A/N: Yes, another multi-chapter crack fic. I'm sorry...NOT!

Anyway, please review, okay? Even if you favorite it, that's not enough to influence me to want to continue it, got it? So...tell me what you think, alright? Also, it doesn't follow exactly with the BioShock storyline, as it ends up going off-course pretty soon after Jack meets with a Big Daddy...

"My mommy and daddy said I was destined to have to fight through a horrific underwater utopia overrun with freaks and monsters...and they were partially correct."

Jack coughed violently once he reached the surface. Breathing in the cold night air with relief, he thought, 'Man...that was a close one! Who knew shoving a photo of a naked catgirl in the pilot's face would cause such a massive nosebleed that he would lose consciousness, thus crashing the entire plane into the ocean!'

Looking around, Jack realized he was surrounded by flames, so he did the obvious thing and started swimming towards them. Of course, after nearly losing half of his life bar, he decided it would be best to head to the suspicious, creepy light-tower nearby instead.

'Hmm...this place looks peaceful enough.' Jack figured as he ran up the stairway and peeked into the door that was creaked open. Inside was complete darkness, but Jack stepped inside anyway.

"HEEEEEEEEY! IT'S DARK IN HERE!" he shouted out to no one in particular.

Suddenly, the door shut behind him, and the lights flashed on...revealing a large statue of a hateful-looking man glaring down at him. A banner hung in front of the statue, and its words were 'NO ROXIUS, NO YURI...ONLY SERIOUSNESS!'

"Wow...whatever this place is, it sounds like it's just one hole full of SUCK!" Jack remarked, and then he noticed a stairway heading further down into the light-house. Since he had nothing better to do, and he was being paid by the hour, Jack followed the stairs, lights illuminating the darkness as he descended. Eventually, he found a bathysphere sitting in a pool of water, its door open as if it was expecting him.

'Ooh...so exciting! It's like I'm gonna go on a roller coaster ride!...Or something like that!'

Leaping around like a ballerina, Jack jumped into the bathysphere, smacked into the lever with his head, and the door slammed closed behind him. Sitting up, Jack glanced out the small window and watched as the bathysphere descended into the ocean, soon passing 18 fathoms.

Suddenly, a holographic screen flashed on, with an old black-and-white photo of a man with the name 'Andrew Ryan' underneath.

"HEY, I WANNA LOOK OUT AT THE OCEAN, YOU COMMUNIST BASTARDS! ARRRGH!" Jack cried, punching at the screen in annoyance.

"I am Andrew Ryan!" announced a voice from the screen, "I am here to ask you a question: is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? No, says the man in my basement, it belongs to Uranus and the Russian Equator Giants. No, says my mother, it belongs to the poodles. No, says my ex-girlfriend, it belongs up my ass. I rejected all those answers. I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose...Rapture. Also, we don't have any anthropomorphic talking sponges or singing mermaids here. That was just a rumor, okay?"

Then, the screen vanished, and Jack watched in amazement as the bathysphere rose over a large undersea mountain to reveal a huge underwater city, with various forms of giant sea life calmly passing by. Long pipelines kept the buildings attached to one another and allowed passageway to separate areas of the city. As the bathysphere swerved underneath one of the pipelines, Jack caught notice of a large figure repairing damages on the glass paneling.

Eventually, the bathysphere entered a shaft that sucked it up to the docking area. Looking out the window, Jack noticed a young man slowly backing away from the most hideous lady with hooks he had ever seen.

"This...this is madness!" cried the young man in horror.

"MADNESS?!" snarled the hook-lady, "THIS...IS...CRAPTURE!"

"WHAAAAAAAT?! I...I THINK YOU JUST RUINED THE JOKE, LADY!"

"BALDERDASH!"

Then, she charged at the man and sliced open his belly, splattering blood everywhere.

Jack stepped backwards and gasped. 'H-Holy crap...that was kinda cool!'

As the dead man collapsed to the ground in a puddle of his own blood, the hook-lady glanced up and saw Jack standing inside the bathysphere. Licking her putrid bumpy lips, the lady hissed, "Ahhh...another one, ehh? KYYYYYAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Then, the lights flashed off, and quickly flashed back on again...and she was gone.

"Phew! That was close!" Jack breathed, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Suddenly, a radio receiver, which Jack just noticed was taped to the wall, came to life, and an annoyingly Irish voice on the other end ordered, "Would you kindly grab the receiver here?"

Jack shook his head. "Nope. No thank you. No receiver for me today!"

"W...Wait! What?!" exclaimed the Irish voice.

"I SAID I'M NOT GRABBING THE GODDAMN RECEIVER, YOU IRISH DUMBASS!" Jack snapped.

The Irish voice was silent for a moment. "Would you kindly-"

"I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANNA!" Jack snapped again, grabbing the receiver and screaming into it. By then, he realized he had just grabbed the receiver.

'ARGH! I WAS TRICKED AGAIN!'

"Good job, boyo!" complimented the Irish voice, "The name's Atlas, and I will be yer personal guide through this hellhole known as 'Rapture'."

"...So you're Irish, huh?" Jack muttered.

"What? You wanted a damn Aussie?" Atlas snarled.

Jack shrugged. "At least you ain't that bastard Porky Pig. He owes me ten bucks..."

Atlas had nothing else to say. Slowly, the bathysphere's door creaked open, and Jack stepped outside. Luggage carts, luxury items and other products were strewn all over the floor, and splotches of blood were noticeable every now and then. Taking in a deep breath, Jack stepped forward...and tripped over a wrench.

"Damn kids, always leaving shit in my lawn!" Jack cursed, rubbing his ankle as he stood back up. Holding the wrench in his hands, he swung it around a bit. Suddenly, the hook-lady from before popped back out, but she ended up getting smashed in the face by Jack's erratic swinging patterns, killing her instantly.

"Whoa! I killed one!" Jack exclaimed, "How many points do I get?"

On the receiver's end, Atlas replied, "That was a Splicer, someone whose lost their mind and original body functions due to using too many plasmids. Basically everyone here is either a Splicer, dead or completely insane. Be careful."

Jack gasped. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY...CRAP. I curse alot, don't I?"

Even though Atlas was just a receiver, Jack could tell he was nodding.

'Ah, whatever. At least I don't have to deal with those Jissouseki anymore...ugh...' Jack thought with fire in his eyes and a hand sticking out of his stomach.

And so, the adventures into CRAPTURE begin!