Ed and Eddy do: Eurovision 2014

Chapter 1: The First Semi-Final

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy but, if I did, expect the [hypothetical] sequel show to be something like this. I don't own Eurovision (I don't even know if it's possible to "own" it in the proper sense), just to let anyone reading this know. Also, most of the opinions in this story are mine, but I mean no ill will towards the contestants, who I think did a good job representing their country (except for Georgia. No offence, but your entry this year was crap. Oh well, there's always next year), so think of it more as friendly ribbing. Either way, please let me know if I've crossed a line.

A/N: I know I should've uploaded this about a week ago, but, due to some computer problems, I couldn't get onto the internet. It's sorted now, as you can probably tell. My Edd/Marie story will still be coming, I'm just gonna work on this first; that can wait, this can't. Also, try not to re-enact any of the stunts featured in this story; not only are the Eds trained stunt cartoon characters, but they've also been to space (twice!) with no helmets, so being hit by things you probably won't survive being hit by is the least of their concerns. Anyways, onto the story!

Silhouettes of Ed and Eddy are shown across a half dimmed room, which looked abandoned and disused. As in nearly everything was rusted, covered with cobwebs, broken or some combination of the three. Paint was starting to peel off the walls, exposing the brickwork underneath After about half a minute of Edd fiddling with the lightbox, the lights turned on, and the duo welcome their audience.

'We're rolling.' Edd instructed them to start.

'I'm Ed.' Ed began.

'And I'm Eddy.' Eddy concluded before adding 'And, after three and a half years, we're back, bitches!'

'Great, Eddy.' Edd snarked. 'Can we do it again, but without the profanity?'

'Whatever.'

Edd re-dimmed the lights to how they were before. When he felt everything was right, he turned the light back on and then said 'We're rolling. Again.'

'I'm Ed.'

'And I'm Eddy. And, after three and a half years, we're back!'

'That's much better.' Edd said, relieved.

About a second later, Eddy said 'Bit-'

Before Eddy could finish his word, the opening credits began, which was basically a montage. With some cheesy chat show-esque music being played in the background, several pictures of Ed and Eddy rolled by. One of them was a picture of them talking to a Steve Irwin expy; whereas another was a silent clip of them chatting to a group of people. It ended with a picture of Ed, and Eddy, back to back, although Eddy was standing on a stool to make him seem taller. After the credits were over, we then cut to Ed and Eddy, sitting on their partially rusted chairs, looking bored.

Edd fixed the camera on them for about 10 seconds, hoping for them to notice that the credits were over. When he realised they weren't, he cleared his throat. No reaction. He then picked up a faded grey metal dustbin - which was missing its lid - and tried throwing it at them. Unfortunately, he let out a pathetic grunt and the bin flew 1mm in the air before rolling harmlessly towards Ed's feet. 'That's not how you do it, Double D!'

Ed then picked up the bin and lobbed it at the camera, causing it and Edd to fall over backwards. The camera then turned to its side, filming the bin rolling away. 'Rutabaga and sarsaparilla sandwiches sound delightful, mother...' Edd said before he got up, dusted himself off and put the camera back upright.

'Right, so what are we doing here?' Eddy asked, slightly angry from being woken up from his bored trance.

'We are taking a look at the Eurovision Song Contest.' Edd answered.

'We did that years ago!'

'True, but that was for the 2009 contest. Today, we are going to look at this year's contest.'

'Goody.' Ed and Eddy said in unison, although Ed was more optimistic whereas Eddy was more bitter.

'So let's get started, shall we gents?' Edd started the show. 'First up, we have Armenia.'

'It was OK.' Ed said.

'Yes mtatsets'i, vor shat lav e, yst eut'yan.' Eddy said. Ed and presumably Edd looked at him, wondering if he can really speak Armenian or just looked it up on Google Translate. 'What? I'm 1/8th Armenian.'

'Right...' Edd said slowly as he was trying to come up with a way to change the topic, rather than press Eddy for more details. 'And next up, we have the Latvian entry, Cake to Bake.'

