Author's Notes:
Make sure you read The Bodacious E's Gold Cock Binkie Lincy and Detective Clyde (Finding Lincoln) and Flagg's Big Daddy so you understand why in the heck I'd even write something so stupid haha!
This was hilariously funny and fun to write. Can't say I'm proud of it haha. But I laughed and hopefully you will, too! Just, uh, don't take it too seriously, guys... this isn't my normal writing. ;)
Too many disclaimers to be bothered with.
LIMP DONG KONG
Lincoln "Limp Dong Kong" Loud, strutted into the living room like a self-satisfied rooster. He had on a loose tee, baggy pants that hung down around his knees (plum loaded with coke and mary jane), a dozen gold chains wrapped around his neck, and diamond-studded gold knuckles on both his hands. He twirled his stolen-from-Flagg gold-tipped cane in his hand as he looked at his ten sisters, mom, and dad all in a pretty line.
They were all naked, except for stripper boots and fishnet leggings (plus Lily's diaper).
Limp Dong Kong strutted down to the end of the line, his back bowed and knees bent. His grin revealed his teeth had been rotted out from meth use. He had in a handful of gold teeth in the very front, looking like some smug chipmunk.
He looked up at his dad before turning to the fourth wall.
"You might not believe it but this fucker here-" He bumped his gold-tipped cane into daddy-o's high-heeled, black leather stripper boot. "-is my most sought after commodity."
He spun his dad around to show his big, fat, hairy ass to the screen.
"See this fine piece of pig ass here? I have it contracted out to the state prison over in Detroit. See, this muthafuckin', noodle schlong, hung ass, hen-cucked, cock-stuffin', bitch licker is only good as an ass-man. So, every day he's shackled in one of those goddamn headlocks made for milking cows and they open the doors to the prison yard and let them at 'im."
He spun his dad back around and grabbed the fourth wall viewing camera and gave all the fuckers out there a close up view of daddy-o's pea-sized ding-a-ling. "See this shit? God, what did you have to do, muthafuck the limp tit heifer with a straw?"
Rita sighed. "We had to use a bendy straw cause it couldn't even get straight enough to point in the right direction."
Limp Dong Kong took a step back and spit on his dad's pebble-cock and watched as it boiled away from the toxic venom shit in his spit.
"There, now you're like Michael Jackson, just your dick fell off your pussy instead of the titanic honker on your gorilla maw."
Fighting back screaming tears, Lynn "Ass-Man" Sr. fell on his knees, swishing around in his cock-spit-puddle and laid a kiss on Limp Dong Kong's 25-inch flaccid schlong.
Immediately his limp dong turned into a flagpole, growing to seven feet long and glowing a bright gold on the very tip.
His oldest six bitch ass bruthafuckas lined up, front to back, and held their breath.
Limp Dong Kong lined himself up with Lucy, pushing through her and out the other hole in a single thrust. But he kept going… through Lynn "Ball-sucker" Jr., Luan "Yank Me Harder," Luna "Rock 'n' Fuck Me," Leni "Rape My Dumbass," and Lori "Dickeater."
He thrusted like a jackhammer, throwing the girls around everywhere as his flagpole kept growing and growing until it was the size of a telephone pole.
Each time he thrusted it sent out a shockwave that knocked the women of the world down in doggy-style and each following shockwave fucked their pussy and ass holes as they screamed out Limp Dong Kong's pimp ass name to the heavens.
When he came, his pimp cum gushed out in gallons, shooting through Lucy, Lynn, Luan, Luna, Leni, Lori, and out the other end, flooding the dining room until Lily was covered in his spunk and drowned. All around the world, every woman, girl, and female baby screamed out in ecstasy as his shockwaves came inside their fucked holes.
When he pulled out, his six bitch sisters inflated with his came and groaned.
Limp Dong Kong snapped his fingers and they instantly went into labor pains, popping out six teenage girls like chickens poppin' eggs.
LDK looked at his new cows: Lupa, Lacy, Liby, Lyra, Liena, and Loan.
He turned to the fourth wall and smirked. "Now, this is what you call a fucked up family."
"Well, bitches, put on your stripper boots and fishnets and make Big Daddy Gold Cock Limp Dong Binkie Kong Lincy proud!"
He paused.
"Wait, you hear that, fuckers?"
All around the world every female from the womb to the nursing home was groaning in labor pains.
"Huh, looks like I just doubled my herd of whores. Sweet~"
Just then, he felt a hand reaching into his limp ass pants, trying to steal some mary jane.
And LDK turned around with a crackle of lightning…
Only to see that cartel bitch Ronnie Anne there!
"Dafuq!? I disintegrated your lame ass bitch face with my twelve-nuclear-warhead-powered kong dong hand!"
She grinned guilty as she hurriedly stuffed the weed as far up her nose as her Mexi-bitch fingers could reach.
LDK growled. "Hold her down."
His 18 cows tackled Ronnie Anne down and held her in place.
LDK's 25-inch flaccid ding-a-ling bounced around until he shoved it down her throat, shoving her lungs, heart, kidneys, and liver out of the way to her stomach.
And then he urinated, and kept going, until she literally popped like a fuckin' balloon.
"There! Teach you to gun down my gold cock binkie ass!"
From then on nobody dared double cross Limp Dong Kong ever again. His female cows serviced everything that moved on the planet. And his "ass-man" daddy-o spent the rest of his life in a headlock at Michigan's finest state prison, taking anything that was shoved up his ass and mourning the loss of his lame pea-sized schlong.
Additional Notes:
Are you sitting there wondering why the f*** I'd even write this or like the idea of a pimp Lincoln?
It's hilarious haha!
If you have to ask why I, Flagg, or Bodacious E wrote this stuff, then you've missed the whole point. ;)
On a side note, if you're curious about the daughters of sin they are Lupa (Lucy), Lacy (Lynn), Liby (Luan), Lyra (Luna, she also has a younger brother named Lemy, created by Patanu), Liena (Leni, created by JumpJump), and Loan (Lori, I think created by Patanu.) You can finds tons of artwork about these interesting gals on the tumblrs of captaindarko, graciousdegenerate, theloudhousefan, patanu, and many others.