Girl Power!
~A Magic Knight Rayearth Parody~
"Willis again! Last time we had one of these parodies it was a bunch of the guys starring in Fushigi Yuugi. This time, it's our entire female cast (and a few of the effeminate guys) putting on a performance of that great shoujo manga, Magic Knight Rayearth. We're still deciding the cast, so we'll go live to Lia's dressing room where they're figuring it out now."
~*~
Lia had her cast list pulled up on the computer, trying to decide who went where. As of this point, there are maybe three or four slots filled in for cast members.
"Let's see…Matt! Get in here!"
Matt, who, for the past six hours has been in wardrobe trying to assemble his thirty thousand parts of costume, entered, still a bit discombobulated.
"Yes?"
"Whaddya think of this cast? Good enough?"
He nodded. "Especially that one right there."
"Yeah, I'll post it up and we'll get going."
~*~
Cast of Characters(It's still important to know.)
Hikaru ……Lia
Umi ……Mimi
Fuu ……Yolei
Mage Clef……Matt
Mokona……Tokomon
Presea……Sora
Emeraude……Kari
Zagato……T.K.
Alcyone……Nicki
Ascot……Izzy
Caldina……Ken
Lafarga……Willis
Ferio……Davis Narrated by GatomonSpecial effects by Wizardmon
~*~
Gatomon sat back in the control room, ready to start her voice over. The unnecessary guys seated themselves in the audience, muttering how much they're not going to enjoy watching this.
"The story starts with three ordinary high school students, Hikaru Shidou, Umi Ryuuzaki, and Fuu Hououji, who were all on school field trips to the Tokyo Tower when they were summoned by Princess Emeraude to save an alternate world called Cephiro."
Cue glowing light and Kari wearing a leftover Princess Serenity costume. "Help us! Save our world, O Legendary Magic Knights!"
And with the bright glowing light, there was a flash, and Lia, Yolei, and Mimi were found falling, screaming all the way, until they landed on a giant fish.
"Hey, we stopped falling," Mimi pointed out.
"And we are riding some type of giant fish," Yolei added.
Lia smiled. "Isn't it cute?"
The large fish deposited the girls on a cliff, where they stood, rather dazed, for a few minutes.
"This…doesn't…look like Tokyo," Mimi whimpered.
Yolei shook her head. "I do not believe we are in Tokyo at all."
"You know, we're probably going to be stuck here for a while so let's introduce ourselves or something so we can scream each other's names every time we're in trouble," Lia suggested.
The others nodded.
"I'm Mimi Tachikawa, fifteen years old, tenth grade."
"I am Yolei Inoue, fourteen years old, ninth grade."
"Lia Agianna, sixteen years old, tenth grade!"
Mimi and Yolei blinked. "You're sixteen? But you're so short! I'll bet you need the seat up really close to the steering wheel to drive."
"Hey, I wonder if this big fish can take us back to Tokyo before I miss my big important fencing tournament that I continually gripe about!" Mimi cried.
"CREATURE, RETURN!" came a voice from somewhere within the forest behind the girls. A very, very bishounen with a staff and black robes appeared, clanking from his thirty pounds of jewelry.
Going with OVA Clef here, cuz regular Clef is short and Matt would snap at me and stuff.
"You cannot return to your own world," he said quietly.
"WHAT?!" Yolei and Mimi shrieked. Lia looked indifferent.
"You heard me. You cannot return to your own world until you save this one, Cephiro. That is why you were summoned here, Legendary Magic Knights."
"Legendary Magic Knights?" Lia repeated.
"Hey, just who are you to be telling us this stuff anyway?" Mimi jeered.
"Master Mage Yamato of Cephiro. You were summoned here by Princess Hikari to save our world Cephiro. You cannot go back on her wish."
"Please, Sir, can you explain exactly where we are and what is occurring?" Yolei asked in an attempt to sound proper.
Matt sighed, leaning on his big staff thingy (which, by the way, is ten times cooler than Wizardmon's).
"This is Cephiro, the land where the greatest power is a strong heart and will. Our land has always been peaceful and prosperous, because the pillar of our world, Princess Hikari, was able to continually pray for our goodwill. But Princess Hikari was kidnapped by High Priest Takeru, and now our world is falling apart. Monsters roam freely, and chaos and fear are rampant. You three girls were summoned by Princess Hikari to save Cephiro, because you are the Legendary Magic Knights that will awaken the Rune Gods."
"Rune Gods?" Lia repeated. Hikaru repeats things a lot.
"Tell me, can you three use magic?" Matt questioned. The girls shook their heads.
"IF WE COULD, WE WOULD'VE USED IT TO GO HOME ALREADY!" Mimi hollered.
Matt sighed, sweatdropping. "I suppose I'll have to do something about your armor as well. Bestow magic!"
And there was a bunch of Sailor Moony special effects and the girls got some armor and started glittering cuz they have magic.
"This is junky armor! I mean, it's a shoulder thingy, a breastplate that doesn't even come all the way down to our waists, a pair of boots, one glove and this jewel-y thing!" Mimi groused.
I'm sorry, fans of the Meems, but that's how Umi acts!
"It evolves with your experience, stupid," Matt replied testily. "The more experience you get, the better it becomes. Now, I've got to teach you your magic before you can use it."
~*~
Meanwhile, in a big scary floating castle in the sky, T.K. was watching their every movement through his big magical water mirror.
