Disclaimer and author's notes part one: I don't own Criminal Minds, and I don't get paid to write about these things. Mosley Lane is one of my favorite episodes, but I kind of felt they missed an important point. This little tale addresses that. For other comments, go to the notes at the end. K
The Right Questions
By Mele
The house was midnight quiet. Will snored gently from his side of the bed; down the hall Henry slept the sleep of the truly innocent. Pale moonlight filtered through the curtains, bathing blonde hair with a muted light as JJ sat up, moving cautiously so as to not disturb her husband's rest.
Grabbing a light robe, she pulled it on and went into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. Taking the drink into the living room she took a sip, and stared into the darkness, remembering the case of missing eight-year-old Charlie, and the first time JJ met Sarah Hillridge…
The mother's blue grey eyes swam with tears almost constantly, but despite her fear and grief, she gave a full and detailed account of what happened, including mentioning the other mother who was seeking a lost child. Jake Hillridge kept a strong arm around his wife's shoulders, and young Emily, three years younger than her brother, colored in the corner, not really fully aware of the direness of the situation.
The BAU traveled to Leesburg to profile the case. JJ spent a lot of time with Sarah, priming her for a public plea to release her son, and shoring up the other woman's spirits. But after two days, with the profile delivered and almost 300 people searching for Charlie, the BAU was called away for another case.
For eleven months JJ forgot about the distraught mother, as the days and weeks passed. Then came the call to Arlington, and the disappearance of Stephen Shepherd. This time JJ stayed behind, coordinating things from her office as the BAU worked the profile. She was studying the statement from the boy's parents, when there was a knock at the door.
"Yes?" she asked quietly, trying desperately to remember why she recognized this woman.
"Agent Jareau? I don't know if you remember me, last year my son Charlie was abducted. You helped me through that," the woman said tentatively.
"Of course, I remember. How are you doing?" JJ asked gently.
"I have the occasional okay moment," Sarah replied with a shrug. "They never found anything. We don't know what is happening to our son, so it's hard to say things are okay, you understand?"
"Yeah. How are Jake and Emily?"
"Jake keeps talking about moving on, but I can't really do that. If in my heart I felt he was gone, maybe that would be possible. But I still feel him. He spent nine months developing inside me, and it's as if his heart and my heart are connected, and I just KNOW he is still alive. So I look, and I wait, and I take care of my family, but really….I'm on hold until I find him. Only then will my real life begin again." Sarah's expression was calm, almost resigned.
"I'm sorry," Jennifer said quietly. "What can I do for you today?" she asked at last, unsure why Sarah was there.
"I heard about Stephen's kidnapping, and it's so similar to Charlie's, I wondered if they could be connected," Mrs. Hillridge said with barely contained excitement.
"Sarah, Stephen disappeared from the mall, Charlie from a county fair. Different town, different time, different sort of event. Only the age is similar, and frankly, eight is a popular age to abduct," the agent explained patiently.
"But the ages are the same, the time of the year is the same, it has to mean something," Sarah insisted, eyes welling with tears.
"I'll contact the team, tell them to look at it in relation to Charlie's abduction," JJ offered, guiding the upset woman to a seat.
But after 36 hours there was no relationship uncovered, and the BAU left, having provided a profile for the local authorities to use.
A little over a year later Sarah was again at JJ's desk, while the team was in Linden investigating the abduction of Dylan Hedgecliff.
"Sarah," JJ said with a sorrowful look. "What are you doing here?"
"The little boy in Linden who is missing, it's just like Charlie and Stephen," she exclaimed, sitting down.
"Sarah, ah, other than the victim's ages, which are close I agree, there really is not a common denominator. Different town, different events, different times of the day. I know the team will consider the possibility of there being other victims, but young children are grabbed all too frequently, and often it's not a serial sort of situation," she explained.
