Puberty and Synergy
Plot Summary- A series of one shots Kurt and Blaine and how they work together to handle their kids going through puberty. Don't necessarily have to read Ours/Dreams before you read this but it might be a little confusing.
Note: Does contain a tiny bit of spoilers for Dreams (nothing big, just little things like Rachel's 2nd baby's gender and name). But incase you haven't read Ours or aren't currently reading Dreams; here are a low down of the kids and how they came to be. All three of them were surrogate babies carried by Rachel using Santana's eggs.
Court Jaden Hummel-Anderson: Kurt's biological son. He's technically speaking the oldest (he and Aimee are fraternal twins). Loves sports and some nerdy things.
Aimee Blaine Hummel-Anderson: Kurt's biological daughter. She's the second oldest. She loves fashion and girly things. Takes a lot after Kurt.
Stefani Rae Hummel-Anderson (born Dalton Harry Hummel-Anderson): Blaine's biological daughter with Santana. Born a boy but is transgendered and living as a girl. Loves to sing and dance just like her fathers.
So with that all out of the way, I hope everyone enjoys the story!
'Those' movies and 'That' talk
Today was supposed to be a lazy day. A Saturday with no kids since Finn and Rachel had taken their kids along with their own on a camping trip since little Maria was now old to go. Kurt and Blaine had opted not to go and instead spent a romantic Friday night together. Now, he was going to take the day to sit back, be lazy, maybe read one of his old Harry Potter books.
That was until Kurt shrieked. "BLAINE! GET IN HERE NOW!"
The sound came from their office. Blaine leaped up from the couch and managed to stub his toe on the end table. He cursed but rushed because it sounded like Kurt was in danger.
He grasped onto the door, flinging it open. "Kurt?" Kurt was standing away from the computer. Face paler than usual and expression heavy with horror. Otherwise, he looked completely fine and unharmed. Blaine tilted his head. "Kurt, are you alright?"
"I-I-No-I…Blaine, look at the computer!" Kurt's fingers shook as he woke their computer from its sleep. Blaine limped over and sat down in the chair. Taking a look at the screen. Everything made a lot more sense when he did.
The screen was covered with pop-ups of naked women. Pop-ups of people in the middle of having sex. Could see a video of a woman moaning but Kurt must have turned the sound off after a while. Hell, even the little arrow was something provocative. It was so overwhelming that Blaine actually thought Is that porn?
Another video popped up. Yeah, defiantly porn.
"Kurt, how did this happen?"
"How the hell should I know?" Kurt growled, fingers grasping at his sides. "I just turned on the computer to check on my email and this…" Kurt hissed with disgust as he gestured to the computer. "All popped up!"
"I've seen this before. It's a virus that you can get from going on porn sites." Blaine explained. He could feel Kurt's icy cold glare staring directly at the back of his head. "Because Cooper and I shared a computer when we were younger, Kurt."
"Mhm, sure it was."
"I was always careful about where I looked up my porn, thank you very much. Besides, this is all straight porn so I didn't do it." Blaine looked over his shoulder and shot him a cheeky grin. "Unless you need me to prove my innocence."
Kurt cocked his hips and crossed his arms. "You know, I'm glad you can joke about this. I, on the other hand, have been scarred for life and our computer is broken."
"It's not broken. We'll just have to reformat it. We'll probably lose all the files we had on there though." Blaine said, already starting the process.
"Whatever just…get that off of there. How did this happen? Obviously neither of us did it!"
"Well, Finn was here yesterday… but he wouldn't actually look up porn on our computer would he?"
"If Rachel found his stash and he got desperate enough, he would." Kurt grumbled, tapping his boots together. "But he was only here long enough to pick up the kids. He was never even out of my sight—he was too busy with Maria."
Blaine paused as he realized who it must have been then. Especially since he knew…"Court was on the computer yesterday..."
Just when he thought Kurt couldn't look any more horrified, his husband's jaw dropped. "No…No, he wouldn't."