People who've actually seen the Rayearth anime, I ditched Inouva. He really had no point other than to have pointy ears and make the show run longer.
"Princess Hikari has summoned the Magic Knights from another world," he muttered.
"Goddamn, there go all my summer plans!"
"Are there three of them, just like in the legend?"
"Yes. As of this moment, they are with Master Mage Yamato."
"That annoying guy?"
T.K. turned, his hugely huge costume clanking. "Nicki, see to it that they don't get any farther."
A curtain of water that surrounded the set parted, and Nicki, tugging on the official Alcyone spandex suit, emerged.
"Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll make sure they bite the biscuit."
~*~
"Okay, back to the magic lessons. You, sexy girl with the braid, get over here."
Yolei groaned and muttered to Mimi, "If I'd known they'd weasel Lia x Matt shipping in here, I'd have given the part to Joe."
"I know. Ken looks more like Umi than Caldina, and I look more like Caldina than Ken, but Lia said I had to be Umi. I don' get it."
"Quiet over there! I'm trying to be all serious and magic-y!" Matt hollered.
"Go ahead, Matt, it's your cue," Lia mumbled.
"Can you feel it? In your heart? Something you've never felt before?"
"I can. Something warm, burning inside of me, something indescribable."
"That's your magic. And now you can use it because you've acknowledged it."
Well, of course Mimi and Yolei were all set to have their magic 'taught' to them as well, but suddenly the sky darkened, there was a whole lot of thunder, and Matt started getting nervous.
"Hey! Aren't we going to learn magic?" Mimi ranted.
"No time! One of High Priest Takeru's minions is on their way here now! Creature, I summon thee!"
Phoenixmon, Biyomon's mega form, offers a cameo role as the girls climb onto her back.
"Matt, I'll stay and help you!" Lia hollered, trying to get off.
"No way, girl! This is my scene!"
"But I'm your freaking partner!"
"If you wanna help me, head to the west, to the Forest of Silence! There you'll get weapons from Sora! And Mokona!"
Phoenixmon took off, much to Lia's chagrin, leaving Matt alone on the cliff. Well, not for long.
Nicki, clinging desperately to Pegasusmon's back, came galloping into view.
"Well, well. Hello, BakaYama. I always thought you were gay. The girly jewelry and the fruity robes definitely confirm my suspicions."
"Hey, hey! Izzy has to wear just as much gay crap as I do, and I don't have that huge popover of a hat!"
Nicki shrugged indifferently. "Whatever. Hey, thanks for the magic lessons. They came in real handy, especially this little trick. Ice something-or-other!"
"Barrier circle!"
Matt knows all of Clef's lines and movements, primarily because we watched it together over a bowl of popcorn and a couple hot fudge sundaes.
"Okay, so that didn't work. I don't have time to stay here and beat you up outright; I have to go kill your little knights. So ta-ta. Creature thingy, get out here!"
Somebody up in the control room spilt Code Red Mountain Dew on Wizardmon's control panels, short circuiting the equipment. Therefore, no magical holographic monster.
"Ahem. Creature thingy, get out here! God dammit, where's my creature thingy?"
In a last-minute attempt to correct things, Shadowmon teleported onto the cliff.
"RAWWWRRRRR *hack, cough* RRRR!"
Honestly, I don't think Matt, the current Master Mage of Cephiro, shall be much intimidated by a kitten that one could fit in their bathrobe pocket. In fact, all he really had to do was poke her on the top of the head with his staff.
"Ow! I've been defeated!"
Nicki hurried off to accomplish her mission, Matt chasing her to the edge of the cliff.
"Wait! NICKI!"
He sighed, staring off in the general direction of the girls. "If those girls should fall to Nicki, they will not be able to revive the Rune Gods and save this world. Hmph. Compared to Takeru, Nicki hardly seems like a threat."
Just then he got a foreboding presence and whirled on his heel, only to be struck by a bolt of force. By the way, in between Shad's arrival and Matt's little soliloquy Wizardmon managed to dry off his console so all the effects work now.
"That, Mage Yamato, was for telling Mom I painted the kitty," T.K. smirked, blowing the steam from the tip of his smoking finger. "I admire your strength, there aren't many who can sense my presence. You were just a little late. Your Magic Knights will fall, Yamato. And there's nothing you can do about it, so there!"
~*~
Matt, being pretty much done for the show except some voice-overs and flashbacks, went down and sat with the rest of the unnecessary cast members.
"This is actually pretty good stuff, for a girls' anime," Tai stated.
Joe nodded. "Girls, large weapons, magic, monsters, short hemlines, this should be a guys' anime for all the spandex the cast wears."
Matt frowned at his peers. "You better be referring to your own girlfriends, because if I catch you eyeing mine I'll kill you dead."
"Why is Izzy playing Ascot? Ascot's short! I don't care if Izzy's voice actor is Ascot, I should be playing that role!" Cody whined.
"Somebody shove him in a locker and shut him up," Tai muttered.
Just then Takato and Henry (or Lee, but I think I'll stick with Henry cuz it sounds funny) came down the bleachers and sat with the guys.
"Hey, you don't mind if we watch, do you? Rika's off sulking somewhere, or screaming at Renamon, so we thought we'd come check out one of your productions because we otherwise don't exist," Henry stated.
"Yeah, sure. The Magic Knights are on their way to the forest right now," Matt replied, tossing the kids from Shinjuku a box of caramel corn.