Sarah thanked her, but declined to leave, instead taking up residence on a visitor's chair in the bullpen area, watching the agents who came and went and offering no interference. JJ had given the okay for her to be there, not understanding why she needed to be there, but hoping it would give her some peace.
This time it was only five months until Sarah came back to the FBI office. Johnny Hodges of Garrisonville had been abducted while the family was at a craft fair in the park.
JJ was not surprised to see the woman this time, and gestured to the seat opposite her desk, inviting her to sit down.
"How are you doing, Sarah?"
"Jake and I joined a support group, the Shepherds are going to it too. We've….we've become good friends. Of course, I'd rather have my son than new friends, but…." She trailed off with a sigh.
"Is it helping?" JJ asked with a sympathetic expression.
"Jake seems to be doing better. Me? I don't know, I don't really notice me feeling any better, but maybe in time," Sarah explained.
JJ's phone rang, and with a nod Sarah stood up, going to the same chair she had used the last time and settled in to wait.
Three hours later JJ sat down on the chair next to Sarah's.
"Sarah, um, they found Johnny's body. They've arrested his stepfather for the murder," she reported.
"Oh," Sarah said, standing up. "I…thank you for telling me," she said, turning to go.
JJ watched the woman walk toward the exit, wishing she had some way to help her.
The next June saw the disappearance of Danny Kenman from Purcellville, and within an hour of the news report Sarah entered the FBI building, heading to JJ's office. JJ looked up with some irritation from the large pile of case files she was supposed to make determinations on, but whatever she originally intended to say died on her lips when she got a good look at Sarah.
"Oh, my God, what is going on?" she asked anxiously, standing to actually escort Sarah to the chair.
Sarah had lost at least twenty pounds, her face was gaunt with deep, dark circles around her haunted eyes. She looked disheveled; her hair wild, her clothing rumpled and stained.
"I…I….I feel like a monster," she whispered, clutching JJ's hand in a death grip. "I'm a horrible person."
"What are you talking about," the agent asked, confused.
Tears welled in the woman's eyes as her mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she could get the words out. "I was happy to hear Danny had been taken," she finally gasped out.
"Why!?" JJ queried with a puzzled frown.
"Emily is eight now."
It took a moment for JJ to understand the implication of that statement. "Oh, Sarah, you're not a monster for being glad YOUR child wasn't taken," she explained gently, her free hand on Sarah's shoulder. "You're not happy Danny was taken, you're happy Emily wasn't. That's not the same thing."
"Since Emily turned eight, I have barely been able to let her out of my sight. I wake up two, three times a night to make sure she's still in her bed. I don't let her go to the movies, the park, playing with friends. I've even driven to her school and sat outside in my car, watching out for anything wrong. I barely sleep."
"Have you considered seeing someone? A therapist?"
"Jake has suggested it. Strongly. And I know Emily is unhappy. But…" she paused, looking down at her feet. "Two years before we had Charlie, I miscarried in my fifth month. When I got pregnant again, I could barely function until I got past the fifth month. I know it's illogical, but it is just how my mind works, I guess. I know anything can happen at any time, but still…until she is nine, I don't think I'll be able to relax."
JJ understood there was nothing she could do to help Sarah, much as she'd like to. She knew the woman was an intelligent, educated professional before Charlie's kidnapping, and watching her slowly fall apart was heartbreaking.
"If you want to stay here for a while, go ahead. I'll clear it with Security," JJ offered at last.
And for twenty four hours Sarah stayed on her usual chair, before quietly slipping out.
When Mae Hall disappeared in Madison JJ went with the team. She was helping with the data assembly when her cell phone rang, showing the call was from Garcia.
"Hey, Garcia, what's up?" she asked.
"Um, there's a woman here, looking for you. Thinks the same person took her son four years ago?"
"Sarah, right?"
"That's the name. She's kind of freaked that it is a girl this time, something about being glad her daughter is nine now. Do you want to talk to her?"
JJ sighed. "No, it's not necessary. Look, if she wants to stay there, let her. Tell Security it's okay," she requested.