'The cake is a lie!' Ed giggled. 'I used to be a baker like you but then I took an arrow to the knee!' Ed laughed, whilst Eddy started to get angry. 'Wow, much sing, very bake!' Ed chortled, as he tried coming up with more memes he liked. 'But dad, I don't want to bake a cake... I don't care!'

At that point, Eddy grabbed an unopened bucket of paint and started whacking Ed with it, yelling 'STOP! BEING! UNFUNNY!' Edd decided not to intervene, as he didn't want to be on the receiving end by mistake. After a couple of seconds, Eddy stopped and threw the bucket aside, having cooled off. Ed fell forwards and onto the floor. When he got up and sat back down on the chair, the bruises and that on his face mysteriously disappeared.

'Moving on before we have to call in Eddy Control...' Edd tired as quickly as he can to change the subject. 'What about Estonia?'

'If Elliot from Scrubs and Kari from Mythbusters somehow had a kid...' Eddy said with a big smile on his face.

'Don't think too hard about that, Eddy.' Edd warned.

'I can and will.' Eddy retorted before closing his eyes, still smiling.

'But was the song any good?'

'Huh? Yeah, sure, whatever.'

'I liked it too.' Ed added.

'Alright, next up is Sweden, who hosted the contest last year. And a magnificent job they did too.'

'I'll rescue you from your laser prison!' Ed got up and started running to the door.

'Ed! Wait! Come back!' Edd yelled as he ran away from the camera, whereas Eddy - still with his eyes closed - grabbed a box of popcorn and started eating it.

A couple of days and a few thousand dollars of plane tickets to Denmark and back later, Ed - who was wearing a t-shirt reading "Jeg Elsker Danmark" underneath his regular jacket - sat down and Edd stood behind the camera. Eddy, on the other hand, walked in from off-screen and sat back down, wondering where the hell they were and why the hell they didn't help him with his latest scam. 'What's with you guys?'

'It's a long story, Eddy.' Edd didn't want to explain. 'But, before Father notices the huge bill we've accumulated, shall we go to the next country? Which happens to be Iceland.'

'Yeah, we better.' Eddy replied.

'It was cool.' Ed said, commenting on the song as he was adjusting himself on his chair.

'Yeah, it wasn't bad. A bit messed up, but still good. Like the Wiggles on our En-O-Gee drinks.'

'Alright. How about Albania?' Before Ed and Eddy said anything, Edd quickly added 'And before you say anything: The Simpsons have already done that joke.'

'What joke?'

'Never mind. But let's not get sidetracked. How was the song?'

'Not too bad, I guess.' Eddy answered, with Ed nodding (as much as he can with no chin) in agreement.

'Russia?'

'I don't see why it got booed. I thought it was good.'

'Maybe they were going Boo-urns?' Ed made an attempt to put two and two together.

'Yeah!' Eddy exclaimed before realising it was a bad idea. 'No, it's because of some things over there.'

'And, rather than get hate mail from abroad, I'm just going to announce the next country: Azerbaijan.' Edd announced. 'Also, I should let you know that we're halfway through the list of entrants for the first semi-final.'

'Cool. Song was OK, I guess. Ed probably agrees. Next country?'

'Ukraine.'

'More man-hamsters? It's like something out of one of Lumpy's comics.' Eddy complained a little. 'At least they ain't Roman. Plus the song was kinda cool.'

'Same here.' Ed nodded in agreement.

'What about Belgium?'

'Language, Double D!' Ed waved his finger back and forth, aware that Edd had said the rudest word in the universe.

'But...'

'Don't ask, Sockhead.' Eddy interjected. ''

'If Norman Bates put on weight, put on a tux and took up shouty singing...' Ed said, although he wasn't clear on whether or not he liked it.

'Come, now, Ed. It's a touching ode to his mother. Who wouldn't like that?' Ed and Eddy then glared at the camera, although Ed had to put a pebble in his shoe to do so. 'I stand corrected.'

Eddy, remembering last time, quickly took Ed's shoe off - holding his nose and keeping his mouth closed tight so he wouldn't breathe in the foul odour - and held it upside down so the pebble would just drop out. 'What about mouldy fur?' He then asked.

