A/N: If you're actually reading this, please check out my new horror fic, The Red Death. It's yummy.
Once upon a time, in a land, far, far away, on the planet Tamaran, lived a beautiful girl named Kori Anders.
Kori was born into royalty… she was the crown princess of her home planet. She was also very talented; she had the power of flight and could shoot starbolts from her hands.
However, many Tamaranians did not like her. Though most people adored her because of her beauty in the public life, her personal life was very terrible. Though she was only fourteen, she often smoked the illegal Cha-Cha plant, was a heavy drinker, and often stole spacecrafts in terrible and violent acts of grand-theft craft.
A small group of people supported her decisions… a cult that aptly called themselves "The Anders Family". These people thought Kori to be the Tamaranian messiah, who would give everyone free love and lead them to salvation. Of course, this was not the case, for the family had committed the murder of the famous Tamaranian play actress, Ja'karon Rate.
(A/N: If you know what event in history I'm basing this off of, tell me and you get a Triforce90 Cookie!)
Of course, such acts caused by the family were not acceptable, and Kori and the family were turned in to the Tamaranian police. However, a single murder was not a serious charge. The family was let go with a slap on the wrist.
The family was later then arrested that evening for having a toga party without a license. They were sentenced to five months in prison.
After their release, the family continued their parade of terror by next stealing a blurpleberry lollipop from a two-year old female. The mother, who witnessed the crime, immediately reported the family to the Tamaranian mob. It was then the mob's job to track down the leader of this cult and kill him or her.
Kori found out about this plan and knew that she must leave the planet in order to prevent her premature death. Using her craft-theft skills, she hopped into a Bee-Em-Double-You and zoomed off into the infinite mass of space above her.
She decided that the distant planet Earth would be the best place to hide… It was very, very far away from her home planet, and it sounded like a very nice place. However, she did not know anything about its culture. Landing in the city of Jump, she hoped that she would easily learn the ways of the planet. Unfortunately, this was not as easy as she hoped it would be; people ate strange foods, wore strange clothes, and listened to strange music.
At a coffee house in a dark alley, Kori met an equally dark girl named Raven, who had just finished playing the bongos and reading poetry onstage. Thinking quickly, Kori decided that she must act innocent. This girl may have heard about Kori Anders and the Anders Family, and if she found out that her new friend was the actual Kori, she and her family were in big trouble.
The girl named Raven seemed to have known she was a Tamaranian, due to the fact that she wore Tamaranian clothes and had typical Tamaranian traits. Then, to her surprise, Raven asked if she had any special powers. Kori told the girl that yes, she did, and the girl asked if she was willing to devote herself to ridding the city of evil. Realizing that this might be a good opportunity to give free love, she accepted and became part of a crime-fighting team called the Teen Titans.
After Kori had displayed the other members of the team her fighting powers, they all agreed to give her the new name of Starfire. The reason why was unknown to her… But hey, it was a new name.
It was then that Starfire began her new life.
(A/N: Purists, go ahead and flame.)
It was a typically dry Saturday… Jump City had been experiencing a large drought for the past three months. Though there was hardly a blade of grass in the city proper, the park and surrounding forest were all burnt to a crisp, unable to take the lack of water. Indeed, it's as if a fire had started and turned everything brown.
Most of the city's residents didn't really care, however, for they had many other things to worry about. Such examples would be how they should wear their hair, what to eat next, and what CD they should listen to in their car radio. The latter started much mayhem, for the residents were too stupid to not know that looking at something else instead of the road while driving was dangerous. Many car crashes followed, most of them fender benders.
However, such minor accidents brought out the worst in people, and violent crimes followed in the process. Such crimes would be those of road rage, where the receiver of a fender bender would set fire to the other's car. Due to the mass drought, this was not a wise decision, especially if the fender bender took place next to the park or the forest. They most often did.
Most people know that fire and dry shrubbery can lead to a mass fire of doom. This fact was reestablished after the mass fire of '05, which quickly burned down the entire park. The park could've been saved, but there had been a ban on using hoses due to the mass drought. Anybody that used a hose and wasted water would have to pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars. The fire department, whose entire stock of capital had self-combusted due to a freak heat wave, could not afford to waste water and pay the fine. Their only choice was to watch the blaze while they appropriately roasted marshmallows and sang campfire songs backed up by a 12-string acoustic.
Fortunately, the fire ended, due to the fact that all grass had been burned and, since the surrounding concrete couldn't, the fire had no choice but to put itself out. After the fire, the park pretty much looked the same as it had before, due to the fact that it had been so dry.
