A/N: ZOMG!! I wrote something!! Well…I started this a while back and all I had to do was finish it…which the help of my sister MigetX.
I would also like to thank for Kitsunegyrl betaing this chapter for me X3
This wasn't as long as I had hoped –pouts- But at least it is something…college has destroyed my muse right now so yeah…I don't know when I will be updating my other stories…and I have a fetish for sasodei right now…so yeah…this fic was started when I had a fetish for Itadei and I thought there wasn't enough good ones so I decided to write one!
This is a small itadei crack fic…though this chapter has a gory beginning. I just though it amusing if Deidara had to go in disguise as a girl…the idea made me go into stitches…but yeah…enough of my ramblings…
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto -pouts- I would love to...but I can't...-cries- if I did I would make it every Yaoi fangirls dream...but I do own this plot...so...thats a start -shifty eyes- am not planning anything to claim Naruto -whistles innocently-
Pairing: ItaDei, onesided sasodei, KakuHid maybe others….
Summary: Deidara, a 17 yr old bomb expert witnesses a terrible crime and must go into hiding to survive…as a girl!? What is poor Dei to do when some of the hottest and most popular guys of the school come after him…and be able to keep a low profile?
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Dancing with explosives…bombs, cross-dressing and gangs!
Chapter one:
He couldn't believe his eyes as he stared at the scene that was played out before him. He didn't think it would go this far…this was too much. He had to get out of here. He flinched as another scream of pain penetrated the air, making his whole frame shiver with fear. He dared to peek around the corner…but wished that he hadn't.
It was everywhere…that precious crimson liquid…it covered the walls and the floor, leaving them glistening in the dim light. He gulped as he watched, almost entranced, and the stains that covered the wall in intricate patterns. Then a groan of pain snapped his eyes to the gruesome scene before him.
He clamped his hand over his mouth to prevent from screaming or heaving. The man was obviously alive…but from the look of him, he would have been better off dead. From the looks of things, both his arms and legs were broken, multiple stab wounds were visibly deep and oozing dark blood. He was crumpled on the floor like a broken corpse his limps quivering and face distorted with inhuman pain.
A tall figure emerged from the shadows like a demonic ghost his form towering over the man yet his face could not be seen. He knelt with a swift grace regarding the man with a tilt of his head like a kitten would; toying with his food. Words were spoken and yet he could not hear them and the man began to whimper like a wounded dog begging in hoarse whispers.
The figure reached under his coat and pulled out something shiny that glinted sickly in the dim light. The figure placed it against the man's skin and pushed it sharply into one of his wounds. The man arched his head back howling, a wretched and spine-chilling sound and he tightened his hand over his mouth tears trickling down his cheeks. A sharp thin object was left jutting out the wound and the figure pulled out another object similar to the first brandishing it in front of the mans anguished face. The man sobbed loudly then let out another piercing shriek as the figure thrust it into another wound on his leg.
A second figure emerged more feminine than the first their hips swinging from side to side as they strolled lazily but stopped a fair distance from them viewing the scene almost hungrily.
"Pein," a soft woman's voice said and the first figure looked up his face hidden by shadow yet his eyes burned through like angry torches. At the sight of the second figure a grunt could be heard and the first figure, Pein, looked back to his victim contemptuously with a jagged object poised in his hand.
He stood and turned to the second figure but as an afterthought whipped round and struck the man forcefully across the forehead sending a spray of blood across the room. As the tortured man flopped to the side by the force of the blow, Pein approached the new comer and reached out a hand to caress their cheek.
Again words we're said but he could not here them, not that he wanted to the visions before him were enough. He whimpered behind his tightly clenched hand, quivering and shaking as his nails dug into his cheek causing blood to gently ooze from the wound. He did not notice as so deep in shock was he that he stood rigid like ice a cold sweat trickling over his skin.
A brief movement caught his eye and his attention turned to the two evil creatures not to far away and Pein had something of solid menacing black.
"He's near it anyway…" he said almost in a whiney voice like a kid that wanted something.
The other dark figure sighed and shook their head.
"Fine," they spat, "but are you sure that's all of it!"
Pein nodded and after a moments pause the other nodded. He turned and raised his hand and grasped there, was an automatic hand gun poised and ready.
He gasped as the light caught the dull metal and he shook violently as the impending action dawned on him. He watched in petrified horror as Pein's finger slowly squeezed the trigger.
'Oh no' he breathed cowering from the man and then it went off the sound tearing at the silence like lion claws tearing at its preys flesh. He jumped at the sound letting out a terrified squeak as he watched the man's brains splatter and cover the wall and floors behind him.
A heavy silence hung in the air, almost suffocating him. He opened his eyes which he hadn't known that he had closed. He tried to quieten his laboured breathing to avoid being discovered. He dared to look back at the scene before him. Pein was still there, the other figure had gone, where, he did not know. He tried his best, not to look at the mutilated corpse.
