely looked away from the pyres to look at Cas, a bloodied cut decorating his cheek. "Not yet," she croaked out quietly. She closed her eyes again, willing herself to hold it together, just a little longer. Even Cas had been hurt in the fight and she hated to imagine how bad it really was for the ex-angel.

"Two minutes Cas," Dean agreed by her side and she reached out for his hand, desperate to have something else to ground her to the here and now. She clung to his hand, squeezed it as hard as she could and Dean did the same.

"I'll keep the engine running," Cas mumbled.

Charlotte couldn't help the watery flicker of a smile. Cas. Cas was just so, Cas. Thank God they still had someone left. "We should go," she whispered, hating the way the words formed on her tongue.

"I know," Dean whispered back.

"I don't want to."

"Me neither."

She felt the tears slide down her cheeks and over her chin. Silently she cried. Today, it felt like the world had ended and she really didn't care about trying to fix it.