~*~
"I hope Mage Yamato is okay," Lia murmured.
"I'll bet he's fine! I mean, he has to be because anime shows don't normally kill somebody off outright in the first episode, right?" Mimi queried.
"Is it just me, or do I see someone riding a horse approaching us at a rapid velocity?" Yolei asked, pointing to the charging (and psychotic) Nicki on a horse-pig.
"Hello, Magic Knights. High Priest Takeru orders your destruction, and hey, I'm not going against the orders of someone who openly worships Gilligan. Ice…"
Lia stood up, ignoring the screams of Mimi and Yolei, and made a grand gesture.
"Flame arrow, hee-yah!"
Special effects, special effects! Nicki runs off screaming, Pegasusmon disappears, and Mimi and Yolei are very impressed.
"Coolness. Let's get to the Forest of Silence, save Princess Hikari, and then get back to Tokyo so I can enter…"
"We know, we know. Your big important fencing tournament."
~*~
We would like to take this opportunity to acknowledge the voice acting talents of some of our Digimon stars in the actual Magic Knight Rayearth show. So, here they are, in no real apparent order.
Umi and Princess Emeraude……01 T.K.
Alcyone……Nancy Takaishi
Ascot……Izzy
Presea……Izzy's Mom
And Somebody…Zagato Maybe?! Sounded Like Black Wargreymon
Okay, so there was an apparent order after all. I know some of the other characters sounded incredibly familiar, especially Caldina and Hikaru, but I'm not sure who they sound like. Okay, back to the fic!
~*~
Phoenixmon deposited the girls, devolved, and took off to get a burrito or something. The Magic Knights glanced around in a very confused fashion.
"Lia…this is supposed to be the Forest of Silence, right? Where's the forest?" Mimi asked. Palmon walked out onto the set and stood in the middle of the soundstage.
"Palmon, what are you doing?" Lia questioned.
"I'm the forest…oops, I'm not supposed to be saying anything. I'm silent, you know."
"Yeah, uh huh. Where's Sora?" Yolei quipped.
Palmon pointed off in some general direction. "Watch out for the monsters."
They walked around in the "forest" until they came upon a house sitting in the middle of nowhere.
"You know, this is how most fairy tales start out," Mimi pointed out.
"It is also how most horror movies start out," Yolei added.
"You two are pathetic. It's a house. There are no chainsaw-wielding maniacs, nor are there singing dwarves. My bet's that this is Sora's place. Now come on, you wimps, let's go check it out!"
And led by the fearless pyromaniac, Mimi and Yolei followed Lia into the unlocked house.
"Hello-oh? Anybody home? Hello-oh? Aw, this sucks, Lia! Let's get outta here."
Yolei pointed to a nearby door. "I believe there is somebody inside."
"You sound so ridiculous talking like that. Maybe you shouldn't say anything for now, save us all the trouble," Lia sighed.
They tiptoed into the room, where they found a whitish-pinkish thing with a pink jewel stuck to the middle of its forehead spinning around in a chair tossing papers like mad.
"WHEEEEEEE!"
"Um, excuse me? You wouldn't happen to be Sora, would you?" Lia asked.
"Nope! I'm Mokona the Tokomon…or Tokomon the Mokona. Aw, screw it. Just call me Tokona!" Tokomon replied.
Lia frowned. "You're not supposed to talk, you're supposed to say 'pu puu.'"
Just then a big cage fell down on our intrepid heroes, clanking as it went, and a girl in a turtlenecked leotard and a smock came prancing out of nowhere.
"I got you this time, Tokona! You're always messing up my office, and now I've caught you! Hmm, a suitable punishment…should I pull on your funny ears and see how long they'll stretch? Or should I hang you upside down from the front ha-all?" she giggled.
"Um, excuse me? Your Tokomon is over there," Lia pointed out to the fuzzball still roaming free.
"So…wait…were you kids messing up my office?"
"NO!" Mimi hollered. "I told you we shouldn't have gone in here Lia, but you said 'oh, the door's unlocked so Sora must be home!' Next time I'm not participating in these ridiculous parodies!"
Sora glared at Meems. "What did you say?"
"…Next time I'm not---"
"Before that."
"Lia said 'oh the door's unlocked so Sora must be home?' We were yelling for you but you didn't hear us and then we came in here and found that wad of dryer lint going psycho."
Sora was slightly pale. "Nobody can get into my house unless they have the special key made for me by Mage Yamato. You three must be…*gasp* the Legendary Magic Knights?!"
"We would have liked to mention that earlier, but you were not in a pleasant mood," Yolei said in her pitiful Fuu voice.
"Well then! Let me just get you out of this cage and we can talk!" she said, throwing a lever which made the cage retreat to its origins.
~*~
Half an hour, a cup of tea, and a few Gundam Wing lemons later, the Magic Knights finished their story. Sora stared at them, blinking.
"Well…that is an interesting story. So I guess you need weapons, huh?"
Lia nodded. "It'd probably help. You know, cuz we're MAGIC KNIGHTS AND ALL!"
"Of course! One problem…"
Mimi groaned, slapping her forehead with her palm. "There's always a problem. Or a catch. Why can't anything be free?!"
"Well, it's like this," Sora said, running a finger along the rim of her teacup. "I can loan you weapons, but I can't give you weapons."
