Hello.
I know why write this, when you have Kiss 22 to write and update?!
Reason is I was just feeling quite angsty last night, listening to Junsu's 11AM song...mopping around ...T.T...so this is Mako's story behind this song, I imagined him penning it in his thoughts, because Rin and Haru are together...how he gets through the day, putting on a brave smile, where no one can see his hurt...because he loves Haru of course.
Credits to, the um...anime for the cover picture.
That's all.
Xxx
11:05am.
Sunlight streamed though my fingers, I squinted, eyes bleary, it was another day, another day...
Another day...of fake smiles, of fake laughs...arranging my facial expressions to be just so...
My head pounded at the thoughts flashing in my mind...
A touch.
A pat.
A caress.
A kiss...
I hated all of them...but I wanted all of it too.
I dragged myself out of bed, toss the clothes I'd prepared on the chair, grabbing the bedside jug from my side table, I poured myself a glass of water. My trembling hands barely holding it right.
My room, was my santuary, and only place my thoughts could run free...the only place I was me.
Out there, I am the capable brother, the caring friend, and responsible captain.
But...
Just who...
Just who am I to you?
The image of you holding his hand, I pictured my fingers inbetween yours instead.
I imagined us together, my arms around your waist, my forehead against yours, my fingers in your hair, my lips pressed firmly to yours...you in my embrace...but all I see is HIM.
It makes me angry, so hurt, like nothing I've ever known, to silently watch you run to HIS arms...not mine...
To smile and murmur my well wishes...
I think I might go crazy.
You drive me crazy...
I sank heavily onto my bed...
I wish...
I...
...
I wish, I could sink into your arms instead.
Won't you hold me...even in your thoughts...even in your dreams...just once would do...
Just once and nothing more...
A taste.
I crave, a taste to be the centre of your world...
Secretly, secretly...HE will never know...
I only wish to steal in your thoughts, live in the corners of your mind, at least if I cannot have all of you...might I still have the crumbs?
I'll beg for it if I have to, scream it from the bottom of my heart...
I love you don't you see?
Even for the echoes of you I will fall to my knees...and love you...
But there never is any space is there...?
Not even the echoes are for me...
Your presence...I'm not even worthy to feel...
Not even to linger in your shadows...
You...you are with HIM...you are not here, you are not with me.
I slid to the floor, hands in my hair...in despair...
Alas... You are not mine.
Not mine.
The thought cuts deeper than a thousand knives, it squeezes my heart, makes it difficult to breathe, you are my air, my heart clenches, the ache that can never be soothed...
Oh yes it hurts... But I would only hurt for you...
Tears sting my eyes...my hand clutching at my shirt...useless in soothing my broken heart...
You are happy...but my sadness, overwhelming...
It threatens to break me, but I remember...
"Makoto's smile is the best," you said.
So...
I'll smile through the pain, the tears and the emptiness.
Everyday is like a dream...
My room...reality...
You drive me crazy.
But, I love you.
I love you...so much.
But you're not here...
Not now...
Not ever...
Because...
You're there...with him.
11:10AM.
The red dial on the clock flashes.
It's time to dream...
It's time to smile...
It's time to face another day...
I get dressed, straighten my shoulders, dry my tears, and step out the door...
Reality can wait.
Xxx
Well, of course if you read this then thank you for your time :)
I penned this in half an hour, during a study break, hence pardon any mistakes.
If you ever read the translated lyrics to this song, then yes I kept the interpretation quite literal.
I'm off to listen to the song again.
-bows-