All of a sudden, Pein's head snapped up and he stared right at the place where he was hidden. His eyes widened as that automated hand gun rose in his direction, at his heart. He jerked his eyes to look into the murderous ones of the dark figure.
A shiver raced up his spin as he looked into Pein's eyes. They looked so cold and empty…made him think that he was looking into a dark forbidden tunnel. He was rooted to the spot as the figure approached him, his form towering above his own.
His whole body was frozen with trepidation as the menacing figure kept approaching at a fair, even rate making it seem as if it was taking an age to approach…and he was getting more and more agitated with every step. Eventually, the light footsteps came to a halt.
He looked up into Pein's eyes, seeing them empty of all emotions. He gulped as Pein's fingers tightened on the hand gun that he was holding. His legs suddenly had their feeling back and he stumbled backward into the wall, trying to make himself as small as possible. Pein's merciless eyes watched his every move with unnerving glare.
"What are you doing here?" Pein asked in a quiet voice that could be heard clearly throughout the room. There was a shuffling from the other side of the room and he could feel another pair of eyes on him, though he dared not to look away from Pein.
"I…" Damn…he couldn't think of anything! He shouldn't be here…he shouldn't have seen this…
"You what?"
He stayed quiet, simply staring at the taller male. A silence hung in the air for what seemed hours before Pein spoke once again,
"Since you cannot come up with an excuse as to why you are here…I'm afraid I'm going to have to get rid of you…and a shame really…you were such a good employee…Goodbye…Deidara…"
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Deidara awoke suddenly sitting bolt upright in his bed covered in a film of cold sweat. The chill of his room made him shiver his eyes darting about uncertainly at the shadows cast by the dim light that floated through the gap of his curtains. He looked down at his clock and swore mildly. It was four in the morning and he was to be picked up and taken to the police station at eight.
He turned to get off the bed but stopped, flinching as a floorboard above his head creaked as someone walked over his head in the apartment upstairs. Ever since that incident he was jumpier and more skittish than normal. The nightmares were the unholy testament of the mental scars that it had left behind.
The images of the man's corpse flashed behind his eyelids and no matter how hard he tried they would not go away. It was like they were branded to his eyelids with hot pokers attempting to blind him and unstable his mentality. After what he had been through he was certain this was the case. Like that parasite had somehow cursed him into having these horrific visions.
He let out a shuddering breath as his feet touched the cold floor boards and wandered into the ensuite bathroom. He pulled the light cord turning on the light and looked at his feminine face in the mirror. His face was paler than normal and his damp hair clung to his face in clumps.
He ran the cold tap and washed off the sweat making him feel a lot better but his mind refused to stray from the dream.
He was afraid it would forever haunt him and that the scars would never heal. True he had seen carnage at a distance but never had he seen some one murdered in cold blood like that, nor had he seen anyone relish in the destruction of another human life as that thing did. He called him thing a he was not sure he was even human that and the thought of that man's name sent him into near hysterics.
He forced his mind to clear its self as he climbed back into bed pulling the covers back over him to ward of the on coming frosty chill of dawn. He could already tell the sun was rising as the predawn light could be plainly seen through the gap in his curtains.
He turned his back on it trying to fall back asleep. When he finally he did fall a sleep all that awaited him was the same nightmares that plagued him always.
He awoke with a start as his alarm blazed loudly in his ear. He lashed out aimlessly not caring if he hit it or not but the annoying sound died telling him he had indeed hit it. He wiped the sleep from his eyes feeling more tired than he should when he woke up.
Ignoring this he stumbled into his bathroom to quickly shower then came back to dress adorning his usual baggy jeans and his favourite shirt which had printed on it 'Am An Artist… Don't Fuck With Me' written as though it was graffiti on a wall.
He looked down at his clock again and the digital numbers told him it was seven twenty which was perfect. Just enough time to catch some breakfast before this guy came.
He strolled into the kitchen the only indication he was nervous was the constant darting of his eyes and his breathing had skipped up a notch apart from that he tried to act as normal as he could.
He fixed himself his usual of plain toast, banana and a glass of orange juice. He downed this just in time as a loud, forceful banging resounded from his door. He jumped nearly falling from his chair in surprise then looked at the clock on the wall.
"Damn it… he's early, un!"
The banging continued as Deidara got up and approached the door nervously then stopped by a table, opening a draw and pulling out a 9mm hand gun from inside. He continued to approach the door starting to feel a little panicky, the pistol in his hand quivering.
"WHO IS IT, UN?!" he shouted through the door his voice going up an octave or too.
"Agent Johnson, FBI I'm here to escort you," the voice replied.