"Kurt, he's thirteen."
Kurt started pacing, placing his fingers in his ears. Singing as loud as he could. "Not my baby, no, no, not my baby. He's too young. La-la-la. Not my baby! He wouldn't do this. Not my baby."
Blaine just sat back and watched Kurt. Years of experience had taught him that it was best to let Kurt get it all out before he tried to talk to him again. Eventually, about halfway through the reformat (which wasn't exactly a fast process) Kurt stopped and just stood in the middle of the carpet.
"Are you done?" Blaine asked. Kurt sighed and nodded. "Kurt, he's thirteen years old, a boy, and there for has urges. Did you really think he'd just be innocent for rest of his life?"
"No…" Kurt admitted softly. "I was just hoping he'd be so until he was 30. Or at least, that I didn't know about it until then…or ever" Kurt sat in the chair they kept in the corner, a loud groan coming from out of his mouth. "Blaine, my baby boy looks at porn. Oh my god, if he looks at it, he probably masturbates to it too!"
"Yeah probably." Blaine admitted, shifting uncomfortably. "So….How do we deal with this?"
"My opinion? Let's just reformat the damn thing and never talk about it again." Kurt's baby penguin showed for the first time in years. Honestly, Blaine didn't know it was possible for a man to 41 and still find sex to be such an uncomfortable. Granted, this time it wasn't about Kurt or their relationship, but their teenage son. Blaine himself couldn't help but cringe at the idea of having to talk to Court about this, but they had to.
"We can't do that. Think about it—he lives with two gay men and two girls. It's already hard enough for him to come to us about this kind of stuff. I don't want Court to get a girl pregnant because he didn't have a clue about sex."
Kurt rubbed a hand over his face but nodded, knowing his husband was right. "That, and I really don't want a repeat of this. I guess you no choice but to talk to him."
Blaine gave Kurt an incredulous look. "Excuse me? You mean we."
Kurt shakes his head frantically. "No way! You get this one! This sounds like a bro thing and we both know you were always one of the bros, Blaine. Besides, who had to buy Mimi pads when she had her first period? Where the was 'we' there, huh?"
"Kurt, don't even. I've bought just as many pads as you have since then. You were just unlucky enough to hear it from her." Blaine's eyes become pleading. "I can't do this by myself. We have to do this together."
"You're right." Kurt reluctantly agreed. This wasn't exactly fun for him but he knew as awkward as it was them it'd be ten times worse for their son. It was important for both his father's to be supportive and try to make sense for him, even if it turned out to be one, big mess.
"Thank you." Blaine says before adding. "So, um…what in the world do we say to him?"
Kurt snorted. "Hey son, Papa and I found out just how much you love boobs." Kurt shrugged when Blaine glared at him. "Well, thanks to you, my sex talk with my dad consisted of him telling me not to throw myself around and him giving me a pile of pamphlets. What did your parents do to talk to you about sex?"
Blaine forced a chuckle. "My parents? Talking to me about sex? Hilarious… No, I got my sex-talk from Dalton's very serious health class, taught by the creepy teacher who we were sure never had sex himself. The rest I learned on my own…with Cooper's occasionally input."
"No!"
"Yes." Blaine said very seriously. He took on a deeper tone, trying to do an impression of Cooper. "Little brother, you should know that Anderson's are hot-blooded males, put on this earth to please women, or in your case men. As your brother it's my duty to make sure you don't let down the family when you finally decide being a virgin is highly over-rated. Further more…"
"Stop! No! Wow…I think I'm going to call my dad later and tell him I love him…" Kurt said. Thankful his father was so uncomfortable about talking to Kurt about sex and for being brave enough to talk about it. He took a deep breath. "Alright …We're two reasonable, open-minded adults. This will be a piece of cake."
"Right…We can handle this."