This incident scared many people, so, along with the hose ban, a burning ban was established as well. This ban would not allow anyone to burn trash, firewood, or propane/natural gas near the surrounding forest. If the following action(s) was/were committed, the person must pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars.
Due to the fact that Jump City's electricity relied on natural gas (in order to somewhat decrease the pollution coarse particulates in the area), nobody had anything to do. The use of natural gas indeed saved money, but if any electricity was used, a person would have to give up seven-hundred dollars. Due to the mass heat wave, all paper currency had unfortunately exploded, shriveling up to a black wad of ash. The silver dollar returned.
In another case of bad luck, the heat wave caused the silver dollar to become extremely hot. Therefore, people could not hold the currency without screaming in pain. Another law was created, forcing a citizen that carried money to wear extremely thick rubber gloves (provided by the government) and, as an extra precaution, carry wooden tongs to handle the money.
It wasn't until a week later that people realized that if they could hold wooden tongs without the tongs getting hot, why didn't they use wooden currency? Another law was created, ordering people to turn in wood items that were no longer needed. These wood items were then whittled into currency and distributed to the people.
Unfortunately, many people received splinters from carrying the wooden currency. A large series of lawsuits were placed upon the government, and wooden currency was no longer allowed to be used. Instead, the people would use high-density plastic. The plastic itself would be provided by billiards balls.
However, billiards balls proved very hard, if not impossible, to whittle into currency. Therefore, the balls would be used as they were. In example, the yellow "one" ball would be used as a one dollar bill. Large coin purses were created for the people, and everything went smooth for a while.
Because of the use of billiards balls, the use of cents was no longer allowed. If an item had cost $1.50, a person could not pay a "one" ball and half of a "one" ball. Instead, the prices would be rounded up to the nearest digit; the price would then be $2.
A problem was then started when a young woman, Cynthia Jones, an African American school teacher, wanted to buy a bag of M&Ms (which now melted in your hand before they could melt in your mouth). Due to the fact that no cents could be used, the bag of candy cost Jones a "one" ball. Jones was outraged at the price and demanded to be given the bag of candy for free. After the shop owner refused, Jones attempted shoplifting but was unsuccessful, due to the fact that the candies had melted in her hand. The hot chocolate gave Jones a third-degree burn and, doing the right thing, she sued the Mars and Mars candy company and the store cashier for carrying the product.
When the court system denied her lawsuit, Jones accused the system of racial prejudice. She then started a picket line at the court house, along with her best friend, Katherine Brown, and her dog, Fluffy. The picket line was broken up by the fire department, who had managed to push Jones and Brown out of the way. Brown ordered Fluffy the dog to attack the fire department, and, out of instinct, the fire department used a hose on the dog. The picket line was officially broken.
However, because of the hose ban, the fire department had to pay a fine of seven-hundred dollars worth of billiards balls. For an even amount, the fire department gave the government fifty "fourteen" balls, which, by order of the mayor, were hung by golden chains from the ceiling in the town ballroom. This added a nice decoration of green, white, and gold.
However, due to the fact that the chains were of low quality, the chains broke, and the billiards balls fell to the marble floor. Unfortunately, this happened during Oktoberfest, where the city celebrated its German roots. While a man on the accordion played wildly for many people dancing while wearing lederhosen, the green and white billiards balls fell from the ceiling and conked many people on the head. They went into comatose, and the families of the victims ordered that billiards currency would be discontinued.
While the use of leather currency was being discussed in the town hall, people stayed in their houses, using no electricity and not going out for any reason. This led the people to think about many things. One common topic was "Why isn't it raining? Our city is a harbor, for Pete's sake! We're right next to the ocean!" People then were concerned that this was because of the melting of the polar icecaps, which could be causing the currents of the ocean to be running amuck.
Environmentalists, arriving from the surrounding cities in their large private jets (and refusing to believe that an environmentalist owning a private jet was extremely ironic), were sent to the Arctic to try and do something. The citizens are now waiting for a report on just how they plan to restore the ice caps.
And then it rained.
While most people complained about their plans being ruined because of the rain, other people were celebrating. Such people included a young girl named Starfire, who lived at least fifty miles away from the city proper in a large tower in the shape of a T.
"It is raining!" she shouted aloud to no one in particular. She had just been in the kitchen, stirring a pudding, and then putting it in the refrigerator to keep it cool. As she began to make her way up to her room, she had heard a loud crash outside and looked out a window to see that, to her surprise, it was raining buckets.
