Atom: Hello, hello! *waves* This is me, Atom, and I'm here today with Dylan, who claims to be "Max's perfect other half" (*cough* like THAT'LL happen *cough*). We are currently at Dairy Queen, because Dylan refused to talk to me unless I bought him ice cream. *eats m&m's blizzard*
A: So, Dylan, why do you think Max should choose you over Fang?
Dylan: Because I am hot and sexy and love Justin Beiber.
A: O_o
D: ...why are you staring at me like that? Wait, let me guess... uhm...
-five minutes later-
D: uh... uh... uh...
A: *gasps in mock amazement* How did you know?
D: *smirk* I'm just SO COOL.
A: Yeah. Right. *eyeroll* Anyways... so, do you enjoy being a bird kid?
D: YA IT"S LYKE TEH BOMB.
A: ...eh?
D: BEING A BIRD KID IS LIKE SO RADICAL DUDE.
A: Right. *shuffles through notecards*
D: *stuffs faces with ice cream* So whut is teh next question?
A: Why do you like Max?
D: She has the sexiest hair in the universe.
A: ...that's it?
D: um... er... uh... *thinks really hard for a few minutes* ...yeah.
A: So, you don't like her because she's saved the world, spoken in front of the government, can breathe underwater, and is an awesome ruler of the flock? You just like her hair?
D: ...yeah?
A: *exasperated sigh*
D: *shouts to random pedestrians* HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M A BIRD KID AND THAT I AM WAY COOLER THAN YOU?
A: So modest, too.
D: One of my many charms.
A: If you think negative five hundred is many, then yes, you have many charms.
D: OMG I HAVE NEGATIVE FIVE HUNDRED CHARMS? *squeals*
A: Augh! Not the high-pitched squeal! *puts on ear muffs until he stops squealing* Ah, that's better. Dylan, how did you react when you were told Max and you had to... *shudder* start a flock?
D: I was OVERJOYED! Me and Maxi Pad can't WAIT to have kids!
A: *grimace* It's Max and I.
D: Oh, whatever.
A: And, seriously? MAXI PAD? What kind of nickname is THAT?
D: The nickname kind?
A: I will regret this interview for as long as I live.
D: That's not very nice.
A: If you insult me, I will lock you up in a room full of... *dramatic music* FANGirls.
D: AH! NOT THE FAX FANS!
A: Muahaha.
D: PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I'LL DO ANYTHING.
A: Anything, you say? Anything at all?
D: Yes, anything!
A: Okay, never hit on Max again.
D: What? I can't do that! Max is my perfect other half. Of course, I'm the more perfect one, but Max is uber-sexy too, so whatever.
A: ...you're foaming at the mouth.
D: RAWRG. NO I'M NOT.
A: Calm down!
D: RAWURGH.
A: Um... LOOK! *points* It's Justin Beiber!
D: OMG! *runs blindly into wall*
A: *snicker*
D: Ow... what just happened?
A: You ran into a wall.
D: Is that why my head hurts?
A: *sarcasm* No, your head hurts because I'm controlling your brain right now.
D: You are...?
A: Yes. Go get me a frozen yogurt.
D: Okay, master. *wanders off to Yogurtland, the most uber frozen yogurt place EVAH*
A: Yay! Yogurt! But it will probably take Dylan a week to get there and then a few more weeks to remember why he was there and how to get back... hmm.
D: *comes back in* I got you some yogurt.
A: You did? How did you get it so fast?
D: I stole it off some guy in the street.
A: WHAT? *runs outside*
Random dude: SOMEONE JUST STOLE MY YOGURT! RAWR!
A: Uh... here! *shoves yogurt into hands and runs back inside*
D: So, what is my next command, master?
A: ...stop creeping me out. I, uh, have withdrawn from controlling your mind now.
D: WOAH! Someone just controlled my mind?
A: *facepalm*
D: Am I done with these stupid questions?
A: Er, no. Just a few more. What are your hobbies?
D: I like showing off to Max. And printing out Justin Beiber posters from the internet. And singing. *starts to sing* BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIREWORK! COME ON SHOW EM WHAAAAAT YOU'RE WORTH!
A: *puts on earmuffs*
D: *stops singing* Aren't I FABULOUS?
A: Yeah, sure, whatever. Next question - on a scale of one to ten how much do you hate Fang?
D: With ten as...?
A: You hate him with every fiber of your being.
D: 939,057,483,969,036,789.
Random FANGirls: GET HIM, GIRLS! *attacks Dylan with shovels, glitter, etc.*
A: Thank you for reading this FABULOUS, or however fabulous as being with Dylan can be, interview! Brought to you by Atmospheric, Atom for short. Keeping watching out for more humiliating, hysterically funny, awesome, and Fax-y interviews with the Flock. Now, there is a matter of business I must attend to... *starts throwing things at Dylan*
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Maximum Ride... yet. Dylan was not killed in the making of this interview, however he may have a possible skull fracture and other serious injuries. Thank you, FANGirls!
A/N: Fax forever. Reviews are welcome with virtual cookies, etc. Flames are welcome- they keep me warm and toasty at night!