()
Kurt prayed. No really, actually prayed to god that Finn and Rachel would call and ask them if they could stay another night at the campground. Just to give him a little more time to try and think of what to say. He and Blaine had been rehearsing what to say all night together—giving one another constructive criticism and trying many different techniques. Kurt even emailed Emma Schuester to ask her if she had any pamphlets by chance…She sent him over 23. They were about as prepared as they could be but Kurt still wanted more time.
No such luck. Today, the kids came rushing through the door almost right on time. "Papa! Daddy!" Stefani flung herself into Blaine's arms and he lifted her up so she could wrap her legs around him and hug him. She then did the same thing to Kurt, letting him spin her. Pretty much as excited as a ten-year-old was expect to be. Aimee looked relatively pleased with the experience despite all her hesitation about going and actually insisting they go to a thrift store to 'pick out some camp-proper clothes'. Even Court looked relaxed after the long trip, launching into a story about the huge fish he and Finn caught. Kurt smiled and pretended to listen to the story as if they weren't seconds away from engaging in a sex talk with their son. After about a half hour of family time, the kids went to their separate rooms to unpack and to have some alone time. Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and inhaled sharply.
"I guess now?"
"Might as well." Blaine said, though he sounded just as nervous. They manage to push each other to Court's door. Blaine's about to just open the door when he remembers why exactly they're having this talk and knocks instead. "Court? Could we come in for minute?"
"Yeah sure." The door opened to the slightly messy room. Court was laying across his stomach his bed, watching a video (at least, Kurt hoped it was just a video) on his phone. His long legs kicking up every so often. His dark eyes didn't look up from the screen as his hair, a little shaggy from being out in the wilderness, was brushed away from his face. "What's up?"
Blaine heard the scratch of his son's voice. Just in mid-change. It looked as though he wouldn't inherit his father's countertenor abilities. Yet his voice was still stuck in the awkward boy-man phase. It reminded Blaine of just how young he was. "Court baby, put the phone away for minute please, Papa and I need to talk to you." Kurt asked him gently. Court looked up and gave Kurt a weird look before turning off the video on the phone and setting it on his nightstand.
"Um, okay…" Court sat up, making room for his two fathers' on the bed. Kurt and Blaine released hands and walked over, each of them sitting on either side of Court. Kurt rethinks this strategy and decides to stand and lean against his son's dresser so they wouldn't crowd the boy. There were a few minutes of nothing. Court, still confused as to what was going on, was the first to break it with a shrug. "So, what did you guys want to talk about?"
Blaine looked up at Kurt. His face was completely pale and while his mouth was open, no sounds came out. Blaine decided if they were ever going to get through this, he'd have to start. "Look Court, I'll be frank with you. Saturday morning, your dad tried to get on his computer but couldn't because of a virus…. A virus from a certain kind of website."
Court's face lights up in understand before he quickly flushes. With a groan, their son buries his head in his hands. "Oh god. Oh god. Oh god."
"My sentiments exactly." Kurt murmured before getting jabbed by Blaine.
"We want you to know there's nothing to be embarrassed about and it's perfectly natural for someone your age to indulge in these things." Blaine continued. Court managed to lift his head, giving Blaine a weird look.
"Nothing to be embarrassed about? My dad's found out I look up on their computer; I have every reason to embarrassed!"
Kurt wants to give his son a high-five but settles for a light laugh instead. Blaine just shoots him a glare, motioning for Kurt to take over. Instantly, the look of humor falls from Kurt's face but he accepts the challenge. "Maybe in this case, there's something to be embarrassed. What your father is trying to say is that…that…there's nothing wrong with you mastur-I mean looking! Looking at porn! Though if you do that too, it's fine but...Ugh, you're just a baby!" Kurt was trying no blush at his own outburst. He wasn't alone; the red in Court's face was visible even with his Hispanic skin. "Um…. We reformatted the computer. Just be careful where you go. Nice chat."
