Authors Note: I wrote this in a couple hours and got the idea to put it on here. It's not perfect but I really wanted to write a story about Tony and this is what popped out. I hope you enjoy it. :)

Warning: A little language, Mention of Panic Attacks

I'm Not Panicking

After the incident at New York, the avengers had noticed something different with one of their most charismatic team member. No one wanted to say anything but from the moment that Tony had been spotted just barely making it through the rapidly closing worm hole, the billionaire genius had started to seem more closed off. It was no surprise that after the incident of Pepper's kidnapping and having his crazy old acquaintance trying to kill him, that Tony finally broke down. What the others didn't realize though was how bad his condition actually was. They had heard bits and pieces of vague information from Director Fury, some of the agents and even Mr. Stark himself but that was only scratching the surface of the much larger issue. The only one who really knew about the problem was Pepper and Tony even kept her mostly out of the loop.

"Tony, I'm heading out. Do you need me to pick anything up?" she called down the steps to Tony's workshop. After Tony had figure out Pepper's situation she had become much happier. She seemed to look at the world in a new was. The way only Pepper Potts would ever be able to see it as after what had happened. There was a pause that met her question but just before she headed down the steps a slightly stiff sounding voice called up from the depths.

"No. I'm good. Thanks, Pepper. Have fun." Although a slight amount of concern passed over the woman's face she decided to ignore it and go about her business. Shouting a quick goodbye and not waiting for a response Pepper left the Avenger's tower without any more thought.

Once Pepper was gone, Tony receded back into his tech lair and didn't plan on coming back out. This had become a common thing, happening every few months or so, but recently it was every two weeks. This specific fact was starting to make Tony wonder about himself. Many times some of the others would come down and see what he was doing but only when he was actually doing something, which was starting to become a less common occurrence. "See you, Pepper." He muttered to himself as he trudged away from the door and back to one of the couches that he had set up in the large work room. Flopping down on it he let his eyes wander around aimlessly before they locked onto a picture of him and his father hanging on the wall. The longer he stared, the more pressure rose in his chest. Staring at this picture reminded him of his past which in turn reminded him of two other things. Both were near death experiences and neither where quite pleasant. He would never admit it to anyone but he knew he was going to die in that cave. The only reason why Tony continued to fight was so he could save Yinsen. That of course went horribly wrong when the positions were switched. He was the one that was allowed to live and the kind doctor had been the one to die. Survivor's guilt maybe? The second was the worm hole. No matter how many times Tony tried to believe he was lucky to live, he had been ready to die. As he flew that bomb into the hole in space, he had thought about his life and been ready to leave this world. Imagine his surprise when he was woken by a very green and very concerned Banner along with all his other team members circled around him. Twice he had come to terms with his life and been ready to face death but just when he though it's cold, dark grasp was going to claim him, it let him slip away.

This is not to say that Tony was suicidal. He was far from that. He absolutely loved his life and the people in it, even if they did have to go and save the world from freakish incidents. That was just one of the reasons why he loved it. To Tony it just seemed like death was playing with him, much like a cat messes with a mouse before it finally eats the small creature. "Why don't you just claim me?" he said out loud, only just realizing that he had shifted positions and was now laying on his back starring at the ceiling.

"I know we are team mates and all, but I think that is pushing the line a bit." Tony jumped at the sudden sound of Natasha's voice. That woman walks way too quietly for her own good.

"Jeez! You scared me. Didn't I tell you not to sneak up in people?!" Tony asked playfully accusing. The months that the Avengers have spent together made them more of a family than a team. A family that worked as one to save the world.

"Well maybe you shouldn't daze off. I called your name several times before I came down here. What were you doing anyway? I expected you to be doings some modifications on your suit." Tony's eyes darkened for a moment and if Natasha hadn't been trained to notice the slightest change in a persons appearance, she would have missed it. As soon as it appeared it disappeared, replaced with Tony's usual jovial lightness.

"Oh, I was just thinking. I have some new ideas that I want to try out. Some things that may make team work more efficient." The dark haired man gave one of his award winning, heart melting smile but something about his 'alibi' didn't seem right to Black Window. When she had walked in, after locating the disturbingly quiet Stark, she had watched him and noticed the pain and what could be described as longing in his eyes.

"Okay, well I just came down to tell you that the team is having our weekly meeting at diner. The Captain wanted me to make sure that you remembered, seeing as how you had forgotten the last one." At this comment Tony took a harsh intake of breath and held a hand to his chest as if the words had physically hurt him.