"It's really coming down now, huh?" asked a voice from behind.
Turning around, Starfire saw her good friend Beast Boy, who had just come up from the garage. She could tell because of the large amounts of motor oil on his face and sleeves.
"Indeed!" she responded. "All that was once dry will be restored! We must do something to celebrate."
"People don't really just celebrate because of rain," said Beast Boy. "Besides, what would we do? We're not supposed to use electricity or burn anything, and –"
"But we do it anyway, do we not?" asked the Tamaranian alien.
"Shh!" shushed Beast Boy. "You know that's a secret!"
Indeed, Starfire knew. She had found out by her friend Robin, and while he had expected the rest of his team to be following the rules, they had secretly been acting as if no bans had been established (this would explain why Starfire just put a pudding in a refrigerator). If Robin had known this happened he would have been extremely upset. They were often reminded of his wrath when they saw the large whip-like scars on their stomachs or backs during certain parts of the day.
"When do you think the bans will be lifted?"
"No idea. I guess when it's been raining for a long while. I'm getting tired of carrying around those clunky balls… I've already spent all of mine. The only balls I have left are… Well, I plan to keep those two."
"How much are they worth?" asked Starfire.
"Oh, a lot, I guess you could say."
"What numbers are they?"
"Uh…" began Beast Boy, looking slightly nervous. "'Six' and 'nine'?"
"But friend, I do not understand! Is that not equivalent to fifteen dollars? Would you not like to buy a musical compact disc or something?"
"Because I'm… uh… 'attached' to them."
"How so?"
"I LIKE THEIR COLORS, OK?" he shouted, pulling out a 'six' and 'nine' ball. "The 'six' is so green and shiny… And the 'nine', it's so cool with its little yellow stripe…"
(A/N: Wow. How messed up.)
Starfire, a little freaked out by her friend's sudden attachment to his money, left her friend to rub his cheeks on the hard plastic. As she returned to the kitchen to check on her pudding, she saw her friend Raven.
"Friend, do you wish to go to the city with me to celebrate the return of rain? We could perhaps go shopping!"
Raven just responded by reaching into the refrigerator. She pulled out Starfire's pudding, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and handed it to Starfire. "It's ready," she said.
"Thank you," said Starfire, accepting the pudding.
Raven reached back into the refrigerator and pulled out an apple, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and handed it to Starfire. Starfire accepted it, then watched as Raven reached back in the refrigerator. She pulled out a tub of whipped cream, opened the top, sniffed it, grimaced in disgust, and then closed the door. Grabbing a spoon, she dug it into the whipped cream and put it in her mouth.
"Good," she said, nodding her approval to the tub of whipped cream.
"I am happy you are satisfied, but you did not answer my question."
"What was it?" asked Raven, getting more whipped cream.
"I asked if you would like to go to the city with me in celebration of it raining."
"Sure. I have a bunch of billiards balls I need to spend."
"Marvelous!" shouted Starfire, clapping her hands. "Where shall we go?"
"Well, we could go to the mall, I guess. There's a sale going on at Victor…" Raven ended her sentence quickly. "…Victor's Ice Cream Parlor," she said, making a large recovery.
"I do not remember Victor having an ice cream parlor," said Starfire, sounding slightly confused. "Is it… new?"
"Uh…" began Raven. "Yeah, it's been around for a long time, but some time ago they changed the name to Baskin Robbins."
"Oh! I know of the place!" said Starfire, beaming.
"Great. Then you wouldn't mind if we buy several tho… Um… Ice cream cones."
"No! I would most enjoy it!"
"Sure," said Beast Boy from the living room. "And try not to get too many 'ice cream cones', Raven."
Raven scowled while Starfire looked confused. Of course he would say something like that…
"Thank you so much for treating me to the ice… AAAAAH!"
"I told you Starfire, if you keep eating it that fast your brain will hurt."
It had been three minutes since the girls had left Victor's Ice Cream Parlor/Baskin Robbins. Raven, who had ordered a coffee flavored ice cream with a Gummy Bear topping, was very surprised that they were actually having a sale. Starfire, who had ordered a cheesecake flavored ice cream with pretzels, had to constantly keep putting her hand to her forehead and gasping, due to the fact that she had nearly devoured her ice cream in three bites.
It had been raining for over three hours now. While the parched grass in the forest soaked up nearly twenty inches of rain, the hose and burning bans had been lifted. Billiards balls still had to be used as currency, but plans to restart the use of the dollar bill were being set into action.
