A/N: Please Review. If you don't, I'll assassinate you! (Just Joking!...but still, I would appreciate it if you did!)
The Inconvenient List
"Uhh…Edward?" asked a wary voice from the hallway outside Edward's bedroom.
Edward sighed. He had hoped Esme had dismissed her latest idea for a 'mother to son' talk…but he guessed not.
"Yes, Esme?" he said through gritted teeth, he was not looking forward to this talk.
"Dear, I'm sure you've been invading my privacy again," began Esme, but pausing when Edward nodded his head with a pained expression on his face.
"Well, then you probably know what I'm going to ask you…and I want a proper answer this time!" said Esme, trying to sound intimidating.
Edward scowled, "You know the answer! It's the same one I gave you the last time you asked, and before that, and before that, and before that, and before that…and…you get my point…I hope."
Esme frowned, "But I'm serious this time. If you—if you don't answer me this time…I…I'll set Emmett on you!"
Edward snorted.
Esme smiled—but just a little.
"Come on, Edward…help me out, I love you, I don't want you to be alone…It's not natural for someone over a hundred not to find love at least one…It goes against nature…"
Edward snorted again, "Yeah that goes against nature, but sucking blood out of other creatures you're perfectly unbothered about…"
Esme frowned and stalked out the room.
Edward sighed and turned on his stereo, the volume high enough to burst a human's ear-drums.
After listening to the same record ten times and another five ones, each numerous times, Edward found that he was more restless now than he had ever been. He decided that it was time. It was time to do that. That thing he had promised never to do:
Make a list. A list of the different type of girls he liked. He had never thought he would do it, but, with nothing else to do, this was the best he could come up with.
Almost in spite of himself, he grinned sheepishly—the sort of grin never seen on Edward Cullen's face, the grin that belonged to young Edward Masen.
His eyes had an impish glint in them as he leapt up from his bed and bounded to his desk, where, in the topmost drawer lay a sheaf of old parchments and expensive fountain pens he had collected for Carlisle over the years.
After choosing a pen and filling it with ink, he sat himself comfortably down on the arm-chair by his stereo and began to suck the tip of his pen absentmindedly.
He sat unenthused there for a few moments, but, as he his ears faintly picked up the lyrics, You make me feel warmthe inspiration that had for so long failed him, caught him in its grip, and he began to write.
"Are you sure, dear?" Esme asked breathlessly.
"Yes, but quiet, please Esme, he'll hear!" Alice whispered.
"But he hasn't yet?"
"No…not as far as I can see…he's too busy writing."
"So should I go now?"
"Yes, hurry, but keep your thoughts quiet, he's growing uneasy…"
Edward was still daydreaming about the perfect girl when he heard something…
The next second, before he could take a single breath, something shot through the door and banged into him. It was Alice. He panicked. She knew!
His anger gave him new power and he grabbed Alice's head and pushed her off of him.
"Stop it Edward!! It hurts!!"
"What are you doing here?"
"Nothing!"
"Yeah, right!"
Edward was so absorbed in wrestling Alice underneath him, that he couldn't get off her soon enough to stop another racing figure from grabbing his list, the list.
Feeling as if things could not get any worse for him, and with trepidation weighing heavily on his shoulders, he watched Esme run away, out the door, out the house, and too far too see anymore. Sighing, he let Alice go too.
"Sorry Edward!!" she shouted just before shooting after Esme.
Edward moaned. Tonight was going to be hell.
Edward's List
Girl#1 (A lot of daydreaming about this one because knows this girl impossible to find). Brunette. Perfect height. Nice. Not too religious. Confident-yet-dependent. Weird and Unique. Self-Sacrificing. Caring. Pure. Human. Doesn't matter what she looks like. Loves me. Named Arabella.
Girl#2 Tall. Nice. Talkative. Brunette. (with much cutting out of same word and rewriting): Beautiful. Vampire. Loves me. Named Jessica.
Girl#3 Brainy, must be able to talk to without dying (again). Glasses. Tall. Blonde. Nice. God-fearing. Vampire. Loves me. Named Elizabeth.
Girl#4 A lot like me(Edward).Loves me. Vampire. Named Edwardine.
And goes on and on to twenty girls…not included 'cause I'm too tired to type any longer. I'll die if I do. And you don't want me to die…do you?