"I-I always got perfect scores at the Ninja Academy, I had memorized all the hundreds of Shinobi rules. All the tests were a breeze. Until one day, this question came up: State Rule #25 of the Ways of the Shinobi. As always, I simply wrote down the answer without batting an eye. A Shinobi must never show his true feelings under any circumstance, no matter what. The mission always comes first. A Ninja must have the strength of character never to shed any tears."
When I was in middle school, I watched anime. Brit watched it with me too, and neither of us is ashamed to admit it. Didn't everyone watch it back then anyway? We just didn't notice that it was any different then some of the random cartoons we would watch on Cartoon Network.
We both had our favorites. Brit's was Digimon. She had an imaginary friend until freshman year because she loved Digimon so much. Mine was Naruto.
Yeah, I know what you're gonna say. Naruto? Really? It got lame after they went to go get Sasuke back from Orochimaru. Well, if you'd just shut up and listen I could get to my point. You done? Great. Yes, I am aware that it got lame after awhile, I heard that it was because they switched writers around that time. Ugh, but you're still detracting from my point.
Anyway, I liked Naruto, my favorite character? Sakura. She turned totally bad-ass after awhile, but somewhere in my little 6th or 7th grade mind I identified with her. Particularly after they fight Zabuza during the first few episodes.
So, Kakashi is pretty much fighting (and winning) against Zabuza while Naruto and Sasuke are fighting Haku. Sasuke collapses and everyone thinks he's dead. Once the mist cleared Sakura and Tazuna run over to him so that Sakura doesn't disobey Kakashi and leave Tazuna, and then she says the line. The monologue that pretty much sums up my whole fucking life:
"I-I always got perfect scores at the Ninja Academy, I had memorized all the hundreds of Shinobi rules. All the tests were a breeze. Until one day, this question came up: State Rule #25 of the Ways of the Shinobi. As always, I simply wrote down the answer without batting an eye. A Shinobi must never show his true feelings under any circumstance, no matter what. The mission always comes first. A Ninja must have the strength of character never to shed any tears."
Since, even somewhere in the back of my head, I still feel like that little girl playing ninja with her best friend. Whenever something happens, that line goes on repeat in the back of my head. It helps.
It was the line going through my head when Hudson outed me in the hallway.
It was going through my head when Coach Sylvester, Mr. Hummel, and Mr. Shue told me about the campaign add.
It was going through my head during the Adele mash-up.
I made eye contact with Brit during the song. She gives me a look, the look saying that I don't have to play as a ninja anymore. That it was okay to cry. Well, it's not Brit.
"A ninja must never show his true feelings under any circumstance…"
"I heard that your dreams came true / Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you…" I sing after I get back in line and dance with the Troubletones, I march to the front, my voice sorrowful, but then at the end of the line I shoot the New Directions my bitchiest smirk and get back in line as Mercedes gets back into her part. We get back into the song and dance for a bit, and then we get to the end.
"The mission always comes first."
I look forward and see Mercedes walking forward and singing her line, she too looking sorrowful.
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead…" Mercedes sings. I bite back tears as I wait for her to finish her line, I look over at Brit, and it's clear that she's given up on admitting that it's okay to cry. She might even be repeating the same line in her head too. I look out at the crowd and see Hudson whisper something to Berry as I wait another second to belt out the last line.
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead…" I finally sing, but then I see Hudson and Berry whispering again. I jump off stage the second the final note ends.
"A Ninja must have the strength of character to never shed tears…"
"What did you just say to her?" I demanded of Hudson.
"I said I thought you were great…" he replied. What a lie.
"You're lying!" I snapped back at him.
"No, he literally just sa—" Berry began, but I cut her off, all I can think of is the red I'm seeing, not noticing the concerned and shocked looks of the Troubletones behind me.
"Did you tell her too?" I demanded.
"Santana—" he began, but I cut him off again too.
"Everyone's gonna know now, because of you!" I growled at him.
"The whole school already knows, and you know what? They don't care!" Hudson announced to the entire Glee club, I notice Kurt's look of confusion, and then anger. Good. People better be pissed at Finn-Fucking-Hudson.
"Not just the school you idiot! EVERYONE!" I scream at him finally.
"What are you talking—" he begins, and finally, my slap to his face cuts him off. And with that final note, I leave sprinting out of the auditorium, finally bending. And sobbing like the little girl that I am.
Fuck principles. I'll cry if I want too.
The next day, I wear my ninja headband around my neck that I got as a crazy middle-school fangirl from Hot Topic. It has Konoha's leaf symbol scratched out. Akatsuki. I just don't care anymore, about Glee clubs or anything. Brit however, seeing mine, apparently has kept her's in her locker. Her's was supposed to be from the Village Hidden in the Clouds, Kumo. She wears her's around her forehead.
"We're ninja…" Brit whispers to me as she holds my hand while we're walking down the hallway. "…no one can bring us down…you'll still be my Sakura-chan." She smiles playfully. I smile back. She'll always be my Naruto.