"I'm gay."
Dean's head shot around from the television to face Castiel. "You are?"
"Yes, Dean. I've known for a very long time, but have never told anybody. But I trust you. But please don't hate me or say it's gross or anything, please I can't take that," Castiel mumbled quickly. Now that it was out there, Dean could do with it as he pleased. Castiel was scared. He looked away from Dean to stare at his lap.
They were on Dean's couch. His brother was still at school, but they were off due to different scheduling of the middle and upper schools. His father, John, was gone as usual. Castiel did not know where he went, but Dean did not like to talk about it, so he never asked.
Castiel had been planning this moment for a few weeks, ever since he decided he wanted Dean to know. He had suggested they come over to Dean's house so Dean could less effectively storm off if he was upset. Castiel had many memories of Dean on this couch, including the one where Dean first told Castiel they would be best friends forever. It seemed silly, but Castiel hoped that would somehow magically make Dean understand.
He hoped. He waited for a reply, twisting his hands in his lap.
"Alright." Castiel did not look up. "Hey. Hey, Cas, come on. Look at me." Dean put his hand on Castiel's cheek and brought his head up, eye to eye with Dean. "It's totally fine with me if you are gay, okay? I don't care. You're my best friend, and this doesn't change that." He smiled warmly at Castiel, who blinked in surprise, and then burst into tears.
"Whoa, Cas, come on, it's okay, dude!" Dean wrapped his arm around his friend and let him sniffle onto his shoulder. What did I do wrong? Dean thinks.
"Thank you," Castiel sniffs into Dean's shirt.
"Of course, Cas. Come on, smile, okay?" Dean tilts Castiel's head up again, wiping a tear from his eye with his thumb. Castiel smiles at Dean through his tears.
For the rest of the day, Dean drives Castiel crazy. He doesn't seem to mean to, but damn is he succeeding: a brush of his thigh here, a wink thrown in after a dirty joke there. All normal activities, but because it's Dean, Castiel is going insane. Dean has never been this suggestive with him before. And it frustrates him too, because he isn't able to do anything about it.
Sam gets home at 3:00. But Dean doesn't stop then, either.
"Hey bro, how was school?" Dean asks, getting up from the couch to hug Sam.
"It was good. I think Ruby might like me." Sam smiled squeezing his brother's middle before pulling back and tossing his bag on the ground.
"That's my boy," Dean says, ruffling Sam's hair. "Now, don't you have homework to do?"
Sam shook his head. "No, I'm all done! Mr. Singer let us do homework in class because we are done with our book. Can I watch TV with you and Cas?"
"I don't know why not. Sure, Sammy. Go sit down, I'll get you a snack."
Dean sandwiched himself between Castiel and Sam moments later, holding bowl of chips.
"Oh, score!" Sam exclaimed, sinking his hand in and pulling out too many chips to eat at once. Dean and Castiel laughed. They were watching Dr. Sexy MD, as per Dean's insistence. Dean put his hand on Castiel's thigh. He didn't look at Castiel, so he could not tell whether Dean meant to and was just being a dick again, or hadn't even noticed. The bowl of chips in his lap stopped Sam from being able to see. Castiel, as much as he wanted Dean's hand to stay, didn't like the reasoning behind it, and twitched his leg. Dean looked over at him and let go. He didn't do anything else until three hours later when they were having dinner. It was pizza and salad from the pizza place down the road, but they set the table and ate around it anyway. Dean sat next to Castiel and Sam at the head of the table. His leg bumped into Castiel's and stayed there all dinner.
Castiel couldn't figure out why this made him so mad. He liked Dean, after all, but had never imagined this as a result of coming out to him.
Castiel was planning to spend the night. He wasn't sure how he felt about that now.
They went up to Dean's room. Dean closed the door.
It was commonplace for them to just change in Dean's room, so that's what Dean did. Staring directly at Castiel, he slid his shirt slowly up his torso. Damn, he was fine.
"Would you just stop already? I can't take it!" Castiel exclaimed.
"Stop what?" Dean tried to look innocent while still infuriatingly slowly taking his shirt off.
"All the touching and winking and flirting!" Castiel said, a bit louder.
Dean laughed. "I thought you'd like it. Besides, it was fun watching your reactions."
"I'm not reacting this way because you're a guy, I'm reacting this way because I like you!" There. It was out. He had said it. Castiel tried to keep his face defiant even though he was terrified of Dean's reaction.
"You do?" Dean let his shirt fall to the floor.
"Yes, Dean, I do. I have for years."
To Castiel's utter surprise, Dean started moving towards him.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying something." Dean pulled Castiel closer. He kissed him.
Castiel was too shocked to do anything but stand there, which he regretted as soon as Dean pulled away, because he had just fucking kissed him. As much as he wanted to pull the older boy back towards him, Castiel needed to know why he was doing this.
"Why did you do that?"
"I thought you would want it," Dean said, slightly unsure of himself because of Castiel's lack of reaction.
"No, Dean, I do. But I don't want it like this."
"What do you mean?" Dean removed his hands from around Castiel's waist.
"I mean that I only want it if you do. I won't let you do this just to make me happy, okay? I love you, Dean, and I don't want to lose you for any reason."
Dean stood next to Castiel, considering. "I don't know. This is new to me. But I certainly love you as a person, and you really are very attractive."
Castiel angrily tried to stop the butterflies in his stomach from soaring. Now is not the time to be distracted, Castiel thinks. But then again, why isn't it?
"I'd like to give this a shot," Dean says. "If it doesn't work, then whatever. I can live with that."
"I don't think I can. If this is going to be looming between us forever, I'd rather you never regretted anything," Castiel said, trying to make his feet carry him away from Dean; they didn't listen.
"Well, then, let's make it work." Dean kissed him again. Short, sweet, and simple.
"I don't know why, but I'm perfectly willing to try this. I've never been interested in guys, you know that. But I think because it's you, it's alright. I want to."
Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes and saw the truth in them. "Okay, I believe you," he said, as he pulled Dean's lips to his for the third time that night.