"I wouldn't miss it even if I tried." Again he smiled and Agent Romanov couldn't help but smirk. Giving a nod she turned and walked out of Mr. Stark's work shop. Tony watched her go and waited a few moments when she was completely out of sight before he flopped onto his back again. Another memory was now plaguing his mind. It was the last meeting. In truth, Tony hadn't forgotten about the meeting, he was just trapped in one of his many bouts of sickness where he became shaky, his vision blacked out and he would start to hallucinate. They were very rare occurrences but not matter how many times they happened and how ofter Jarvis pestered him, he didn't think they were anything important. They were probably just issues induced by stress.

Several hours passed and Tony just laid there, lost in his own mind. He was completely oblivious to the world before Jarvis's voice brought him to his senses. "Sir, I think I should inform you, dinner will be served in twenty minutes. I suggest you refresh yourself before you join the rest of the team." Shaking his head, Tony cleared his thoughts. It was then that he realized he was covered in a layer of sweat. He thought that was weird because he hadn't done anything for the past while.

"Thanks, J. I appreciate it." Tony knew how important it was to make an appearance at this weeks' meeting because he had been unable to attend the last, and too many weeks not going would lead to the Captain bearing down on him. Standing up on shaky legs, Tony walk out of the workshop and up the stairs. "Note to self, instal a shower in the workshop." He said to himself as he reached the top step. It is not that he was self conscious about coming back up all sweaty or covered in oil from some new thing he was working on but there was some days when Tony didn't really want the others to be around him when he was in that state. This was one of those times. He had not worked, yet his skin shimmered with moisture and walking through the common area to get to his room was not Tony's idea of fun.

"It is good to see you up from the dungeon, Brother. Have you made any new discoveries?" Thor had noticed him first before the rest had so he had called out in his usual, not earthly way of greeting and making conversation.

"Only a few, Big guy. Nothing too important." Tony have him a smile before he kept walking. He just wanted to get to his room. Luckily there were no more stops or outbursts of conversation before Tony had left the room meaning that he could get his mind together before he faced the others at dinner.

After his shower, Tony got dressed in some sweat pants and a shirt that hugged him nicely. It just barely showed the reactor light through the fabric. Brushing his short hair and making himself look presentable he put on a smile and again entered the commons of the Avenger tower. "Just in time." Steve said with a slightly annoyed yet calm face that he seemed to always have when it came to Tony. The young Stark just gave the Captain a smile and sat next to Bruce at the table. They dished up food and started to eat as the 'meeting' was called into order. "As you all know, some new threats have popped up around the country. It is not yet clear whether we need to be involved however we should all be prepared in case we are needed." This was usually the way these meetings began. The Captain would give a over generalized statement about enemies and preparedness then it would move on to what the team had been doing and then it would dissolve into less important conversation. Somewhere in between the second and last section of the meeting Natasha said something that caught Tony off guard.

"Tony said that he was coming up with something that might help the team work more fluidly. What was it that you were saying again?" she seemed to have purposely done this. Maybe to weasel out the truth or maybe because she honestly thought he had done what he said he did.

"What?" he asked, eye widening as he though he had heard her wrong. Again she asked him what his plan was and he stumbled. "Uhm... well it is still in very early stages but it kind of a … uh, better way of knowing where everyone is and there's an improved...headset...thing for communication." This was something everybody noticed, even Thor. Tony never, repeat, NEVER struggled to say what he was working one. That was until now, because in truth he was just making it up as he went. Deciding to push it a little further Steve asked another question, trying to get more information.

"How soon do you think it would be up and running? Do you think it will be operational before the next assemble?" Tony resisted a laugh at what Steve called the missions. It was ridiculous no matter how many times he heard it. His mind then registered that a question had been asked that needed an answer. He struggled for a moment trying to think one up before he responded.

"I don't know. I can't put a date on it." He said almost defensively.

"You put a date on things before. What is stopping you now." This time it was Clint who had made the comment, remembering the many times that Tony had bragged about his new pieces of technology.

"Yeah." Piped up Thor. He looked kind of confused at what was happening.

"Jeez, whats with the gang up. This meeting isn't about me you know. Why not ask Banner about his new ways of coping with stress?!" Tony's felt his pulse starting to rise as he saw all the pointed looks that were locked onto him.

"Hey!" Bruce said as he looked at Tony, slightly offended. Although it was true he had been working on it, it was still not okay for Tony to just bring it up like that.