"Why can you not give us weapons?" Yolei asked.
"Because I have to make them for you special. And in order for me to do that, y'all have to go get the raw materials!"
The girls fell over in traditional anime style, Tokomon staring at them as he nibbled a cookie.
"We have to get the materials ourselves?! This totally sucks!" Mimi whined.
"Hey, I don't write the manga, I just spoof it. Anyway, you have to travel to the Spring of Eterna and get the legendary ore Escudo so I can make you Evolving Weapons and you can revive the Rune Gods."
Everybody looked towards Lia, expecting her to repeat something. She was busy playing with her teaspoon.
"Huh? What's that?"
"Nevermind. Here are your weapons, now get out of my house and get that Escudo," Sora said, passing out two swords and a bow and arrow and shoving the girls out the door. "Oh, and don't forget Tokona."
And so, the Legendary Magic Knights headed off into the Forest of Silence to find the Spring of Eterna and Escudo.
~*~
Davis adjusted his collar one more time before heading towards the soundstage.
"Well, I'm off to be that Ferio dude. See you guys in a little while."
Ken blinked. "Wha?"
"Didn't you read the cast list? I'm playing Ferio."
The other guy Digidestined milling about cringed, fearing Ken's reaction.
"Here it comes," Cody muttered, covering his eyes.
"You mean to tell me you're playing the object of Fuu's affection when YOLEI is playing Fuu?! As the former Digimon Emperor I WILL NOT stand for this!"
Matt dug around in the pockets of his robe. "Here's Lia's office key. Go into there and change the cast list before it's too late. Besides, we're all getting sick of Yolei anyways. Right?"
The others nodded.
~*~
"Tokona! Slow down! We're losing Yolei!" Mimi cried, chasing after the pinky-white gerbil monster.
Lia glanced back over her shoulder. "Uh, Mimi, Yolei isn't even back there."
Ken scampered out into the clearing, wearing Yolei's costume and a pair of fake glasses.
"Sorry about changing the cast list, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this fic be Daiyako!"
Mimi and Lia grinned. "Thank god! Yolei was getting to be so annoying!"
Just then some large, growling monster (or several digimon in a really bad monster costume) popped up before them. Mimi started screaming and running around in circles.
"We're gonna die we're gonna die we're gonna die we're gonna die!"
Ken sighed. "Maybe I should've stayed as Caldina."
"Relax, we've got the weapons Sora gave us!" Lia said, pulling out her big intimidating sword and hacking up the monster with a "hee-yah!"
Another couple of large, growling monsters appeared and while our imitation Hikaru was beating the marshmallow fluff out of them another one grabbed our faux Fuu and Umi.
"Lia! Help!"
"Help yourselves, I'm busy!"
And like that, Davis jumped down out of the plastic foliage with his even bigger even more intimidating sword and rescued our girls…um, girls and Ken.
"Y'all are safe now, right?"
Ken blushed. "Yes, thank you for saving us."
"Eh, no prob. Dude, I'm Daisuke. You chicks must be the Legendary Magic Knights come to save Cephiro."
"Yup. I'm Lia Agianna."
"Mimi Tachikawa."
"Ken Ichijouji."
"Cool. Well, if you need anything, I'll conveniently show up. Oh, by the way, you wouldn't know how to get out of this stupid forest, would you?"
In the meantime, the evil T.K. had sent Nicki back out to try and kill off our heroes, and so she magically popped up in the forest.
"Magic Knights, I'm gonna kill you! Well…maybe not Ken or Davis…but the rest of you will DIEEEE!"
Davis stepped back, letting the girls (and Ken) handle the situation because, after all, they are the Magic Knights. Nicki shot at them with her incredible Alcyone powers, nailing Mimi one. Meems went down, all oozy with blood. Lia pulled out her big intimidating sword and went after Nicki, waving it for all it was worth.
"Hey, wait a sec, how come Nicki can use her powers? Aren't we still in the Forest of Silence?" Ken asked.
"Nope, we just crossed the border," Davis replied.
"All right, magic power time! Flame arrow, hee-yah!"
Nicki got a bit charbroiled, but she kept coming, attacking with her magicky magic until Lia was pretty much dead.
"Tokona! I wanna learn magic! Make me learn magic!" Mimi whimpered from her sticky puddle on the ground.
"Kay."
The little red jewel on Tokomon's head turned blue, and there was a lovely holographic projected image of the all-powerful Mage Matt.
Mimi, you wanna learn magic?"Well duh! I just said that! And where have you been, huh? We're in a heap of trouble and you're supposed to be protecting us!"
Hello? High Priest Takeru smacked me around; I'm kind of incapacitated at the moment. Feel the power in your heart and you can use it. And tell Ken he can too, because it saves me the trouble.
"Yeah, sure. I feel the power and all that junk. Water dragon!"
And a big scary intimidating water dragon thing comes out of nowhere and half-drowns Nicki. She slumps off set, looking more or less like a drowned rat. Mimi and Lia are really starting to look beaten up.
"I suppose it's my turn, huh?" Ken asked, fiddling with his fake glasses. "Wind of healing!"
And like that, they're all better. Spiffy.
Davis shouldered his really scary really intimidating sword. "I'm leaving, I've got my own quest to go on. I'll be back to conveniently save you when you're in trouble. Make sure nothing happens to Ken or else. Later!"