"Will do. You kids be safe out there," Penelope replied, before disconnecting.
When JJ got back to the office the next day, Sarah had already left.
This time it was eighteen months before a missing child case caught Sarah Hillridge's attention. Eight year old Kayla Pargrave went missing in Lueneburg, and a couple hours after the news report Sarah was in JJ's office, her red eyes and slight slurring clearly telegraphing that she'd already been drinking at one in the afternoon.
"I'm telling you, it's the same person," Sarah insisted stubbornly, barely sipping the cup of coffee JJ had provided. "They're all the same."
JJ declined to argue the point, knowing the futility of debate with someone who has been drinking, so instead she opted for misdirection. "How are your husband and daughter doing?"
Sarah snorted out a half laugh. "Jake left me. We separated last month. Emily will barely talk to me, she spends most of her time at friends' homes." She wasn't going to say anything to the blonde agent, but it was only a couple of weeks ago that she'd seen Charlie on the street, only to have him disappear when a large truck passed between them. That turned out to be the deciding factor in the fate of her marriage. And her sobriety.
"I'm so sorry. Don't you need to be there for her when she gets out of school?" JJ wondered, hoping it would be a subtle way to get her out of the FBI building.
"She's staying with her dad tonight. They know I have to be here."
"Why? Why do you have to be here?" Frankly JJ had wondered that for quite a while.
"Because if an abducted child is located alive, it's usually in the first 24 hours. I keep hoping you will solve one of these and find the missing child, and my Charlie with them," she explained.
JJ was conflicted, not knowing if letting her stay was really the right thing to do. But, if she stayed her usual time, at least she'd be sober when she left. Decision made the agent escorted Sarah to her usual seat.
It was only nine months until Austin Manford disappeared from Ashburn. For JJ it had been an eventful nine months, and when Sarah walked in her eyes widened at the sight of the obviously pregnant agent.
"Congratulations!" Sarah exclaimed, for a moment genuinely happy. "Oh, my gosh, when are you due?"
"Late October," JJ replied, unconsciously putting a protective hand on her small bump. "It's going to be a long summer."
"It's going to be a wonderful summer for you. Enjoy it, pregnancy is a wonderful time," she said with shining eyes. But the joy was short lived.
"Sarah, how are you doing?" JJ noted that again it appeared Sarah had been drinking, and this time it was only ten in the morning.
"Jake and I are divorced now, he's already dating. Emily blames me. Heck, I blame me. She still lives with me, but I barely see her. I quit my job, took an early retirement. I've been working with an organization to do age progression pictures and make some flyers. It's been a long time since we did anything like that, I thought it might stir up some information. The local police have long since declared it a cold case," she sighed.
"I'm sorry," the agent replied. It seemed she was always saying that to Sarah. She briefly wondered what it would have been like to know Sarah before Charlie was abducted. For some reason, despite the frustration factor of her dealings with Sarah, she actually liked the woman. A lot.
"I'll go to my seat now" Sarah said as JJ's phone rang. "I know you're busy."
When Hannah Bidon went missing in July of the next year, the Sarah who turned up at the office was very drunk, and very despairing. JJ closed her office door, and looked across her desk at the woman in dismay.
"Sarah, you need to stop drinking. My, God, did you drive here in this condition?"
"I took a cab. I'm not that crazy. Yet," she snorted a semi-amused sound. She looked at the picture of an infant on JJ's desk with a nostalgic expression. "Your child?"
"Yes. My son, Henry," JJ replied, her expression softening.
"He's beautiful." She stood up unsteadily. "I know you're very busy, I won't bother you anymore, I'll just go take my seat," she said, almost tripping over the chair.
"Ah, why don't you stay in here," JJ suggested, not wanting the inebriated woman in the bullpen. Not what other visitors needed to see. Sarah nodded, and leaned back in the chair, her upper body supported by the wall behind her. In this position she fell asleep five minutes later.