The girls continued their mall browsing in silence, still taking the occasional lick of ice cream (well, Raven licked, while Starfire bit) and merely glancing at some of the things that were on sale. JC Penny was having a penny sale; hundreds upon thousands of old, new, Canadian, American, and other pennies were all on sale.
"People are selling pennies now?" asked Raven, stopping to look at the shiny copper. "That's retarded. What kind of idiot would want to… Star, take your face off the window. It's not very appealing."
"But Raven!" said Starfire. "They are so shiiiny..."
Raven rolled her eyes.
"Can I have one?"
"No."
"But they're only one…"
"No."
"Okay…"
The girls continued to walk, Starfire moping about her loss of an opportunity to buy something exotic for her room. She then broke the silence, however, when she saw something that caught her eye.
"Look Raven!" she said, pointing. "Victoria's Secret is having a sale!"
Raven hurriedly turned to look, saw the store, and said, nervously, "Uh… How about that?"
"What a coincidence that both Victoria's Secret and Victor's Ice Cream Parlor/Baskin Robins would have a sale on the same day!"
"Uh… How about that?" repeated Raven.
"Come! We shall go inside!"
Before Raven could do anything, Starfire grabbed her hand and dragged her into the store.
After about five minutes of walking, looking, and feeling, Raven began to relax. She had indeed wanted to go into the store, she was just a little nervous about shopping with someone. Then, realizing that Starfire was a fellow girl, she knew she could relax and have nothing to worry about.
"What do you think about this, Raven?" asked Starfire, holding up a very skimpy piece of lingerie.
"It's a very skimpy piece of lingerie," said Raven, suddenly feeling a tad redundant for some reason or another. "I wouldn't say that black is your color, though."
"Perhaps you are right," said Starfire, looking at the lingerie. Then, handing it to Raven, she said, "You go try it on."
"What?" asked Raven. "I don't want it!"
"But we are at a sale!" said Starfire, putting a lot more emphasis on the word "sale" than needed. "We are supposed to buy things without a purpose, correct?"
Raven thought about this for a while. "Yeah," she finally answered.
"Then go try it on!"
"But…"
"DO IT!"
The store, which previously had a quiet murmur of voices, became silent as all eyes became fixed upon the two odd looking girls.
"Okay…" said Raven, a little more high-pitched and nervous sounding than usual.
Raven walked quickly to the changing rooms near the back of the store, not wanting to invoke more Tamaranian wrath. She quickly stepped inside, closed the door, and locked it.
Not wanting to spend more time than she needed to, Raven quickly threw off her clothes and covered her nakedness with the lingerie. It covered every curve of her body; from the hips to her chest, nothing was left…. nothing… eadlfjaecpewj
(A/N: Wow. Sorry. I must've passed out. Ugh… Yep. I've got a nosebleed. Bad me! Bad!)
Anyway, the lingerie was now on. Raven admired herself in the mirror, making sure that she observed herself from every angle. Once she had done so, she sat down on a little bench that stuck out from the back wall. Noticing that practically all of her leg was showing in the reflection, she tried to look seductive and did that little sexy… bite… thing…
She then noticed a pair of obviously placed eye-holes cut out of the same wall that held the mirror. Realizing that she was being watched, Raven went up to the eyes and jammed her finger into the holes. As she had expected, there was a yell of pain.
"Geez, Raven! You didn't have to do that!"
Raven shrieked as she saw a green head reveal itself from another stall. Apparently, Beast Boy was standing on another bench to look over.
"HOLY CRAP!" shouted Raven, quickly covering herself with her blue cape. "BEAST BOY!"
"Uh… Hi, Rae," said Beast Boy, waving meekly.
"HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE?" asked Raven, red with both embarrassment and rage.
"Um…" began Beast Boy. "Well… I peed myself."
"YOU SAW IT ALL?" shouted Raven, no doubt attracting attention.
"Yes… Yes I did."
"I'LL KEEL YOU!"
Beast Boy shrieked and left the stall, barely dodging a blast of dark energy.
"I will never forgive you for this, Beast Boy."
Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire were now at the checkout line. While Raven and Starfire put their items down on the counter, Beast Boy felt extremely out of place, noticing how many women were staring at him.
"That'll be a total of $45 dollars," cheerfully said the cashier.
"Pay it," said Raven, scowling at Beast Boy.
"I only have fifteen, and they're my lucky…"
"Give it to me."
Beast Boy whimpered as he handed her his "six" and "nine" balls. Raven took them, placed them on the counter, and then pulled out two "fifteen" balls.