"You are part of this team which means we need to know what your working on, especially if it is for the team. Which reminds me, part of being a team is coming to these meeting and if at these meeting we see fit to talk about you, we will." The Captain's eyes were only full of annoyance. There was something in the way he said it however that caught Tony's attention. 'If in any of these meetings-'

Does that mean they have talking about me before? Tony thought to himself. He felt his pulse rise another notch and the edges of his vision were starting to turn dark. Tony's face went blank and a sense of fear ran through several of the team's hearts. That look only crossed his face on very serious occasions. "Well then." Tony's voice was icy and emotionless. "If you want to talk about me, go ahead, but I am not going to sit here and be yelled at for something that doesn't matter." Everyone else took the hint that Tony wasn't in the mood but the Captain didn't seem to realize it at first.

"Doesn't matter? You think talking about the TEAM doesn't matter? I suppose you think the TEAM meetings don't matter?" Steve's voice rose slightly as he said this. Speckles formed in Tony's eyes.

I have to get out of here. Without another word Tony just stood up and walked away meanwhile the Captain was still fuming. Just keep walking. Get to your room. Your going to be okay. These were the thoughts passing through his mind as he walked, trying his best not to stumble and sway as he went. It felt like the world was crashing down on him and faint images and memories started playing in his vision. Just a bit more and you will be okay. At that moment the air was stolen from his lungs and Tony fell against the wall gasping. He was almost to his door but he was still within sight and ear shot of the others.

"-irresponsible, childish...Tony?" Steve noticed the sudden change in the other man's poster. He immediately felt bad. Tony had spent more than ten hours in his workshop that day so he had to be tired and then he comes up only to be questioned and berated. "Tony?" he asks again and takes a step closer when he doesn't get an answer at first. The room goes deadly silent and the only sound that can be heard is Tony's harsh breathing. Tony's vision is completely black and his arms and legs are shaking, hence why he is leaning against the wall. Tony can feel his chest tightening with every breath and it is all he can do not to pass out. Taking a blind step forward, he ends up falling to the ground due to his unsteady limbs. That resulted in the Captain running over to him and the other members standing quickly, holding faces of mixed confusion, shock and concern. "Tony! Hey are you okay? What's wrong? I'm sorry for what I said I was just frustrated. Tony...Tony?" Everything that was said was lost on Stark. The only thing occupying his mind was flashes of a water soaked burlap bag, the rainbow like layer between the Earth and alien space and a face. One he had not seen for a long time. It was the face of his mother. The first time he realized that death was playing games on him.

"What's happening?" Clint asked staring, disturbed at the shaking, prone figure of the smartass-iest member of their team.

"I think it is a panic attack." Bruce said as he walked over and helped Steve check over Stark.

"What do we do?" The Captain asked. He had seen this kind of think happen a few times to soldiers who had come back from the prison camps but he had never seen anything this bad. It was almost as if Stark's brain had shut down and he was having a seizure.

"I don't know. This is not normally what happens. We might just have to wait until it passes." That only confirmed Steve's fears.

"It's your fault she is dead! You should have died, not her!" a voice shouted in his ear before his head was plunged under water again and the liquid forced itself into his lungs. Then his head was brought back out. "Your fault!" the voice said and he was again pitched forward but this time he was falling toward the ground. Toward the concrete of New York City ready to be squashed like a bug for the hundredth time. "Your fault." The voice whispered before his body made contact with the ground. Tony felt like every bone in is body had been broken and as he lay there, screaming in agony, he saw a figure appear over his broken body. It was his mother.

"Why did you let me die?" He asked before Tony's eyes closed as his life slipped away. Or so he thought.

Minutes had passed since Tony collapsed. The team had moved him to the nearby coach and stood around watching over him. None of them knew what was going on or how to get him out of this but when Banner had suggested they take him to the infirmary, Jarvis had politely informed them that this had happened many times, including the last meeting day and that he should wake up within a few minutes. Looking at Tony reminded each one of them of the worm hole and it disturbed them. Just as Bruce was going to suggest hospital again, not able to take it anymore, Tony jolted upright, gasping for air and eyes going wide like someone just gave him the biggest surprise in the entire world. Holding his heart like it hurt really bad Tony's eyes whizzed around taking in the scene around him. No...No this can not be happening. I am okay. I am fine. There is nothing wrong! Jumping up Tony raced toward his room and locked it down not allowing anyone to be able to enter. As he went Tony limped, breathed as if he had a punctured lung and held his heart and head like he was in a lot of pain. The thing that topped it was the pain in his eyes. Everyone had seen it. They had all seen the tortured, agonized look in Tony's brown eyes.

"Shit." Clint simply stated. The rest silently agreed as they sat there trying to process what they had just witnessed.