Kurt stood and Court heaved a sigh of relief. "Yeah nice chat…"
"It's not over!" Blaine declared much to the disappointment of the two other Hummel-Anderson males. Kurt sighs and sits back down. Both men giving Blaine identical glares. "Court, I understand this isn't something you want to discuss with us and if I'm being honest, your dad and I don't want to talk about it either. But that's exactly why we need to talk about it. Did you know that your Uncle Finn thought he could get a girl pregnant by being in a hot tub with her?"
Court cracks a smile. "Really?"
"Yeah." Kurt says laughing softly. "He can be an idiot sometimes and I don't want you to think things like that so… your father's right."
Blaine gives Kurt a smug look before continuing. "There's nothing wrong with looking at porn, as long as you understand it's not like real life."
Court looked down at his hands, blushing deeper. "You mean like…they're not having sex?"
"No, no they are. But it's…" Kurt blew a piece of hair out his eyes, trying to think of a good way to put it. "The people in those movies, Court, most of the time they never meet before going through with it, let alone fall in love. I'm just afraid you'll watch these videos and think that…that sex without love is as good as sex with love."
"And that can be dangerous." Blaine said, gladly relieving Kurt for a moment now that he was putting in an effort. "Those videos you watch? They're meant to stimulate and arouse but they're not good examples of how you should treat a partner or sometimes yourself. There's a lot of emotional attachment that goes with sex. Like if you have sex with a girl you don't have feelings with and she has them for you—it's really disrespectful to her. "
"And you. Baby, you deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you well. You owe more to yourself than to share a wonderful experience with someone who doesn't mean anything to you." Not exactly Burt's words, but Kurt was proud of his own twist. He kind of did want to call his dad and really thank him. Blaine smiled at Kurt, proud and touched by his words because they had waited for the right person and it was so much better than loveless sex could be. It couldn't possibly compare.
Court noticed the little love-messaging going between him and broke it apart. "Guys, listen…you two have showed me what being in love is like and believe me, I want to be with someone I love…. But I'm not having sex right now or anytime soon, trust me. I just watched porn a couple times because I was curious."
Blaine rubbed the back of his neck. He had really hoped that would have been the end of the conversation, but hearing the desperate way his son said 'curious' made him continue. "Well, what are you curious about?"
Court bit his lip, fingers trailing his knee nervously. "Um…like…Why does it feel so good? Why do they do things like…huh…mhm…" Court started trailing off, not wanting to use the exact words. Kurt put a gentle hand on his shoulder to comfort him. "Alright um well…one of my friends, I'm NOT saying who…he was telling us at lunch about how he and his girlfriend…did stuff."
"A friend your age?" Kurt shrieked suddenly. Court nodded slowly. Blaine blinked and widened his eyes. They wouldn't even let their kids date until age 14.
"Um, wow….What stuff?" Blaine couldn't help but ask. Court sunk lower.
"He said she took her mouth and …" His finger pointed down and neither man needed him to finish that statement. "It just…it sounds gross to me. Like why would you want to put your mouth there? Or why would you want anyone's mouth there?"
Kurt was still a little speechless about the age of the boy so Blaine took this question. Though he had no idea how to answer. "Honestly sweetie? If it sounds gross to you then you're probably nowhere near ready to…understand something like that. But one day, you'll meet someone and it might not sound so gross…" An awkward silence settled and Blaine figured it was safe to leave. "So, um, like I said, it's normal for a boy your age to be your age to look at these things but your sisters use that computer too so I'd prefer it if you didn't look up that stuff on the family computer…And if you have any other questions, feel free to talk to us, okay? We may not always understand but we can get through it together."
"Okay… Thanks Dad, Thank Papa." Kurt stood up and grabbed Blaine before he could force them to continue. They almost made it to the door when. "Hey guys?"
Kurt closed his eyes and released a deep breath. "Yes Court?"
"Um, you know how girls have…um, boobs?" His voice cracked with the last sentence. Blaine took a sharp intake of breath.
"Court…talk with your Uncle Finn about that one…"