"The only job you're going to have is working on a pole!" Rachel says half out of defending Finn, and half out of repressed anger over the years that has been bottled up until now. Santana hasn't always been the nicest to her, in fact Santana has blatantly been the reason why she hated coming to school for a long time; sometimes the constant name calling and devious tricks got to her, and now she could't help but let all of those feelings burst out like a grenade.
The entire Glee club goes silent. No one speaks that way to Santana HBIC Lopez, especially not man hands Rachel Berry, and to everyone's surprise Santana doesn't reply with an attack on Rachel's outfit or a death glare to pierce into her soul. In fact Santana doesn't even look at Rachel. She just takes a glance at her fellow Glee club members and in a raspy voice she manages to mutter, "fine." She grabs her purse and walks out of the room, unable to be surrounded by a group of people who despise her.
The sadness on her face is obvious. She's hurt and she's broken. No one defended her. No one looked at her. No one cared about her.
She barely makes it outside before her once tough walls begin to break. She sits down on the floor in the hall outside, unable to reach the girls bathroom before the tears fall from her face. Brittany is somehow there next to her. She doesn't know if she walked out with her right after the blow out or if she had managed to follow her out after everyone began to feel the guilt, but she doesn't care. What's important is that she's there.
"Maybe try rocking back and forth, people do that in movies." Brittany's sweet attempt at comfort is both kind and disheartening, but it's not enough to relieve the humiliation she just went through.
"No, cause I just try to be really really honest with people, but I think that they suck, no one gets it." Santana mutters through the tears that have now covered her face. Brittany nods as if to tell her she gets it, that she will always understand even when people think she is incapable of doing so.
Santana has always known she was a bitch. She has always known she could be mean and cruel, but she thought that the Glee club, of all people, would understand. Glee was supposed to be a safe haven for her, somewhere she didn't have to worry about being judged because everyone in that club had flaws. They all had obstacles they were trying to conquer and she was stupid to think they were different. That they would give her time and let her work through this phase. Instead they practically bombarded her with attacks and then finished her off with a cold sharp cut.
Brittany's hand is warm against her back when the bell rings and kids begin to fill the hall. She continues to cry, although she tries desperately to wipe the tears from her face. She watches as, one by one, they walk out of the choir room. One by one, and none of them glance at her. None of them even apologize.
They all think that she has finally gotten what she deserves, that Santana Lopez has finally gone through the pain she usually inflicts on everyone else, but they could't be more wrong.
They forget that Santana is alone. They forget that although Brittany is by her side now, but she will leave in a few minutes to help Artie clean the slushy residue from his shirt. They forget that Santana has no one to lean on. At least when Santana made fun of Rachel, she had Tina or Mercedes, or even Quinn to go to. That when she poked fun at Finn's tallness or physique he had Sam or Puck or his Mom to help him brush it off. They forget that Santana has to go home to an empty house because her father is always working late at the hospital, that while she scrolls down her contacts in her cell phone, she won't be able to dial a single number to comfort her.
They probably think it won't even phase her, that tomorrow she will be back to normal and loaded with plenty more insults for them, and they're probably right, but she won't be the same. Her wounds are open now.
No one truly knows why Santana stays in Glee club. Maybe they think the only reason she stays is because Brittany refuses to leave, but the honest answer is that she wants to feel special. Isn't that what Glee club is about? Being a part of something special?
Glee club has broken her and they don't even realize it. They don't realize how sensitive she is or how their words have begun to make her bleed.
The next day Santana arrives at school with her natural bitch face, pretending that yesterday didn't happen. She walks down the halls with a feigned confidence in each step. She sees Puck at his locker and makes her way towards him. "Thanks for defending me yesterday. You sure are a knight in shining armor" She manages to say with an all too familiar sarcasm that Puck can't help but sigh at. "Don't you think you kinda had it coming? I mean if you call Rachel man hands long enough I'm pretty sure she'll show you just how big her hands are with a slap." That is all Puck says before Lauren grabs Santana by her shoulders and shoves her into the lockers across the hall.
It is all unexpected. Santana has never been on the defensive and she doesn't like it. A small crowd forms as Lauren stands there with a bitch face that mirrors her own, "Back off my man double dee" Lauren says as she cracks her knuckles trying to intimidate the Latina.
Santana just stands there horrified for a moment. Her eyes are watery, but not a single tear falls, not this time. She can feel the pain in her back from the metal lockers, but even that doesn't force the tears out of her. She looks into the crowd and she can tell they all expect her to do something, to throw a punch, a slap, a kick, anything. But what's the point?
Santana knows fighting won't make her feel any better. She just backs away, slowly walking through the crowd until she reaches the bathroom where she cries her eyes out until she has no more tears. She checks her phone only to find twenty-eight missed texts from Brittany. She can't even find the strength to text her back. She wouldn't be able to write anything because she knows Brittany would know how hurt she truly was. Brittany could always tell.
Mr. Shue is in the middle of picking the song selections for Nationals when Santana walks through the door. No one expected her to show up after the incident in the hallway and immediately the club goes silent. She steps to the center of the room, her eyes puffy and her lip quivering, yet still she has a strong demeanor in every step she took. "I'm sorry…" She says in a low but very clear tone. "I'm sorry for everything... but I just wanted to say that you're all hypocrites. You verbally abuse me as if I wasn't worth defending and then earlier today when I was pushed into some lockers none of you helped me... none of you even asked me if I was okay. I know I'm a bitch and I know I say a lot of rude things to you, but last year you said Glee club was like a family and I believed you. Families fight and they grow and they aren't perfect, but they are always there for each other... none of you were there for me. Remember when we all thought Rachel was annoying and pretty much wanted my dad to surgically remove all of our ears so we wouldn't have to hear her speak? But when Jesse broke her heart we all went to comfort her. When Kurt got bullied by some of the guys on the football team we all helped him, we defended him. Why didn't you do the same for me? Why am I any different?" The tears in her eyes had dried by now as everyone began to feel the guilt fill their lungs.
"I'm not okay and I haven't been for a long time now. None of you ever ask me how I'm feeling or even want to know me, and maybe if you did you'd know that my dad is never home, that I eat dinner alone every night. That maybe I sleep with guys because at least for a moment they'll hold me. Maybe if you guys even tried to care about me you would know that I care about all of you." Everyone's faces were in utter disbelief as they heard every word Santana had to say, but she wasn't nearly finished.
"Maybe you'd know that I only told Rachel about sleeping with Finn because she deserved to know the truth, or that I keep making comments about your baby, Quinn, because I can tell that you miss her, and no one else will talk about it. None of you ever gave me a chance and once you found me when I was defenseless you all pounced on me. I don't hate any of you. I'm just disappointed that none of you even care. That you're all just willing to watch me fall apart." And with those last words Santana left the room, looking at everyone in the eyes before doing so.
Brittany stood up, facing everyone who were all overcome with an immense amount of guilt, knowing their actions were not something to be proud of. "None of you ever believe me when I tell you she's fragile, or when I tell you Santana could cry... and now she's broken." Brittany was also in tears as she rushed out of the choir room, running after Santana.
Brittany ran through the halls until she found Santana in the girls bathroom drying her eyes again. Brittany didn't say anything. She just hugged her. Held her tight wanting to heal the wound that had become too much for her to bear alone. "It's okay San, I care about you... I'll always care about you."
Santana looks up for a moment at Brittany. She just stares at those blue eyes that are always so loving and kind. She wonders how Brittany knew, how Brittany had always known how to fix her. "Thanks Britt... for everything... you've always been my best friend. I just wish everyone was more like you