How to Keep a Toddler Locked in a Tower for Fifteen Years or More
By Judge Claude Frollo and Mother Gothel
A note from your authors: This book has taken years to write and has required tons of first-hand experience before it was ready to come to print. We want to wish all of you who attempt to do such a heinous crime the best of luck with your endeavor, and trust that your attempts will prove more successful than ours.
There are many reasons why one would wish to keep a child locked away from the world; needing to stay immortal, wanting to protect your soul, etc. Whatever the reason, this book will help you deal with the stresses of keeping the child locked away, and how to deal with various situations that may come your way. It will become your lifeline in the troubled years to come.
This helpful guide will show you how to;
Deal with stressful situations when the child wishes to go outside, such as birthdays or festivals.
Provide a list of indoor activities; chores, crafts, music, etc.
Cope with demands to go outside using songs, threats, and demeaning language
Provide many ideal places to keep the child locked away; the list including cathedrals, towers hidden in the forest, and many more!
Deal with strangers interacting with your child, and how to avoid it by using threats, knives, etc.
In addition to all of this, this book includes a poster of possible demeaning insults, ranging from ditzy to monster, and a DVD with real people talking about their real experiences.
"This guide has been influential in my career as an evil stepmother. I now have Cinderella living like a servant, cleaning everything from the bathroom to the porch steps. I couldn't be able to live without my copy of How to Keep a Toddler Locked in a Tower for Fifteen Years or More, especially the section on 'How to Deal in the Adolescent Years'." -An Evil Stepmother
With a five star rating and a New York Times Best Seller, the guide How to Keep a Toddler Locked in a Tower for Fifteen Years or More will be your guide through the treacherous years of raising a child in a tower. Come get your copy now!
A/N: The idea for this story came from a comment on a Youtube video, so the credit goes to River821. Thanks!
Also, reviews are much appreciated and loved. : )