Beast Boy sighed as he watched his balls get placed in a cash register. "I never thought I would ever have to buy lingerie."
"You wouldn't have had to if you could've kept your hormones under control."
"Friends," began Starfire, "I am a little 'in the dark'. What has happened?"
"Nothing," said Raven. "But now Beast Boy's going to buy us drinks, isn't he?"
"I don't have any moneys," said Beast Boy, revealing his empty pockets.
"Okay then. Starfire's going to buy us drinks since I had just bought our stuff, and then you'll pay her back twice as much."
"Okay!" said Starfire, cheerfully. Beast Boy pouted.
The cashier finished putting the items in the bag, then said, unexpectedly, "Would you like to buy a lottery ticket?"
Raven and Beast Boy looked at the cashier in confusion while Starfire had a look on her face that said "Should I?".
"Why are you selling lottery tickets?" asked Beast Boy.
"We're in alliance with the national lottery committee," said the cashier, grinning. "Would you like to buy one or not?"
"So you're sinking yourself down to the level of 'quick mart'?" asked Raven.
"Uh… Yes. Would you like to buy one or not?"
"I would!" said Starfire, who had apparently made up her mind.
"Wonderful!" beamed the cashier. "Would you like a number pick ticket or a scratch off ticket, which now doubles as a 'scratch and sniff'?"
Faint Jeopardy music played while Starfire put a hand to her chin. Raven, Beast Boy, and the cashier looked around in confusion, wondering where the music was coming from.
"I'll take a scratch off ticket, Alex," said Starfire as the music ended.
"My name's Melissa," said the cashier. "And that'll be a dollar."
Starfire grinned as she pulled out a "one" ball, handed it to Melissa, and then received a ticket. As she grinned and looked at it in satisfaction, Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa looked at her as if waiting for her to do something.
"Well?" asked Raven. "Aren't you going to scratch it off?"
"Oh!" said Starfire. "Yes!" She continued to look at it. "Um… Could you help me?"
Raven sighed as she grabbed Starfire's index finger, pointed the nail towards the shiny silver film and rubbed it against it. Starfire apparently got the picture, noticing the silver film starting to come off.
"There!" said Starfire, noticing her work. "That wasn't so bad!"
"No," said Beast Boy. "And you have only two more to do."
Starfire looked back at her ticket, noticing that she indeed needed to remove two more blocks of silver film.
"Oh…" she said, going back to work. The second film was removed, then the third. Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa all strained their necks to see what was on the ticket.
"I have three gold bars." She then smelled the ticket. "And it smells like oranges. What does that mean?"
"It means…" said Melissa, somewhat in awe. "You won the jackpot. The orange thing is just a… smell."
Beast Boy and Raven stood there in an awe that matched Melissa's. Starfire beamed.
"Glorious!" she said. "What is the jackpot?"
"Last time I checked, it was over five hundred million dollars."
(A/N: Aren't I just the cheapest little son of a)
"Whoa," said Raven, interrupting the Author's Note. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah," nodded Melissa, still in shock. "Your friend here just won the entire lottery."
As soon as the word "lottery" escaped the cashier's mouth, around thirty reporters flooded the store, pushing innocent shoppers either out of their way or down to the floor. They soon surrounded Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, and Melissa, and the four shielded their eyes as many bright lights escaped from cameras.
"Starfire, how does it feel to win the lottery?" asked a reporter in a red dress.
"Um…" said Starfire, pushing a microphone out of her left nostril. "Exhilarating?"
"What do you plan to do with the money?" asked an old man in a trench coat.
"I guess I will divide it evenly between my friends," said Starfire, whose pupils were now the size of a tick due to the bright lights. "I care for them very much and do not wish to be greedy."
"Dude, Starfire," began Beast Boy. "It's your money. You don't have to give it to us."
"No?" asked Starfire.
"No," continued Beast Boy. "You would just wallow in guilt instead, knowing that you could've made your friends happy."
Raven glared at the changeling, but before she could say anything, Starfire said, "Then it is settled! I will split the lottery between me and my friends!"
"OOOH! OOOH! LET ME TOUCH THEM!" came a voice from the crowd.
A teenage girl that wore less clothing than Mariah Carey came waddling up to the three, managing to push her way through the reporters.
"Oh!" said the girl, grabbing and shaking Raven's hand. "I've never touched a rich person before!"
"Big deal!" said Beast Boy. "I got to see her nude!"
Well, that's it for the first chapter. Review and you'll have a girl in skimpy clothing come up and freak out about getting to touch you!