Disclaimer: None of this is mine, obviously. I had fun writing it, though. Enjoy, R&R.

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Early Morning Sunshine of the Dead

By

The Angry Sniper.

Part One: In Which the Movie is Set Up.

A hospital. Ana is the hard-working, sexually repressed nurse just trying to scrape some money together by working 92328 hours a week. The doctor is on the phone.

Doctor: I'm deliberately ignoring skinny blond bitch to make her late for something.

Ana: -Cries- I wanna go HOME.

Doctor: Oh, blah blah. Take this x-ray. Do my job while I go ignore some other bitches.

Ana: Whyyyyy meeeee?

At the nurses' station a moment later.

Ana: Hey, fatty. Where's this guy? -Points to x-ray-

Cora: …upstairs? In intensive care? Mere hours away from turning into a flesh-eating monster and killing us all?

Ana: Well, go find him and page Doctor Fuckface. He's looking for him.

Cora: Are you even listening to the plot development?

Ana: Does it MATTER? I'm gonna live regardless of how much I know! I will LIVE and you will DIE!

Cora: O.o

Ana: I'm going home!

Cora: Uh. Kay.

Ana: -Dashes away-

Stuff happens to establish how cool/nice she is to the random children littering the street.

Little girl: CHECK IT, YO! -Backflips-

Ana: Wow! Maybe you can teach me your ninja skills later, tiny one!

Little girl: Psh. Noob.

More stuff happens. Apparently shower sex scenes between two ugly people are cool now.

Oh, and they miss the single news bulletin that could probably end up saving them.

Part Two: In Which Necks are Munched.

The bedroom. Ugly people are asleep. The clock ticks 6:37, verifying that this movie is, in fact, appropriately named. The tiny kung-fu child bursts into the room. Her face is missing.

Ninja child: AAAAIIIEEEEE.

Both: -wake up, blink-

Husband: I think I'll go investigate by flaunting my neck at her. That might help.

He does so. And dies.

Ana: Ohnoes! Liek, teh zombeez! -Throws Ninja Child out of the room-

She tries in vain to reattach her husband's head.

Doesn't work.

Blood: -Squirts-

It's established that phones don't work. Oh, and this whole zombie thing is going to be happening quite a bit in the next two hours.

Husband: -Attacks-

Ana: -Flails and escapes to the bathroom-

After tension is built, an eerily Shining-esque moment occurs.

Husband: Heeeere's JOHNNY.

Ana: Ohnoes! -Escapes again-

Outside:

People: -Run and scream and panic and get hit by cars-

Audience: OMG YES.

Ana: -Drives away-

NIN Fans: Omg. I recognize those screams.

Everyone else: -Doesn't get it-

Milwaukee: -On fire-

Everything: -Explodes-

Etc.

Ana: -Gets Teh Carjacked. Almost.-

She hits a tree.

Blackout.

Johnny Cash: -Grooves-

People: -Die-

End Part Two.

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Read, review. If I get substancial feedback, I'll write quicker. Heh.