Ken started whimpering as Davis walked away. "Daisuke…I didn't even get to thank him for saving us."
Mimi grabbed him by the ear and started dragging him. "C'mon, you. We've got Escudo to get."
~*~
Tokona pointed to a random line in the middle of nowhere.
----------------------------------------------
See? Look, a random line!
"Um, Tokona, what exactly is that?" Mimi questioned.
"Eterna," the hamster-ish thing said smugly. "See, I led you to it safe and sound."
"Yeah, safe and sound, sure. And how many times have I nearly been blown up?" Lia grumbled. Tokomon led the girls to a small cliff above the line. The line was now a pool of water floating in midair.
"Oh, I get it!" Ken exclaimed. "When you look at a circle from the top, it's a circle. But when you look at it from the side, it's a line. It is the Spring of Eterna!"
"So we have to go in there and get the Escudo? No way, uh-uh, count me out!" Mimi cringed. Lia and Ken exchanged glances, grabbed her by the arms, and dragged her along with them as they jumped into the water. Nicki, being Alcyone and thus far not yet dying, reappeared and followed them into Eterna.
The girls…and Ken…glanced around. No, they weren't underwater. They were in some kind of time warp-ish void reminiscent of that whole incident with Apocalymon.
"So…uh…just how do we get the Escudo?" Mimi asked.
"You don't! Because I've got it and you're not gonna become the Magic Knights and you'll all die and I can go back to watching Dragonball Z and get out of this fecking cartoon!"
Our heroines…and Ken…glanced up to where Nicki was, smirking and holding a couple of rocks. Tokomon started screaming profanities at her and bore his eighty-bazillion sharp teeth.
Legendary Magic Knights…"Oh, here we go. Time for the scary disembodied voices," Ken muttered. A lovely hologram of Kari in her Princess Serenity costume came into view.
Magic Knights, if you beat the crap out of this wicked sorceress, you can obtain the Escudo and become the heroes that you are. Please hurry, Cephiro is dying…
"And this is the part where we learn new magic, isn't it?" Lia asked, sighing. "Ruby lightning!"
"Sapphire whirlwind!"
"Emerald typhoon!"
And Nicki is once again beaten up by our intrepid trio. She curses loudly, disappearing offstage, smoking and charbroiled.
The Escudo rocks are magically zapped into the spiffy glove-jewel things on the Magic Knights' armor, which has since evolved. And something else has evolved as well, heheh…
"Ken, you're looking…wow…hey Lia?" Mimi said, pointing at Ken. "Is it just me, or does Ken look girlier?"
Lia frowned. "Come to think of it, he is starting to look a lot more feminine. Wizardmon, what gives?"
Wizardmon's voice comes over the intercom between set and sound booth. "Special effect, comes with the armor."
"Whatever. Hey, let's get back to Sora's, get our magic weapons, and revive the Rune Gods like Yamato wanted us to!" Ken said, overenthusiastically.
"Rune Gods?" Lia repeated.
Tokomon shook his fuzzy head. "She's gonna do that the whole time, isn't she?"
~*~
Meanwhile, offstage, the guys were still ogling our cast…well, most of the guys. Matt's gone net-surfing and Takato is being a real pest.
"You're Tai…you're so…Tai. I worship you…can I touch your hair?"
Tai glared at him. "No. Keep quiet or go back to your own set."
Cody peered over Matt's shoulder, eliciting an annoyed sigh from the preoccupied teenager.
"Whaddya doing?"
"Checking my email."
"Why?"
"Because I haven't in a while and Lia said she sent me something."
"Why?"
"To which answer?"
"…Either one."
Matt sighed angrily. "One, because I was busy. Two, because Lia thought I needed to look at something for the website we're building."
"Why?"
"To both?"
"Yes."
"One, I had concerts, school, the possibility of running spring track, and the whole saving the world thing. Two, because Reo and Lia thought it would be fun to have a website to go along with the whole 'Alliance' thing because they have all these pictures and stuff and when they open it they're going to make their readers visit or pain will ensue. And three, what are you on?"
Cody blinked. "Caffeine. And boredom. And lack of a role in many things."
~*~
"Whoa, how did we get back to Sora's house so quickly?" Mimi asked, clutching her forehead since everything seemed to be spinning.
"Jumped us forward about half a tape, made it more convenient," Lia stated. "Hey Sora! We're back! You gonna make us those weapons now or what?"
Sora came out of nowhere, holding a spear. "You got the Escudo? And you're back in one piece? And…is that Ken?"
"Yes on all counts. I replaced Yolei since she was getting to be bothersome. Do you want our Escudo?" Ken asked, pulling his out from the hammerspace in his glove.
Sora made them follow her into a big empty room somewhere in the house, where she undid a couple of clasps on her apron and somehow ended up in a gauzy white dress.
"This is my workroom. I dance around and it magically makes weapons. Don't ask me how."
The girls (and Ken) fork over the Escudo, which starts glowing as Sora dances around.
"…Maybe we should go have a snack or something," Lia said nervously, the Knights backing out of the room slowly.
Meanwhile, outside, the evil Izzy in his giant popover hat waited for the Magic Knights.
"Heheh, I can't wait to get my hands on those Knights. I'll show them, then maybe Takeru will appreciate me more."
He rubbed his hands together evilly, balancing on a floating chunk of Astroturf pulled out of the Super Dome down in New Orleans *cough yeah Patriots cough*.