Deidara opened the door with the door chain still affixed and peered at the man sceptically. The agent did indeed look federal in his black suit, dark sunglasses and dark greased black short cropped hair. The agent peered down at him with a smile.
"Its okay kid, here," he held up his ID to assure the young man and when Deidara looked at it he sighed returned his hand gun to the drawer and opened the door. He stepped out on to the balcony of his apartment locked his door and followed the agent down the stairs towards his car.
The agent led him to a sleek black car, opening the back door to allow the blonde to enter the car. Deidara stayed quiet the entire journey, keeping an eye on the agent to make sure that he didn't try anything. But could you blame Deidara? Johnson didn't seem to mind the constant scrutiny he was getting by the smaller male, but it also didn't go unnoticed by the dark haired agent.
After what seemed an age to the blonde, the car finally stopped outside of the police station. Deidara stayed still as the agent got out of the vehicle, walked to the back door that Deidara was seated it and opened it. The agent smiled at him motioning him to get out of the car. Deidara did so, looking about before turning his gaze to the station.
It was a pleasant building with a lawn with the path lined with a variety of small flowers and bushes either side of the glass doors in which you could see into the reception area that has a few comfortable looking chairs occupied by several people. The building itself was fairly modern looking with many windows that went from floor to ceiling, though they were tinted so you were unable to see the inside, yet the occupants could see out of the building onto the busy street below. It looked rather cool really.
Deidara jumped at a small tap on his shoulder and he looked up at the agent.
"If you were to follow me young sir." Johnson said before leading the way up the path to the buildings entrance.
The man held the glass door open for the blonde before entering himself. Instead of going to the front desk, Johnson lead Deidara though a set of doors and down several corridors that had several officers rushing about, either going to go do a patrol of just coming in from one. Deidara, out of interest looked into several open doors.
Some had policemen lounging around with coffee in those white foam cups and he even passed one open door where a couple of officers where interrogating a punky looking guy who was scowling deeply while talking in a loud voice and using grand gestures, almost hitting the two officers who seemed unfazed by the mans violent gestures.
"In here, Deidara-san." Johnson's voice brought him back to the present.
Deidara blinked and walked into the office that Johnson had motioned.
He looked around the office…it wasn't that big…occupied by a light brown wooden desk, a couple of chairs behind it and four file cabinets all cramped together. Deidara then looked at the man behind the desk and blinked.
He was in his fifties with long white hair tied in a low ponytail. He had red marks down each cheek that made it look like he was crying blood. Deidara shook his mind from that thought and took a seat in one of the chairs when the man motioned for him to sit down. The old man smiled kindly at him and said,
"My name is Jiraiya and I have been put in charge of making sure that you are kept safe…and I think I have the perfect solution."
"Oh, un?" Deidara asked curiously, tilting his head slightly.
Jiraiya grinned and said, "Well…you're short for your age…and you do look feminine…"
Deidara frowned at that. What was he getting at?!?!
"And, un?" The blonde snapped. Agent Johnson gave a small chuckle and the blonde threw him a glare though the dark haired male was not fazed, but he did stop laughing.
Jiraiya cleared his throat, getting the blonde attention back to him again.
"Well, as I was saying…it is near the beginning of the school term, so we're sending you to a school…but there's a catch…"
"What is it, un?" Deidara asked, getting a little impatient. Why didn't the guy just come out and say it?
"Well…the catch is…you're going to have to attend the school disguised as a girl…"
Deidara sat there for a few minutes staring at Jiraiya before bursting out into laughter. The old man frowned at the blonde teenager. Deidara then looked at Jiraiya before asking,
"You're joking…right, un?"
Jiraiya shook his head,
"Pein knows you're a male…so what better way to hide then as a girl? Believe me Deidara-kun…its best as your…unique looks will get you a lot of attention if you were a guy."
Deidara gaped at the man before frowning and standing up,
"Do you know how humiliating that is, un!?"
"Its better then getting killed, brat."
Deidara froze at that. It was indeed very true…if he didn't cooperate with this man then he will indeed be killed…and Jiraiya was right…he would be easily recognized as a guy….He gave a sigh. Screw pride…if it meant him living…then he'll do it.
"Fine, un." He snapped, "But only for the length of time it takes you to find him, no longer…okay, un?"
Jiraiya gave a nod and then smiled.
"Well Deidara-kun…Johnson here will take you back to your house and I'll pop in tomorrow to give you your new uniform and a few rules, okay?"
Deidara gave a nod before turning and storming out of the office…what was he getting into? And he had to find a way to get back at Jiraiya…a bomb under his desk? Yeah…that sounded like a great idea…
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Well there's the first chapter, hoped you liked!! And I would appreciate it if you were to drop me a review…the humour will be starting in the next chapter…this was to kinda lay down part of the main plot so meh –shrugs-
Tell meh if you think its okay to continue!!