'Moldova.' Edd corrected.

'I didn't like it.' Ed bluntly stated.

'Nah, neither did I.' Eddy said. 'From what I heard, apparently she has no feelings for Nursie. And some guy named Dustin has left her feel empty in her heart and her spleen. I take it she don't like Blackadder and that Irish turkey, then.'

'Damo Suzuki 2.0.' Edd slyly snarked. 'At one point, I expected her to go "Hey you! You're losing, you're losing, you're losing, you're losing your Vitamin C."' He then felt a bit guilty about saying that because of how out of character it was. 'Moving on. San Marino?'

'If they didn't get through, then next year's song would've been called "Let Us Through Or We'll Keep Sending Her". Or, as it is in Sand Marinade or whatever it's called...'

'"Let-a Us-a Through-a Or-a We A-keep A-sendin-a Her-a".' Ed said in the worst Italian accent possible.

'Saying that, Eurovision 2058 and San Marino would still be sending her. But it'd be like Weekend at Bernie's... And then one of the arms comes off.' Ed and Eddy then started to laugh incredibly hard. Before Edd could call them out, Ed laughed so hard that he stretched one of his arms out and whacked Eddy in one of his eyes, causing him to fall off his chair and whack his head on a paint can. 'I'm alright.' He tried getting up but then he hit his head on the can again. 'I'm not alright.'

'I'll help you, Eddy!' Ed then grabbed Eddy by the shirt collar and put him down on the chair.

'Thanks, Lumpy.' Eddy then gave Ed an affectionate pat on the back.

'What about Portugal?'

''What about it? Eddy asked, partially because he wasn't paying attention and partially because he wanted to do that joke.

'What did you think of their entry?'

'Wasn't too bad,'

'Next up, we have The Netherlands, which won the first semi-final.'

'Thanks, Captain Obvious.' Eddy snarked. 'But yeah, it was pretty good. One of the few country songs to not suck.'

'Yeah.' Ed added on at the end. 'What's next?'

'Montenegro?'

'Where's that?' Ed asked.

'Somewhere in Mexico, I think. But then what the hell would they be doing at Eurovision?'

'Good point.' Ed said as if he and Eddy were having a serious discussion.

'It's actually in Europe. The Balkans, to be precise. Where Niko Bellic came from. Granted, he was actually from Serbia, another country from that region, but-'

'We get it.' Eddy interrupted. 'Song wasn't good anyways. Next.'

'And finally, we have Hungary.'

'Wasn't too bad.'

'Same here.'

'Any more?' Eddy asked.

'No, that's it, Eddy. We've gone through the list of entries for the first Eurovision semi-final. Besides, didn't you hear me say "finally"?'

'No.' He replied. Edd let out a brief derisive groan. 'Still, we've made it through that. How many places left?'

'About 21 more; 15 from the second semi-final, the Big Five - consisting of the United Kingdom, France, Germany, Spain and Italy - and the hosts, Denmark.'

Eddy let out a weary sigh. 'Alright, enjoy these messages kids. Ed and Eddy will be back with part two.'

'See you after the break!' Ed got up and waved at the camera, knocking it over again. ''Whoops.'

A/N: Hopefully I should have more material here, seeing as this year's contest was a vast improvement over 2009's. For a start, there were less ballads.

But yeah, next up will be the second semi-final, with the final being covered in the third and final chapter. If you want to check out the entries for yourself, then just do a quick YouTube (or other video sharing website) search for "eurovision 2014 recap" (preferably without quotation marks), which should bring up the list of entries, plus a brief snippet of their songs. After I've finished writing this, I'll be working on a new story (as I've mentioned in the opening author's note). So, until then, take care.

P.S. Feel free to correct me if I end up mangling your language in this story. Even when it's intentional, just type the proper translation (or transliteration) in a review or PM or wherever. If it's intentional (like with Eddy apparently speaking Armenian), then it'll be left as is, but if it isn't, then the right one will be put up.