"Adalante, Hajiro, Vigor, I choose you!" he yelled.
"…And what show are we doing again, Izzy?" Gatomon asked from her booth in the control room.
"Sorry, got a little carried away. Beast, go destroy the Magic Knights!"
Tentomon buzzed out from somewhere, looking slightly drunk…though this is Tentomon, you never can tell what's his beef.
"That was some good nectar," he slurred. Backstage, Wormmon hiccupped.
Izzy shook his head, jangling as his many earrings jangled along with him. "Stupid bug. Tentomon, go and destroy the Magic Knights!"
And Tentomon flew off, excessively slow, and swerving wildly.
Our resident computer expert leaned in towards the camera. "That's the last time I let him go out for drinks with that damn bug p***mon."
~*~
Lia turns towards the camera for just a moment. "Well, because I'm pressed for time, we're going to cheat the rest of this story. Sorry 'bout screwing you over, Rayearth fans, but I don't want to chapter this fic."
Just as Sora finished making her weapons Tentomon burst into the room, growling and hollering drunkenly. The Magic Knights were given their weapons, three spiffy big intimidating swords, and hacked that lurid ladybug into bits and pieces. Sora, who in the anime but not in the manga is supposed to die but because I liked Presea won't, passed out from using too much of her heart to craft the weapons. Mimi glared at the gaping hole in the wall.
"I'll bet you one of Zagato's minions is responsible for that. Let's go, Magic Knights!"
They ran outside where they found Izzy, still standing on his floating dirt clod, sobbing.
"You killed Tentomon! How could you? He was my friend, my best friend!"
"Izzy, he's not really dead," Ken whispered loudly.
"I know, I'm not really crying, you dolt," Izzy whispered back.
Mimi grabbed Izzy by the collar and shook him, really, really hard.
"YOU ARE AN IDIOT!" she screamed as Izzy shuddered from Mimi-induced shaking. "If you cared about your friends, then you wouldn't make them attack Magic Knights like that! God, why are men so stupid?"
Izzy sniffled. "You're right. I should treat my friends better. Thank you, Magic Knight."
Lia exhaled deeply, letting her big intimidating sword retreat into her glove jewel. "Well, one less bad guy to worry about."
"Yeah, but we need to revive the Rune Gods now," Ken pointed out.
"Rune Gods?"
Tokona bounced over, after having his head jewel re-glued. "I'll take you there. Let's go!"
~*~
"NO! They beat Nicki and Koushiro! Damn you Magic Knights, damn you! Miyako, Wallace, you two go off and make sure those awful little knights don't revive the Rune Gods, or we'll be screwed. Got it?" T.K. roared.
Yolei looked indifferent and Willis was trying hard not to fall over in all his Lafarga splendor. T.K. shook his head.
"Why am I surrounded with incompetence?"
~*~
After scene jumps, getting lost halfway through the scene jumps, and a few teleconferences with the incredible holographic Matt mage, the Magic Knights found themselves outside the temple of Celes, the Water Guardian. Lia and Ken started pushing Mimi towards the door.
"Go on, Meems, this is your Rune God," Lia said, kicking at the backs of her knees.
"Why? Why do I have to go first? Why me?"
Ken pointed at the door. "Because it's the Water Guardian. As Umi, your magic is water-based. Therefore, you have to go in and wake the Water Spirit/Rune God."
"We'll be right outside the door. Now go on in there and win one for the home team!"
The doors shut as soon as Mimi stepped through them, leaving the rest of our crew outside.
"Hey Tokona, you have a deck of cards in the hammerspace in your skull?" Ken asked.
Tokomon started tossing random things out from his head jewel, Lia and Ken idly throwing rubber ducks, umbrellas, lawn gnomes, whatever, over their shoulders as Tokona continued his search for a poker deck.
"Magic Knights, I'm gonna keel y'all!"
The girls (yes, Ken has now crossed genders thanks to the magic of Wizardmon) looked up to find Yolei standing in all her Caldina-ish-ness on a branch overhead.
"And you are…?" Lia questioned, hauling out the big impressive Hikaru sword.
"Illusionist Miyako! Lackey-gal of that there Takeru and bad guy that's gonna keel y'all."
A/N: What? It's how Caldina talks!
"Keel…she means kill, right?" Ken asked. Lia nodded. "Thought so. Attack with swords or magic first?"
~*~
Meanwhile, in the Water Shrine, Mimi was having a lovely chat with Celes, as temporarily portrayed by Exveemon.
"Shorry, shweetie, you can't wake me until you prove you're a Magic Knight."
Mimi gaped at him. "What, you mean the armor and the sword don't count?"
"A lot of girlsh waltz through here with shwords and armor, sho it jusht doeshn't mean anything anymore. You gotta prove you're a Magic Knight with what'sh in your heart."
Suddenly, Mimi heard the screams of her companions emanating from outside.
"OMIGOSH! Lia and Ken, my best friends in the whole wide world and Cephiro, who I fight alongside with and got stuck in this terrible fanfic with, are in trouble! I have to do something!"
And with that, she charged out of the temple, swinging her sword. Yolei was using her powers as an evil illusionist to conjure filthy images of herself with respective Magic Knight boyfriends…and even Ken himself in his own case.
"Stop it, Yolei, stop! That's gross! Cut it out! Oh, oh, we did NOT need to see that!"
"WATER DRAGON!"
