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Hutch finally comes around.

My Hero

by dnjlwilson

Today is arguably the proudest day of my life. It's a day that, at times, I seriously doubted would ever come. His first day back at work.

Blinking back the tears, I look at him across the room. The guys are genuinely glad to see him. They're shaking his hand and hugging him, ever so gently I might add. I warned them to be careful with him. I guess I'll be protective of him from now on.

There he is, surrounded by his collegues, smiling. I suddenly realize that if I ever had a hero in my life, it's him. Behind that smile lies the most sincere, honest heart that ever beat. He has the most quick-witted mind that ever wore a badge, intelligence obtained from the school of hard knocks not some fancy college like mine. I never have to think twice about my back. His courage and clear thinking under fire are unequalled. And to think I almost lost all of that.

I can't help but think back to that awful day seven months ago. I've thought about that day every day since it happened. Massive damage was what the doctors said. Any other man would have been dead before they hit the ground, but not Starsky. He looked death square in the face and walked away. He has told me since that he remembers battling with himself about living or dying. It would have been so much easier to die. It was his choice. He chose to live. He told me he chose to live because of me. He didn't want to leave me here, depending on someone else. He couldn't trust anyone else with my life.

My emotions cause me to be reflective. Everyone needs to take account of what you have every once in a while. There is so much to be thankful for.

There he stands with that crooked smile on his face, practically beaming. Who else but Starsky could smile after all he's been through? Life has treated him harshly. And still he smiles.

My reflective mood takes me back to the times in my life when I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, I would not be here today if it weren't for him.

He searched for me when I was kidnapped and strung out on heroin. He held me while my body was racked with withdrawal pains. I cursed him, I hit him, I even threw up on his blue shoes, but still he stayed with me and pulled me through.

He chose my life over his when he took Vic Bellamy out. He emptied his gun into him to make sure Bellamy couldn't hurt me. Starsky could barely see at that time, a vicious poison had all but taken him. He was literally on his last breaths, but he held himself together long enough to shoot the only chance he had left to live. Never mess with a man's partner.

He searched for days, unrelenting until he found me trapped under my car in a canyon. I still don't know how he did it. Damn, he's got the best 'cop' mind I've ever seen!

He found the man who held the key to the killer plague that was quickly killing me and many others. Even though I pushed him away, he kept on, fighting for me. I can't imagine what it did to him emotionally. He still won't talk about it. It was too close.

He again used that brilliant mind, along with his familiarity of me, to find me, inspite of my best efforts, just in time to save me from a deadly strain of botulism. Why in the hell I ate soup from a can, I'll never know. I was really struggling with myself at that time, going through changes. But, as usual, he stuck with me.

My hero. Life has dealt him some pretty tough hands, but still he smiles. He's been poisoned, shot, and kidnapped, but he still loves living. I think I would have given up on life and love. But still he smiles.

There were times when I thought that smile would be lost forever. See, he's so open with people when he lets them in. He just lays his heart right out there and, more often than not, it gets tromped on.

The love of his life, Terry, was taken from him. God, he loved her. She loved him too. She knew just how to handle him, understood him. That's not easy, you know. He was wrapped around her little finger twice. I think it was the happiest I've ever seen him. When she died, she took alot of him with her. I don't think he'll ever completely get over it. He still feels responsible because Prudohm used Terry to get to him. But, eventually, the smile returned. Maybe just a shade dimmer.

I think of all the other ladies in his life. Helen, it was doomed from the start. Neither one of them was ready for any real commitment. Then there was Rosie Malone. God, I hate that woman! She wound him up and spun him around and then was gone. It took a bit longer, but the smile returned once more.

I think the person who's hurt him the most, though, is me. I'm a brooding, moody person. I let things get to me and I usually end up taking it out on him. He shrugs it off and comes back for more. There was a period of about a year that I was unbelievably cruel. I don't know why. He bore the brunt of all my wrath. He kept sticking with me, always there for me.

And one day, when I found myself standing on the beach, badge in hand, ready to pitch it all, he sought me out and found me. He then took his badge and looked at me, never saying a word, but telling me, 'I'm with you'. In unison, we threw our lives into the sea. Me and thee.

Then, the ultimate betrayal. Kira. I still don't know what came over me. My therapist tells me it was some deep seated need to prove to myself I was better than him. I could take his woman, I was the better man. I don't know if that was the reason or not, I just know I almost lost the most important thing in my life, his friendship and trust. It took a while, but I am so fortunate that the smile returned, full force.

Even Gunther's bullets couldn't take it. Still he smiles. Smiles for me. I'll never risk that again.

He's my hero.