The next morning, JJ brought her a cup of coffee. "Still no word on Hannah," she reported.
Sarah sighed sadly. "Well, it's time for me to go home. I'll call a cab from downstairs," she said.
JJ considered her carefully, then smiled a little ruefully. "I'll give you a ride, just let me go grab my stuff."
Then two days ago, when Aimee Lynch went missing. When Barbara reported being distracted by a mother calling for a lost child, it all just clicked in her mind. Seeing what Sarah had learned, and compiled, the incredible assist she gave the team to catch the unsubs and save the three children still living….it was amazing.
But…
JJ's thoughts returned to the present, bringing a chill to her heart and the hand holding the glass of wine shook slightly. She'd been so sure that Sarah's insistence that the cases were related was just the frantic hope of a grieving mother. If only she'd listened to her sooner. She wondered if Morgan had been right, much as she hated the idea. Did she only start to believe Sarah because she was a mother? She'd only dealt with Sarah twice after Henry was born, and the first time Sarah had been very drunk, which made her assertions less credible.
She stood up and walked into the kitchen to refill her glass. She'd replaced the bottle in the refrigerator when the irony struck her, and with a rueful look she poured the wine down the drain. Walking softly she went to Henry's room and looked at her small son in the light from the lamp they left burning at night. What would she do if someone took Henry? Would she ever be able to recover from that? Would she be like the Shepherds, who still wished to recover their son, but were somehow able to move on with their lives? Or would she be Sarah, relentlessly working to recover her son, regardless of the cost to her life? She sent up a prayer that she would never have to find out. With a soft smile she adjusted the blanket covering her boy, then returned to the living room and her disquieting reflections.
She'd barely settled down on the couch when Will's lanky frame joined her.
"What's up, Love?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder and studying her face with a worried look. "You said it was a good day to day, you saved the three children they had, kept them from getting any others. So what's got you up?"
"Ah," she sighed. "I…I feel like I failed. I should have listened to her sooner. If I had, more children would have been saved. She'd been saying since the beginning they were related, but I didn't take it seriously enough." Tears gleamed in her blue eyes.
"That's the challenge when one is an investigator. It's not knowing the answers, it's knowing the right questions. You said none of the other parents mentioned a mother searching for a child until the last one. That was the key to the whole thing. You can't blame yourself, no one who interviewed the other parents thought to ask that vital question," he said gently, pulling her into a hug. "And you can't play a game of 'what might have been' after a case is closed," he added, kissing the top of her head.
"I suppose you're right," she started.
"I know I'm right," he interrupted, generating a slight laugh from JJ.
"Fine, you're right. We did save the three we could, and we all learned something. Next time I'll be less likely to discount it when someone outside the agency suggests we are missing something," she finished. She looked up at the man she loved. "Thank you. Ready to go back to bed?"
"Only if you're with me."
The End
Authors Notes Part Two: It should be noted that I am not a big JJ fan. To me she's become the Ziva of Criminal Minds. The character who overruns the show with her awesomeness. However, that being said, she can be, and still is, a vital part of the storytelling and this tale is set before she evolved into Super JJ. Mosley Lane is one of my favorite episodes, the performances in this episode are beyond awesome: Sarah Hillridge, Charlie, Mae and Aimee, the Shepherds, and above all, the unsubs. But despite my love for this episode, I still have to ask: "Why the bloody hell didn't anyone notice the pattern before this?" I felt it mostly fell on JJ because in those days she was the liaison, and the one who basically determined which cases to pursue. AND she was the one Sarah sought out. Major oversight on JJ's part to not put two and two together until 8 years and 8 more kids – six of which die. Anyway, that's why this story was written. If someone else has covered this issue in a story I've not seen it, so hopefully I've not stepped on anyone's toes. If such story or stories exist, I'd love to see them! Final note: information on the victims and timing was taken from the Wiki page for this episode. Except Johnny Hodges – he's my creation.