THIS STORY TAKES PLACE IN MITCH´S FUNERAL. PLEASE DON´T BE OFFENDED AND REMEMBER:
I LOVE DAWSON´S CREEK. IT´S A GREAT TV SERIES BUT I LIKE TO WRITE THESE STORIES.
GET OVER IT, DAWSON!
It was a very sad day at Capeside. Mitch Leery, good, loving, caring husband; father of two, loved by everyone, died one night ago in a terrible car crash.
Everyone was destroyed. At the Leery´s house everything was pain and tears.
All of them were there sharing their own memories with Gale and Dawson.
Trying to make it easier. To ease the pain.
The coffin was in the living room and everybody could knee before it and
say a prayer for Mitch´s soul.
"I can´t believe he´s gone" Joey said trying not to explode in tears.
"Yeah..." Pacey answered. "The old sonuvabitch kicked the can too soon.
Probably producers didn´t want him on this season."
"What are you talking about, Pace?" Jack asked who had a painful expression on his eyes.
"Oh... nothing, nothing... Where´s Dawson?"
Sudenly Dawson appeared. His eyes were red and he was walking like a dizzy duck all around the house.
"Dawson! Are you all right?" Jen´s voice sounded really upset.
"Hiyaaaaaaaa, Jenny! It´s me! Your ol´pal and ex-fuckin´-boyfriend: Dawson!"
He belched.
"We already know who the fuck you are, you retarded buttmonkey." Jen answered.
Gale came running into the room. Everyone were muttering looking at her son with surprise and sadness.
"Son! Dawson! My god, you´re drunk!"
Dawson looked at his mother and she could see the pain, the anger in his eyes. He was devastated.
"Yeah! It´s meeeee, you big cow! Now I´m da man of da house! I think I need a beer! That big, muscled no-brain decided to die and get his head crushed like a nut and now I have decided it´s time to get a lil´drink! How ´bout that, eh, Lil´bitchy?" he said turning to face Joey.
He tried to wink but he fell down to the floor. Dawson stood up cursing and touching his own crotch.
Pacey came to him and put his hand on Dawson´s shoulder.
"Dawson... please, man everyone´s here to help..."
Dawson put a hand on his head and muttered something then he said to his best friend:
"Shuddup, you two-faced bastard! You were lickin´my all time girlfriend´s butt without remorse! I should kick you in the balls and then shove your fuckin´ boat down your dirty broken ass"
"But..."
"Aw, go to hell! I think I´m going to have a brewski in front of the corpse!"
It was a nasty view. Dawson was soon standing on top of Mitch´s coffin, with his beautiful blue tie tied around his forehead, his shirt open and dancing, movin´his arms like an idiot with a whisky on his right hand.
"Man, I love the Bee Gees! Lalalalalalalala, Secret love, lalalala, Secret love!"
Gale was very nervous. She said to her son: "Dawson, please! Get down!"
"Ohhhhhhh, Momma why don´t you kiss my ass! Hey, Jack, you sissy!"
"What."Jack said while he was playing playstation without paying attention to the dark events taking place around him.
"Why are you here? I know you were horny with my now dead father (The corpse), you pinky sonnuvabitch!"
"You, stupid spoiled idiot!" was Jack´s answer.
"Lalalalalala, secret love, lalalalala... Oh! I think I´m gonna fart!"
He did and Joey put a hand on her mouth trying to keep in her horror. That was not the Dawson´s she learned to love and care. Alcohol was his way of escaping reality.
"Hey! It´s a natural reaction, Potter! It´s like when you use that electric thingy you told me you use when you don´t have a man around, you lil´bitchy, you!"
He farted again and filled his pants. Then he said with sincere anguish and pain:
"Jumpin´ jeepers! I think I´m gonna hurl!"
He puked all over the coffin and all the people around him were throwing stuff at him and poiting their thumbs down.
"You crazy M.F.!" Grandma shouted at him.
Suddenly, everyone was quiet, including Dawson. The door opened, flames invaded the place and Satan, the devil himself, came into the house with strong steps that made the floor tremble.
"HI, DAWSON!"
Dawson was impressed by the terryfing look of the Prince of Darkness. He cleared his throat and, with tears in his eyes, said the first thing that came to his mind.
"An´ who the fuck are you?"
"WELL, I´M LUCIFER, THE LORD OF HELL. I´VE GOT A PROPOSITION FOR YOU!"
"Fer me? What? It better not be ´nother beer because I´ve got plenty of ´em inside the fridge, you horny bastard."
Satan looked stunned. He scratched his head and then said:
"NO, NO... HOW ABOUT THIS: DO YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR FATHER AGAIN?"
Dawson was surprised. An incredible offer. He needed to think about it very carefully.
Everyone knows it´s dangerous to make business with the devil. Just look at Led Zeppelin,
O.J. Simpson, Leonardo Dicaprio, Britney Spears...
"I can see him everytime I want, you stupid red-faced creep! Look!" Dawson´s pulled the coffins little trap and showed Mitch Leery´s scarred face to everybody.
"Ohhhhhh, disgusting!" the people in the room said all at once.
"See? I can see him now If I want to. Hiya, dad! You look like dead...MEAT! Or something"
He puked on Mitch´s nose. Everyone started yelling at him and insulted poor ol´Dawson.
"That was fuckin´ funny, man! Why are all of yeh so angry at me, bunch of motherfuckers? Take THIS!"
He pulled his pants down and showed his hairy butt to all the people around him, including Satan that took a valium.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GROSSE!"
"I knew you´d like that, bunch of bastards!"
Gale took a bottle of champagne and threw it to her son´s head with all the power she could.
It exploded on Dawson´s face and he fell down breaking the table that was full of doritos and potatos chips.
"Man, I love a good party!" he said. Then he passed out, and everyone laughed around him.
The bee gees kept coming out from the speakers.
And satan was fucking Jen in the restroom.
"Oh, Sate! May be young and inmortal forever?"
"OH YES! YOU WON´T DIE AT THE END OF THIS SERIES I PROMISE THAT TO YOU, LITTLE BITCH!"
THE END! (for now!)