Yolei got drenched in a flood of Mimi, and glared at her mentor like an angry drowned rat.
Mimi shrugged. "They're my friends and I have to stick up for them."
There was a brilliant flash of light as Exveemon magically came out of the castle and turned into…a Gundam! A girly Gundam! Hey yo!
"Yeah, you proved yourshelf to be a Magic Knight. I'll be back later, when you need me more."
And the Exveemon Gundam disappeared, as did Yolei, who beat a hasty retreat.
"One down, two to go!" Tokona said, coming out of the bushes where he was hiding during the fight.
~*~
We interrupt this already really long fanfic to bring you a short message from…my Muse!
"Look, people, about that Digital Bowl thing…my fault. I'm the muse, it was my idea. Also, regarding Season Four, sorry we forgot to stick on a warning label, again, my fault. And we apologize to Reo that Oakland lost to New England, it's just some kinda freaky thing that once 'Lucky Drew' was out of the picture we stopped sucking at football. However, there are a few things we need to clarify. The most important just so happens to be that Lia hates the Tamers."
Takato and Henry glance up at Matt. "Eh?"
"Yes. She agrees, the plot is clever and original and our two seasons were produced while the staff at Toei was on crack, but she hates the Tamers. Explaining why would take too long at this point. As for Season Three making a return next season, the great goddess Megchan says no. Toei has already started production on Season Four, to be called Digimon Frontier, and it has an entirely different arc to it than any of the previous seasons. Besides, there will be a fat kid. Do you ever see a fat kid in anime? There, that's my beef."
And now we return you to Girl Power! A parody of Magic Knight Rayearth, starring Lia Agianna, Mimi Tachikawa, and Ken Ichijouji.
~*~
Ken looked down. A very, very long way down. A very, very, very, very, very…you get the picture…long way down. (S)he gulped, nudging a pebble lose with his(her) boot.
"Lia, how did we get to the top of this mountain so very quickly?"
Lia shrugged. "The magic of scene jumping I guess. Hmph, I don't know what pronoun to denominate you as now that Wizardmon's played gender-bender."
"Ah, go with girl," Mimi suggested.
They inched along the high ledge on their way to the Wind Temple, where the girls would attempt to waken Windam, Rune God number two. Suddenly Ken tripped over something, sending her…I'm sticking with 'him', Mimi, this is too weird…eh, him sprawling.
"Oh gosh, are you okay, Ken? You almost tripped over that…person?" Lia questioned. Ken poked the person with his boot after he righted himself. "Goodness! It's Daisuke!"
Davis perked up at the sound of Ken's femininely enhanced voice. "Unh, note to self, don't try and fight off High Priest Takeru alone. Hey Lia, Mimi…who's that with you?"
Ken gaped at him. "Daisuke, it's me!"
"Me who?"
"Me Ken me!" he whined, fists clenched. Davis's eyes grew wide.
"Kenmi? Suddenly Mimi's making moves on my man? I don't think so!"
Tokona shook his head. "No, thick skull, that would be Magic Knight Ken of the Wind…only girly cuz Wizardmon made him a girl."
Davis jumped up and took Ken in his arms, much to the nearby Yolei's dismay. "Oh Ken, you've gotten more beautiful than since last we met! But please, for my sake, don't continue this quest, dear Magic Knight. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you!"
Ken shook his head. "Can't. Princess Hikari needs us, Daisuke. We have to defeat Takeru and save her for all of Cephiro."
Davis kissed his girly-boyfriend. "Then just be really, really careful."
He nodded and the girls continued their climb up to the Wind Shrine. Davis stared up after his fleeing love.
"He doesn't realize I'm really Daisuke, Prince of Cephiro and brother of the Pillar Hikari."
Long story short, Ken gets up to the Wind Temple and hangs with our Windam temp Birdramon (painted green for color convenience). Lia and Mimi are magically made by Illusionist Miyako to fight Ken, which he won't do because they're his best friends and he stops them and teaches Miyako that she should use her powers to help the dying Cephiro. She agrees, and Ken gets his Windam Gundam. Miyako subsequently goes off in hunt of Koushiro/Ascot, who happens to be her friend. Lia and Mimi are magically nice-ifyied.
~*~
In a very hot desert thing is where we find the Knights next, trudging along in their armor, tired of screaming and swinging their swords wildly and starting to grow fearful that Cephiro would crumble before they found the last Rune God. Even Tokona was getting bored and threatening to jump ship.
"Hey, that looks suspiciously like a Fire Temple. Looks like we just found ourselves Rune God number three," Ken sighed, sitting down on a rock. Lia nodded and marched in, fearless as usual.
Our Rayearth wannabe just so happens to be Garurumon, due to the fact that Rayearth is a wolf-lion thing and Garurumon is about as good as it gets.
"You know the drill. Thou must prove thyself to be worthy of donning me by what is in thy heart, Magic Knight."
Yes, Gabumon watched Rayearth with me an' Yama-kun. Squee.
There came screams from outside, and Lia hurried to find Mimi and Ken trying to hold their ground against Swordsman Wallace, who has a really, really, REALLY big intimidating sword. Lia jumped in with her intimidating Hikaru sword and starts fighting with li'l Will.
"Why are you attacking my friends? Why would you want to hurt us? Answer me!"
