Wolf: So one day in English class, my teacher told us to write a fable. I had writer's block, until THIS came to me! Dun dun DUUUUUUHHHHHHH!
Ashfur: Well, fox dung!
Wolf: Is fox dung and mosue dung the equivalent of bull crap?
Jayfeather: What's a bull?
Wolf: Well…( Chugs down energy drink.)
Jayfeather: That's not an energy drink.
Wolf: Huh? (Reads side of bottle.) DANG IT, LIONBLAZE! I SAID ENERGY, NOT ENEMA!
Lionblaze: Sorry!
Wolf: (Chases Lionblaze with licorice whip.)
Jayfeather: Wolf doesn't own Warriors, Camaros, or Dora the Explorer.
Nemesis: Hi guys!
Ashfur: AHHHHH! IT'S TWO PSYCHOS! (Hides in the Sky Oak.)
Nemesis and Wolf: Loser! (Both eat pie.)
Wolf: By the way, cats will act like Twolegs in this story.
Prosecuting Psychos
It was a sunny day in the forest. Red and gold leaves were falling to the ground, and birds fluttered through the air…at least, until said birds smashed into windows of Twoleg nests. Squirrelflight was driving along in her shiny new Camaro, happily humming a tune. The windows were open, and her sleek ginger fur was blowing in the wind. Seeing a stop sign, she braked to a halt. Suddenly Ashfur jumped in fron of her car, brandishing a gun!
Ashfur was a psychotic and idiotic lunatic. Ever since Squirrelflight had supposedly cheated on him, which she hadn't although she had given him quite the beating when he did accuse her, he had been obsessed with revenge.
It's not like anyone could blame Squirrelflight for denying her relationship with him. Ashfur was a hideous freak of nature, and Squirrelflight was what most toms would describe as 'smokin' hot.'
People always said he was a few tacos short of a combination plate. His gray fur was a mess, his blue eyes were wild, and even a newborn kitten would call him a nimrod.
"Get out of the car!" he shouted. "Go on, get out!" Instead of doing the sensible thing, and ramming into him with her car, Squirrelflight took the nice route, and hopped out of the car. She watched as Ashfur drove away in the yellow and black Camaro, cackling insanely.
Squirrelflight made her way back to her house, sobbing. Once inside, she sunk into the cushions of her couch. It wasn't fair! That car hadn't even been insured!
Wait a minute, Squirrelflight thought, what am I doing? I shouldn't be crying! I never cry! I should be getting even with that nincompoop! With a grim smile on her face, Squirrelflight picked up her phone and made a few phone calls.
Three weeks later, Squirrelflight, Ashfur, Wolfshadow the judge, and nearly all of the forest's inhabitants had gathered at the Lake Clans Supreme Court. The locals hadn't had a case like this in a long time, and were eager for some harsh punishment!
It had only taken the authorities a half hour to find Ashfur. He had been cruising along the roads at one-hundred-and-twenty miles per hour, and had crashed into a rather large tree. He had been brought to the court forcefully, and did not look happy to be there.
Everyone had gathered inside, chattering noisily. The prosecutor and her client sat at one table at the front, the defendant at another. The jury lined one wall, and the extra crowd gathered behind everyone. The judge sat at the front.
Wolfshadow, the judge, surveyed the crowd with an annoyed frown. Wolfshadow was…crazy, Not insane asylum crazy, just weird crazy. She had black fur with thin veins of white streaking it, and green eyes.
Tired of the chatter, Wolfshadow banged down her gavel. "Hey, shut up!" Instantly everyone obeyed, for Wolfshadow was quite scary. Wolfshadow gazed down at her script. "Okay, Ashfur, you have been charged with carjacking, armed robbery, and MURDER!"
Gasps broke out among the crowd. This was too much for Wolfshadow, and she burst into laughter. "Dang, I was kidding! Wow! Seriously, though, let's begin! What is the evidence against the defendant?"
The prosecutor, Hollyleaf, rose from her seat. "First of all," she began, "Ashfur had Squirrelflight's liscense plate still on the car he had been driving. Not only that, but the defendant has clearly stated several times in video taped interviews, 'I hate Squirrelflight with a burning passion. This is unacceptable. No one cheats on Ashfur, nobody. I will avenge myself. Her Camaro shall be mine. Mwuahahaha.'In my opinion, THE WARRIOR CODE HAS BEEN BROKEN! THE CODE BREAKERS MUST DIE!!!"
Wolfshadow glared down at Hollyleaf. "Thak you, Hollyleaf, for that dunderhead statement." She turned to Ashfur. "So, Ashfur- wait, where is your lawyer?"
"I-I-I d-don't have one, "Ashfur stammered.
Wolfshadow had a rather evil grin on her cat face. Green eyes with her trademark crazy gleam, she replied, "Very well, I'll find you a lawyer!" Wolfshadow pulled a cell phone out of a non-existant pocket. It took her forty-seven phone calls and a time machine. Five minutes after the last call was made, the courtroom doors burst open, and Ashfur's new lawyer strode in. Ashfur gaped.
"HE'S my lawyer?! He's not even six moons old!" Indeed, Wolfshadow had to have her old buddy Firestar travel back in time and bring in Jaykit, since no one in a fifty mile radius would ever represent Ashfur in a billion years. Once again Wolfshadow had a terrifying smile on her face.
"Now, Jaykit, how do you plead for Ashfur's case?" she asked.
Jaykit, although blind, somehow looked at Wolfshadow with an intelligence that was definitely not normal for his age. One of the reasons why Wolfshadow had hired Jaykit was that he was practically a genius, and that he was secretly conspiring to destroy Ashfur in his evil genius mind, by using his superpowers. Of course, only Wolfshadow and Firestar knew about the powers. Firestar knew because he was the one who had heard the prophecy. Wolfshadow knew because she had read the entire Warriors series. Even the filed guides.
Jaykit cleared his furry throat and began his rant. "I have no argument against these claims. In fact, all evidence points directly to him. He's obviously guilty. I really don't like him. He is a psychopath, and is for sure a few tacos short of a combination plate. He deserves punishment! Can anybody please explain to me why the Dark Forest I had to miss out on the new episode of Dora the Explorer for this?" Jaykit sat down into a squishy chair and propped his feet up onto the table.
Wolfshadow still had that strange and disturbing grin on her face. "Jury?" she inquired. A random jury member stoof up and cleared his throat.
"We find the defendant guilty of all charges!" Applause broke out. Ashfur moaned, and mentioned how he was on 'his time of month,' much to Wolfshadow's amusement. Then the noise died down as the entire courtroom listened intently to hear Ashfur's punishment.
"Ashfur," said Wolfshadow, "your punishment…will be a lifetime ban from Wii, three thousand hours of cleaning up after the elder's poo, and you may only eat mayonnaise for the rest of your lifetime! …Oh, you're going to jail, too. And paying back Squirrelflight for her car."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," whined Ashfur in horror, "not mayonnaise! Anything but mayonnaise! Why?! WHY?!" Two armed guards had to haul Ashfur out of the courtroom, and the applause was once again thundering behind them.
Wolf: Well, there's the story!
Nemesis: Yay, he went to jail!
Jayfeather: Yay, I got to time travel!
Ashfur's distant voice in prison: This is NOT funny!
Wolf: Hee hee hee…review, and I might post a sequel, featuring Ashfur in jail with Tigertsra, Hawkfrost, and Hollyleaf!