Willis, in a very good Lafarga role, said nothing, looking all scary and possessed. They continued fighting, Lia getting the brunt of the damage. Suddenly, remembering what happened in Rayearth, she threw her sword at Willy. He tried to catch it but it lit on fire because, true to Sora's words, only the Magic Knight the sword was made for can use the sword. Cool, huh? Well, Willis wasn't hurt, but he was certainly startled and snapped out of being possessed. Lia's sword returned to her.
"Oh wow, what am I doing here?" Willis asked. "The last thing I remember, I was guarding Princess Hikari when High Priest Takeru came in and kidnapped her. Then I think he put me under some kind of spell. Maybe."
The girls nodded. "And we're the Magic Knights who get to stop Takeru."
"I see. Good luck. I'm going off somewhere useful. I promise never to raise my big sword against you again. Bye!"
And he merrily pranced off in his adorable Willis way.
"Magic Knight, thou hast proven to be a Magic Knight and thou may don me."
Lia gets a Gundam! A nifty Rayearth Gundam!
The girls' armor transforms into the really awesome armor deals that they get to wear and Ken can ditch the fake glasses because Fuu doesn't wear glasses with this armor. And the girls fly off to meet Takeru in his MKR Gundam, which is big and black and scary.
~*~
Tokona returned to Mage Matt, who has since become capacitated and is standing on another cliff. Nicki died because T.K. got sick of her, and Yolei, Izzy and Willis ran off somewhere. Sora is chilling in her house. Davis is traveling somewhere. Yeah, anyway, back to Matt.
"Oh Tokona, I've made such a foolish mistake. I should have told those girls the whole legend of the Magic Knights."
Tokomon shrugged. "Lia knows it, she knows what's gonna happen. As for the rest of them, they'll find out really soon."
T.K. came out of his floating castle in his big Gundam, wielding a big magic sword. The girls drew their big magic swords as well.
"Magic Knights, your legend ends here!"
"FOR CEPHIRO!" the Magic Knights cried.
And the battle begins. There's sword fighting, throwing of magical powers by each girl piloting their respective Rune God. Finally, they decide that, seeing as how they're friends, they should combine their powers.
"HOLY LIGHT OF CEPHIRO!"
And T.K. blows up. I might point out that that is not what they really called it, but I forget so there. Kari, still imprisoned, knows instantly when T.K. is gone, because she can sense these sort of things, especially T.K. whispering, "Princess Hikari, be free…"
"TAKERU!" she screamed many, many times.
"We defeated the evil High Priest!" Lia cried triumphantly.
"Yeah!"
"Let's go see if we can find Princess Hikari!" Ken suggested.
"And then Cephiro will be beautiful again and we can go back to Tokyo!" Mimi added.
Suddenly a girly Gundam-Rune God appeared, driven by the now insanely evil Kari.
"Magic Knights, I am Princess Hikari of Cephiro, and I shall kill you!"
"WHAT?!"
And another battle starts. The girls don't want to hurt Kari, who's definitely trying to kill them, but she is definitely trying to kill them.
Legendary Magic Knights… Hologram Hikari appears in the sky above.
"That's the Princess Hikari we know!" Lia pointed out. "She must still be trapped. The girl in the Rune God must be an imposter!"
No, it is really I. But Magic Knights, you must listen. I have done a terrible wrong, and that is why I called you to Cephiro.
"I don't understand," Ken murmured.
The Pillar of Cephiro cannot take their own life. I want you to kill me.
"WHAT?!"
Yes. I fell in love with High Priest Takeru, though I wasn't supposed to. That is why I went away, because the Pillar is supposed to pray for Cephiro and Cephiro alone.
"That's terrible!" Mimi gasped.
I know. Now please, kill me and save Cephiro before the part of me that is maddened by the loss of Takeru hurts you all!
The girls cringed. "What do we do?"
"I will kill you with Takeru's sword and avenge his death! Goodbye, Magic Knights!"
"HOLY LIGHT OF CEPHIRO!"
As Princess Hikari perished in the giant explosion, the image of the childlike princess appeared over the sky again.
Thank you, Legendary Magic Knights. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. I go to be with my love, I am happy and free.
There was a blinding flash of light, and the girls found themselves back at Tokyo Tower, hugging each other and sobbing as it began to rain.
~*~
The End.
The cast let out a cheer and stripped out of their costumes and into their usual clothes. Ken was made a guy again, and the set was packed up and sent back to Rayearth. Takato, Henry, and some of the non-participatory guys were sniffling, as were many of the digimon.
"That…was the saddest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen," Henry whimpered.
"You guys were awesome," Joe sniffled.
"I liked Tokona a lot!" Takato sobbed hysterically.
Willis pulled out the official Studio Thirteen clipboard, examining the pages clipped to it.
"Well, we finished. What next?"
Lia grinned. "Rayearth Two, when I finally see all of it. That'll be even bigger and better than this! And stay tuned for the up-and-coming 'Underwear, Tea Kettles, and Kung Fu Fighting,' the awesomely awesome Ranma ½ parody starring Matt as Ranma, Sora as Akane, and a whole lot of other people not yet decided! Keep it here at Studio Thirteen for your psychotic Digimon productions! I'm out!"
~*~
Seventeen pages and a lot of Rayearth went into this.
We really hacked a lot out of the end.
Yeah, but it'll make everyone wanna go out and find Rayearth.
That's Magic Knight Rayearth, everyone.
Review, review, and beware of the Fuu.